yao-zongzhu's press office!!!

we cultivate the TRUTH so YOU don't have to! (paid for by the sect leader yao political action committee) ((this is a lie, @thatswhatsushesaid is lying to you right now))

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

welcome to my press office!!!!

it is with tremendous regret that I inform you that my dutiful press secretary has taken an extended leave of absence to attend to familial obligations (allegedly). in their absence, it is only fitting that your humble sect leader step up and assume full responsibility for all official announcements and correspondence leaving our offices!!

our inbox remains open to ALL comments and questions from the concerned public!! as long as those questions come from members of the gentry, of course, haha

rest assured that the yao sect remains COMMITTED to speaking the TRUTH, no matter how spurious!!

[gege]

♥*♡∞:｡.｡Happy Valentine’s Day to YaoYang｡.｡:∞♡*♥

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

how it fills your humble zongzhu's heart with warmth and joy to see such a WHOLESOME tribute to mine and ouyang-zongzhu's brotherly bond!!!!!

[feyrischan]

What the fuck did you just fucking dare say about me, you little cutsleeve? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my sect in the cloud recesses, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids in the sunshot campaign, and I have tortured over 300 demonic cultivators. I am trained in uncle warfare and I’m the top leader in the entire Yunmeng armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another frog in a well. I will whip you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in the mortal realm, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me at the annual conference? Think again, impudent. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across China and your clan's location is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your core. You're the mantis that stalks the cicada, unaware of the oriole behind, fucker. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can break your legs in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in martial art, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the yiling laozu fierce corpses and I will use it to its full extent to fuck your ancestors to the eighteenth generation, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment about my nephew was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re courting death, you dog fucked idiot. I will shit fury all over you until you don't know whether to laugh or cry. You’re fucking dead, sect leader Yao

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

does a-yao is gay

Anon-gongzi this line of inquiry is MOST indecorous!!!! Surely you don't expect your humble sect leader to have ANY interest in spreading such SALACIOUS gossip regarding the personal affairs of the gentry!!!

why, what have you heard?

[lansplaining]

AU retired gay married Sect Leader Yao & Sect Leader Ouyang.

Bonus: they mansplaining LQR to became their third

wow. just wow.

Lan Qiren thinks this is a tedious but necessary diplomatic meeting arranged by two blowhard sect leaders he still needs to respect

why is this in such a remote yet picturesque location?

why is no one else here?

why is there a hot spring?

slowly Lan Qiren realizes he has been invited not on a diplomatic meeting but a seduction attempt

he does respectfully decline

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

I—

THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!!!! HOW SHAMELESS ZELIZELIZEL-GONGZI IS!!!

Rest assured, esteemed gentry, my dear and devoted friend Ouyang-zongzhu and I ONLY intended to invited the honourable Lan-xiansheng to a discussion retreat!!!!! Visiting the clothing-optional hot springs is a TIMELESS TRADITION amongst gentlemen of a certain age!!!

I demand an accounting of Zelizelizel-gongzi’s anonymous source on this matter!!!!!

[llycaons]

Inspired but the LOTR and DM polls...

Spin the wheel for a CQL/MDZS character!!!

*sleepover voice* now would you

FUCK!!!

MARRY!!!

KILL!!!

Voting ended onJun 12, 2024

*Don't forget platonic/lavender marriages ARE an option!!!*

[weebshit-sideblog]

oh definitely

FUCK

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

How shameless!!!! weebshit-gongzi is MOST indecorous!!!! your humble sect leader is a married man!!!!

[chaoticbiwuxian]

petition to shut them up forever (x)

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

How indecorous!! how SHAMELESS!!!!!

Rest assured, esteemed gentry, that Ouyang-zongzhu and I, your humble Yao-zongzhu, will NEVER be silenced!!! We remain COMMITTED to DECENCY and TRUTH, no matter how specious the evidence may be!!!!

