How Hira Changed My Life - DRAMA
At just 29 years old, I was diagnosed with Uterine Cancer.
Sort of the cherry on top of a sundae made Sjogren's.
As the eldest daughter of a lower middle class American family, I was responsible for more than just my education growing up.
While I was an avid writer, reader, dancer, artist, and vocalist, I was never given the same opportunities as my siblings. When they were being totted off to this practice or that recital, I was forced to focus on my homework, and whichever sibling was not old enough to attend.
That's not to say I didn't get to play a sport or join a club here and there, but overall, I was heading down a path of self destruction.
A people pleaser, avidly ignoring all the issues I'd acquired along the way, in pursuit of other's happiness.
There is nothing quite like a near-death experience to make you reevaluate your life.
6 years ago, I beat cancer, or at least, began my journey into remission, where I remain for the time being.
I decided that it was time to put down the dish rag, quit all but one of my three jobs, and get to know myself better. I'd carried the need to be the caretaker in to adulthood, and the effects were devastating.
I set out to write and publish my first full length novel. I'd written plenty before, but I never had the time, energy, or confidence to publish.
In July of 2021, I published my very first novel in a six part series that I am still working on today: Legend of the Sylph, but that wasn't all I wanted to do.
In 2016, I'd started a podcast, during my diagnosis, I'd been forced to focus on my health, and put that podcast on hold.
By 2018, fond memories resurfaced, and I decided it was time to try again. Heiress Anonymous was born as a faceless online artist, with a heart of gold, and a lot of stories to tell. I even included a weekly advice section, and things were going pretty well.
Until my youngest brother took his own life January 2019, 2019.
Being one of only two siblings that I was close to, and only 19, that loss shook the very core of our family, and it nearly defeated me a second time.
Struggling to keep my depression, anxiety, PTSD and bipolar under control, I did the only thing I thought I could do.
During my inpatient therapy, I spent a lot of time reflecting on what made me happy, so that when I left that place, I could find something, anything, that made life seem less like wading through the layers of hell, slowly as an ant through tar.
I'd lost so many pieces of myself and I was tired of slapping a bandaid on a gaping wound and telling myself, and everyone else, it was just a scratch.
Dealing with everyone else's needs and desires, while neglecting my own was causing my Sjogren's to flare up more often than it should. My body wasn't cooperating, and my mind, oh that poor fella was more foggy than a black and white film.
Again, I started to do things I was passionate about.
I started with an online game after Duskwood's completion.
Each month, I'd write a new story, and a team of artists would help me develop a location map, clues, and characters for up to 30 people to play. It was the most fun I'd had in a while.
During this time, I was also playing other immersive games.
Mystic Messenger, The Seven Endgame series, and The Sign.
During my playthrough of the Seven series, I happened upon some... rather cancellable translation errors. In a moment of "Please don't cancel the only games I enjoy", I typed up an email to Reality Games, the developers, offering to scan the rest of their games for similar issues.
I was surprised when my wonderful friend Mel emailed me back, offering to let me test and correct The Healing, their upcoming title.
Then I had a thought... What if I took the team I'd been working on games with, made an actual game?
Astro Hollow was born. (Hopefully we'll be completed by 2025. It's not easy now that I have such a small team.)
During The Healings production, I asked if there were any unfilled roles. After knowing me for some time. Mel suggested Hira, and the rest is history.
Reality Games Fandom group was started on FB.
There, I met many great fans.
And some not so great fans.
One of them stood out to me. Stefi, who plays Ina.
She came to me as a fan, but we became fast friends. Similar to some of the others. She expressed her desire to become a voice actress, but was hesitant.
I spent weeks, months even, building her up, encouraging her, offering to help coach her lines, etc.
I introduced her to the group, set her up to mod the RG Fandom so she could learn the ropes and get used to fan engagement.
I even invited her to co-host a podcast.
Things seemed to be running smoothly. Until she decided that she was too busy to steam, but with the German meet and great looming, and her insistence that she go, I wholeheartedly understood.
I offered to hold her place on the podcast, until she had more time.
Tongue Tied Games and I had chatted before on reddit. Imagine my surprise at how small the world is, when I found out he played Charlie! We streamed together for the first time about a year ago, and we just clicked.
Preston and I became fast friends as well. (Cedrik - The Sign EN) His sense of humor is the stuff of legends.
I met all sorts of nice people.
Serge definately stands out to me. Such an amazing, witty guy.
I can't say enough good things about the Author's.
Daniel and Tim especially.
I'd forgotten how dark the internet can be, with all the light surrounding me.
I hadn't stopped to think about the fans, and how this could easily turn into an introverts parasocial hellscape.
For months, I tried to be the bigger person.
I ignored the whispers, the rumors, the blatant disrespect, but something happened that made me realize that if I don't stick up for myself, no one else will.
So here I am, explaining how one of the most important turning points in my life, has become the darkest time.
A fan, whom I will not name, and whom I've never had a conversation with, immediately disliked me. For the past 8 months, I've tried and tried and tried to figure out who or what or why this happened. They don't seem to know themselves. But to anyone that would listen, I was "mean". I didn't "value my friendships".
I was so dead set on not disrupting the community I loved, that I didn't speak up.
Ina was one of those people who turned their back on me.
I asked them why they'd take their word over mine, after everything I'd done.
I'd vouched for them, coached them, let them sit with me while I edit, introduced them to the group, supported them, helped them learn and grow, shared with them, both professionally and privately.
I could not fathom this turn of events.
In fact, I had not even considered it as the catalyst for her quitting the podcast.
