Gone Home, Still Lost

World traveler | trans-masculine enby POC | they/them | kinky queer asexual | Dyspraxic nerd and avid collector of scarves. SFW account at @4896miles

[elvhxns]

The Official “Log Off” Protest F.A.Q! 

The “Log Off” protest is in response to the recent NSFW ban announced by Tumblr. The ban flags all content the filtering system detects as NSFW, reducing visibility to the community. The system has proven time and time again that is inefficient, oftentimes flagging SFW material as NSFW. 

This SFW material includes art, memes and so on. This ban directly hurts the community and will not solve the actual problems at hand due to the poor flagging system. Because of this, the entire community will suffer.  

So to respond, I propose that every user on Tumblr logs off of Tumblr for 24 hours on December 17th at 12 am EST. 

Times are listed above depending on timezone! 

This post responds to some very common questions about the protest. So make sure to read it over! 

How to Export Your Blog: 

https://tumblr.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/360005118894-Export-your-blog

Alternative Sites: 

Pillowfort

Mastodan 

Wordpress 

Twitter 

There is also an official Tumblr blog (ironic, huh?) and Twitter for the protest! It’s at: 

Twitter - https://twitter.com/logoffprotest

Tumblr - https://logoffprotest.tumblr.com/

There will be official updates on each account. Make sure to tag us in any posts, or use the hashtag #logoff2018 ! 

Thanks for your support guys. Let’s fight to make Tumblr better. Actually better. 

[ao3tagoftheday]

Hey y'all! For those who’ve been asking, this is the info about what this blog is doing on the 17th. I hope y'all will join me.

[4896milesfromhome]

Purging a bunch of old posts to make exporting to WordPress more expedient.  I’m not noping out yet, just condensing my content. In case I get deleted, I can be found at https://milesfrom.home.blog/

[4896milesfromhome]

FFS ITS AN ANKLE ARE YOU KIDDING ME

[arkadykoshka]

From someone who’s survived MySpace, livejournal, deviantart, and fanfiction.nets’ content purges and bad policy updates, here’s some advice on how to get through tumblr’s recent bullshit:

- don’t knee jerk delete. I know it’s tempting to peace out immediately but hang on and do the other steps first. Out right ghosting and erasing everything is how fandoms die.

- archive everything on your blog you want to keep

- tell your followers how they can archive and keep your work too. A lot of fic and art were only saved from ff.net and lj because other people saved it first. If you’re cool with other people saving your work for them to personally keep, let them know this. You can absolutely discourage reposting but I really do highly recommend you allow people to personally save fic and art they like and are worried will disappear forever. Digital Dark Ages are a real thing.

- tell people where you’re jumping ship to. Give links. Keep that info up, even if you’ve left the site.

- go through who you follow and find out where else you can follow them. Save their work if they’ll allow it. It’s tedious as hell but if you want to keep up with people on here clicking on their page to check in is the best way to do it.

- support places like ao3. This is exactly why ao3 asks for donations a few times a year. They are a 100% anti-purging, judgement free, ad free non profit run by an elected board and protected by lawyers. Places like ao3 literally save fandom so please continue to support them and other similar archives. This is exactly why ao3 is so important.

[lazydom]

What comes next?

This blog has been my home for 4-ish years(though I’ve been on tumblr longer, I used to just reboot porn on my main). I met my current partner here, found people, my people, that made me feel slightly less fucked up, and found ideas to tip the scales back.

I don’t particularly want to start over again on a possible new site that may or may not have a section with my niche of porn. I’m not sure what to do with the photo series I was planning.

I plan on exporting my posts, so I can look back on all of the “fun” memories when I have more time to figure things out.

If you’d like to keep in touch, I’m 98Nemrak on twitter and Nemrak on fet. Twitter is more active, but less kinky. There’s an occasional butt selfie that gets posted.

[4896milesfromhome]

Reblogging so I can find you later. I'm novelapproach on Fet

[dinodaddy-deactivated20221014]

Handling Punishments

I have a lot of call center experience, with a lot of that coming in some managerial capacity. While a great deal of management is scheduling, paperwork, reports based on the schedules and paperwork, and paperwork based on the reports and the scheduling, you do occasionally need to deal with disciplinary matters. One instance in particular comes to mind.

