occasionally subtle
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
One Nice Bug Per Day
d e v o n
Claire Keane
hello vonnie
Not today Justin
I'd rather be in outer space šø

ellievsbear

ā
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

blake kathryn

shark vs the universe
noise dept.
Monterey Bay Aquarium
𩵠avery cochrane š©µ

#extradirty
Sweet Seals For You, Always
taylor price
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
seen from United States
seen from Argentina
seen from Brazil
seen from Guyana
seen from Canada
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Bangladesh

seen from Romania
seen from Argentina
@acesphrases
Sorry but it's not complete without...
Osijek, Croatia.
Leaft art by Nicola Faller of Slama Art project.
August 2021.
(source)
I always think of the description I saw years ago: Self-imposed deadlines don't help me, because I know the person who set them, and they're full of shit.
Give yourself the treat before you start. I'm serious. And ideally during the task and afterwards too.
Executive dysfunction comes from a lack of available dopamine. Common advice is wrong. You need to provide your own dopamine before you can start. Otherwise you're trying to run your car on empty.
"But what if I still don't do it" well you already weren't getting it done anyway. Now you have a little treat. Try again later.
You deserve kindness and care even when you aren't being productive.
(Also read How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis)
I give my students a LOT of techniques for starting writing when it feels overwhelming or daunting, but one of them is exactly this: dopamine load BEFOREHAND. It may sound weird to people on tumblr dot com, but a lot of people seriously struggle with executive dysfunction when it comes to writing literally anything, to the extent that it can cause such symptoms as panic, depression, and AI chatbot use.
I usually suggest this technique as a "Reverse Pomodoro." In the original Pomodoro, you work for 25 minutes and then take a break for 5 minutes (the times vary, but that's the essential ratio). People with executive dysfunction often find this insurmountable, and they get even more frustrated, and then the task seems even more difficult. So instead, flip those times.
FIRST, spend 25 minutes doing something energizing and engaging that you like to do. Not scrolling social media passively, not watching tv, not napping. Try something like colouring, doing yoga, running/walking around the block, talking about your favourite tv show with someone in real time, playing with the dog or cat, making and eating a lovely sandwich, hula hooping, something active. Having a little treat absolutely falls in this category!
(on the subject of little treats: refusing yourself food until you do work is for fucking Puritans and you can be kinder to yourself)
Then, after 25 minutes (or however long it takes to eat the sandwich or finish the yoga routine, it doesn't have to be exact), spend 5 minutes writing (or doing whatever you're struggling to start). Most people can coax themselves into doing something they find difficult for five minutes, if they have already filled up the joy/energy/engagement bucket. You can put a timer on for the 5 minutes if you want, or if you find that annoying, just work for as long as you like.
The other key is: don't push yourself to keep going when you're frustrated or tiredāthat will just reinforce the negative belief that you already have, which tells you that this task is painful to do, and needs to be avoided. If you've commonly had to force yourself to do this kind of task, that's likely part of why you think of it as painful and have trouble starting it now. Also, you should just, at a basic level, try not to put yourself in pain for the sake of productivity. So just do it till the good feelings run out. Then start hula hooping or colouring again for another 25 minutes. When the tank's refilled, try another 5 minutes of work, if you can. Adjust times to taste.
Not every technique works for everyone, but I've seen this one work for many students who are genuinely and seriously disabled by executive dysfunction. And many people find themselves getting more and more excited and engaged in the "difficult" taskābecause the good feelings from the hula hooping carry over, and because they're suddenly able to do the task without feeling pain, and feel accomplishment without feeling pain.
Yuna realizes that Shane and Ilya are in LOVE love when she hears singing coming from the kitchen.
āChopping carrots with Ilya,ā Shane sings under his breath. āMaking salad with Ilya.ā
Yuna smiles softly from the dining room. This is one of her favorite things about her son. From the time he could (barely) talk, he made up little songs about anything and everything. The first time heād done it, heād been strapped into his car seat and watching cars go by. When heād caught Yunaās eye in the rear view mirror, heād smiled with all 8 of his little teeth and waved.
