greco-romam

pater patriae

[h0bg0blin-meat]

Pallas: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell!

Aeneas: *Struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time!

[teathattast]

[2nd-triumvirate]

agrippina: i have flaws. what are they? oh, i don’t know.

agrippina: i sing in the shower. sometimes, i spend too much time volunteering.

agrippina: occasionally, i’ll commit first-degree murder.

[2nd-triumvirate]

*mark antony and octavian, fighting in the background*

lepidus: can i get a waffle? can i please get a waffle?

[incorrect-roman-quotes-deactiva]

The Romans and Friends Driving

Caesar: Drives with his knees. Has a bowl of cereal balanced precariously in his lap, spoon in his mouth. Is adjusting his tie in the mirror and talking to someone on speaker. Says, "Hey sorry, one sec" so he can lean out the window and curse out the guy who cut him off

Brutus: Agonizingly cautious. Lets EVERYONE go ahead of him. Apologizes to people who cut him off. Does not understand that sometimes the right of way can be his. Still wants to drive bc he gets carsick otherwise

Pompey: Plays very loud rock music the entire time. Honks at the person in front of him the millisecond the light turns green. Names his car and talks to it like it's a human woman. Argues with the GPS

Antony: Never cleans his car, which smells faintly like weed. Is known for his traffic violations. Bullies those who drive the speed limit. "Yellow light means speed the fuck up".

Cleopatra: Believes the road belongs to her. Has a lead foot but knows when not to use it. Keeps her car in pristine condition and the air is always just slightly too cold. Doesn't curse people out or flip them off, just gives them long, hard looks of judgment as she drives by

Cassius: isn't afraid at all but doesn't go anywhere fast enough simply because he has no sense of urgency. Drives slowly in front of others bc he doesn't see the need to be rushed by other people's busy schedules. Has a tendency to ride the rumble strip and will not even notice

Octavian: The best driver. Every move he makes is calculated. Weaves through traffic jams like a ghost phasing through walls. Blows vape smoke out the window.

Cicero: Backseat driver. That is all.

[thoodleoo]

extremely upsetting that the ancient romans didn't have zoom because i would pay serious denarii to see mark antony mute cicero's microphone while he's giving a speech

[labentiasidera-deactivated20210]

Every Roman philosopher ever: oh sorry for that 13 page tangent where i listed obscure examples from roman history, i guess i'm just too educated and i got carried away... where was i? Oh right; VIRTUE!

[catchymemes]

[catrinecat]

Wtf

[dragon-in-a-fez]

Norse mythology: right so the universe is all centred around this giant fucking interdimensional space tree, and Earth is at one of its roots, and it grows up through all these other realms with like giants and shit in them, and the gods live in the two at the top

Greek mythology: fuck uhh the gods live on that hill right over there lol

[explorersaremadeofhope]

i love and respect what this post is trying to do but lbr it’s more like,

Snorri Sturluson: right so the universe is all centred around this giant fucking interdimensional space tree, and Earth is at one of its roots, and it grows up through all these other realms with like giants and shit in them, and the gods live in the two at the top 

Norse religion: fuck uhh the gods live in uh, Asgard, right, and the afterlife is in uh, idk man, Niflheim maybe, or maybe Helheim, or maybe those are the same thing, and there’s nine heimar but honestly nobody can agree on what they are, but we know there’s a big tree and a big snake involved, and also the giants live in uhh... what’s a kind of remote and freaky place? Russia? yeah. that works. east, the giants live east.

[thoodleoo]

say what you will about julius caesar but the man had some serious balls….like when he sailed to africa to fight a war, he tripped and fell on his face on his way off the ship (which would normally be considered a bad omen) but instead he was like “haha i got you now, africa” and everyone was like wow so cool

[hiimcanadia]

Happy ides of march here’s a meme I had to make for english class

[incorrectclassics]

Cicero: And, in his younger days, Mark Antony was a prostitute!

Senators, bored: Or he’s just a slut.

Cicero: No, seriously, he wasn’t even cheap!