A very tenured agent had a particularly difficult call. The customer had a very complicated issue, and they were being extremely verbally abusive. The agent was having a very bad day to begin with, and after a few minutes of being berated, the agent stood, shouted, “You can NOT talk to me like that!” and threw her headset down before storming off the call floor.

This was absolutely NOT okay. Not only was she not allowed to speak to the customer that way, but her behavior was disruptive to the agents seated around her. This was something that had to be dealt with, but my first priority was to make sure that she was okay. Everything else could be dealt with afterwards.

When I found her, she was sitting outside, head down, sobbing into her arms. I sat with her until she was ready to talk without saying a word. When she was able to speak, she told me about her husband’s health problems, her daughter’s boyfriend drama, and about the abusive caller that sent her over the edge. I listened to it all without comment until she was finished, and then expressed my sympathy for her situation. I was in a position to be able to send her home for the remainder of the day so she could relax.

The next day, I pulled her into a conference room with my manager and an HR representative. The first thing we did was to review her past performance, including attendance. We talked about her past successes and the progress she’s made as an agent. Finally, we discussed the incident.

We allowed her to tell her side of the story completely and without interruption. We played the call, so that everyone could hear exactly what transpired. At the end, we decided to place her on a final written notice, knowing that this was such a rare occurrence that it would probably fall off without consequence. She went on to have a solid career without further incident.

So, what can we learn from this incident that applies to our D/s life?  

1. People First - Before you address the infraction, talk to your sub.  Make sure everything is okay with them.  Give them a chance to speak their mind and say what’s been going on with them before you even begin to discuss punishments.

2. Time - Sometimes you need to allow time for tempers to cool and emotions to settle.  Do not enter into punishments in anger or when either you or your sub are extremely emotional.

3. Recap - Sometimes when people get punished, they feel like none of their accomplishments and successes matter once they slip up.  If you review everything and celebrate their achievements, you’re acknowledging that they have made progress and that they have achieved things worthy of praise.  After going over their overall record, then you can look at the specific infraction in relation to their track record.

4. Review - Fully discuss any pertinent information related to the infraction.  Look at the evidence, talk about the motivations and what was going on, and why this infraction matters.  Once you have a clear and understood agreement on exactly what transpired, you can consider the best course of action regarding discipline.

5. Administration - Be unapologetic in your administration of the punishment.  There was an infraction that occurred, and you’ve taken ever measure to ensure that you have a full understanding of the incident.  You’ve discussed what happened and taken the time to decide upon a just and fair punishment for what occurred.  The fulfillment of this duty is every bit as necessary as the more fun duties, even if you personally find it distasteful to have to do so.  

6. Redemption - Once the punishment has been handed out, the matter is done.  You both put the matter behind you and move forward, hopefully on a more successful path.  If patterns of violations emerge, you can reference the patterns and address those in future violations, but if there are no recurrences, the matter need not be discussed further.

REMEMBER - It is NEVER okay to punish from a place of anger or to take out your feelings on your submissive.  Your submissive is NOT your punching bag or your scape goat.  They are responsible for their actions, not for your feelings.  Make sure the punishment fits the crime, and make sure that it is a just and fair punishment.  End things with proper aftercare and absolution from their guilt and let the matter be finished.

[prokopetz]

Give you three to one that Tumblr’s “we’re banning adult content but will allow discussion of relationships and sexuality” policy is going to end up being strangely selective about what kinds of relationships and sexuality are exempted.

[caitninja]

Remember when everything tagged “lesbian” was flagged nsfw even when it had absolutely nothing even suggestive? I’m not saying they’ve already done this but they’ve already done this

[ifitpleasuresme-deactivated2018]

I greeted him at the door on 4" heels, a high ponytail, and a satin apron.

He pushed me into my apartment with hungry kisses and desperate gropes.

I peeled back the layers of a long day at work: briefcase with a thud by the door and the friction of his belt through each belt loop. The buckle jingling as it fell to the floor.