āDwiving,ā heād sung, all of 18 months old and barely able to say the word properly. āDwivinā wiā Mama. Wuv Mama.ā
Yunaās not sure if itās Shaneās way of processing the world around him, just A Thing some people do, or something special about her baby boy. All she knows is that from the first time heād made up a little tune about Driving With Mama, everything turned into a song. When heās comfortable and feeling at ease, Shane turns little things around him into music.
Learning to tie his shoes? āDaddyās teaching me to tie my shoes. One lace over the other. Make the bunny ears!ā
Gearing up for practice when he was 8? āGoing to practice. Gonna be great. Gonna score a goal!ā
Studying for a science test? āMitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. Everyone says it because itās true. Moving onāorganelles and cell walls.ā
Gearing up for his first Metros game as captain? āTaping my hockey stick. Going out on the ice. Gonna kick some ass.ā
Itās something so uniquely, adorably, perfectly Shane.
Today, though? As Shaneās in the kitchen preparing a salad for lunch? For the first time, someone else sings along. For the first time in Shaneās life, someone hears the tune and lyrics that only exist in his head and joins in.
āMaking salad with Shane,ā Ilya croons along, hooking his chin over his boyfriendās shoulder and wrapping strong arms around his waist. āPreparing lunch with my love.ā
Shane smiles and sings back as Ilya nuzzles his neck. āBeing domestic with my boyfriend. Thinking of boring things we can do together.ā
Ilya laughs and kisses his ear before finishing the song. āI love to be boring with yooouuuu.ā
Itās the best song Yunaās ever heard.
ā¦okay, thatās a lie. Itās a tie for the best song Yunaās ever heard. Maybe. Itās definitely at the top of the list.
Shane pauses on the other line, breath catching as he holds back overwhelming emotion.
āMom,ā he croaks. āIā¦fuck.ā
Yuna stays calm. She mentally takes stock of the situation. Ilyaās fineāhe just texted her, a few seconds before Shane called, to warn her of the incoming storm. Davidās fineāheās sitting right next to her, confused and alarmed as their son has some manner of episode on the phone. Sheās fine. So whatāsā
āāwiā Dada!ā
ā¦oh. Oh.
Itās soft at first, but picking up in volume. Tiny pit-pats in the background accompany the most beautiful little voice Yunaās heard since Shane made up his first song, Driving With Mama, from his car seat all those years ago.
āEating,ā the little voice sings in the background. Itās garbled by what Yuna assumes are half-chewed remnants of an afternoon snack; probably organic peanut butter on apple slices. āEating wiā Dada. Eating wiā Papa. Dada on phone! Who on phone, Dada?ā
Thereās wet laughter in the background, further from the phone. āOh God, Shane. Itās genetic. Sheās a little you!ā
More tearful laughter, this time from Shane. āThatās notāsheās adopted, Ilya.ā
āI donāt care what the papers say. She is you. Listen to her, she is perfect. She must be part you, sweetheart.ā
Driving With Mama. Making Salad With Ilya. Top three songs for sure, as far as Yunaās concerned. But this one? Eating With Dada and Papa, written and performed by her granddaughter for a live audience? A platinum hit. Give this baby a Grammy.
Sitcom, Comedy, Parody, Adventure, Musical, FantasyA musical comedy adventure featuring a knight on a quest for love who helps a childish ki
All the episodes of Galavant are on the Internet Archive!
āØāØ DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE āØāØ
has roy harper not died in comics yet?
ā¦can we get that started if not?
Didnāt he die once in Heroes in Crisis? Idk how long that lasted or how significant the fallout was though, I havenāt read the event yet⦠you can always get started on making it happen again š
i heard heroes in crisis was a really frustrating read so i havenāt elected to endure that torment yet but i might if you promise they kill roy ā¦
Okay so I just read the wiki and I can promise he is killed!! Very tragic and sad too.
