wish i was a fipsh

[oneheadtoanother]

[zinesbycee]

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

[sailatina3]

[trans-girl-nausicaa]

new bit, it’s called “the wrong twin died.” any time you’re talking about an alive person who you dont like, say something like “yeah he sucks. the wrong twin died.” make up a fake story about how the person used to have a twin but the twin died tragically and they were probably nicer than the one who survived.

[yourcourtmage]

Because of Elvis?

[trans-girl-nausicaa]

Well I learned something new about Elvis today.

[localcryptic]

do not come to my house pouring big cups of juice like this

[b33tlejules]

[impossiblepackage]

why did you take this screenshot in a sinister fog?

[evilwizard]

it’s pride month, minions. you know what that means

[galactic-mayhem]

do you want us to, like, cast gay spells my leige?

[evilwizard]

<|:^)

[oddarette]

Yep, I made a frutiger aero soft soap alien… 💧🐠🤍🫧🧼

[henstomper]

dude it's just politics, it doesn't matter. all it does is shape every single aspect of the society you live in from the second you are born until forever

[byjove]

Everyone makes fun of the millennial overpriced burger restaurants but the worst part is that they got you hooked on some bullshit and promptly shut down because their polycule broke up or whatever. You’ll never get to eat the caramelized onion apple parmesan sex bomb burger again. And it was $23 and good.

[orcarriagesthatwork]

I think about this cake every day

[tizzymcwizzy]

sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious

[microsuedemouse]

OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

I love a botched cake.

[helenarth]

one time me and some pals spotted one of those big cookie cakes in a store. it was done up with red icing and little X's for kisses and in the middle it said

No One Like You

now, it took us a while to realise it meant "(there is) no one like you". at first, we all parsed it as a botched "no one like(s) you"

for ages after when we'd wind each other up we'd declare "NO ONE LIKE YOU ☹️👎"

[itseasytoremember]

I just feel like it's important to post the Sacred Texts

[thatsbelievable]

[yellbug]

i used to follow someone who would reblog this post like 50 times a day and i tried to filter it but because i filtered it using the whole phrase i would see them all anyway but it made the whole post funnier to me so i left it like that and now every time i see this i smile fondly

[miss-hexatrix]

I can't tell you how strange it felt to see a post with this photo attached, bc I also have this post blocked in the exact same way

Though to be fair it's nice to know I'm not alone

[yellbug]

[importantcatpics]

[josephbrassey]

“Haha remember when murder-hornets were gonna be a thing? What a nothingburger.”

Yes, because the Washington state government activated like a sleeper-cell and ruthlessly, systematically hunted them down and annihilated them.

“Y2K came to nothing amirite?”

Yes because an army of software engineers working around the clock, losing sleep, and busting ass till the last minute prevented it from happening.

“Remember the hole in the ozone layer?”

You mean the one that was fixed through rigorous world wide government action?

One of the root problems of our society is a refusal or inability by media to articulate that all those “it’s gonna be an apocalypse” disasters were not disasters because we collectively did something about them.

The good news is this is actually quite correctable. I maintain my firm belief that we as humans are capable of solving almost all of our problems, when we decide to do so.

And I still think that’s going to happen. I don’t know when or how, but I do know that abandoning hope won’t help bring it about.

And I refuse to let the cynics own a chunk of my heart.

[finalhorsegirl]

obsessed with this stupid shirt i found at goodwill the other day

[nudityandnerdery]

"[Y]our Harry Potter games are Cybertrucks" is such a good way to put it.

[prettynestykitten]

SHE LITERALLY HAS THE EDUCATION SECRETARY AND HEALTH MINISTER IN HER BACK POCKET! SHES ALREADY AN ELON! KIER STARMER WAS VERY OBVIOUSLY FOR SALE! AS WAS PHILLIPSON, STREETING AND EVERY NEW CUNT OFFERED THE POSITION

[number-1-soup-fan]

give him soup.

[cadoized]

The ever-splendid peacock