Shadowbanned: Into a New Account

Jade's archive | unethical homunculus owner & nonbinary deadbeat mother of Mephisto from arknights | EN/TH/JP

[zeruleanja]

Point and laugh

meow😭🥹🫩😢😓😱😿 this is what harassment is like not my pee comment

[zeruleanja]

Don't get me wrong makiangel is non-romantic to me and I HC Makima as strictly aroace, while Angel as more of a demi/grayromantic ace... but I want to write a modern au akiangel + makima with Aki unknowingly sitting on the cuck chair without knowing that the lazy coworker he was forced to partnered up with actually been intimate with his beautiful boss whom he kinda crushes on (Makima & Angel are like friends with benefits or something)

And he'd find out after he's finally warmed up to angel and starts to develop some feelings for him so he can get double-cucked by both his crushes at the same time.....🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ (also angel is nonbinary to me idc idc)

[zeruleanja]

reincarnation + orphanage AU makiangel [read from right→left]

if you know me, you'd know that just cuz I call something a ship doesn't mean I want them together lmao, and no it ain't even queerplatonic cuz they genuinely dgaf abt each other in any intimate form ever. Also both Angel and Makima are AroAce to me. (planning to add reze later, she's a year younger than them)

[zeruleanja]

While I chose pale colors partly out of my laziness (cuz I don't wanna shade properly,) makima here is very much intended to look like a porcelain doll. It's hard to notice, admittedly cuz I got lazy, but on the p.2 she doesn't have any complexion of blood on her face and looks perfectly white like a sheet, unlike angel has some some gradient on his face

[psicheanima]

In earlier post i think you said on the topic of movies how makima would like black and white movies more than other ones especially in 50s/40s ect and i see other people say that about makimas preferences as well to you why exactly would makima like those movies? Is it because shes pretty old and find it nostalgic? Or theres something more different to her that she likes better in older ones?

well, the 90s film market was oversaturated with films designed specifically to manipulate the audience with hamfisted methods—wether that be with shock value gore/sex or tear jerkers, I think Makima would have a personal distaste for this era. I mean, she says one of the thing she dislikes in a film is “trying too hard”.

and personally, I’ve found while all eras of film have sincerity (obviously), 50s/40s films often have bare bones narratives and more so rely on actors—who acted more like theatre actors on a stage. I think she would prefer this “simplicity”. If a film is over saturated with plot, it would have to do an exceptional job at balancing all its threads to be loved by her moreso than it would for the average person. She likes a sincere message.

as well the themes… well, a lot of films in this current/post war era are about the fundamental isolation of man. Let’s just ignore how the CSM world cinema may have been affected by the erasure of this. she would prefer the soundtracks… she would love grand and melancholic orchestras… it’s not as if she would be against soundtracks in movies as there’s so many cases where it uplifts the film, but I see this type of sound design as her “general preference”

[crowboy-bebop]

unauthorized fucking thing!!!!!!

(warning: loud chirping throughout)

source: hellgate osprey cam

[curlicuecal]

[catofaurora]

It's pride month babyyyy! Woooo!!

[zeruleanja]

reincarnation + orphanage AU makiangel [read from right→left]

if you know me, you'd know that just cuz I call something a ship doesn't mean I want them together lmao, and no it ain't even queerplatonic cuz they genuinely dgaf abt each other in any intimate form ever. Also both Angel and Makima are AroAce to me. (planning to add reze later, she's a year younger than them)

[zeruleanja]

Just realized I was 13 when I first read csm. Wow it's been years huh?

[zeruleanja]

Yap cuz I'm bored n someone on twt pmo

What bothers me about Himeno fans (and Aki himself lmfao) is that they really view her thru rose tinted glasses. & I'm saying all these as someone who likes evil characters and has Makima as my favorite character in chainsaw man. Also I don't hate Himeno. Her fans and Aki's writing when it comes to her just pmo.

Sure, being a sexual predator is not her only trait, and she did do a lot for Aki's sake, but she's NOT a good person either; She tried to murder Denji to protect Aki and didn't feel guilty about it. She only acknowledged the legality of her action when she assaulted him. In fact, she MIGHT NOT even care about the legality all that much. You can just see how Fjmt added an extra panel focusing solely on her facial expression to Denji's answer. It shows that she's pondering something, calculating a fitting answer for the situation. It shows that the moral/legality itself wasn't her main concern in the situation here but more so Denji's infatuation towards Makima that also mirrors Aki's; "She lost to Makima again. Makima stole Aki from her and she couldn't even win Denji over. Is she really that inferior compared to that woman? Is that why Aki chose Makima over her? Oh this one seems special to Makima, maybe she can use him in her favor to steal Aki back?"

And then, Aki, the supposed 'normal' guy, didn't react shit even when his respected senior took a minor home and almost had sex with him. I'd like Himeno's writing more if Aki at least showed some reaction here, being put off, recognizing that she was fucked up, or something.

