Let’s just say, episode 9 changed my perspective of episode 5 and 6. It explains Ragatha’s behaviors towards Jax getting close with Pomni and she said “Jax is corrupting her”. I thought corrupting meant Pomni changing for bad, not literally
So she has been trying to protect her, to not the history repeat
[Context being ur jax fic you just posted part 2 for on the 11th]
"Sorry it took so long"
What are you actually talking about this was so fast???
Legit i started posting dor an AU back in January/ December and im just now jumping back into editing chapter 2 😭
Im so hype for it tho ty for the beautiful food
Made my day 😂
For me days go by fast and since I'm very scared of my autism shifting interests quickly (happens all the time), I refuse to let series like this be unfinished.
2 days could pass and I'll still apologize for being late.
Recently, you cannot access Gooseworx's blog anymore, and people thought she deactivated her Tumblr. However, she was actually banned.
When someone deactivates their main blog, a string of numbers and letters is attached to their username: "-deactivated[year][month][day]"
When you look at posts made by Gooseworx, there's no "deactivated" and no numbers
Some speculate that this might have been a sideblog, since there's no "deactivated" string if you delete a sideblog, but it was her main blog. You can't use sideblogs to like posts. If you search "Gooseworx liked this" on google, you will find proof ithat she liked multiple Tumblr posts.
All of this adds up to one thing: Gooseworx was banned from Tumblr. And why? Gooseworx is a trans woman, and Tumblr staff hates trans women and bans them for no reason, and also, there is an ongoing harassment campaign against Gooseworx, so I bet they must have mass-reported her blog and gotten her banned.
Fuck the "tadc critical" community, anyone in the "anti tadc" or "anti gooseworx" tags is NOT to be trusted!!!!!! They weaponized staff's transmisogyny to ban a successful trans woman off the platform all because the show didn't end the way they wanted it to.
🌸 With every step he falls deeper, with every step he loses himself, with every step he cries louder. With one voice, she reaches for him.
🌸 Pairing: Jax x f!reader
🌸 Tags: SPOILERS, pre-canon/post-canon, sexual themes, cunnilingus, ooc (probably), trauma bonding, mutual pining, angst, family issues, PTSD, bullying, homophobia, emotional/psychological abuse, depression, mentions of suicide.
🌸 Author’s Note: Sorry for taking so long, I've been distracted playing re9 and bg3, along with writing for other stuff.
↳ Previous | Next (SOON)
🌸@toasterpis
“I know you’re there, just come out.” I called out, glancing toward the curtain of plants being pushed aside to show the jester I hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting. “It’s like a well-made joke, the fact that you don’t know me and the only one who came looking for me. Not surprised, Jax’s the one who knows of this place. At least he was, why are you here?”
Pomni walked in as I spoke, never taking her eyes from mine, but then she got accustomed to the environment’s light, and she looked around in awe. The hideout was colorful, glowing with flowers and crystalline water from the lake. Despite the shining flora, there was also light coming from above, sufficient for the people inside to see. “I’m here because… You willingly disappeared from the circus, everyone was worried. Why did you hide here?”
“What do you mean why? Maybe you haven’t noticed, but stress and pressure make people assholes, I’m done being a bother to anyone. Look around, Pomni, how much do you think they cared for me?” I spread my arms, showing her how alone I’ve been all this time, not one person was smart enough to come for me outside the circus. I knew very well how deep the others were in their own misery, they weren’t in the right state of mind to look out for the others.
“They care far more for you than you think! Everyone thought you were gone! How do you want to look for something you think is gone? Wait… How do you know my name?” She uttered, her eyes widening slightly as she froze in place. “I’ve been watching for weeks, until everything went to shit. After that I don’t know anything. I watched when Zooble came by, I know Jax and you are friendly with each other, and I know Ragatha is feeling as lonely as ever.”
“If you’ve been watching so much then you know how unfair you’re being right now! Gangle and Ragatha miss you, they didn’t know where to look. It’s like you said, Jax was the only one who knew of your hideout.” Pomni crossed her arms, staring at me intently with a determination I haven’t seen for a long time. My pupils were on her the entire time, it was like being cornered by a Pomeranian with a very bad temper, but this was not temper, this was bravery at its finest. In a second, I realized what she had said. “… Was?” I uttered, my eyebrows furrowing.
