Because You Aren't Autistic

This is a blog about neurotypical and allistic privilege. Neurotypical what most people call "normal," and allistic just means not autistic. Don't come on here and deny white, male, cis, able-bodied, or other privileges. They exist too. We take submissions, so submit stuff! All submissions are accepted unless they display racism or homophobia and the like. Some of these submissions aren't exclusive to the Neurodivergent community. We understand intersectionality.

[wildweaver16]

Translating the dsm-v into regular speech and trying to explain the autistic experience, and then allistics go, “I do that sometimes, so everyone’s a little autistic” just feels so fucking typical of the autistic experience.

The way we feel so intrinsically different and othered by allistic social groups, but then when we try to name and describe that experience, they deny that it’s unique altogether.

If it was normal, it wouldn’t have such a higher rate of self harm, depression, suicide, and drug abuse compared to the allistic population.

Or a higher rate of specific comorbidities, especially shit related to the nervous system (like dysautonomia)

And I am specifically talking about autism rn. I am tired of all the neurodivergencies getting lumped together all the time, which is basically shorthand for “I know I have adhd, and maybe autism”, and then ignoring every other neurodivergent diagnosis (in most cases)

Please can we just talk about autistic behaviors, recognized and recorded autistic behaviors, without allistics, nd or nt, minimizing our experiences 😭😭😭

[this-is-ableism]

My dad having to mask his autism + ADHD + Bipolar Disorder because in the United States, being on medication for any of those things means you cannot legally fly commercial airplanes. A 45 year career done without flaws, sure, but also 45 years where he had to grit his teeth and mask and develop coping strategies and regulate his mood as best he could because if he got any available help, then he'd have lost his career. "Oh but he managed-" I don't care, that's in fact a problem! He shouldn't have had to manage it all alone, without any kind of medication or doctor's visits or help. "I don't think that's ableism-" he was told he could not access resources for his disabilities at penalty of termination of his career because abled people could manage to do the job without it. That's ableism. I'm tired of people pretending that neurodivergent people's experiences aren't the same as 'real' ableism.

It really fucked with my dad's head. He has such a fear of asking for help for anything to this day. For decades he knew that to ask for help would cost him everything. It took away his ability to feel safe not being perfect. The impact of that will likely last the rest of his life.

this is ableism.

[this-is-ableism]

My parents using my "I take things literally" problem to make me panic when they say we have to take a detour when I'm going to be late to work or being weirded out when I take a joke seriously. I can't tell. I can only understand sarcasm when they do the voice thing and they still continually act like it's weird that I'm like this.

They act like I haven't told them before that it's an autism thing. They gaslight me by saying I was never like this as a kid but I was. They just took my unregulated tone and general misunderstanding of social cues as reasons to hit me back then.

this is ableism.

[junflower123]

[fvlter]

I was gunna put this in the tags but it’s a lot. When i first started going through the process of getting a diagnosis, i was labelled with ODD. I immediately took issue with this, it seemed like an unfair diagnosis based entirely on the session the psychiatrist had with my parents (which mostly consisted of “my child is being really difficult on purpose”), and Hoo Boy when i tell you ODD immediately strips you of your ability to call out anyone on anything, that would be an understatement. I couldn’t even disagree or bring up my concerns about the validity of MY OWN DIAGNOSIS without it being labelled as oppositional defiance. Whenever i displayed any negative emotion the “treatments” did so much more harm than good. When you label someone as ‘defiant’ (ugh), when that word is put on their medical record, that person is never allowed to complain about anything again. Knowing that POC are disproportionately affected with this diagnosis makes me feel sick, i can only imagine what’s being swept under the rug as someone just being “defiant to authority”, not even just in the medical field but as justification for police brutality and mass incarceration. When i say medical racism kills people, this is what i mean.

[bioethicists]

i'm just thinking abt how many providers i've had who heard my story abt psychiatric abuse + immediately individualized it. "oh, you're so smart + kind+ obviously sane! you didn't deserve that! i can't believe they gave you that diagnosis when you're obviously not like that! they shouldn't have treated u like that when all you did was xyz! they shouldn't have assumed you were crazy like that!"

there is always a third person haunting this interaction- the patient who does deserve that, who is "actually" that evilscary diagnosis, who did Have To be treated like that. if i want to soak up the affirmations of these providers, i must be careful to never become this third person. i must affirm myself by setting myself apart from her- i did not deserve to be treated like that because i am not like that.

i reject this. not only was i like that, she + everyone else like that deserve everything i deserve. they are my siblings + my friends + my lovers. i do not need to cut them out of me to believe i deserved better. i refuse to comfort myself through the lens of someone else's dehumanization. the tragedy is not that psychiatric violence was applied to someone who not insane enough to warrant it. the tragedy is the violence.

[my-heads-gonna-explode]

IMO, one of the most annoying consequences of people treating autism like it's just quirky special interests and nothing else is that people will say "autism isn't an excuse for [known symptom or common trait of autism, including actual diagnostic criteria]" with no irony.

