functionally suicidal character saying āI would die for youā to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me heād sell hot dogs for me, I wouldnāt feel very moved now would I
messy poorly worded ramble thhat ive been writing inmy drafts for a while bc i felt thr need to explain shit but i dont wantto continue it anymore sojust have it atp its still missing some things and context but idgaf anymore
its.mostly abt like early postforsaken thhey slowly get better later kinda yhea but a lot of thsi still stays as underlying issues
tw for sh and suicide/suicidal ideation
two time/breeze:
filled with horribly intense self-hatred, resenting themselves for everything they did. actively suicidal. they believe they are unworthy of life after they have failed both the things that were most important to them - their beloved and their religion. they have given up on living completely, wishing for nothing more than to disappear. they feel forced to stay alive.
they do not take care of themselves at all, severely neglecting hygiene and eating. very violent towards themselves, frequent self-harm; cutting, scratching, hitting themselves. sharp tools have to be kept away from their reach. they do not care about any pain caused to them - including everything azure has done during forsaken. they would let him harm them again or even kill them without hesitation, because that is what they think they deserve.
they have lost all hope for themselves and believe they will never get better. very uncooperative when offered help and/or affection, they do not think they deserve any & feel extremely guilty recieving it. they try to purposefully push him away. they're horribly afraid that one day, they're inevitably just gonna repeat the same mistake and destroy this man all over again. they do not understand why he even wants to be near them at all & are convinced he would be better off just letting them go. they're blind to the fact that they're already hurting him by doing all of this.
azure:
terrified of himself, of his new body & appearance. constantly plagued by thoughts of turning back into an uncontrollable monster. he is scared and hesitant to even touch them, fearing that he will accidentally harm them. he does not fully trust the hat yet, either.
he's even more terrified of being all alone again; abandonment issues nd shit. he does not want to lose them and his stubborness will not let him give up. he is trying everything he can to keep them alive, while they do not put in any effort in return. it's breaking him and eating away at his psyche, yet he hides how miserable and hopeless all of this makes him feel in fear of only worsening their guilt. he gets horribly panicky when they're out of his sight, imagining all the worst scenarios to come back to.
he tries to convince himself that they're what they think they are - an irredeemable lost cause, the one who's at fault for all of this - but he just can't. he knows this is not true, not what he believes. part of him hates that he still cares, that he cannot bring himself to resent them anymore. everything that happened has utterly destroyed them, and it's evident. they're a broken shell of the person that he used to know, yet he so desperately wants to save them, even if that seems impossible. if he just left them to die now, he would never be able to forgive himself.
my god itsso corny and ass and its all just based on bullshit headcanons andmy stupid ideas of whatthese characfers are like im soryr ifeel like im making the ship too 'sanitized' in a way azure doesn't even hold a grudge towards them anymore Yes he does in forsaken he was confused and shocked thhat someone he trusted so much would betray him lije that buthe eventually starts to notice tgat somethignis wrong that tgere must be more to thisand he just wants to talk to two time buthe cant andi feel like immdoing smth horrid here and taking a part of his characteraway especially witg the notion that 'azure would never forgive two time' 'the happy ending for azure would be letting go of them' buti just hate that sm im sorry imso sorry i cant see it I cant see him still hating them and ifeel like im conveying some fuckjed up message that lol you HAVE to forgive the people who hurt you if its not their fault that tyey did it or whatever i feellikr im takin g thr message about letting go that toki saidwas smth based on thhier own experience And taking all that away in favor of some fuckign stupid slop because i care about fictional characetrs mpre than real people immfuvkign horrible im sorry And im justmakingbtwo time a fuckignhelpless depressed baby that canr do shit by themselves andim fuvking.just using tgheir mental illness and shit as a crutch to forgive thrm and saytheyre innocent and tgat itsnot their fault im so sorry but i just canrblame them for their actions Ever thhey.djdtt want to do it im just coping atp Ohmy god im makign eevrythign abt azuee so reliant on two time too evenin his fucking section theres just so much yapping about two time idont fuck8gj deserve to write anythignabout these characters imiust fukcing everything up
blakekathryn
gummygunk
gamechangershow
prguitarman
romaincrisis
yousharknotpass
