why did i feel guilty? i shouldn’t. i felt guilty for hurting him. but at the same time, he didn’t need me and i didn’t need him. we had convinced each other that we needed each other and everything we had been through and caused each other was okay. when in reality none of it was okay, i wasn’t happy and he wasn’t happy anymore. i don’t need to feel guilty for wanting to be happy and being happy, and that happiness is experiencing something new with someone new. i loved him so much and i still do and i always will, but i loved him enough to let him go. not everyone understands that saying, but recently i have truly learned the meaning of it. i let him go to put us out of this constant circle of us constantly hurting each other. i’ll admit the more i think about the relationship we had, the more i realize things i could have done or said differently, things i could have been more mature about. but i can’t go back in time and change things, and moments occurred and things were said for a reason. everything happens for a reason. i hear things about him, of course i still wonder how he is, what he’s up to, and if he’s happy. i always will, through all the heartache, i will always carry him with me. now he may not carry me with him or he may not even care about me anymore and that’s okay. he was a major part of my life, that i don’t regret, or want to forget. we lived, we were happy, we loved, and we learned.
yes he does deserve a woman with all the things he said, but what he doesn’t realize is that i was that woman. i am that woman, but we didn’t play our cards right. a person can only handle so much, and i waved my white flag and surrendered. there were things i expected from him and there were things he expected from me but we just didn’t meet each others ends. and that’s okay. he may have thought everything in the end was easy for me, but in reality it was the hardest thing i have ever gone through or done. it’s not easy to break your own heart for good. but i reminded myself that it’s for the best. he told me that someone else gave me attention, and he was right. someone else did give me attention, but they gave me more then just the attention i would ask for from him, and i gave that someone else the effort you asked from me.
it is what it is, we don’t know the plan that’s in store for us, we don’t know the up’s and downs that are in store for us. but that’s what life is.
areudirty
yousharknotpass
janainaart
baratheonpilled
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