No. No no no no no no nonono-
“Jax, he… Abstracted…”
The jester lowered her gaze, embracing herself with one arm as I gaped at her, the quiet stretched on until I knelt on the softness of the grass. “I… See…” Pomni stepped closer, placing a hand on my back as I sniffled, trying to calm my breathing down. “If… You were seeing everything, then how don't you know this?” Pomni questioned.
Chuckling through tears, I slowly moved my clothes to show her the center of my chest, her eyes staring in disbelief at the dark scar in the center of my body. “Happened twice…”
Afterward, the jester told me everything that had happened in my absence. Kaufmo had abstracted after Ribbit, the deletion of Caine, only for him to come back, but calmer and willing to listen, the Cellar being redesigned to the Aquarium, where the abstracted get to be in peace in the dark, the fact that we’re digital copies. To sum it up, everyone was… Content with being here after knowing we have no way out and we never did in the first place.
“What’s the real ____ like…? What does she do?” I asked with a small mutter while hugging my legs, the flower’s glow surrounding our bodies as we sat beside each other. “She’s happy. Truly happy I mean. She moved away from her family, and with the money she saved up, she started cosplaying, her account has many followers. Found friends who appreciate her. She… Likes what she does.”
I smiled softly. “I’m glad.”
Pomni, grabbing me by my arm, pulled me up and strided toward the entrance of the circus tent, I let out a big exhale I didn’t know I was holding and entered before her. To my surprise, everyone was already on the other side, shocked to see me alive.
“Hi, guys…” I said quietly, almost shy, feeling shame and guilt at being here now after so much had happened and I didn’t help or-
My stream of thoughts was cut short when Ragatha came running and put her hands around me tightly, her tears drenching my clothes. I teared up, embracing her in return and welcoming Gangle and Kinger into the hug too. “Hi, kiddo. It’s been a while. Where were you hiding?” Kinger asked, and I scratched my head. “I, uhm… I had a hideout I never told anyone about. Sorry about that… I’m sorry about everything.”
“Never mind that, you’re here now. We thought you were gone, we’re just happy you’re alright and back.” Gangle smiled sweetly as she always did. I remember her happy mask consistently breaking halfway into the adventures, but seeing her now, she looks thrilled to be like this.
Ragatha didn’t say a word yet, still hugging me, as if I would leave again if she let me go. “Ragatha…” Pomni looked at her sadly.
Ragatha stepped back to raise her head at me, her hands shaking and moving uncontrollably. “I just… I really thought… I was so scared you were gone along Ribbit… I looked everywhere for you, your room, every corner of the circus, near the lake, the summit, the forest. I-I couldn’t bear the thought of you abstracting too for what Jax did.”
“My hideout is that good, huh…?” I blurted out with a small grin, but it was obvious it was not funny, even if she didn’t look annoyed or mad. “Sorry…” I continued. “I should’ve done better than this. I shouldn’t have blamed you for Ribbit being isolated, I shouldn’t have left. I’m not excusing my behavior, but I couldn’t stay here one minute more, I needed to be alone even if it’s the last thing I wanted.”
“I know. None of us knew Ribbit was excluding herself on purpose, she could’ve reached out, but she never did. Still, I’ll always blame myself for not stepping in like you did, even if she later kicked you out.” She shrugged her shoulders while hugging herself. “I missed you, ____.”
“I missed you too, dolly.” With that, we hugged each other again, then I turned toward Zooble, who nodded at me. “I’m Zooble. Welcome back to this crazy ass circus.”
I hummed. “Feels like home, for once.”
“For once. I hear you.” They rolled their eyes, but it seemed more amused than anything.
A familiar figure came floating from nowhere, and I stood in place, glaring but keeping myself steady before doing or saying anything drastic. Pomni was right, he looked almost submissive, to say the least, it was weird and somewhat scary to see it happen, to witness that he actually changed after so much shit. “Hiya, this must be jarring.” Cained cleared his throat. “I… ____, I would like to apologize. As I already have with the others, I am aware I was not fair to you. I know it will take time, but if you let me, I, alongside the members of the circus, can make this place a cozy place for everyone. You can create anything you want, I give you full control.”
“Caine, for me it will take a lot of time to forgive what you’ve done. I know you’re not human, but…” I glanced at Pomni for a moment before turning back to him. “I cannot forgive and forget, but I can try to make this easier for everyone, even you. You gave me a place where I can be myself now, and I met a lot of people who are worth it here too. For that, thank you.”
