jen out of ten

Jenith makes stuff. Jenith then regrets making stuff. The vicious cycle continues...

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[mauricetheblurst]

the clanging of his armored ass cheeks brought down the walls of many a castle

[professionalchaoticdumbass]

I feel like being a transfem dyke is different in a loooot of ways that cis dykes and even transmasc dykes don't begin to realize

[professionalchaoticdumbass]

as a butch your whole relationship with masculinity is flipped on its head. instead of being frowned upon or seen as unbecoming for you, it's forced upon you at every turn, and not in a butch or queer way. presenting masc, therefore, often feels less like a defiance of expectations and more like conforming to the overwhelming pressure meant to shove you back into the mold of manhood. as a result there exists a clear distinction - even if only in the mind - of what is butch masculinity and what is cismale masculinity. if you are a transfem butch you sorta end up clinging to that butch masculinity with all your might while trying to separate it from the cisguy masc mess that is forced on you. it's fucking hard because being in a masculine role after rejecting another masculine role is painful. you arent a man but are still distinctly masc. it feels almost like a reclamation rather than pure defiance.

if you're femme you also have an inverted relationship - femininity is taught to you as the Undesired Other since early childhood, if you are feminine you are a failure, a sissy, a faggot, you cry like a girl. when you crack you are thrust into a variety of different situations: one of the biggest social threats and fears used against you is now something you desire, and you are now playing catch-up with half a childhood and often part of adulthood missing. however, when you are femme with the right crowd, you are treated as a woman and the role you play as a femme is very very far from a cis male's. you are, in essence, trying to run from your coercively assigned gender, into the comforting arms of your former fears. being trans and femme feels like gnawing at your chain til it breaks and flipping off the broken metal as you run into the woods to live with the wolves. it is harder and you still feel the weight of the collar some nights but you are free and you are far from that place.

a lot of the time masculinity is assigned to us without us even trying. this is part of the plain transphobia that society throws at us when the transmisogynistic "failure of a man" doesn't work; it instead progresses to "failure of a false woman". this is, again, always in an attempt to force us back into the cisman box. femme, butch, futch, dyke, everywhere in between, we all deal with that shit.

we never get the "realized I liked girls" moments. we are told we are heterosexual males and treated as such and even clearly sapphic relationships and experiences are tainted with this past perception of heterosexuality. historically, trans women have been grouped in with cis gay men, just as trans men were with cis butches. this really does not go over well for transbians as you may imagine. hell, even after coming out we are still treated as non-lesbian or "different" by many cis lesbians... and the worst part is they're right. our experiences are so fucking fundamentally different, half of my life is yours turned on its head and yours is something I only ever read about and will never experience. but we are still dykes. and there are cis dykes who treat us as dykes the same as any other. and there are trans dykes fucking trans dykes and butches topping tgirl femmes and cis femmes taking their transfem butch out to lunch and deeply closeted girls wearing carabiners to grasp what little dykiness they can and femme trans girls trying on a dress for the first time and trans women trying to get as much as they can out of life that they missed beforehand as another dyke holds their hand on the way to the queer prom night. even with all the differences and things we will never understand about each other there's still dyke solidarity

[professionalchaoticdumbass]

I don't know how coherent this is its 4:30 am but I hope it gets the points across

[professionalchaoticdumbass]

ok im not half-dead from tiredness anymore and i want to add a few more things

i really want to emphasize how much trans women have been associated with gay men in the past and still frequently in the present. like, seriously, trans women would be cast as gay male crossdressers, or femme gay bottoms, or to borrow a more recent term, as "femboys". until recently doctors would assume that as trans women we would want to be heterosexuals, to fuck men and get married to them and play the role of housewife. lesbian trans women were just outright erased for years and years, and many stayed in the closet cuz of this. so many of us thought we were just... unusual straight men, and societal expectations reinforced this, thickening our eggshells and making it much harder to come out. i recommend reading "plight of the transbian" for more information on this pre-cracking false heterosexuality.

it's even more different still when you're not white, for one the dynamics and culture of lesbianism are wildly different in black communities and asian communities and indigenous communities. with black lesbians in particular they still get masculinity assigned to them because of race. i imagine this sucks even more for black trans women. i can't really comment in-depth on this because i'm not black (mixed south asian/white) but i know enough to realize that it's going to be different from what a white transfem would experience.

and lastly i want to say that in general we don't really... fit into the butch/femme dynamic as much? like, the whole thing is already turned on its head. masc and femme presentation already mean such different things to us than they do for cis and transmasculine lesbians. we're often cast as the black sheep in lesbian spaces, which fucks things up further - we are seen as The Tranny before we are seen as The Femme or The Butch or The Dyke. and as someone who is closeted and presenting in a weird futch-y way to try and escape the cismasculinity forced upon me, i just feel like i lie outside of the boundaries of butch/femme. plenty of other transfems feel this way too, especially closeted ones where you're isolated even from your own community

[seren-starlight]

Recency bias is a bigger problem than it used to be

[toskarin]

ah... your secret technique... in normal circumstances, such a bullet would have no effect on me, but you certainly knew that, my rival... and so, cleverly, you accelerated it with a gun

[sapphic-sadist]

I’ve been kicked out of the hucow hooters for tipping my waitress

[anneemay]

[cyborgduck]

Disco elysium ass line

[drmajalis]

The trans girl you have a crush on is literally never going to get the hint, you gotta fucking tell her, now, go do it.

[bite-my-grimy-fleshy-ass]

Also like, even if we do get the hint we're incredibly used to our flirtations being treated as predatory. Like if I had a nickel for every time someone expressed interest in me and was being extremely flirty and forward and then I matched 1/10th of their energy and suddenly all the air was sucked from the room and their interest disappeared the moment I was not a passive object of their affections.... I'd probably be able to buy myself some ice cream and bubble tea right now

[gaytanic-panic]

fatphobia is so evil like literally every queer party would be improved with fat gothy girls having their tummies exposed in a whorish manner

[sweeology-blog]

So i ordered Round Table today online and in the “special instructions” i wrote “draw your favorite attack on titan character”. This is what i got…

[tsunderetaker-deactivated201702]

Give that guy a bigger tip because he’s right.

[ciearcab]

gouache falin

[astraskylark]

Marcille successfully brings back her love interest with wings and claws and blood all over and suddenly she has to be reported to elf cops and be thrown in elf jail?? Can a woman not love to the point of blasphemy anymore?? What a sick world we live in

[pansyfemme]

from what i understand dungeon meshi is about hairy man panty shots shirtless blonde women grasping hands and looking into eachothers eyes and middle aged union men who look like twelve year olds

[pansyfemme]

THANK YOU. and the autism knight

[rosiefingers]

[1mg0n]

marcille didn't even BLINK she saw falin transformed into a terrifying chimera with the blood of their allies splattered on her, holding one of their corpses like a sack of potatoes and she went "baby do you recognize me falin please talk to me it's ok guys she's just a little confused" i mean marcille honey i love you but your girlfriend has a milf crushed under her newly acquired dragon claw

[ciearcab]

gouache falin

[ekko-idk]

Combining my two biggest fixations atm <3