Belladonna felt rushed somehow, even though her now former lover, wasn’t exactly physically rushing her out the door. She felt frazzled somehow, like her pride and ego were demanding that she make the perfect dramatic exit that she could not quite get a handle on yet, for her heart and her Damned soul knew that she was too upset for her usual dramatic flair today. She was losing the love for life, how could she still care about appearances? Because she was a selfish being, that’s how. Belladonna had lived centuries burying her feelings deep beneath her surface, the way her mother had always taught her to. Feelings were for humans, a weak thing that showed your flaws and failures to the world. She would never be caught dead showing her emotions, but right now she couldn’t seem to control that urge.
She walked over to a pile of spell books in the corner, some of them hers and some of them belonging to the woman across the room, clumsily sorting through them to figure out which were hers and which were not. She couldn’t risk leaving something of hers here, she knew that she could never come back. She had just picked up two spell books of her own, ones that had belonged to her mother, when she heard the other speak of how only her people could love her. She almost froze, bent over in front of the pile of books, as if she couldn’t believe what she had just heard. She stood up straight, though her pace was slow, the books slipping between her fingers like sand between your toes at the beach.
She turned to look at Mab, the look in her eyes almost unreadable. They were like a pool of hurt and betrayal, the ice blue color almost darker now with rage. “How can you say that to me?“ She asked, looking up at the other woman. “How can you say that only they can love you? Have I meant so little to you? Have our years together meant so little to you? Truly?“ She asked, her hand moving up to her stomach, a strange feeling that she may be sick within her. “You cannot tell me that I have not loved you with every fiber of my immortal being. I have come as close to death as I ever could for you, I have bled for you, I came to this place for you. I spent my entire life alone, promising myself that I would never attach myself to another person. But I allowed myself to tangle with you, body and soul. I have been here for you every day since the moment I met you. And still you say I do not love you? Heartless I may be, but to you… I have been anything but“ she said, her voice harsh with pain.
perhaps this was how she was supposed to be. was she always supposed to be alone? everytime she felt as though she had someone at her side, they were soon gone in one way or another. well, anyone that was not of her kind that is. eyes were sparkling beautifully as she watched the other. gods she loved her. she hated her just as much for loving her. she honestly couldn’t even remember what their argument was about anymore, all she knew was that she was feeling such a pain that it couldn’t just be gone by a simple apology or anything of the such. she couldn’t believe she had someone get so fucking close to her. this always happened, no matter who it was!
that included her own family. her own sister didn’t talk to her, and her elemental brothers of both earth and fire did not speak with her either. morgana spoke to her from time to time but even she drifted away back to the lake with her mother, and then there was her own mother– the earth goddess, who fell silent. not just to her but to her sister and to the rest of the earth. she was there, but she wasn’t talking to any of them. she was completely and utterly alone. she began to believe that she was cursed to be unhappy for the rest of time.
she met her gaze with her own eyes, that were filled with such fury but of course tears began to slowly stream down her cheek, and so she stormed over to shut the curtains and shut the door. she couldn’t let any of them see her like this. she couldn’t afford to look so fucking weak. “i’m sorry i screwed that up for you. so you can go. you can start again and just forget i even exist belladonna.” her voice was as cold as ice, and her fingers drummed over her end table. “i don’t think anyone truly loves me. i’m not destined to such a thing. i am so stupid to even think i had a chance of such a thing. fate is a cruel thing, and it was cruel for having me fall in love with you.”
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