Astonished, I stared as Caine began to flush and tear up. “Thank you, I will do my best…” He choked out with a small voice, almost inaudible.
“No, nono. Don’t cry, this is effing weird.” I spoke out, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I KNOW, I’M SORRY.”
The rest couldn’t help but chuckle.
Subsequently, the entire circus sat on the couches in front of the tent in which Jax’s abstracted form was resting. They were shocked when I told them I had abstracted, but they quickly concluded that maybe the others had a chance of coming back too. “Are you sure you want to do this? We don’t know if we can get you out of there as we did with Pomni.” Ragatha said, watching as I turned to them. “I have to try. I came back twice, and if I can he surely will too... But in the end, it’s his choice.”
Pomni lowered her gaze, and my expression softened. Putting aside my jealousy, I was glad that at least Jax had found someone like her while we were gone, the jester really is a good friend. “Besides, ill weeds grow apace.”
“Unfortunately.” I grinned as Zooble muttered that with their arms crossed, receiving a giggle from Gangle.
“Yeah… But he’s still my ill weed.” The others looked at me with astonished faces, their eyes widening in understanding at my words. I had felt for Jax for so long, and somehow I was not abashed to say it now, too much has happened to keep denying it.
“… We’re still talking about Jax, right?” Caine questioned, to which Kinger went to calm him down and tell him yes before glancing at me. “Be careful in there.”
I nodded and stepped toward Pomni. “I’ll do what I can. I won’t give up on him, not again.”
“I know you can do it.” The jester spoke, and Ragatha placed her hand on Pomni’s shoulder as I turned toward the tent. I inhaled and exhaled deeply before my feet took me inside, my eyes stuck on the giant, sleeping figure of the abstraction in the darkness. “Even like this you’re beautiful.” I dared to get closer to him and knelt, my hand slowly raising and reaching for him, a blinding light consuming my sight.
My eyes fluttered open, finding myself in a dark space with only a lamp illuminating someone underneath it. My hands clenched and unclenched, forcing my feet to approach him. I knew there was no use hurrying when I had already abstracted before, but for the safety of the others, I'd better do this before it’s too late for my body.
“Why are you back? Last time you almost abstracted, Pompom-” The rabbit’s eyes went wide as he turned his body, ears dropping and pupils dilating as if he didn’t really believe I was here. A moment of quiet went by, and Jax stuttered with a saddened smile. “Heh, is my mind playing tricks on me…? Such a bad prank. Of course I would see you of all people, isn’t it enough that I’m gone?”
“Last time I checked, I’m real.” I affirmed. “I, uhm… Pomni told me how I can come into your mind to speak with you.”
“You’re… Real?” Jax began walking toward me, but I stopped him immediately. “It’s better if you don’t move too much, whatever you do here will affect what you do outside.”
We sat on the bench beside the rosy lamp, both of us staring into the nothingness for a good while. His body was frozen in place, and his eyes were still huge with bewilderment, exactly like that night he spent with me before everything went to shit. “I… I-I thought you were…”
“Gone? No, well yes, but also no.” I wanted to hit myself because what I just stammered out made no sense.
“You disappeared! You left me alone!” Jax blurted out, and all I could think about was the sheer audacity to even say that to me. I raised my voice as well. “You made yourself feel alone by your own insecurities! You thought everyone was after you to humiliate you!”
“I know that! And I’ll never forgive myself for what I’ve done! But you… You left… You weren’t supposed to- I wish I didn’t- Dammit!” His arms went to his face, hearing him trying to calm himself down before speaking. “I’m sorry for everything. I suck at this but I truly am sorry. What I said to you was horrible, you treated me like an actual person and I still couldn’t get my stupid brain to get the part of it. A-And I pushed you away in the most pathetic, cruel way and I’ll never forget your expression.” Jax still didn’t look my way. Knowing and seeing him scared broke my heart, even if he deserves this, and he sighed before continuing. “Everyone kept giving me chances, and I blew them. Ribbit and Kaufmo are gone because of me, and I wish you had never left, somehow, you made everything easier.”
His eyes made contact with mine, and I gave him a faint smile. “I really do appear when you most need me, huh?”
“Yeah, you do.” He muttered with a sniffle, drying his tears with his arm. “I don’t know how you do it, you wicked witch.”
