[thoughtsickles]

people in books and tv shows are always getting so upset they throw an untouched meal in the trash. that would never be me. i'd receive the worst news of my life and still be like Let me put this in the fridge.

[sumetal]

if she’s your girl why is she approaching me gently and with her hand stretched out so i have the opportunity to sniff her and decide if she is a danger to me or not

[despazito]

*old man voice* back in my day tik tok was a ke$ha song

[correctopinionhaver]

So there are several species of frogs that have evolved to be so small that their vestibular balance system doesn't work well and I'm sorry but it's the funniest thing to watch them try to jump.

[sataidelenn]

[valilihapiirakka]

the classic Finnish mix of extreme dutifulness and “we will make actual conversation after a silent interaction trial period of 6 weeks, thank you” can be really funny sometimes. told my coworker that I’d like to save the coffee grounds the workplace generated and take them home “for my mushrooms and worms” and she was just like “okei” and dutifully saved every single grounds-filled filter for weeks and weeks. about five weeks into this whole thing, after I thank her for the coffee grounds and tell her my worms must love them because they’re breeding very enthusiastically, she finally asks “so your worms… do they have a purpose or are they just… worms”. like sure I’ll save you all these coffee grounds every single time I drink coffee, 3+ times a day, but god forbid I inquire about your specific worm habits before propriety allows it. you could be eating them for breakfast for all I know but that’s your business

[valilihapiirakka]

this post has been up for so long I’m at a new workplace now, and here’s a new one: someone finally getting a close enough look at the jar of homemade nut butter I’d been using to make snacks for days (in a reused jar, still with the pesto label on it), realising the contents were not as advertised, and saying with poorly concealed relief “ai!!! you weren’t spreading pesto on bananas!” like she’d been quietly dying inside the whole time but had grimly committed herself to never ever presuming to ask wtf was going on

[valilihapiirakka]

#I mentioned to a coworker how my friend had mailed me some goldfish and I was so excited to eat them#and she labored under the misapprehension for days that I was consuming actual real fish mailed all the way from America#before one day I brought some for lunch and she was like ohhh these are crackers!!

congrats, this is so cursed and the best addition someone has made to this post

[niuniente]

#i’m not gonna lie i feel like a lot of people online could do with a dose of this type of finnishness #y'know. the ‘i have no idea what you’re doing and it seems really weird but it’s not my business to pry and also you do you’ attitude

[bungerc0re]

love 2 just say shit. where's that one post

[bungerc0re]

[karvina]

[evilqueerwizardassociation]

Misionero Comido Por Tigre, 1907, Noé León

[umbraastaff]

More TAZ Balance speedrun exploits:

With the new glitch to get the Light at the start of any cycle, you can now technically enact Lucretia's Shield on the Hunger anywhere before Faerûn for any%. However, this hinges on the given world being able to defeat the Hunger in the final battle. The earliest success so far is at Legato, if you get the arts students to tap into their rage.

You can use RNG manipulation to get the Slicer of Tapir-Weir Isles to appear on your first Costco run, though this is only useful if you're doing the Garfield Ending (why) or on NG+.

Barry can use a multiclassing slot to learn Lup's double jump ability in Cycle 23. Then on Faerûn, you can use the Infinite Jump glitch to get Barry to the Moon (bypassing the lich barrier by being alive), which causes the game to skip to Reunion Tour. However, the number of perfect inputs this requires in a row means this is considered impossible outside of TAS.

You can do a Reunion Tour skip as early as Phandalin, however. A few years before Gerblins, you can glitch lich!Barry into the Dryad Tree area of Goldcliff. You're not meant to get there until the end of Petals to the Metal, so everything's there, including the Love buff you can get standing near the tree. Barry can then get a second stack of Love (normally impossible) by going to Magnus' wedding. Then you immediately have him resurrect in his body, which freezes all buffs he has in lich form. If you then keep him alive until Phandalin, when the fire kills him, he'll have both stacks of Love plus his own innate bonus. The game won't let Barry possess party members, but since the Gauntlet isn't technically equipped by anyone, he can possess that. The OP Love buff slows the Relic Corruption debuff to a crawl, which keeps him there long enough to pass through the Moon barrier and, again, trigger Reunion Tour.