Spoilers:
Apparently Lian dies (at least temporarily) as well somewhere and so when Roy is resurrected shortly after the event he just doesnāt tell anyone? Except the DEO who somehow know and enable is self-destructive behavior. He then has a Black Lantern arc where he dicovers Lian is alive, overcomes Darkseidās Omega transformation (?!) out of desire to find her - with the help of Jade - and finally makes it back to his earth and lets the Titans know heās ready to go back to his old life.
MAN I love comics what a crazy set of events 𤣠I might have to go through and try to read this at some point too š
has roy harper not died in comics yet?
ā¦can we get that started if not?
Didnāt he die once in Heroes in Crisis? Idk how long that lasted or how significant the fallout was though, I havenāt read the event yet⦠you can always get started on making it happen again š
Heatwave Recipe Recommendations
The heatās been brutal this summer but we still gotta eat! If youāre like me, heat might suppress your appetite, and the last thing any of us want is to sweat over a hot stove and oven when itās already boiling outside. Here are some of my favorite hot-weather recipes to keep hydrated and fed with when the weather is unbearable! (All recipes should be un-paywalled).
NYTās best gazpacho (lives up to its name!!)
Persian cold cucumber soup (if you like tzatziki you will like this!)
Eric Kimās cold noodles with tomato (infinitely riffable Korean flavor profile ā for a creamier and less brothy take, try these cold sesame noodles too)
Vietnamese chicken and herb salad (this is an excellent time to get a rotisserie chicken so you donāt have to turn the oven on)
Radish sandwiches with butter and salt (and in a similar vein, if you dig this flavor combo you should try this Polish cottage cheese dip on some good rye bread or even crackers)
Itās still a little early in the season, but you can never go wrong with a BLT (or, if you donāt eat bacon, try this tomato furikake sandwich in its place)
Infinite iterations of pasta salad! You can use anything you got but here is a template I like.
Assorted dense bean salads. This back pocket canned salad is a weird combo of jarred ingredients but it slaps, this hoagie-inspired one is super satisfying, and cowboy caviar is a classic for a reason.
Poke bowls! Canned tuna mixed with some kewpie mayo and sriracha is a budget-friendly riff on the usual ahi and makes everything taste like a spicy tuna roll, but use whatever proteins you like, this is more of a loose template.
Please feel free to add some of your own favorite summer recipes in the replies and comments! Weāll get through this together. š¤š¤š¤
If you can buy pre cooked or canned beets at the store, chÅodnik (beet yogurt soup) is a great choice. You can leave out the radishes if you canāt get them.
I also love sardines on fresh bread and butter with assorted vegetables. Buy the fanciest canned sardines you can afford but even regular ones are pretty good. Plus, very healthy!
This requires cooking some of its ingredients but here's another eastern European cold soup that I like:
Cold summer soup Okroshka is made with boiled and fresh vegetables, eggs, fresh summer herbs, and meat. Perfect option for hot summer days
I make it vegetarian by leaving out the meat and adding some white beans + upping the seasoning
i had a really delightful strawberry yogurt chilled soup recently i gotta figure out how to replicate. the menu said it had oj, cardamom and basil in it, and i think they used a frother on it
Chilled soba noodles are delightful in hot weather -- I first had them at a Smithsonian Folklife Festival years ago.
If you can find chai soba (noodles with matcha powder in them), they're even better.
An incomplete list of
Potions of Hydration!
Earlier this week I mentioned putting pickle juice in my water to replenish electrolytes. I work outside in a very hot and humid area, so it was very necessary.
Since then, a LOT of people have chimed in with their favorite hot weather drinks. I want to try... all of them. I've only had a few. Many of them are similar, but I still think its cool how many variations there are for 'its fucking hot out here and I don't want to die.'
So here is the incomplete list.