He bent me over the table and thrust himself against my back and ass before unzipping and revealing his excitement to me. I ran the stiletto heel up his inseam while using the mental map of his body to guide my hands to revisit my treasure.

His mouth and hands raced to discover every spot that would make me gasp or moan. I cocked my head and squirmed in the shadow of his stature. The high ponytail danced against my skin.

He grasped my long brown tresses at the tip and recalled all the photos and videos in his wank bank of arched backs and bent necks.

He yanked so hard that he herniated C5-6. During the surgery for my artificial disc replacement, my surgeon found a bone shard 3mm from my spinal cord.

The man who whispered in my ear of how i was “marriage material” moved to Toronto 2 weeks after he damn near made me into a quadriplegic. He closed on a house the day of my surgery.

To this day, I jump when someone puts their hands near my head. My ears ring constantly. And every time I see one of you all post a photo of someone having their hair pulled, I think about all the pain one dumb, badly-executed move caused me.

1. Get consent. 2. Give warning. 3. Grab slowly and smoothly at the roots 4. Movement comes from the wrist (minimizes chance of injury to directional force) 5. If need be, let the person with the hair being pulled hold on to your wrist to either limit your movement or as a failsafe. 6. Over time develop trust with your partner to dial up neck extension, force, or speed.

All that and the fucker never even gave me a single orgasm.

[just-an-irish-rose-deactivated2]

Too important not to reblog

[kthmistythoughts]

😳

[asubmissiveview]

I am so sorry for what you experienced @ifitpleasuresme. Thank you for sharing this wake-up call.

[instructor144]

Signal boost. If you go charging into a scene thinking you can act like they act in those gonzo BDSM porn loops, you’re a fool. Always keep the Safe in Safe, Sane, and Consensual. If you are not absolutely sure of what you’re doing in a scene, don’t fucking do it.

[thebibliosphere]

Sometimes when I’m sad I like to imagine what would happen in a crossover universe between Discworld and Harry Potter, and what Granny Weatherwax would make of their style of magic.

But then I think about more important things, like what would have happened if Granny Weatherwax ever met Albus Dumbledore, and I can’t help but feel a whole lot of shit could have been avoided if he’d had a good clip round the ear and a strong talking to about the whole “my hands are tied” bullshit that enabled years of abuse and suffering at the hands of adults in a position of authority over young, vulnerable people.

Like oh, this spell requires the bond of blood to keep him safe, all right. So that just means we’re not going to hold these adults accountable for their torment and abuse? I think the entire fuck not, Albus.

Snape is a double agent who is actually working for the greater good. All right, but that doesn’t stop him from being an absolute fucking shit weasel who shouldn’t be around children until he learns to control himself and works out his issues in a safe and sane manner, what the fuck, Albus.

You have an entire school system that ascribes to ideas of inherent morality when in fact this is a thing that needs to be taught? Well no wonder there’s one house in particular that keeps going off the rails, you keep telling them they’re evil. Tell people something for long enough they’ll start to believe you. There’s nothing wrong with being selfish and cunning, sometimes that’s what it takes to survive. Teach them how to use those traits for good. As strength. My land, my home, my people (not my daughter, you bitch) how dare you try to hurt them. Teach them, Albus, you have to bloody teach them and realize that evil isn’t born. It’s made. In a thousand small deplorable ways. And it starts with treating people like things and I cannot be having with this.

Of course there’s also the other flipside to this thought process, which is imagining Gytha “Nanny” Ogg shouting “watcher Molly” as she thumps Bellatrix Lestrange on the back of the head with a cauldron, and drops her like a fucking stone. Later they’ll sit together and grieve, later there will be time to pick up the pieces and mourn. But for now there are things to fight for, people to keep alive. And people to keep from doing what they shouldn’t ever have to do, so you find a way to do it for them, by hook, crook or blunt force trauma.