It wasn't until a very dear friend of mine, nearly took her life, because she was bullied by this very same member (I'd give you there name, but honestly, I suspect there are many many names they go by) that I'd finally had it.
I'm quick to defend and protect other people, but I'll let others tear me apart before I disrupt the peace.
I reached out to my mods, and let them know what was happening. They were appalled, to say the least. One even tried to mediate, but of course that didn't work out.
There was nothing to mediate.
This was a para social nightmare.
Growing up, being sickly, I'd never found myself beautiful, but in recent years, that has changed.
Health and happiness have made me a better person, physically and mentally.
Imagine my surprise when I was edged out by women who were intimidated by me, in a group that I was part of, long before most of them.
Imagine consitently helping others, and being forced to step back for a few months, only to come back to someone new, determined to make themselves "Queen PICK ME" or some shit.
I truly still do not understand it.
I've tried countless times to figure it out, but in the end, these are people who want to keep someone to themselves.
Who flirt with a stranger online, thinking they know them, but chastise anyone else who dares to do the same.
FFS - I've got someone I care about already. Who in their right mind would intentionally ruin that for someone they've never even met? Someone they don't know? That's just a silly thought to have.
It has to be jealousy....
Do you know how many times I've been told that, and chose to ignore it, because I cannot fathom what there is to be jealous of?
After I shared my story with mods, the universe answered with a call of it's own.
Message after message from others within the community, who'd been wronged by this person.
Who'd felt unwelcome in the community.
Who'd been attacked, bullied even, out of the groups.
A near death, a dozen victims.
I reached out to the group owners, and cleaned up my own, but no one made a move to correct the behavior.
Is that what being an "influencer" is?
Should I be reaping the benefits without any of the responsibility?
I refuse to let people suffer, because I don't want to speak up.
I was scared, truth be told, because I thought if I just ignored it, it would go away.
By time I realized that wasn't the case, so many other people had been influenced by this person's word.
This person, whom I'd never had a conversation with.
This person, who I'd promoted their "fan art".
This person, who was continually looking for excuses to hate me.
This person, who clearly knows nothing about me.
And yet, this person was going to win.
I haven't said a word in 8 months.
I've blocked and removed myself where ever I can, but this person, these people really, still haunt me.
The horde gets larger every day I stay silent.
The one who said they weren't feeling the podcast, took the name I had for the post finale of Orphans, and the people I had invited, and did their own, but I knew that was happening, and said nothing.
Until someone came to me and asked me, "Weren't you the reason that Stefi joined the cast as Ina?"
I replied yes, and the flood gates opened.
She came to me as Hira. Said she liked the character.
We started to chat. Became friends.
I encouraged her to email her audition to the team.
I reached out to the team and told them to give her a chance.
I coached her lines from the first few episodes.
I GOT HER THE ROLE AS INA.
She now gives credit to TT.
If you don't believe me, I have the podcasts still up on YouTube, where we talk about it in detail.
At first, I was sure that she was being manipulated.
Part of the reason that I was adamant that she join the team, was who she is as a person.
She's LGBTQ and on the spectrum. It's very important to me, especially after all of my struggles, to make sure that everyone finds something they're passionate about and doesn't let anything hold them back.
For months I thought she was being taken advantage of. Manipulated.
To discover otherwise was absolutely heartbreaking for me.
Imagine how shattered I was, when someone from the German fan meet up, said she's been telling people that since the German Fan Meet and Great in AUGUST 2023.
I'm at a low I'm not sure I can recover from, especially because she continues to say and do things just to get at me.
I've done what I can to block and move on, and I continue to leave communities I cherish, because of these ghosts.
It's like I'm Sandy, but for real this time, and trapped in that damned Orphanage.
Will we share a similar fate?
Will I let devistation consume me?
Have I made the right decisions?
I'm leaving most names out of this on purpose, but I'm setting the record straight on how Ina came to be part of the community.
I'm so sick and tired of supporting people from behind the curtain, while actively being used as a doormat.
This has nothing to do with the company itself.
Cast will be what cast will be.
I love voice acting. I love writing, so even the editing process is fulfilling, but man I still had a lot to learn about how selfish the industry is.
How jealous and manipulative.
Watching people argue over someone they've never met.
Someone they've never seen.
Watching them gatekeep the communities they stay in, running off anyone who isn't an OG.
Kind of defeats the purpose of supporting that creator, when you're driving good people out.
I'm starting to wonder if the internet isn't going to be our downfall.
If we'll ever truly understand the effects of parasocial relationships.
While I love the work I do, and many of the people who follow me, I cannot condone gatekeeping, lying, manipulation, cheating, stealing, copying, and outright bullying.
At the end of the day, you don't know me.
You don't know her, him, they, them.
Speaking or acting on the behalf of others, lying about the people who helped get you where you are, no matter how you feel about them, is just plain messed up.
As with everything else in my life, I've learned a lot here.
I don't love parasocial relationships.
They fascinate me, until they piss me off.
Obviously this is NOT all of what occurred here. There are plenty of screenshots, and stories, but the bottom line is that I'm being pushed around, and I'm tired of staying silent. I work too hard, and help too many people, while barely being able to lift my head up to do so.
If you want to join a discord community where bullying, will not be tolerated: https://discord.gg/C6Edjk3AhX
Please remember. Just because you recognize their face and you know about them through the internet, does not mean you KNOW them.
Please treat actors/streamers as human beings, but also as "entertainers".
Do not speak on their behalf.
Do not bully their followers, even if they are extremely hands off, or they expect the community to police.
You can easily turn one of the BEST things that's ever happened to someone, into one of the worst.
The results can be deadly.
