“When I wake up, let me be”
‘Being’ is such a hard thing those days. At least for me, I think.
Being realistic, maybe it always has been a dificult thing - be. And maybe, just those days I’ve started that thing of ‘being’.
Thats because - my personal theory - if someone want to ‘be’, first they have to know. Just know what to be, or who to be.
If you know who you are, if you do have a personality, if you do love things just because you love them - you must be.
But me, myself, I have started knowing myself recently. Discovering what I do really love, and what I do really want to do, and read, and produce, and just do at all. What kind of music I liked, my favorite songs, what kind of books and etc.
For me, it was such a thing to know all of these, because, I found myself loving things for the people I have loved. Maybe I didn’t loved myself.
And now, I look myself in the mirror knowing what I like and what I don’t - even best, I know why like and why I don’t.
In The Neighbourhood song they say: “When I wake up, let me breathe”
By a while I’ve heard: “When I wake up, let me be”
I feel like waking, since march - maybe. That’s have been a hard thing to do, I have quit my sports, I have quit university - I’ve been floating on the open space of my mind in that time. Simply awful.
The thing is, it’s hard to wake up when you’ve been sleeping your hole life. First it hurts, then you’re all alone, then you found yourself, and - by the end - you finally wake up.
I’m waking up, and learning what means that thing of expressing your self and having a own personality. I decorated my room today, and it was the very first time that I genuinely felt I was expressing myself and being myself. And I loved it.
I’m waking up, and when I see my spotify there’s a lot of music that I enjoy, and when I look at my bookshelf I see books that I love.
I’m waking up, and for the very firts time I buy clothes that makes me feel confortable and handsome at the same time.
I’m waking up, and not everybody that I loved once stills loving me - neither do I still loving them. That’s fine because it isn’t a bad thing, sometimes you just don’t love persons anymore because they’re not the same persons they once was.
I’m waking up, and even if it’s sad going forward without them - now I have me.
I’m waking up, and I’m not here saying all that to be seen - I just wanted to be. Doing it without shame, without fear, without thinking: “I shouldn’t because who cares?”, it’s a magical thing. I do care.
I’m waking up, and now it’s the turn of the universe letting me be.