And because my head wont let go of this thought:

“You always was a right little miss,” she said, taking a puff from her pipe and resettling her weight with a hefty bounce as the younger witch struggled to get out from under Nanny’s considerable girth. “Giving yourself airs and graces and such. Pretending you was too good to scrub a pot. Well, let me tell you something, Mistress Lestrange, you ain’t fit for nothing no more except maybe a noose. And if I had my way that might be the end of it. But we don’t do things like that no more, we don’t rule by blood.”

“Then you’re weak,” Lestrange shot back, still struggling to claw her way free. “A weak, old woman with nothing left but tricks up your fat sleeve.”

Nanny puffed in silence for a few more moments, then reached up her sleeve. “And your wand, dearie. Walnut is it? With a dragon heartstring core? Very nice, painting it black was a bit much, but you always were fond of your dramatics.”

She pulled out her own wand, holding it out under Bellatrix’s nose, whose face went cross eyed and then wide with panic.

“You know, I’ve only ever heard of Priori Incantatem,” she said, puffing on the end of her pipe until the pit glowed cherry red then white hot and she exhaled smoke like a dragon, “but I wasn’t about to risk it, not in front of all those kiddies. But I reckon now might be a good time…”

[thebibliosphere]

Also, for your consideration. Feegles.

“Haul yoo, aye yoo, the great big ugly gangly scunner wi-oot a nose. Can ye sew? Well stitch this.”

Harry watched in consternation as Voldemort staggered back, dropped to the ground like a ton of bricks and lay still.

“That’s it?” he demanded, lowering his wand. “That’s all you had to do?”

Rob Anybody, perched on his shoulder, looked up at the young wizard out the corner of the eye, which was to say he looked him in the nostrils.

“Weell,” he said, gesturing towards the chaos that had been unleashed as the full force of the Nac Mac Feegle was unleashed upon the band of Death Eaters, primarily by running up the inside of their trousers. “That’s the thing about the lads. Once they’ve decided tae dae something, they dae it good and hard.”

“But you just headbutted him!”

“Aye, weill,” Rob said, feeling as though the lad wasn’t quite grasping the practicality of the situation, “he might be a bloody great dark bigjob wizard, but he cannae cast a spell wi-oot a heid.”

[gallusrostromegalus]

Ok but the one I want to see is Dolores Umbridge vs Munstrum Ridcully, becuase that would be the Petty Academic Slapfight of doom. 

Because Ridcully, for all his faults, probably understands that the actual learning of magic relies on a certain degree of both freedom and madness and sometimes explosions. 

And Umbridge would crawl right up his skin with her concept of a “Defense Against The Dark Arts” Course, and in the middle of a lecture on recent runes, would go on a “tangent” on the history of various dark wizards and the means by which they were defeated and here Why Don’t We Have A Practical Outside, The Weather Is Nice (The weather is not nice. It’s Scotland. In Late November.)  But everyone is really curious to see the old man actually take his wand out for once, only to discover that that’s not a wand at all, that’s a Burleigh & Stronginthearm and they’re all going to pass it around and whoever shoots the weathervane off the top of Ravenclaw tower gets 50 points. Hannah Abbot puts a bolt through Umbridge’s window, taking out a kitten plate and gets 100 points.

Fred and George turn the third floor corridor into a Swamp and Umbridge is pleased to hear Ridcully bellowing at the Weasley boys about “BLOODY INSONSIDERATE, NEVER HAVE I EVER MET SUCH WRETCHEDLY-” but the second she’s around the corner it changes to “-brilliant young men, how much is this setup you have here? That potions-master could do with some aggravated moisturizing. Speaking of moisturizing, what would it take to get you two gentlemen to work on the faculty baths? Disgustingly substandard, nowhere to put your nail trimmings-”

Ridcully would like the students there too, I think.  Especially the Slytherins, because he’s perfectly aware how important being a cunning bastard and willing to get your hands dirty or bloody if needed is, especially in the world of Magical Academia.  They’re socially intelligent and disenchanted with the system, not Evil, Albus. The Malfoy boy would be a lot less trouble if he had something to do besides practicing subject’s he’s bored with.  Fratricide, perhaps. I’m kidding Albus! (he’s only sort of kidding.  Maybe not murder. Just turn him into a toad and keep him as a familair in a bowl on the mantlepiece.)