[b0dwr1ter]

Choose the character from whose pov you would read mdzs

sect leader yao

jin guangyao

su she

lan wangji

nie huaisang

jiang cheng

lan xichen

lan qiren

nie mingjue

jin zixuan

wen qing

jiang yanli

Voting ended onOct 5, 2023

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

It has always been this humble Yao-zongzhu's earnest desire to publish his memoirs....... how gratifying it is to know that my wisdom is so eagerly sought after by the next generation of learned young cultivators!!!

[aeonian-blue]

You can't just flip the reason and the result and say "it can't be a coincidence, clearly, this means he killed his own son", Sect Leader Yao.

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

AND YET all the members of our esteemed gentry stood behind my logic!!! For men and women of honour can ALWAYS distinguish righteous from unrighteous deeds, Blue-gongzi, and what righteousness could one TRULY expect to find in the son of a prostitute???

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

Yao-zongzhu, did you hear the news about Wen Ruohan's assassination? My family is so excited, we can hardly believe that this terrible war might finally be over!

At last, justice has been served for my slain kin and all others who perished under the SCOURGE of those Wen dogs!!!

I am sure I speak for ALL of our esteemed gentry when I say that the cultivator who dispatched such an AFFRONT to all that is good and just and righteous MUST be an individual of unimpeachable courage and moral character!!! May their great deed echo within the annals of history forever more, never to be forgotten!!!!

From the bottom of my heart, this humble Yao-zongzhu thanks you, whoever you are!!!!

[noenvyy]

Yao-zongzhu, I heard it was Jin Guangshan's bastard that did the deed.

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

Yao-zongzhu, did you hear the news about Wen Ruohan's assassination? My family is so excited, we can hardly believe that this terrible war might finally be over!

At last, justice has been served for my slain kin and all others who perished under the SCOURGE of those Wen dogs!!!

I am sure I speak for ALL of our esteemed gentry when I say that the cultivator who dispatched such an AFFRONT to all that is good and just and righteous MUST be an individual of unimpeachable courage and moral character!!! May their great deed echo within the annals of history forever more, never to be forgotten!!!!

From the bottom of my heart, this humble Yao-zongzhu thanks you, whoever you are!!!!

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

A little birdie told me Sect Leader Nie framed the former Chief Cultivator Jin Guangyao as a power grab! And that the Yiling Laozu is complicit!!! Truly, is there no justice?

What AUDAICOUS lies and slander you have brought to me, Anon-gongzi!! this most humble Yao-zongzhu trusts that you know better than to believe such BASELESS rumours about our esteemed Xiandu! truly, such unrighteous and dishonourable scheming is beyond all upright members of the gentry! Besides, Nie-xiandu throws the very best parties, hahaha!! Could any gentleman with such discerning taste be capable of such things? CERTAINLY not!!!

.....of course--and I trust that this will stay just between you and I, Anon-gongzi--I would not put such disreputable conduct past that Yiling-laozu. I am not one to indulge in gossip, as you well know, but I have it on good authority that Yiling-laozu has used his wiles (if you know what I mean!!!) to entice our peerless Hanguang-jun into sneaking ALCOHOL into the Cloud Recesses!!! Just for him!! how shameless!!

Truly, are there any depths of depravity to which that Yiling-laozu will not plunge, again and again???

[tauremornalome]

I did and I regret nothing. Bitch

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

you—!!!

tauremornalome-gongzi!!! our venerable xiandu will hear about this at the next discussion conference!!!! there WILL be consequences!!!

[evilhasnever]

Common misconception, but the murder twink obsessed with revenge is actually Nie Huaisang. Jin Guangyao is a murder twink obsessed with self preservation first, Lan Xichen second, and the betterment of society through public works of infrastructure third.

[smashtheshell-deactivated202405]

he had his dad raped to death lol

[lansplaining]

yeah that counts as the third one 

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

how shameless!!!! honourable gentry, be at ease knowing that this press office takes even the most SPECIOUS of rumours of threats of violence against your humble zongzhu’s person VERY SERIOUSLY!!!

we demand an apology, kitsune-gongzi!!! it is what the people deserve!!