ORS (oral rehydration solution) (link has several recipes)
Shrub (sharaab)
Agua de pepino
Switchel
Posca
Ayran
Straight up drinking pickle juice (small doses)
Agua fresca
Sekanjabin
Pickle lemonade
Lebanese lemonade
Salted watermelon
Jamaica/hibiscus tea
Lebu pani
Ayuvedic gatorade
Soda chanh muƓi
Suero
Aam paan
Sharbat
-
These ones were given to me without names, and were just lists of ingredients, to taste:
- water and umezu
- diluted apple juice with lemon and salt
-watermelon, lime juice, mint
- sparkling water, mint leaves, lemon or lime juice, cucumber
-coconut water, lime juice, salt
-salt, lemon juice, water
-orange juice, salt, sugar, water, lime or lemon juice
-elderflower syrup and lime juice in water.
There are probably more! Hydrate or die straight!
Popular chat platform Discord plans to roll out age checks globally starting in or after June 2026, opting people into teens settings by def
Discord is supposedly saying this is going to affect "only 10% of users", but I really don't believe them at all. It's always going to be way worse and affect more people than what they claim.
So in case anyone needs it:
After Discord announced plans to require age verification for all users, a free, HTML-based tool emerged that aims to bypass facial scans on
women should lift weights because it prevents osteoporosis in old age and makes you a more capable person in everyday life please shut up about butts and waists and hourglasses i'm going to fucking kill
;___;ā”ā”ā”ā”
genuine question from someone who would rather chew their arm off than go to a public gym, and also doesnt have a lot of money: how do you safely get into strength training? are there youtube channels, apps (android), etc anyone recommends that makes it approachable and don't lean into diet culture / body shaming?
also the biggest thing that keeps me from working out is that I already have joint and spinal issues and moving the wrong way can fuck up a knee or a shoulder or my spine for days. I really don't want to injure myself, and have unwittingly done so before. resources that are extremely clear on exactly how to move and offer gentler / alternative ways to move for people with limited range are vital.
Okay, so this may not technically be strength training, but muscles are dumber than bricks and cannot tell the difference between your own bodyweight and actual weights.
So, may I recommend:
Hey everyone! My name is Hampton and my brand is Hybrid Calisthenics. You can find me by that name pretty much everywhere on social media.
He runs a YouTube channel where he goes over how to work your way up to more complex exercises (for instance, his pull-ups videos start with using a door jamb and moving your weight back and forth) so it's good for easing yourself into things.
You also don't have to fork out for expensive weights and such if you don't want to/can't. Substitute with stuff you either already have at home or can get from the supermarket and build up the weight you can exercise with. 500 gram cans of butter beans then 750 gram bottles of pasta sauce. 1 litre drink bottle then your 1.5 litre milk bottle. 3 litre bulk-buy bottle of laundry detergent. Etc. One of my dogs weighs 13 kilos and I pick her up on the regular (to her delight). One weighs 16 kg and I pick him up too (to his consternation and mild disapproval). You don't have to fit out some fancy home gym before you can start strength training.
I second Hybrid Calisthenics, that's the program I use. It's run by one guy who's taken it upon himself to make exercising more accessible and it's completely free! Each exercise has different variations based on your ability and each variation is further divided into different levels of difficulty so you can work up to where you want to be. If you can't do a single push up for example then this program will help you work up to the point where you can, and if you're a master of push ups then there are more advanced body weight exercises you can tackle so you can keep moving forward in your training without stagnating. The routine offers a full body workout with absolutely no equipment required for the beginning levels. The only reason you would need to buy anything is if you want to work up to a full pull up, at which point you would need actual pull up rings
Here's his actual website which I feel is easier to navigate than the YouTube channel on its own and organizes things in a way that's easy to understand. He explains everything you need to know about the routine and each individual exercise has both a text description and a video tutorial
@movementnudge
thinking back on the tamaran marriage arc in ntt and while i understand dick's point of view - and that one can argue that kory probably needed an outside perspective to not sugarcoat how choice was being taken away from her once again - i'm still unenthused that it was dick š¤·šæāāļø.