I didn't think too deeply abt it in my first read cuz I thought the author was just weird about women like that and didn't know Fujimoto was a horrible woman & female groomer connoisseur. But in my reread, her writing here leaves an even more bitter taste in my mouth, knowing that Aki was supposed to be Denji's brother figure but didn't care for the fact that he was almost raped, and continues to hold the assaulter in a very high (and rose tinted) regard thereafter. Yes, they weren't that close back then, and he knew Himeno for 3 years. but even AFTER that got closer, has it just NEVER occurred to him in a random night that his 'respectable' senpai almost raped a boy in his care??

The way I see it is that Fujimoto conceptually understands what grooming is but genuinely thinks Himeno's grooming was okay since she didn't have any evil grand schemes behind it..... or that he just thinks sexual advances towards a minor are okay as long as you've got an excuse (intoxication) and stop before sex.

Even worse, Himeno was then only mentioned in a positive light while her misdeeds were never acknowledged as 'misdeeds,' mainly due to Aki (who has a very idealized version of her in his head) being the only one who gaf about her. While it's understandable to a degree, considering that she sacrificed her life for him & him later learning she stayed in the public security cuz of him, it's only natural for him to develop survivor guilt, thus created an overly positive version of her in his head, I'd probably do too if someone did all that for me (unless it's someone who's been abusing me for years that I can not unlearn their negative aspects.)

That doesn't make him pmo any less tho. He glorified Himeno in his head so hard bro's like "that wouldn't make Himeno happy" over kicking the balls of her murderer. A take so bad even the author disagrees😭👇

This tweet of his is partly why I'm pretty sure Fujimoto's aware that Aki's vision of Himeno is kinda warped from reality and that it was intentional 'to a certain extent.' Though how it led to fandom as a whole, esp in the jp/cn/kr sides, ended up consuming her character thru Aki's rosy retrospection is surely something I DO NOT appreciate.

Consequently Himeno's character seems really whitewashed by the narrative, though might not be intentional, and rather from the lack of fuck given by fujimoto, and due to Aki's bum ass not being able to process the fact that his senpai whom he's greatly indebted to is a child molester. (Which pisses me off lmao)

Like bro, I don't think she's up there in heaven.

Now, when it comes to Himeno fans, my problem is while they say stuff like "no, we don't condone her assault," they're still very eager to come into her defense whenever someone slanders her character, like I swear not even makima fans react this bad when someone calls her a pedophile. They also like to say "her being a predator isn't her only trait" and try to bring up her positive traits (which a lot of time are shits that got romanticized from Aki's lens) to speak for how "Aside from the SA, she's actually a pretty good person" whenever someone calls her a groomer. Which to me, comes off as them justifying 'why they like her' rather than actually discussing her character. Also, even though we leave out her sexual advances towards Denji, she's still not all that good of a person.

She tried to kill a Denji and didn't apologize nor acknowledge it even when the opportunity presented itself the moment she asked to befriend him. (bc acknowledging it will make it real for her and her avoidant ass can't afford being vulnerable in front of anyone ever) You can really tell some of them look at her thru rose tinted glasses like Aki does (yes, Aki, I'm blaming you for this.) she's more than just a sexual assaulter, yes, she's still not a good person even if you take out that specific aspect. You can like a bad person who did something good from time to time and still recognize she's a bad person bro, no need to try painting her in a positive light.

As for some other things they say that pmo; "she wasn't attracted to denji so she's not a pedo," people be calling every child predator pedos all the time n I'm sure not even half of them are clinical pedophiles, "she wasn't mentally in the right place," a large portion of rapists don't rape solely cuz they were horny either, Himeno having emotional issues actually makes her even more a realistic predator who commits sexual crimes due to their insecurity, loneliness, the lack of confidence, a desire to gain momentary power etc.

Not really related, but I just felt the urge to talk about it cuz I saw Himeno fans complaining abt how Himeno's hate is overbloated cuz of the ship wars and how she's always reduced to just a sexual predator. And sure, some of her hates come from misogyny, but the same goes for Makima's hates. There's also more to the reason Himeno's assaults were mentioned more than Makima's for the plain fact that ① she went farther than Makima did (actual kissing & initiating sex. The act was a part of her coping mechanism, she herself was 'interested' in sex, while Makima wasn't) ② her sexual aspect directly correlates with her insecurity, jealousy & loneliness n how she copes with it, while it was one of her many tools to gain control over people for Makima & she just has more writing. Also she died a few chapters after touching Denji. People naturally would focus about it more. you just can't really complain abt people bringing up her SA more since Makima's character has more to talk about.

Summary: Himeno is not the devil incarnated, she has more to her character than just sex, she could be more normal & morally upright when she first started off as a devil hunter, but during the point where csm starts, she is *not* a good person and far from a moral one. But Aki and Himeno fans have a hard time processing that fact, while the latter try to paint her in a better light in fandom argument by presenting her as a moral person she isn't. Which pisses me off.