Taakitz% players figured out that Barry can do a mass zombie-raising at the Glamour Springs graveyard the night before the show, which gets Kravitz on the scene and causes him to meet Taako. Like all crime scenes, this also has a 5% chance to spawn Angus and jumpstart the Magic Mentor quest.

[dragonagelesbian]

Just another day of relistening to Stolen Century

alt text: you're crying from a 10 year old podcast? Lup's best day ever got to me. All right.

[kineticpenguin]

Any setting where the elves have weaker booze than the dwarves isn't committing to the bit

[kineticpenguin]

I mean, we're talking about people whose lifespan is Yes.

"Oh, the weak wine? That is for children. I am two thousand years old, and I daresay one sip from this highball would knock you on your ass for a week."

[kineticpenguin]

Look, there's this weird thing people do with high fantasy where they want elves to be immortal/extremely long-lived snooty aristocrats and also somehow incapacitated by imagining the taste of salt too hard. "Orcs and dwarves have the hardest booze" no they don't, they have work in the morning! In any of these settings, elves would pregame harder than hobbits party and everyone else has shit to do tomorrow.

[onion-souls]

The average high elf builds up the drug tolerance of a mid-70s Hollywood producer and then spends three centuries studying alchemy. While humans seek immortality, the Immortals seek the elusive "philosopher's cocaine."

[phaeton-flier]

Elf Fentanyl works exactly the way cops think human fentanyl does

[tomb-mold]

you literally have shitty hide armor and a dull ass shortsword. let me guess. your loot is 6 gold coins too? 🙄

[vodka-and-fedoras]

friendly fucking reminder do NOT post about your lootdrops publicly!!! this post is a great example of "table baiting" to get you to reveal what valuables you drop on death WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY PUTTING YOU AT RISK OF FARMING!!! think for a second and be safe out there!!

[glavilio]

you better start believing in the scatman's world... you're living in it

[glavilio]

[innerchildabortionclinic]

why was I so full of hate and malice 17 hours ago

[wordfather]

all i want is to get hellsitegeneticsed. i want to know what kind of creature my post is. god i want it to be something cool sooooooooo bad do you think they have the genetic code for werewolves

[hellsitegenetics]

String identified: aattgttgtcattatcattgattttgcattatgtcc

Closest match: fucking badass werewolf Common name: hell yeahhhh

[wordfather]

so this is what it's like to be god's favorite

[dontbelasagnax]

Obi-Wan is like I got the kids in the divorce. They aren't even my kids. Or my divorce

[writing-prompt-s]

The defeated and bloodied king was chained to kneel in front of his enemy and he says weakly: "Is my wife still alive?" His enemy nodded. "You fools," he said smirking, and the king starts laughing as the sounds of explosions getting closer shake the room.

[emmikay]

HOLY SHIT

[kawareo]

Got reminded again of my old coworker who was a massive misogynist but also trans inclusive. Told me he believed trans women are indeed women because "only women would be stupid enough to want to be women"

I wonder what he's doing now

[kawareo]

He also aggressively corrected himself whenever he accidentally misgendered a trans guy we knew because "there's already more women than men in the world, the more numbers we steal from them, the better." Did that even when the trans guy wasn't around.

[kawareo]

I need to point out that he was completely serious btw. This man had no sense of humor on purpose.

He was a cook at the restaurant/bar I was a bartender at, and almost punched a costumer once because he overheard him talking about how women belong in the kitchen. Told me he thought women should stay out of kitchens, that cooking is a man's job and when I asked him what he thinks women should be doing, he went quiet for a moment, then proceeded to explain to me the following

"I trust a bitch to run a kitchen as much as she can run a country, they should do shit like plumbing. Or electricity. Something you can just learn to do and don't need to lead, you know?"

Apparently women are good at "fixing shit". He claimed that he doesn't trust male plumbers or electricians except if they're gay because "something most be wrong with you if you want to go fix other people's houses, that's that maternal instinct"

[firbolgonmain]