yes his perspective would be most expected given that he has an emotional investment in the drama of it all but whateverrrr. and like, let's not act like wolfman and perez's focus was on kory coming to terms with or extrapolating on the fact that at the bare bones of it, she's nothing more than a tool to be deployed by her parents in the interest of her people's freedom.
and like i always say, being black and a citizen of the global south where our countries are considered 'primitive' and 'backwards', i can't help but notice the language and optics of it all as well.
the marriage arc put more focus on dick's feelings (and let's remember as well that at the time of this issue dick was still written as a yt man). add to the fact he spent the majority of the run dissing and denigrating her culture and people, it's very hard for me to feel sorry for him or anything. in fact, the emphasis on the romantic drama as opposed to kory's own internal conflict annoys me more and more the older i get.
PREACH.... the fact that dick was being so racist during the entire karras arc but was also the only one telling kory that she shouldnt be forced into this arranged marriage at all, but especially not by her father who fucking sold her as a slave....... like it's just such a mess of values and only made worse by the fact that, yeah, dick was white back then.
like was dick retconned to being controlled by brother blood during this timeframe, and can we assume that maybe he was being extra rude to everyone in his life and everyone on tamaran because of this? maybe, ive seen it argued before and im not opposed. but it's really disappointing that the only one really going out of his way to tell kory it's a bad idea is the white man love interest who's being racist to her culture and people... but also, he doesn't even actually stop the wedding??? he didn't care enough to really get to the heart of how the girl he'd been dating for over a year felt, enough to disrupt the wedding he was supposedly so opposed to?? go girl give us nothing omfg.
dick's constant digs at how 'barbaric' tamaran is puts such a bad taste in my mouth too. it's frustrating that it's being set up as 'white man correctly critiques evil backwards misogynistic culture' when like. do they know how much "sex tourism" (aka objectification at minimum and sex trafficking and rape across borders at worst) that white men participate in. it's this narrative white men like to set up for themselves where they get to make themselves the knight in shining armor critiquing something -- nevermind white men wrote this story and set up a fictional racialized 'barbaric' race forcing kory into this.
but even their own writing suggests that myand'r was just a shitty king and most of tamaran genuinely doesn't support the shit he's put his daughter through, so like... they can't even keep their racism straight.
i think a much stronger rewrite of this arc would have given ryand'r a MUCH stronger spotlight. i think ryand'r should have been talking to kory and trying to get her to value her own freedom over their father's approval, and reeeeally hammering home the point that their dad never, ever gets to call the shots in her life again. instead -- i think ryand'r should have offered to be the child married off instead, and insisted upon it until their father agreed. even though ryand'r didn't want to be married, he insists on finding a way to spare his sister from pain. meanwhile, he explains that though their culture values freedom, in their family their father has never really stood for what most of their people believe, but until someone else rules tamaran, they all have to make sacrifices, and kory has made enough of them. ryand'r has never been able to spare his sister, but he can now.
i picture ryand'r having a really beautiful speech like: "i have had nightmares every night. i used to ask myself, when does my sister stop being dragged off? when does my sister leave the citadel? when does she get to be happy again? i grew up thinking that you would always be there, thirteen and crying as they take you away, and i could never bring myself to think of what they did to you after. i have never been happier to learn that you escaped. that you made your way to earth and found a family. so today... this is the day that i can change my nightmares. you are not thirteen and crying as they take you away. you are twenty-one and free, and you deserve to be with the people who love you on earth. i will do my part to make that happen."
and then, kory's instinctual abhorrence of her baby brother being married against his will would have bothered kory too much to let it happen, and she disrupts the wedding of ryand'r and whoever he was then slated to marry. and she insists to her father that none of their family will be forced into anything against their will again.
i think 1) it would highlight a beautiful brother-sister relationship in a neglectful and abusive family dynamic and finally give us a relationship within the -and'r family to root for, 2) give kory simultaneously agency AND someone in her life that cared enough to actually stop the wedding and spare her pain, 3) ryand'r would be someone from her own culture critiquing the forced marriage and highlighting that this is not tamaranean culture but their father's actions, which most of the rest of tamaran opposes.