He’d be so mad about the Chamber of secrets though. Potter! A Basilisk!  Why didn’t you bring the head back up it’d be magnificent hanging over the great hall. Oh I see. Well why didn’t you go BACK?  Perfectly good potion ingredients going to waste, doesn’t that brooding mop of a potions master teach you anything about looti- er, collecting spell components?

[thebibliosphere]

I forgot I wrote this haha, and I’m glad @gallusrostromegalus made it better.

[4896milesfromhome]

I laughed so hard I cried thank you I love it

[soushiyo]

Part 1 | Part 2

Thanks for the love, everyone.

[doggy-phil]

[4896milesfromhome]

@shypuppy

[hiddendesktopfolder]

[avenue]

brilliant

[parasailin-sarahpalin]

IT’S 2 O CLOCK IN THE FUCKING MORNING AND I’M HOWLING MY MOM JUST WALKED IN AND NOW I HAVE TO TURN THE COMPUTER OFF FUCK IT WAS SO WORTH IT

[jackalovski]

The chicken doenst even articulate and it’s more convincing as a living entity than 90% of Hollywood movie monsters

[4896milesfromhome]

I cannot even

[priscellie]

Man. I feel so thirsty lately.  I can’t drink enough water. I feel like the senator guy in that X-Men movie after getting exposed to Magneto’s mutant machine, and he keeps drinking drinking drinking water uncontrollably until he dives into the ocean and becomes a terrifying jellyfish creature and explodes.  Freaking Magneto. I was already sympathetic to the mutant cause. Why you gotta hate?

[seananmcguire]

You’re not a mutant, honey, you’re a mermaid.  It’s all right.  Once your scales start coming in, you won’t be as thirsty.

[knitmeapony]

You know, being a diagnostician in a world with more public magical creatures must be a trip and a half.  

“Extreme thirst has a lot of causes.  Let’s check your blood sugar, and let’s take a skin sample to see if you’re developing scales.”

“Joint pain is pretty common when someone’s pushing themself that way with training, and I’d definitely recommend some rest, but it sounds like it’s been coming on with the moon so we might want to do a blood test to check for lycanthropy.”

“I’m going to give you this journal.  Keep track of how often you’re near bodies of water and copses of trees – not single trees, there needs to be a cluster.”

“Bear with me, I know you’re lactose intolerant, but buy a pint of milk and keep it in your kitchen.  If it spoils faster than expected, we’ll have a better idea of what’s going on here.”

[seananmcguire]

“Have you considered that you may not, in fact, actually be a mammal?”

[hasufin]

“Okay, I’m going to have to refer you to a specialist. It looks like your tertiary dentition is coming in.” “I think we need to check for allergic reactions to silver, iron, a few types of wood, garlic, and holy water. That’ll help us rule out some possible causes for this rash. In the mean time I think you should avoid Italian food and holy ground.”

“Have you noticed clusters of birds following you? Were they corvids? Hm, interesting. You ought to come in to the office so we can discuss this further.” “That itching sensation might be a rash, but I think we ought to give you an MRI and see if you’re about to grow horns.”

[defilerwyrm]

So basically, medicine in the Dark Ages, upgraded.

[disasterlarper]

This is literally my dream as a writer and my worst nightmare as a nurse

[syncretic11]

So I imagine a supernatural version of House where almost every episode someone is like “it’s lycanthropy” and the House character goes “it’s never lycanthropy” except for the one episode it is where the title of the episode is lycanthropy.

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

i just read a washington post article on romcoms aging poorly due to the pushiness (and oft-stalkery conduct) of the male characters therein, and it got me thinking about pride and prejudice, and specifically darcy saying, “one word from you will silence me on this subject forever.”

because, like, that’s the seldom-portrayed romantic dream in the patriarchal hellscape that is our world, isn’t it?

a dude being willing to say, “i understand if you don’t feel the same way about me, and i’ll leave you alone forever about this if my attention is unwanted.”

so simple, yet so wonderful in its basic human decency

[adulthoodisokay]

and dudes to this day wonder why women still swoon over darcy

[thathealeygirl]

Note also: Elizabeth turns down Darcy’s first proposal, and in the process, accuses him of doing some stuff he did not do (and also some stuff he totally did).