Chuckling, I moved closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder, his head falling on mine. “Are you gonna tell me now what happened then? I would like the full picture, Jax.”
“Yeah… I owe you that much. Before I went to your room I was hanging out with Ribbit in hers. Out of nowhere, the conversation had gotten so much deeper and she ended up telling me about her parents, and well, despite me not wanting to open up, once I did I couldn’t stop.” My fingers entwined with his. “As you know, I was homeless, but I never told you of my… Mother. She always compared me to dad and I told her something I never should’ve told, she just… Threw insult after insult at me and then she just hugged me. I ended up shoving her, then ran away, scared that I could’ve… Killed her.” I felt his fingers tighten around mine. “Ribbit reassured me that she’s fine, if nothing else happened… But I- After I told her everything I felt so ashamed, and she told me to stay, she put the bow on my head, and then Kaufmo’s voice from the other side of the door and-”
Jax took out a deep breath from his lungs. “I avoided her, told her I would never speak to her again, told her nothing was real. We had a very big fight at the Snowy Summit, and I accused her of manipulating me. That was pretty much the end.”
“That’s why you told me to never believe anything the others say?” I felt him nod at my question, his hand never leaving mine. “Well… I have news for you. We’re brain scans of our real selves, and Pomni told me your real name is Leeroy? Your mother is alright, and he is alright too, he’s working after months of being homeless.”
“We- Wait, they’re… Alright…?” He pulled away to glance at me, and I cleaned his tears, feeling his disbelief and contentment to hear the news as his smile returned to his face. “We’ve been suffering in here when we were only copies of them. Damned toothface could’ve just told us. It’s… It’s nice to hear, everything, I mean. Thank you, ____.”
“You’re welcome, bunny boy. Now we just have to live on and have fun in here.”
“Fun? You’re inside my fucked up head and you think it’s fun? I see I’m getting special treatment.”
I rolled my eyes. “As charming as ever, I see my memory was not exaggerating when it came to you.”
“That’s a good thing. You always loved my jokes.”
We chuckled together, it’s been so long since I felt this sensation of thrill. I missed being in the circus, more importantly, I missed being with him, and I hope I’m not wrong to think he also missed me. I couldn’t help but flush as I watched our fingers still entwined, and when I gazed at him his cheeks were also blushing, my heart began beating faster. I need to defuse the tension, quick.
“So-”
“You-”
Shit, that was so cringe and cliché and-
“You’re not grossed out?” I widened my eyes when I heard him ask me that, and I tilted my head in confusion. “I know you understood what I said earlier when talking about mom. I’m not subtle, and you’re oblivious as fuck. I- Sometimes, I don’t feel like… Myself. I don’t think I ever did, I look at my body and I don’t like it, and when my mother insulted me I felt even worse and like everything I thought was a mistake to be reshaped.”
I furrowed my eyebrows in concern, staring at him. “I’ve grown up with that kind of people, Jax. I can associate with your problems, but only you can choose how to address it, I chose to ignore them and be happy with what I have while looking forward. What do you want?”
“I want…” He began to mutter. “I never wanted this.”
“I know. For the record, if you choose to be a man, or a woman, or something in between or nothing at all, I’ll always look at you the same. You’re lovely.” The light returning to his eyes made my expression soften, his blush deepening and surrounding his face. Before I could say more, I felt my body begin to give up the more I stayed inside his abstracted body, and I pulled away, taking a few steps back.
He stood up after me, but after he understood I had to leave, he halted and just stared at me. His eyes saying everything. “____, I…” I flashed him a bright smile, pulling my clothes to show him the scars the abstraction left on me. “I’ll wait for you.”
He took in the scars in silence, and his grin turned gentle while the light consumed me out of his being. “I know. See ya later, sweetheart.”
Sanzang's path to enlightenment! This was mainly inspired by @tuima11's interpretation of the Tang Monk where he starts off depressed during the journey but finds a found family with his disciples <333 (And I was also inspired by the latest chapter in The Found Family Field Guide XD)
I wanted to show Sanzang's progress through his halo, which I recall is something Wukong can see with his golden eyes! For Sanzang's buddha self, I modeled his halo after a sun dog/parhelion; for this painting, Sanzang himself is visible, but I imagine his face would appear super bright like the sun so that he really does resemble a parhelion XD I'm always up for the chance to draw this glowy monk! hahaa