thank you for the ask!!! <3 always good to hear from you friend!!! <33
THANKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
ryand'r taking the place of the voice of reason would also be interesting in the sense that what would his thoughts on his sister being with a man who, while having valid concerns over the way she's treated as a sacrificial lamb, continuously disparages their people and way of life? dick in that run was deeply, deeply incurious about tamaran in a way that is unbearable to read now as an adult.
you can't tell me that kory's baby brother doesn't have opinions on this stranger who is for all intents and purposes, blatantly disrespectful to the sovereign rulers of another nation. and again, it's pretty obvious that dick is a yt man during this run because only they have that level of arrogance and audacity to walk into another place - in this instance, a whole other planet - and tell the literal heads of state that the way they do things is beneath them and wrong. literally WHO is he bruh š. like even in the run itself, dick was rude as fuckkkkk to ryand'r, kept shouting at him and going all 'you people' at him and essentially anyone who'd listen. like yeah bro i understand you lost your girl and everything but watch your mouth tf?.
i'm not gonna praise ryand'r for taking that in stride and returning the exchange calmly because again it was yt usamericans (or at least half the pair writing this was) writing this shit and them mfs loveeee to showcase a respectability.
ryand'r may be a gentle soul but he's not a pushover and dick was lucky he didn't get the taste slapped out of him that day for the way he spoke to his potential brother-in-law.
all of this also just brings to mind how sad and honestly ridiculous it is that kory and ryan literally have not interacted with each other since the karna arc i think? is that not crazy. last time we saw ryand'r too was his guest appearance with supergirl back in 2017. you would think the only sibling kory has a good relationship with would feature more heavily in her stories but nooo.
RIGHT OMFG. i wish ryand'r had put dick in his place, that amount of entitled arrogance was insane. ryand'r is a warrior of tamaran, human strength and squishability would make dick an ant to him, like dick there are better ways to be suicidal than mouthing off to your girlfriend's people omg.
i wish more than anything that ryand'r had become king. like yeah ryand'r could've had some fun stuff going with the omega men but dc never really gave us much with them?? the politics with blackfire ending up ruling tamaran was sometimes interesting but i think there was a lot of mixed messaging and it just always seems to lead to more trauma porn for kory. if ryand'r was king that would've been a welcome compromise imo. but no kory can't have nice things and neither can any of her fans. smh.
it bothers me that you often don't really hear about people having a "favorite album" the way they might have a favorite movie or favorite video game
fuck it. reblog this and tell me in the tags what your favorite album is
Hefekranz - German Sweet Bread
I have received an unholy number of requests for my recipe. So here it is, at long last.
Disseminate at your own discretion!
Preparation and baking time: 3-5 hours
Feeds: One really hungry person; two moderately hungry people; three or four normal-hungry people; or maybe five peckish people.Ā
Warning: Dangerously delicious.
1. Ā Ā Ā Ā Ingredients
1.1Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Dough:
500g/1lb flour
100g+20g (3.5oz+1oz) sugar (or more, to taste. I occasionally pig out and add ALL of the sugar)
250ml/½ pint milk (I use semi-skimmed, but recipe calls for full. This is up to you)
21g/0.75oz yeast
1 egg
½ tsp salt (this is not necessary)
80g/3oz butter (salted, preferably)
Optional ingredients:
Cinnamon sugar (cinnamon + sugar + shaking; quantities are flexible and mostly up to you. Warning: this makes your hefekranz taste a lot like magic. Add in step 14)
Vanilla (vanilla sugar or pod seeds; add early for maximum effect)
Raisins (add when the moment feels right)
1.2Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Glaze:
1 egg
1.3Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Frosting
milk and powder sugar (amounts depend on dough size⦠itās complicated. See step 21).
Optional:
Thinly sliced almonds to sprinkle over the top.
2.Ā Ā Preparation: (itās really not as complicated as it looks, I promise!)
