Gotta Find Where I Belong

Attached to gogoseabrook. My vent space; designed to help me work through my problems. Is somewhat more negative that on main, but with posi vibes to try and get better.

[addisonwellscheercaptain]

Updates.

In therapy now. Working with a life coach.

I'm still not in a good place. I'm not happy with who I am.

But I can be. And I will be.

Someday.

And even if it's hard, I'm going to work to make it real.

[addisonwellscheercaptain]

Updates.

In therapy now. Working with a life coach.

I'm still not in a good place. I'm not happy with who I am.

But I can be. And I will be.

Someday.

And even if it's hard, I'm going to work to make it real.

[slfcare]

things that have no set timeline, deadline or age restriction:

ㅤ͌education

ㅤ͌recovery

ㅤ͌self development / growth

ㅤ͌firsts (first kisses, first relationships etc)

ㅤ͌healing from trauma

ㅤ͌maturity

all of us have to live through different things, each of which affect us uniquely and in their own time. don’t compare yourself and your journey to someone else who’s on an entirely different path and living an entirely different life. you’re allowed to take up space and take the time you personally need.

[addisonwellscheercaptain]

...

[addisonwellscheercaptain]

...

[aewm]

whats up im ugly

[zachsgay]

i need to be like 12x hotter than i am now

[harmony-happiness]

[g3ae]

It is true

[kokinu09]

I wore my anxiety

like a sweater

My depression

like a mask

They had the

audacity

to tell me

it was all

in my head.

by Cece Winters

[thisisctrying]

Everybody reblog with your quarantine nickname. I’m malaised poptart

[official-and-unstable-satan-deac]

It is I!

Empty tortilla

[yourlocalstarboy-deactivated202]

Tired Creme Egg

[broomykink]

Nauseous Pizza.

[mizjoely]

queasy pot pie

[winterda]

Tired Brownie

[addisonwellscheercaptain]

Hollow eggs

[addisonwellscheercaptain]

3

Almost 11am and still in bed

I need to get healthier and more productive. I'm never going to fix my problems if I don't do anything.

And therein lies the problem.

Doing.

Why is it so freaking hard to make life changes? To just start with a little and build to something great? How can that be so difficult?

[damianurl]

it’s i want some affection o’clock

[birdblinder]

me, looking at the current state of the world, crying:I wish none of this had happened…

Gandalf, materialising in my conscience, smiling kindly: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world, besides the will of evil.

[geekinglikeaboss]

This is wonderfully helpful.

[rush-keating-deactivated2018121]

There’s also Sam: “It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.”

[dovewithscales]

What are we holding onto Sam?

[gh0sthoodie]

There’s good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

“How will I find the words to keep my soul from dying?”

— Nikos Kazantzakis, from a letter to Galatea Kazantzaki c. January 1923

[thepersonalquotes]

[addisonwellscheercaptain]

2

I hate myself.

I hate my face.

I hate my hair.

I hate my body.

I hate how I talk, how I act, how I move and work.

I hate that I'm a decade behind everyone. And I'm not disciplined enough, strong enough or good enough to catch up.

I hate that I can't stand being average.

I hate that I need to be liked, and it gets to me so much when I'm excluded.

I hate that I never feel good enough.

I hate I've never belonged anywhere in my freaking life, and still feel like I'm pretending at being something I'm not.

I hate that I can't tell if I'm being honest or just a manipulative liar because of all the times people told me I was.

I hate what a fucking toxic, arrogant, selfish bitch I am on the inside, no matter how much I want to be better and be a good person.

I hate that I don't know how to fix any of it.

I hate that I hate myself

[addisonwellscheercaptain]

1

I never know what's wrong with me. I just get into these spaces where my head feels so hollow and I can almost hear everything echoing around in there.

Like the trauma's just boxed in and ready to burst out.

But I don't have any healthy coping mechanisms, and if I keep up too long I'm gonna self destruct more than I already have.

I just feel stuck, and so much poison inside me emotionally is eating away at who I am and destroying who I wanna be