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@abbs85
Hard Truths
I am angry all the time and it does not look like it is going away anytime soon. I have a lot of things to be angry about and so many unanswered questions. My hands are shaking so much that I am finding it hard to write. So where do I start? I am angry at myself first of all, because I should have helped my grandfather more than I did. Even though I had cancer I was the only one who could have…
Abyss
What to do when you only have darkness left? I do not have an answer to that question. My treatment plan has not worked out so far, I have too much hurt and anger inside for it to work. I just can not seem to let go of those feelings, like letting go means it did not happen. So here I remain in the abyss looking for something or someone to help me to get out or to help me get through. Right now I…
Hard Choices
Working on oneself is hard and to be completely honest I want to give up, but the only one that suffers is me. So everyday I lay in bed and have an argument with myself on how my day is going to be. Am I going to work hard to change or do I fuck it all and just try to get through the day without anything happening. My mind and body is fighting me everyday. My body is like a dice and on the…
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Three friends who can never be best friends
Life and pain go hand in hand and normally so does happiness, I mean we have two hands. Sometimes it’s like we like to play favorites and become best friends with one of them. If we do it consciously or subconsciously I guess is based on life experiences and choices we make. In my case I became best friends with the wrong one. I feel one needs to become friends with both of them to have a…
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Train crash of thoughts
Ever since I started with DBT training for my Borderline Personality Disorder I have not stopped thinking, thinking about the past to try and figure out why I am like I am. Why some things are more difficult for me than others. Where are key points in my life that made me who I am and what can I do to change. I can never change those points, I just have to find them so I can fix me now. I have no…
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Thinking out loud
It has now been two years since my Grandfather died and I don`t feel like i have had a proper opportunity to grief him. I went to his grave yesterday and put down flowers and did a little clean up. I told him about the craziness that is my life right now and told him that I missed him. I guess it was a good moment, but I felt sad that nobody had been there for a while. Why do I care so much all…
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Humanity Switch
Id really wish I had something more positive things to write about, but there is not much of that in my life at the moment. I am not seeing anything positive in the future right now. I guess that is kind of sad so hence my title, I really wish there was a humanity switch. Then I could just flip it off and be my more logical, cold bitch that i know i can be. Feelings like hurt, angry,…
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The Ultimate Villain
You either die young enough to be remembered as a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. I work part time at a liquor store, …The Ultimate Villain
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beebee85 - Twitch
#gaming #girlgamer #streaming #Destiny2 #Gambit #Hunter #guardiangames #warlockmain
Lose control
There are days when I just want to let go and give in. To just fall into my darkness, to my base desires, damn the consequences. I know what is expected of me and I try my very best to not give in to temptation. I have lived through half of my life and I am tired of the lies, the facade that people put on their life’s to be accepted by the masses. I am tired of being in the same box as everyone…
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Sakura alley'...
Looks like a magical adventure wrapped in a fairy tail
Beautiful flowery sky
(via Personal growth or stubbornness)
Personal growth or stubbornness
Woke up late today, but I had already decided to get out of bed and get dressed. I looked out the window and saw that it had snowed a lot and I already knew that I was going to hear it from my beloved husband. It was not the highlight of the day, so after that I had gotten dressed to go outside to start shoveling snow. It was still coming down, but not as much as it had done earlier. After my…
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Emotions in a box
Just being oneself is never an easy task to undertake.
So yesterday I did something I have tried to do several times before, but have always failed to do. In the past there has been moments I have tried to shut my emotions off, but there has always been a light in the end of a tunnel. I know this is cliche to say it like that, but there have always been moments in my past that was good. I would say it`s like eating a candy and getting a sugar rush,…
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