1. Ā Ā Ā Prepare ingredient quantities as outlined above. Itās good to have the butter quite warm, but will work with cold butter too. 2. Ā Ā In a large mixing bowl, mix together 100g/3.5oz sugar and the flour. 3.Ā Ā Warm your milk to lukewarm. DO NOT OVERHEAT; the yeast will die a horrible death and instead of bread you will wind up making a rock. A delicious rock, but a rock nonetheless. 4. Ā Ā Add 20g/1oz sugar to the milk. Stir well to dissolve. Then add yeast. Leave this mixture to activate for at least five minutes.
5. Ā Ā While you wait, heat your butter in a microwave until it is basically delicious yellow liquid. 6. Ā Ā After activation of yeast, the container with the milk should be frothing like a rabid dog. Add butter, yeast mixture, and an egg to your flour.
7. Ā Ā Knead into a dough. Add flour as necessary (I usually have to add about 150g/5oz of flour at this stage, but it depends on your flour). Continue to knead for 8-10 minutes. Work those muscles.
8.   When your dough is smooth and relatively dry to the touch, but still malleable, flour the base of your bowl, put in the dough, and put it aside to let it rise (N.B. if you do this in the open, cover with a clean dishcloth to avoid nasty things landing in your delicious dough). I recommend putting it in an oven at 40-60°C/100-140°F, if you can, to rise. Rising can take anywhere from 1-3 hours, depending on temperature.
9. Ā Ā When dough has become enormous, remove from the bowl, and knead for another minute or two. 10. Ā Ā Set your oven to 160°C/320°F (or thereabouts). 11. Ā Ā Test your dough. You know you want to. MMMMmmmmm. Yeah, thatās right. 12. Ā Ā Divide dough into three or four equally sized balls (four is easier because⦠halves). 13. Ā Ā Take each of these balls and rub it between your hands (hoho, saucy) to elongate it into a noodle shape (letās be honest, this is the phallic part). Best results come from fairly thick and short strands (this is not getting any better, sorry). 14. Ā Ā OPTIONAL: Roll these strands out flat (lengthways), sprinkle with magic powder (cinnamon sugar) and then roll them up again to make a cinnamon core to each strand. 15. Ā Ā Braid your strands together. The easiest way to do this is to treat it like a weaving project and start in the middle and work towards each end. But you can also start at the ends and braid from there. Cover your strands in flour if they are getting hard to braid ā but donāt overdo it, or your bread will be quite floury.
16. Ā Ā Cover this beautiful creation with a dishcloth, and let it rise for 30 minutes. This seals the gaps in your crappy braids. 17. Ā Ā While you wait, prepare your glaze: Get a cup, and beat an egg in it. 18. Ā Ā After your 30 minutes has passed, with either a paper towel (if you are a poor student) or a basting brush (if you are a swanky monkey), gently glaze your ENTIRE loaf (except the underside, obviously). Make sure to get the egg in the cracks. The whole thing should be shiny by this stage. 19. Ā Ā Throw your bread in the oven! 20. Ā Ā Cook for 25 minutes at 160°C/320°F, or until the outside of the bread is about the colour of Chewbacca. Lower the temperature to 140°C/280°F, and continue to cook for a further 15 minutes or so. Make sure it doesnāt get too dark; some ovens cool down slower than others. 21. Ā Ā While you wait to cook, prepare your frosting: Take about half a cup of powder sugar, and add a dribble of milk to it. Stir with a fork or spoon. Bear in mind that this will become VERY thin VERY quickly. Add sugar or milk as required to make a frosting that is just thin enough that your silverware no longer stands up in it. You want it to flow out of the cup when you frost. 22. Ā Ā Once your bread is done, remove, frost, and let cool for five to twenty minutes, or as long as you can keep your hungry claws off of it.
For maximum pleasure, cut thick slices (nearly 2cm thick or so), and make some hot chocolate. Dip the bread IN the hot chocolate. Let it soak for a bit. Transfer to mouth. Smile and look wistfully out the window.
And remember: pics or it didnāt happen.