The next day, he surprises her on her walk. He hands her a letter, asks that she read it, and then takes off.

When this happened to me after I had turned someone down IN REAL LIFE, the letter contained a passionate argument to the tune of “actually you’re wrong and you do like me and you should go out with me” and it was creepy af.

Darcy’s letter to Elizabeth starts with: “Be not alarmed, Madam, on receiving this letter, by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments, or renewal of those offers, which were last night so disgusting to you”. He goes on to set the record straight about the stuff he didn’t do (as well as the stuff he did) which is *actually relevant* to Elizabeth. And he, as promised, doesn’t romance her further.

It’s totally bizarre that even now, this can be considered unusually great dude behaviour.

[pluckyredhead]

Darcy’s first proposal: “You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

Darcy’s second proposal: “One word from you will silence me on this subject forever.”

His whole arc in the book is about learning to consider other people’s feelings and not just his own, but the fact that it’s expressed via who gets to talk and who is told to shut up is so, so telling. The first time around, he imposes his voice on her whether she wants it or not. The second time, he asks how she feels, and in exchange, offers her the gift of his silence.

And yeah, the fact that dudes still! have! not! learned! this! lesson! is exhausting.

[ghost-of-bambi]

How surprising is it that Pride and Prejudice was written by a woman, when many romantic comedies are produced and directed by men?

Answer: not at all

[drsarcasticraspberry]

200 years later and the world is still full of guys who think they’re a Mr Darcy when they’re actually a Mr Collins.

[tzikeh]

200 years later and the world is still full of guys who think they’re a Mr Darcy when they’re actually a Ross Geller.

[genderqueerpositivity]

no one is saying you have to stop calling yourself queer, and its great that you can reclaim a slur!! Its amazing to bring piwer to urself!!! But some ppl have trauma with the word and that needs to be respected by not using it on lgbt who are uncomfy with ut

Y'all are some of the most disingenuous motherfuckers. I am exhausted. And I am really done with this trauma argument.

A confession: I have been harassed and verbally abused with it/its pronouns before.

I don’t fully understand why some trans people choose to use it pronouns for themselves, and I don’t follow anyone who does anymore because seeing someone referred to as “it” upsets me.

However, I do not shame or belittle trans folks who use it/its pronouns in a reclaiming fashion because it’s none of my business and I am not a piece of obnoxious shit.

If you have trauma associated with the word queer, then you need to respect me and yourself enough to not interact with my blog.

This blog literally has QUEER in its url, name, and description. Every other post on this blog contains the word QUEER. This blog is about QUEER people, for QUEER people, by a QUEER person.

No one is forcing you to interact with this blog. No one is forcing you to interact with the QUEER community. No one is forcing you to apply the word QUEER to your own identity.

Block blogs that have queer in their url. Add the word QUEER to your Tumblr tag blacklist. Download one of the many different apps and browser extensions that exist and use it to hide posts with the word QUEER in them.

Try taking at least some responsibility for your own mental health.

You aren’t queer? You don’t like the word? That’s fine. Your feelings and your trauma are valid.

But hear this: y'all need to leave QUEER people the FUCK alone.

Stop adding “queer is a slur” to our posts.

Stop inviting yourselves onto our posts to whine about the phrase “queer community”.

Don’t reblog our posts if you’re going to tag them with “#q slur”.

Stop making discourse of our genders and sexualities.

Stop trying to create rules over who is allowed to call themselves queer when you yourself are not queer.

Stop sending us invasive messages demanding to know “how” we’re queer or if we’re “really lgbt”.

Stop trying to make the queer community responsible for your personal baggage, as if we aren’t surviving with our own.

Let QUEER people live.

[toothmuncher3000]

god yes OP

[ludinusdaleth]

“Stop trying to make the queer community responsible for your personal baggage, as if we aren’t surviving with our own.”

Holy shit. Exactly.

