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@alaskaminxy
Life Embarrassments, Thank You (again)
I remember this one time I was having lunch with a co-worker and he decided to order a slice of pizza. We’re chatting away and he takes what can only be described as a boy’s sized bite of pizza, leaving him with a tail of mozzarella cheese down his chin. He was so engrossed in his monologue on industry best practices – the cheese strand never made any impression on his skin sensors. (You know,…
Sorry. Not Sorry. Your Signs Suck.
It's been awhile but I'm back....let's see what happens. Enjoy!
Traveling. Specifically, air travel. It’s like having a pebble in your shoe. Do you go through the hassle…sitting down, undoing your shoe… shake out the pebble….put the shoe back on….hope the pebble is out…repeat if necessary? OR Do you wiggle your foot around in hope the pebble moves to a more comfortable spot and you can keep going? I once met someone who said they enjoyed flying. They…
Snap. Crackle. Pop. Thump.
It's been a long while, but I'm making a come back. My come back is arriving via a turtle's pocketbook on a 365 day cruise. It should be here in winter 2024.
“But I don’t want to….” Some days, I want to flop over whine these words before I even start the day. Getting out of bed can be a feat. Not a climbing Mt. Everest kind of feat; but more like not having to participate in a boring work meeting except for the occasional head nod kind of feat. 4:50AM…after the alarm goes off, I lay there, pondering everything on the list. The one cat, who has…
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She’s Like a Turtle
She’s Like a Turtle
I have an announcement. Some people hate the winter season. No, really. In fact, for some, it’s comparable to having dog poop on your shoe…. in a compact car….driving across country…in 120 degree weather…with no air conditioning… while wearing thermal underwear. It’s unbearable. I’m of the other opinion, I enjoy winter. No, I’m not a skier. I never learned. There’s too much independent…
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Mental Armor for Holiday Self-preservation
Oh, the joys of the holiday season. Surrounded by strangers and jostling for position in a crowd. It’s a boat load of fun. About as much fun as finding a hair ball in your slipper. As sometimes happens, my brain and the calendar were not synched up last weekend. I am not sure where my brain was, but it had obviously closed up shop and was no longer on local time. Last Sunday, armed with…
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When Your Closest Neighbor Isn’t Living Up to Your Expectations
When Your Closest Neighbor Isn’t Living Up to Your Expectations
Please read as a nature show commenter: In the spring, after a winter that was neither pleasant nor enjoyable, homo sapiens begin to emerge from their dark burrows Shielding their eyes while wiping away tears, they begin adjusting, once again, to the blaze of brightness from the sky. Or it’s entirely possible, they just finished an onion chopping contest and were rudely interrupted by a…
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School Daze and Survival Skills
School Daze and Survival Skills
The other day I’m on my way to work when familiar flashing lights cause me to stop. Not again. I was timing my drive perfectly. I’m going to be late. “Let’s be quick about this,” I think. The school bus stopped in front of a house, the red lights blinking and the two STOP signs extended. Five cars line up and wait. Every eyeball is on the house, waiting, waiting, waiting …for the kids to…
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Warning: Storage Space Low
Warning: Storage Space Low
Why is it I can’t remember anything? It’s like POOF, GONE… I have no idea what has been rolling around in my head. I question what is currently rolling around in my head. Apparently, it’s nothing but dandelion fluff in there. Seriously. There’s been times when I can’t remember my own family’s names. Solution? Play a newly expanded game of charades. If you’re descriptive enough, someone…
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Animals
Most people like animals…. After all, animals come in all shapes and sizes: Big ones. Small ones. Furry ones. Nearly naked ones. Loud ones. Quiet ones. Hyper ones. Passive ones. Ones with siblings. Party of one, ones. Snuggly ones. Prickly ones. Fragrant ones. Plain ones. Ones with big poop. Ones with little poop. Tall ones. Short ones. Fat ones. Thin ones. Ones who can…
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The Public is Long Winded
The Public is Long Winded
Oh my god, they use too many words. They’ve been using too many words for decades. It’s like trying to hack your way through a 5,000 page novel about the life and longings of a banana slug. Public! Please! I beg of you! Get to the point! ….I’ve got stuff to do. I’ve worked with the Public for as long as I can remember. My first job was as a waitress at the local diner. The things I saw…
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Cat Litter Boxes, Turning Cats into Ninjas
Recently I started looking at cat litter boxes.
We have three cats: Liggy, Monkey and Taku. Nobody likes Taku, she’s really an alien in a cat’s body. Liggy is 20 and that makes her 90-something in human years. Monkey, well her name says it all.
Sometimes, you just want to see what else is out there for litter boxes. Not that they need new litter boxes, I mean truly, what do they do?…
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Moving: The Definition of Why
We are back in the remote village of Hoonah, Alaska for 8 months. We did live in Juneau, across the water by 35 miles, for about 20 years before trying our luck in the “Outside.” Hands down, we are delighted to be back in a place where life moves slower and everyone knows you. (In fact, it moves so slow here the speed limit is 20mph and everyone waves when you pass them on the road.)
The…
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Birthdays Are Not for Whimps
Birthdays Are Not for Whimps
Let’s be honest. Nobody likes birthdays. Seriously. You’re either dreading the birthday calls, hoping you don’t have to be the center of attention at the monthly birthday gathering at the office or crossing your fingers you don’t have to pretend to LOVE what your mate gives you. Wow, thanks. I’ve always wanted a Big Foot Chia-pet.
Truly, the only one who enjoys a birthday with authorized…
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Don't Let the Cobwebs Gather in Your Elbows
Don’t Let the Cobwebs Gather in Your Elbows
Juneau, Alaska. Check.
Miami, Florida. Check.
Boston, Massachusetts. Check.
Restart…
“We want you both to come work for us.” That’s how the story began.
Girls, pack your cat nip. We’re going back to Alaska. Someone hit the reset button.
Sometimes, it takes you six years to figure out what you prefer in life. Sometimes you take wrong exits off the highway before you…
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Animal Loves
An animal’s eyes have the power to speak a great language. – Martin Buber
Animals.
They come in all shapes and sizes.
Tiny lady bugs to towering giraffes.
Smooth skinned snakes to rough hided rhinoceros.
Feathered hummingbirds to furry giant cows.
Kittens with quiet meows to dogs with barks as large as a lion’s roar.
Pocket sized desert mice to dump truck size elephants.
I could go on and on…
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You're Kinda Like Me
You’re Kinda Like Me
The other day on Facebook someone posted a little kid’s response to the question, “What do you want to be doing when you’re 100 years old.” They responded by that age, they’re going to dislike people, live in a tiny house with their tiny pets. I thought, good for you. I’m half way there.
I’m not going to make it to 100. I already prefer hanging out with animals over people.
If I could move…
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Go Faster! Hurry! Outta My Way!
Go Faster! Hurry! Outta My Way!
I lived in Southeast Alaska for 20 years, where there isn’t a rush hour, there are rush minutes. It doesn’t take an hour to go 15 miles. In fact, there were only 40 miles of road before you ran out of road where I lived. Of those 40 miles only 9 could be considered a true highway, meaning two lanes in each direction.
Every day now that I live in the suburbs of a big city and work in The City,…
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