𓃠Memento Garfield𓃠

24. South American. she/they/la creatura.

[dickstolebyanalien]

snowstorm that makes you old

[dickstolebyanalien]

baby its old outside

[charl0ttan]

i really cant age

[charl0ttan]

baby its old outside

[fruitsoftheape100]

How To Get So Sopping Wet In One Easy Step

[evilwizard]

say no more

[boccher]

[anphivenas]

(wrinkled and dying from laying eggs) tbhhhh dubstep was better in 2009 (lays another egg) there has honestoy not been another producer like Benga (stress from that last egg makes me go blind) my eggs , where are my eggs

[creepymutelilbugger]

The bar for what a normal post is on this site is so fucked compared to everywhere else

[bus-noises]

[karvina]

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

[karvina]

not really sure how to get her out though

[karvina]

for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her

[memorycycle]

wake up in the morning go to sleep

[anphivenas]

wake up in the morning go to sleep

[twizzta-old]

[anphivenas]

whoaaa .... whats a lovely slimer like you doing in the benthic zone. .....

[memorycycle]

wake up in the morning go to sleep

[flipchild]

[memorycycle]

whoaaa .... whats a lovely slimer like you doing in the benthic zone. .....

[flipchild]

wake up in the morning go to sleep

[trash-fuckyou]

Audience note from test screening of VIDEODROME, 1983

[palebluepixel]

This person hated videodrome so much they forgot their gender

[adobe-outdesign]

Love how Pokemon games will spend 5 billion hours giving a complete tutorial on every single mechanic possible and then turn around and have the Mold Breaker ability say "[X] breaks the mold!" and never give any further context

[a-book-of-creatures]

it draws 2 cards

[orcboxer]

it's meee I'm your guardian angel hiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 so. in about six months, you're gonna die of starvation. 🥺 and if I don't protect you, I will get: #fired! 🫢 and that is No Good 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa So. 🙏 I looked into causes of starvation, and it turns out: Your death is totally preventable! 😯 Uh oh! 😆 There's more than enough food to sustain you without interfering with anyone else's survival, but you're not allowed to have it! 🤨 Whaaat? 🤷‍♀️ Apparently, your death is premeditated by thousands of things called "shareholders." So. 🙏 I've been killing people,

[3000s]

when i go somewhere on friday people are always like "have a nice weekend" but i work weekends and this is my sunday

sorry i cant get the hi off of my skeleton right now

[magiconic]

Don't worry I covered up the "HI" so no one can read it

[3000s]

thank you, much better

[radiovys]

women in stem

[coughloop]

Worlds oldest haunted house has passed away at the age of 207

[coughloop]

I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding of... maybe everything actually

[lokaror]

did you seriously just allocate skill points mid conversation...? thats so rude...

[orcposts]

okay well you've been save scumming this whole date so like....

[lokaror]

*loads back to before you noticed*

[frogmoss1]

me: *trying to take my socks off but they keep getting stuck on my heel* oh fuck. goddamnit.

the extractor fan in a bathroom in Norway that has an intrinsic link to my spirit: *momentarily whirs louder*

[billyshakesqueer]

5 original posts remain

[naggingatlas]

mom keeps sending me like lynchian fucking photos of my cat

[naggingatlas]

i cant look at this

[shadowblade8192]

9/11 could never happen today because the twin towers arent there anymore for some reason

[parasocialanxiety]

9/11 could never happen today because it's January