[thatswhatsushesaid]

mdzs fandom needs a new poll tournament but it needs one that relies less on individual characters and more on either groups of characters or whole sects. like you can't totally escape the favouritism even that way, but I think it does help

so what if each sect, even the super minor ones, were club football teams or something

give me the jianghu champion's league, I want my lanling jin scarf and toque combo

[thatswhatsushesaid]

like someone go all out with me on this, spitball team mascots and logos and uniform colours for home or away games. give me team captains, shit give me obnoxious team rivalry drama

whose fans are the worst, whose fans are the ones climbing the barricades to start fights during halftime

[thatswhatsushesaid]

qishan wen are the manchester united of the jianghu

everyone loves to hate them but you can't deny their dominance on the field

yunping city are tottenham hotspurs, doggedly dedicated fans who always get their hopes up every year and then. and then.

[thepurplewombat]

I could do rugby teams, embarrassingly enough.

The Lan are the All Blacks. They're the team everyone hates to play because they'll crush you like a bug, but they also have an excellent dance routine with enormous ritual significance and are famously polite.

Lan Xichen is the team captain. You think that man won't stick his tongue out at the other team to display dominance, but you're wrong. Lan Shizui is the stut. You think hê looks like he's gonna be snapped like a twig but that boy will move a whole damn scrum all by himself. Lan Jingyi is the one who has to be super fast, I forget the position but it sounds like a homonym for slut in Afrikaans I think? (the English word is hooker, Google informs me) btw did you know that the Afrikaans rugby Wikipedia page gets very very bitchy sometimes? I'm going to have to read Wikipedia in Afrikaans more often this is hilarious (apparently modern hookers are almost as large as the props these days when they should be speedy little dudes - of course a speedy little dude in rugby terms is still a fucking brick shithouse by normal standards - and the writer of the wiki page is mad about it)

Yunmeng Jiang are the Springboks. They used to be an amazing team and they still have moments of brilliance, but on the whole they have never recovered from being flattened by the Moling Su in the last World Cup.

The Moling Su are Japan. Did you know Japan has a national Rugby team? Did you know they completely annihilated one of the world's top teams in the World Cup one year? (I'm serious, it was amazing, the players were crying with joy on the field)

The Qishan Wen are England. Everyone hates them, and play extra hard against them (most of the other major teams are former colonized nations, you can see why they would).

The Nie are Australia. They're good, but do they have a dance? Do they have a reputation for brutality on the field and manners off it? I'm not saying they're a poor man's Lan but I'm not not saying it either.

The Jin are France. I will not be elaborating further.

The Yao are the US, an embarrassment both on and off the field who have never won major game but talk big.

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

I defy wombat-gongzi to find a rugby team MORE COMMITTED to demonstrating the traditions and values of our esteemed gentry both on and off the field!!!!

[leatherbookmarking]

wouldn’t it be just the worst, and also the best, if everyone accepted it as undisputable truth that just like jiang cheng heroically killed the yiling patriarch, zewu-jun killed jin guangyao? they used to be sworn brothers, but the righteous zewu-jun couldn’t stand the sight of the ruthless evildoer meng yao has become (well, a whoreson will always be a whoreson! and it is precisely because he was meng yao, malevolent by nature,) and stabbed him right through his poisoned heart? a true hero, that sect leader lan

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

Truer words have NEVER BEFORE been written regarding the PEERLESS Lan-zongzhu and his unerring commitment to upholding those twin pillars of virtue buttressing our esteemed gentry: eliminating evil, and defending our noble traditions from corrupting influences!!!

[yaozongzhupressoffice]

Baby come back you can blame it all on Wuxian

be at ease, anon-gongzi!! the Yao sect remains as committed as ever to laying the blame for all of the cultivation world's many ills directly at the feet of the infamous Yiling-laozu, no matter how spurious the evidence!!

now what did he do this time???