[naegkawa]

We’re just saying don’t use a slur as an umbrella term and act like it’s revolutionary.

We don’t call the lesbian community the dyke community. Because not everyone is comfortable reclaiming it.

Reclamation of a slur is something incredibly personal— don’t shove people under an umbrella term that brands itself using a SLUR. Calling gay people a slur without their permission, regardless of whether or not they’re comfortable with it, is bad. And implying that LGBT people who don’t want to be called the queer community are somehow problematic, or separated from the rest of the community, is shitty.

We don’t want to be called the queer community because it’s a harmful word and shouting that word back at those who voice their discomfort is shitty. Acting like the “"queer”“ community is a separate entity from the LGBT community because they’re okay with using a slur as an umbrella term and judging those who don’t. That’s really shitty.

No one is saying to not let people call themselves queer. But don’t call the whole community queer. That makes straight people think it’s okay to call us queers. That makes it alienating to people who don’t want to be called queer, regardless of trauma. I don’t want people to call me a slur!! Is that wrong or bad?? Am I not a part of your community?

[genderqueerpositivity]

We don’t call the lesbian community the dyke community?

Because I’ve been a dyke for a long time and

It looks to me like the folks in these pictures are using a slur as an umbrella term and acting like it’s revolutionary.

I mean, they sure don’t seem worried about triggering lesbians and other wlw/nblw who’ve been traumatized by the word dyke. You really think that all lesbians are comfy going to an event where the word DYKE is painted on huge banners? You don’t think that dyke marches are alienating to lesbians/wlw/nblw who haven’t reclaimed dyke?

Because that is not personal reclamation, that is very public. You really think that seeing those dyke march signs won’t convince straight people that it’s okay for them to say dyke? You think that dyke marches don’t cause straight people to associate the word dyke with the lesbian community?

In my experience, dyke has been very widely reclaimed within the lesbian community, even though it is still used as a slur. I’ve had “dyke” screamed in my face more times than I can count, but I see that word untagged on this website everyday.

No one other than terfs and nonbinary-exclusionists has ever given me grief over reclaiming the word dyke, and even then it’s rare. I’ve never been asked to tag posts where I’ve referred to myself as a dyke with #d slur tw. If this blog were titled “dyke positivity”, I bet that I wouldn’t get even half the harassment that I’ve received for having a “slur” in my url.

Apparently calling myself queer is an issue, even though calling myself a dyke isn’t.

(People have told me that I shouldn’t identify as genderqueer, and that I should just use nonbinary instead because genderqueer invites straight people to say queer. For awhile, I tried to switch–until I realized it’s bullshit. I want straight people to call me genderqueer, because that is my gender identity.)

So what exactly is this double standard? Why are lesbians able to reclaim dyke so fully, but LGBTQ+ folks who reclaim queer are not allowed the same freedom?

Questions to ponder.

Anyway, I will continue using queer as an umbrella term for those who identify as queer, and our queerness is revolutionary as fuck.

Die mad about it.

[naegkawa]

Some lesbians reclaim dyke. Some LGBT people reclaim queer.

I’ve been asked to tag the word dyke as #d slur. Because it’s a slur. People tag f****t as #f slur because it’s a slur. No one is saying you can’t identify as queer. Don’t expect others to be comfortable being referred to as queer.

We don’t constantly refer to lesbians as “the dyke community” in the same way. People aren’t “dykeing heterosexuality”. People don’t think it’s acceptable to use dyke in academic literature.

Queer as a word has been watered down from its meaning. Dyke hasn’t. It’s still an angry, powerful word. I don’t expect every lesbian to be comfortable calling themself a dyke. However, if i say I don’t want people calling me queer, it’s a problem. I’m not palatable enough.

The LGBT community shouldn’t be called the queer community! We shouldn’t normalize the widespread usage of the word queer. You can identify as it but don’t use it as an umbrella term for the whole LGBT community.

Cishet people shouldn’t say the word queer. It’s not their word to use. Why would you want cishets to say a word that isn’t theirs? To make them think it’s okay to say that word? I’m not gonna make straighties call me a dyke.

