Shitposting At Its Finest

don't forget, you're here forever

[trashdogpenultimate]

RULE NO. 1 OF WOUND CARE: ignore itttt :33

[centers-for-disease-control]

DO NOT

[diseases-for-center-control]

RULE NO. 2 OF WOUND CARE: go swimming!! in a pond or especially a public pool :)

[centers-for-disease-control]

WHO TF ARE YOU?!?!?!

[batsandboba]

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

[mawofthemagnetar]

What do you mean “chat” is now referring to ChatGPT and not twitch chat? What? What? What the fuck? No?

When I address chat I am speaking to a presumed Greek chorus of real human people shitposting on their lunch break, not a machine that devours lakes to covert electricity into slop.

[thememedaddy]

[vimbry-moved]

got chased by a skeleton but when they caught me they just gave me a kiss and hug. turns out it was an xoskeleton.

[vimbry-moved]

this one's a big hit with the ghosts

[micro-usb-deactivated20230625]

[micro-usb-deactivated20230625]

my friends hate this video so much i don’t even have to repost it in discord anymore i’ll just be in a voice call and go “wouldn’t it be crazy if the joker could beatbox” and they all tell me to go kill myself

[official-graveyard-posts]

Official graveyard post

[bumblebeebats]

Made the mistake of buying a bag of spinach as a person who lives alone so now every single meal I eat for the next 2 weeks is gonna about this damn spinach. We are on 24/7 spinach lockdown. Last time this happened, I made 3 salads and a spinach curry and spinach pasta and STILL half the bag turned to green rot in the fridge. My conception of "what meals require spinach" is rapidly expanding into "what meals COULD conceivably include spinach." I am considering recipes never before seen outside the realms of vegan mommy blogs. By day 10 I anticipate I will probably just do a Land Before Time and take the rest of that shit raw

[zooophagous]

I have been a sheep caretaker for like two days and already I'm like. Wow. I get it.

I get why these were some of the earliest mammals to ever be domesticated. They look up to humans with this sort of dumb but all at once innocent and pure and trusting expression. They're happy to see you. They follow you around. They like to be rubbed under their chins. Maybe its just some latent Scottish highland shepherd DNA I still have in me but I look at my sheep charges and suddenly I see why the love of God for humanity is so often described as a shepherd and his sheep. I'd fight a wolf for these guys. I'd go way the Hell out of my way for them. I'd carry their young for miles on my own back.

[upward-bound]

nearly 80k reblogs and how many of you eat lamb

[zooophagous]

The ancient shepherds I'm referencing also ate lamb lol

[pissvortex]

Sure man fuck it

[nat-20s]

extremely funny to me that Kermit the Frog is the only main overlap character between Sesame Street and The Muppets. imagine your day job is hanging out in a community of lovely people that genuinely just want to help kids learn and care about everyone so so much and then your night job is the reason that you have to stay up to date on your rabies AND tetanus vaccine

[nat-20s]

at noon the giant you're hanging out with is Big Bird! a wonderful fellow who likes reading stories and singing and telling fun facts! at midnight there's a giant named Sweetums who makes you feel like you're being hunted for sport

[nat-20s]

Ernie, trying to maybe come out to Kermit: well you know Kermit, me and Bert-

Bert: Bert and I

Ernie: Bert and I, we've been best friends forever, but we're also something else too!

Kermit, who every goddamn night has to tell Beaker and Bunsen to keep it professional, deal with Statler and Waldorf's bullshit, AND update his organizational chart on Dr. Teeth and the Electric Polycule: that's really great to hear fellas, happy for you two! :)

[stellacartography]

Grover, alarmed at having spilled some finger paint on Kermit's flipper: I am so sorry, Kermit. Please forgive me.

Kermit, who deals with a multitude of bodily fluids on his person and all over the theatre every evening, who is unintentionally trampled by large monsters as they exit the stage, and quite intentionally has his little froggy bones launched into a wall most nights by Miss Piggy: It's ok, Grover. I'm a frog. I love baths.

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

On Sesame Street: Oh, no, Telly is watching too much television!

The Muppet Show Theater, that night: Gonzo attempts to explain his latest fetish at length.

[yorgen-sh]

[asteroidtroglodyte]

This is poetry. This is storytelling. You can leave the sound off if you want but. Stop. Watch. You surely will not regret doing so.

[transfemnessie]

oh i absolutely did not regret doing so

[gotylocks]

Happy 10th birthday to the best tweet of all time.

[can-i-make-image-descriptions]

[Image ID: Tweet from birdsRightsActivist (@/ ProBirdRights) on Jun 15, 2015 reading: I been working on my summer bod: it is the same as my regular body, but this time more popsackles in it. /End ID]

[64mpg]

i don’t know how people care about sports but it’s okay

[iamoutofideas]

it’s really not.

[64mpg]

i’m tired of pretending it’s okay. we have to kill them

[cheaphalloweencostume]

good morning to horror fans, fat bitches, people with psychosis, they/thems, people who can’t drive, trans women, witches, and single dads. the rest of you... you’re on your own

[corpuswalker-deactivated2018120]

if somone made pixel art of mulch id be very happy boy

[bowelfly]

enjoy your mulch

[bowelfly]

throwback to the time i didn’t realize that mulch was the name of someone’s fursona

[matumnaples]

Before June I have to share one of my favorite tiktoks

[were--ralph]

i tune out for one day and what the fuck is this

[were--ralph]

i thought maybe it was shitpost but no