Senators:

Cicero:

Cicero: what

[thoodleoo]

diogenes walking into plato’s academy like

[thoodleoo]

[sistertaxon]

why are there so many posts about asexuals being immune to sirens. people. sirens don’t lure you in with sex (necessarily). they sing about whatever it is that you want most. they could sing about mothman or cinnamon toast crunch and guess what then your asexual pirate is fucking dead

[thesylverlining]

this is the only kind of ace discourse i ever want to see on my dash. the only kind. ever again. good job

[kittyknowsthings]

Do you think the sirens would be grateful that they finally get some variety? 

[systlin]

“Oh my god we can finally just sing about pasta thank the fucking gods.” 

[totohoy-blog]

I’m not asexual but I’m fairly certain sirens would do a far better job luring me into the depths with a song about pasta rather than sex…

[systlin]

I mean. 

“WHAT THE FUCK STAY AWAY FROM THE ROCKS.”

“FUCKER THEY SAID THEY HAVE FETTUCCINE CARBONARA AND HOT GARLIC BREAD OVER THERE HANG ON BITCH.” 

[musicalhell]

This is true; Odysseus heard them promising him knowledge of the future.  So the next time you see artwork like this:

Remember those sultry naked chicks are saying “We’ll tell you the winning lotto numbers.”

[fuckstaffposts]

Them: “We have unlimited wifi at incredible speeds~” Me: *diving headfirst into the water*

[rpluvsyj]

This post is a blessing

[wittyusername97]

Congratulations! Odysseus! You’ve been selected as a winner for the free $1000 Amazon Gift Card, Apple iPhone X 256G or Samsung Galaxy S8! Claim your prize now!

[lesbianshepard]

i kinda feel bad for oedipus b/c everyone assumes he chose to fuck his mom when in fact he went out of his way to avoid it. he left his hometown and distanced himself from his parents because he was afraid he would somehow get tricked into fucking his mom. everything could have been avoided if his adopted parents told him he was adopted.

[lesbianshepard]

someone: oedipus was fucked up like who fucks their own mother??? fucking weirdo.

me: it’s not his fault! he didn’t know!

[lesbianshepard]

also the point of the myth is supposed to show how despite your best efforts no mortal can thwart fate but also? what the fuck? the whole thing was an oracle telling laius that his son was going to murder him and fuck his wife. that shit came out of nowhere. he didn’t offend the gods or anything. they just decided for no reason other than the world is fucked up sometimes.

[lesbianshepard]

i have been informed that oedipus’ dad, laius, did in fact bring a curse upon himself for kidnapping and raping king pelop’s son chrysippus.

i stand by my stance that it’s still ridiculous to punish oedipus and jocasta for laius’s crimes. also why would the godss curse oedipus for fucking his mom when they tricked him into doing it in the first place? fucked up.

[the-cheshire-cat-grin]

You’re assuming the gods are ruled by logic and not by zeus nudging poseidon and saying “hey you know what would be so fucking funny”

[fangirltothefullest]

This is so accurate

[gaiusthegenius]

did u guys ever watch the BBC drama “Atlantis” where the main character is a modern guy who accidentally travels back in time to Ancient Greece

and tbh it’s full of him having moments where he realises this is a myth

like this woman comes to him and asks for help because her husband is trying to kill her baby so he helps her smuggle the baby out of the city to be taken in by another family and the other family ask the baby’s name and she says “Oedipus” and the guy is like

oh fuck

and then he meets a girl called Medusa and the whole time is just like shit shit shit then she goes missing and they track her to a cave and he is like “guys this is gonna sound weird but does anyone have a mirror”

BEST MOMENT  is he meets a guy who says “Hi I’m Pythagoras” and he blurts out “THE TRIANGLE GUY” and Pythagoras is just HEART EYES like “YES I LOVE TRIANGLES HOW DID YOU KNOW”

[hashtagloveloses]

Tumblr talking about my favorite long-cancelled BBC period drama as justification for a post on Greek mythology is the physical embodiment of

[shittycryptids]

A siren who only sings The Song That Gets On Everybody’s Nerves

[butneverstoptrying]

You’re not drawn to them, you’re charging at them to try and get them to stop.

But it still works the same. The rocks don’t care why you sailed at them.