laugh rule

Do you fear death, son of a shepherd? Do you fear that dark abyss? All your deeds laid bare, all your sins punished… I can offer you an escape.

[cervinae-canine]

thought about the character too hard

[baeddoll]

all stories need a part where the protagonists need to sneak into a gala or ball or other fancy event by wearing pretty clothes. this is more important then gay shit like arcs or conclusions

[handweavers]

mice are having sex in my walls :(

[handweavers]

the mice are fucking AND now i'm getting heckled

[gloriousbodies]

@oyavaski​ i think the funniest part of this is you thinking that this is fake because.....some of us are the same age and we have normal tumblr names i guess lmao????

[handweavers]

never thought i'd get accused of faking having a mice infestation for tumblr clout and yet here we are

[eldriitchmurmurs]

you fucked those mice yourself

[handweavers]

I fucked those mice myself

[gummybearattacktheworldofdespair]

[cannibalcaprine-deactivated2024]

[littolgayfish]

the more you listen to it, the funnier it gets

[boogerwookiesugarcookie]

Audio: dramatic piano. The husky screams along, vaguely keeping the rhythm but not the tune

[theonion]

Holy Shit, Man Walks On Fucking Moon

[queen-breha-organa-archived-dea]

His self destructive nature and pretty brown eyes have captivated me

[nealashitposts]

A year or so ago I went to wood carving club with a bruised eye from my dog slamming his nose into my eyesocket and like every old lady there pulled me aside at some point to ask if my partner hit me here are some of the solutions they had in case he did.

-Replacing his vitimens with poision

- getting her brother to invite him out onto his boat and then killing him and dumping him in the ocean and saying he got drunk and fell off.

- get tboned with him in the passenger seat and then once he was in the hospital theres all kinds of easy ways to kill him like not washing my hands after a poop and then touching his wound casually.

-replacing his drink of choice with moonshine!?

- take him on a hike thats locally notorious for a rapid otter attacking hikers and once he had rabies I could just kill him any ol way and say self defense.

-One lady just cheerfully informed me she had a gun and only a few years left anyway

[janedrewfinally]

Accurate tags:

#and this is why no-fault divorce brings down the murder rate

[bloggirl69]

[kosmogrl]

[inbabylontheywept]

you're not allowed to bring wireless devices into classified areas and a security guy noticed a square phone-ish shape in my pocket so he asked me to show him what it was and i had to show him my can of pocket herring :/

[inbabylontheywept]

artists depiction of event

[inbabylontheywept]

i am banned from eating my herring inside. they make me eat it on the smoking area by the loading dock, under the theory that it already smells bad there. but it was raining today which was preventing my breakfast, so i was feeling sad and hungry and then i realized that there was a large cardboard box in the dumpster from a previous delivery. like a fridge sized box. so i fished it out of the dumpster, then tipped it on its side and had a nice little cardboard cave to watch the rain and eat my fish in. which was a great experience. very soothing. very zen. at least until the security guard from the day before stepped outside to smoke. then i tried hiding from him by crawling deeper in the box, which unfortunately did not work. instead he saw a sort of damp sniveling pale hairless creature eating fish in a box, and delivered the verbal killshot of "good morning, mr. smeagol." which is how my day was ruined before 8 am.

[bewbin]

dude honestly shout out to my guards i told them to seize this guy and before i could even finish my sentence they soze him. My goats

[tinylobelia-deactivated20200702]

[wisteriafield]

i’ll kick anyone’s ass. i’ll kick your ass. i’ll kick your dog’s ass. i’ll kick my own ass

[panteneprovcommercial]

[toetagsandbowties]

[redstonedust]

why do US patriots think they own "red white and blue" there's a lotta red white and blue flags out there. "i stand for the red white and blue" yass me too let's go costa rica 🇨🇷🇨🇷🇨🇷🇨🇷 let's go laos 🇱🇦🇱🇦🇱🇦🇱🇦 fuck it up liberia 🇱🇷🇱🇷🇱🇷 nepal get triangular with it 🇳🇵🇳🇵🇳🇵

[caesarsaladinn]

[despazito]

They're not even letting pjackk have his url in death

[depsidase]