Your identity is revolutionary but using a slur to generalize a group of people is, unfortunately, not.

[genderqueerpositivity]

So, you understand that the reclaimed usage of dyke does not refer to the entire lesbian community. But you refuse to understand that the reclaimed usage of queer does not refer to the entire LGBT community?

This is what I meant by “disingenuous motherfuckers”.

When we say “queer community”, we are referring to the community of people who identify with and reclaim the word queer–and not the entire LGBT community. This has been said so many times. Y'all know this, but pretending otherwise is convenient.

I literally don’t care how you identify at all. Your identity has no effect on my life. But when you come for my community, my identity, I won’t stay quiet.

What exactly gives you the right to say that my identity label–a label that you do not identify with, a community that you are not part of–is “watered down”?

And speaking of:

Is queer a watered down, powerless, and useless term? Or is queer so inherently traumatizing and violent that it is censorship-worthy?

Both of those things cannot be true.

Which one is it?

The reclaimation of queer is and has always been an act of power, resistance, defiance, and pride for the LGBTQ+ community. Your petty ass discourse cannot erase that.

I am going to continue normalizing the fuck out of queer and genderqueer. I deserve the basic respect of having my gender identity referred to accurately. I exist and I want to be respected and seen, just like all of those folks carrying Dyke March signs down Main Street.

We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it.

Get used to it–and maybe read a few LGBT Studies and/or Women’s Studies textbooks. We discussed homophobia and slurs–including the word dyke–in my introductory Gender Studies class about six years ago. Do a basic search on Google Scholar or JSTOR, there are hundreds of LGBT related artcles with the word dyke in them. What the fuck.

[thelibrarina]

yeah okay lmao im gonna tell a librarian about my trauma so they can advise me about what books might trigger me. sure. makes sense.

“Hi, I’m looking for a book with adventure, but no graphic violence.”

“I’m interested in a thriller that doesn’t have any rape scenes.”

“I want a gay main character but I don’t want it to be a coming-out story. And no anti-gay violence.”

“Oh, no, murder’s fine, but no animal cruelty.”

All separate reader’s advisory questions that I’ve answered, and successfully. I don’t know why any of these people asked for those specific parameters, and I didn’t ask, because it’s not my fucking business. And it’s no one else’s business, either–up to and including the government.

Librarians don’t make you reveal your trauma in order to justify what you read or write. You may be confusing us with, uh… *checks notes* …fandom.

[dragonmuse]

We are literally trained not to ask. Any halfway decent reference professor nails it into you. Even if it would help you answer a question, you never ask a patron why they need something.

[chelonianmobile]

Do you have a database listing all those factors? Sounds daunting to remember if not.

[dragonmuse]

I mean, yes we do have some (see if your library has access to Novelist which is a great database to find your next read), but I’ve also been doing this job for over a decade. It’s not like I memorized a list on my first day. I started with a general gist based on what I’d read and then expanded each time I got a question that I had to go hunting around for an answer. Also, my some of my colleagues have been in libraries even longer and I listened and learned from them both formally and from listening to how they answered patrons. 

There’s also whole genres that try to dedicate themselves to being ‘cozy’ reads.When someone comes in for a recommendation for a mystery, I ask them how much gore they want (note, I’m not asking why that is or if this is even a general feeling for them, just what they’re in the mood for a that moment) and if they want little to no blood, then there’s an entire genre of cozy mysteries waiting for them.  Ditto with romance with little to no sex. 

I also make it a point (and in my state am required to keep my certification) to go to continuing ed classes to learn more. At least once a year or so I go to something reader’s advisory focused. 

Being a librarian is a career like any other. Some people are bad at it, some people are amazing, most want to do their best. We train and if we can’t remember, find tools that help us. 

[4896milesfromhome]

Librarians are the real fucking heroes in this world

[4896milesfromhome]

My Pet: Please cut me and leave marks before you go home to remind me you were here and I'm yours.

Also my Pet: I had a nightmare that [my teddy bear] got hard and not comfy anymore 😱 I woke up and had to squeeze him all over just to be sure