alilblog

[alilblog]

Introduction to 'alilblog'

hello!

i'm Void, but I also go by Whisper, Xeva and Phoenix, they/xe/xhey/ae/ny/it/void/star/moon/dragon/wish/celestial/sun/space/end/galaxy

(yay pronouns)

i love to write stories, particularly about fantasy!

mostly this blog is for trying to not lurk as much because i probably have social anxiety and want to try and do something about that.

yay me /sarcastic

[alilblog]

sometimes i wish i could truly bond with people and really feel like i have a deep and meaningful relationship with them instead of just feeling... disconnected ig?

unfortunately, no matter how hard i try, it seems i cannot have this ):

or maybe it will just takes years for me to finally find someone i can feel emotionally attached to. maybe. one day.

[alilblog]

there are times where i just accidentally end up listening to the same song over and over again on repeat, because i forgot to take the song off of repeat

and i dont even notice until ages later when i go 'oh ive been listening to the same song for like four hours oops'

how.

and then other times i cant listen to the same song twice in a row at all because it's so repetitive

alternatively, i just end up listening to nothing because i forgot to turn on the music

[alilblog]

i think this blog will mostly be me just saying things.

random thoughts. random things i just want to say, but have been afraid to say for so long

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ykw im feeling brave i might as well say it

sometimes i wonder if im even human? like, i havent done much research into it... but i do wonder sometimes how human i really am

eh it's strange

[alilblog]

im feeling brave

which means i make lots of posts and future me has to go 'oh no what did they do'

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my gender identity is also a mess. yippe! /sarcastic

im bigenderflux - and at least for me, that means that i have two genders that flucuate in intensity

one is agender

the other is para-enby-flux... so im 51% to 99% non-binary, and the remaining part is female and male... and the percentages flucuate

at least, i think so /:

[alilblog]

being somewhere on the aplatonic spectrum but not knowing where because your identity is so confusing is annoying.

im not diagnosed, but im pretty sure im autistic, so that's probably got something to do with it?

in short, my experience with friendship is something like: 'i like you, id like to be your friend' and then i get to know that someone and im just like 'what is friendship. its not what i have with you. but it fits the definition? but i dont feel like i have a friendship with you'

except in like the rare case where im like 'yes. friend.'

...which has happened like once.

but in general i prefer alterous relationships, partially because im aroflux and aceflux so yk

then again ive never had any of those kinds of relationships so yk...