Done

[dogpuppy]

[kinuko]

Part 2

[zeruleanja]

Final verdict for how much I like/how much I care about each csm character since it's already finished and cuz I'm bored and want to ignore finals

The tiers of the same color mean there isn't much liking gap between both tiers. Maybe I have a thing for scars

[jonksi]

[wakameyogurt]

[gryffongull]

THANK YOU FOR 300 FOLLOWERS!!! Right on time for sharing this Treasure Reef Eel, which will be my token art-for-fun until the next time I'm down to draw something fanciful!

[zeruleanja]

if u think the en text is longer, you're correct thats cuz my jp sucks and I couldn't elaborate much without it sounding unnatural

[worldsandemanations]

Extremely rare solar halo captured during sunrise

[dawnbrigayde]

in my opinion it is so critical that in being robbed of his ability to sing mephisto was specifically robbed of his preferred method of self-expression and therefore an avenue of self-exploration and it made him perfect for kashlulah to manipulate.

May I enjoy my life and practice my art Respected by all men and in all times

the above is rhodes island's motto. art and expression in and of itself is already a critical part of arknights' themes, being a major factor in differentiating anything from the seaborn hivemind as well as forming the entirety of leithanien's basic cultural consciousness (to the point that the güldenesgesatz exists)— there are several other instances and details (priestess' heat-death soundcloud mixes, seamus williams and taran folk songs, or the word for originium arts in lessing and czerny's german dubs specifically being originium-künste), but these are the two most notable places with it as a central theme. thus, it's unsurprising that it persists in the rest of arknights' writing.

the thing that people might overlook while observing this part of mephisto is that narratively, it did not have to be song: abuse and oripathy could've easily taken any other kind of art from him. it could have been his feet and dance, or his hands and any kind of handicraft, his ability to string words fluidly and poetry or theatre, or even his pitch and any kind of other music; the important part is that he was denied the most comfortable, established avenue of self-expression and discovery available to him.

while, of course, not the sole reason he became the way he did, it definitely exacerbated it. besides being robbed of the one thing he actually wanted to do, the relationship between eno and sasha is characterised by reciprocality in every aspect but company and song. eno provided food and literacy, while sasha offered emotional refuge and physical safety against peers. in this space, cause and effect seemed to lie in their hands. sasha was always eager to help, and eno was already eager to please.

FAUST All I know is that he gave me food. I only know that he could read, and I wanted to read, and he taught me. I only know that the other kids liked to bully him because he gave me bread and I was stronger, and I hit them and they hit me.

FAUST Just because I thought my place was too cold and dirty, I sent him home?

song was the one active thing that laid outside the realm of service-as-worth, likely the one thing he may have felt like he could identify with and offer in a way that is not reciprocal. without, he was already unlikely to try and seize his own worth outside of action, and his own happiness and contentment alone would never be enough for him, because he doesn't value those enough in himself.

MEPHISTO I am the only one who can perform such Arts! And it is only through my Arts that we can escape!

TALULAH We can't do it without you. You can do anything, and you can accomplish anything.

his arts and tactical acumen are what give him worth; he starts melting down the instant the plan truly starts going south. he needs faust and talulah both to give him worth; he needs to be actively doing something for them to not be left behind. and if faust will not give it to him (in wishing solely for his survival, in his living), he will gladly take it from talulah; if one person tells him stop, and the other person tells him go, he will follow the person who tells him go. anyone who wasn't the two people he trusts and loves could go directly to hell, including himself if we wasn't making himself useful. he failed to develop a sense of self, refused to reflect on where talulah is going and to where he is following, counted on faust staying, counted on talulah keeping him around, and just started fucking killing people.

FAUST Most of the sheep who blindly take orders aren't actually dependent on anyone. They just haven't started thinking for themselves... And those who have no direction in life, they're just empty machines looking for a sense of accomplishment, and meaning. You activate, and perform your function, you input a goal, you achieve your goal, until you consume everything around you, and you consume those you serve.

MEPHISTO Don't you know that you're only going to become his pawn, to be discarded when you've served your purpose? CH'EN You can have those words back.

establishing, then, art as a vector of self-actualisation that was taken from him at an important stage makes this whole series of events a little clearer, doesn't it? as a hurdle to connection, and as a hurdle to the self. it was never impossible, just further to reach, but how do you blame a scared kid for not reaching a little farther? being 14 fucking sucks.

TALULAH/FAUST Mephisto, I can't change your ideals. If you don't have it, go find it. We'll help ourselves.

TALULAH/FAUST No, you don't need anyone to save you...

framing, then, the singer as a critical moment of self-reflection within said frame of art, state of mind from a time where he could still practice it... well, it just works.

(then again, i am an artist with a somewhat idealistic view on the importance of art, so grain of salt applies.)

(then again, when are visual novel writers not also artists?)