Yeah Mr. Darcyâs proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand.
You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And sheâs everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesnât go out of her way to spend time with you but sheâs nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.
But her family. Holy shit.
First off, itâs p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then youâre financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever
Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already youâre accepting that if all goes well, youâre gonna be one random old bagâs retirement home. Thatâs expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.
And girlyâs other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, so she probably wonât be an issue, but that still leaves three more, and two of those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like itâs toilet paper
And while one of the two is young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedoâing her entire familyâs reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. Sheâs never gonna work, she canât build connections, sheâs a fucking sinkhole, and sheâs being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit whoâs been bleeding you dry while telling anyone whoâll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.
And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- youâve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW sheâs gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and itâs not like you can lock her in the basement or something, youâre gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. Sheâs not even good to TALK to. FUCK
And youâre looking at this girlâs father like âplease for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their rĂ©sumĂ©, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the graveâ and that old man just laughs like âhaha yeah, what can you do. lolâ
So youâre looking to the mom and finally itâs making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is youâre starting to realize sheâs the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like theyâre a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE
And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it sheâs still the most radiant thing youâve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, youâll do it. Youâll shoot your shot. Sheâs everything youâve ever wanted in anybody abut itâs not even just about that anymore, itâs about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesnât like you all that much sheâs still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing itâs about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesnât LOVE you at least youâll know sheâs well and cared for
And so youâll do it. Youâll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, youâll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and youâll make your own family deal with it too, youâll do it, youâll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker
And so you go to this chick like âlook. Your whole familyâs a shitshow. Youâve got fucking nothing and youâre gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I donât get it either- Iâve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didnât, but I did, so Iâm telling you that whether you like me or not, Iâll give you everything. Iâll give you everything even if itâs the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, Iâll marry you.â
And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes âThe fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?â
And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth
And yeah
Yeah, I think I kinda get it
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