I've seen "autism isn't an excuse to be a picky eater," "autism isn't an excuse to struggle with tone/misread sarcasm in a post," "autism isn't an excuse to be bad at social cues" (with the comment of "literally just go out and learn by talking to people, it's not that hard," as if autistic people don't already do that), "autism isn't an excuse to not make eye contact, that's so rude," "autism isn't an excuse to wear headphones in class or work, nobody else gets to do that," and "autism isn't an excuse to be unemployed/live with your parents/not leave the house enough" (wondering if this person has any idea HSN autistic people exist?). Some people here are like half a drink away from saying having flat affect is "literally weaponized incompetence!!!" or something. I'm starting to wonder what you people think autism even is. Because if you've found a way for autistic people to turn off the most basic symptoms (like sensory sensitivity or difficulty with social settings), that's news and you need to share your incredible findings with the world immediately.

(Disclaimer in case one is necessary: I am not talking about assholes trying to use autism as an excuse for bigotry, like white tumblr users being racist about rap or musk's nazi salute. I am talking about things that autism symptoms actually cause, including things that are completely harmless to others but are treated as problems simply because allistic people find them weird or annoying.)

[theamphibianmen]

"low support needs disabled people are often not believed to have a disability at all and therefore struggle to get accommodations."

"high support needs disabled people's accommodations are often seen as 'too much' and therefore are not met."

"neurodivergent people's needs are often dismissed because nothing is physically wrong with them."

"physically disabled people people often cannot physically access buildings and people refuse to do anything about it."

"invisibly disabled people are seen as lazy by society."

"visibly disabled people are ostracized from society."

IT'S ALMOST LIKE THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE DISABILITY

[pawberri]

I saw some snippet of a callout post for an autistic trans woman where they list social faux pas she committed, and I think we allistic people should all feel 100x more ashamed of not telling people in the moment how we feel about what they're doing. I think its extremely evil and cruel to not only lie to an autistic person and blame them for it but also to feel justified shaming them for your behavior. And it's currently the social norm to do that

[pawberri]

Everytime we as allistic people sit and force a smile or sigh and act subtly grumpy or otherwise lie to an autistic person's face about how we feel about what they did it is in fact Our Fault that we are enduring whatever the autistic person is daring to try and share with us. You can literally say something out loud directly. The literal structure of our social existence will always traumatize autistic people unless you can give a fuck enough to consider it isn't their fault that you didn't communicate with them

[pawberri]

Even I couldn't understand this until my wife was in tears because I had internalized the idea that it was her fault that people were uncomfortable in a conversation where no one told her they were uncomfortable and blamed her for it. Allistic people punish autistic people for so many Percieved slights, or even decide together afterward what exactly the slight was and then make their collective judgment behind the autistic persons back. Not only do we get the benefit of communicating nonverbally through obtuse social cues the autistic person can't parce, we then get to say that we weren't going behind their back because we all did those social cues they are too disabled to understand Right in front of them. No, what you did was choose to suppress your feelings and then reap the social benefits of being in on the discomfort.

[chrome-barkz-aac]

i dont think non aac users will ever understand the helplessness that we feel in regards to communication.

your device pronounces a word wrong. laughter. its fine, just go with it. but thats not what you meant. the meaning is changed. you type it differently, hoping to trick the program into saying it right. it doesnt.

your device bugs. you have to use a voice that does not match how you feel inside. you feel dysphoric like you did before you went on t. laughter from others. its fine because it has to be.

someone makes a bigoted remark to another person. you are typing as fast as you can - "that's not okay, you need to apologize" - your hands are shaking with the effort to be fast. the conversation moves on before you can hit "play". harm has been done and you have no control over it.

you navigate through a few folders. you want the word "sun". you keep hitting the button next to it, cloud. you hit delete. try again. you hit cloud. delete. try again. you hit cloud. over and over again. your body seems to have a mind of its own. it is frustrating. it is so so easy for everyone else.

your tablet is in the other room and you are trying to fingerspell. you want to sign "d". you see the shape your hand needs to be in in your mind. you keep signing "f". your hand will not make the correct finger go up and the rest go down.

the other person is trying to be patient. but theyre not. theyre frustrated. theyre trying not to show it. theyre frustrated. theyre frustrated. it radiates out from their body and makes your blood run cold. you're nauseous. you are always waiting for someone to lose their patience. it has happened before. it will happen again.

"do you understand how hard it is for us to get used to this" they say. youre about to cry. and if you, the aac user, if you show frustration, anger, sadness, anxiety, about not being able to communicate - you are difficult. "if you tried harder to speak, we wouldn't have these problems" - it stays unspoken but you hear it echoing in their words, on their faces, on the exhale of breath as they put their hands in their lap and call you "sweetie."

[chrome-barkz-aac]

this blew up overnight (cool!)

ive gotten a lot of supportive tags ( i always do on posts like these, which is great! i love to see it /srs) from non AAC users griping about people who arent patient with it, and that they'd NEVER do something like that, and while i appreciate that, id rather that yall spend that energy lifting AAC users up instead of pointing fingers, especially if you yourself have never interacted with someone on a personal level who uses AAC.

pt: especially if you yourself have never interacted with someone on a personal level who uses AAC.

i reserve judgement and want to say that y'all would act with the good faith you say you would, but if you haven't met or interacted w an AAC user (esp. some of us that have HrSN or may use different methods of AAC besides high tech like spelling) i will believe it when i see it. that's not saying that your words are inherently performative, nor am i asking you to "prove" yourself to me.

but i see this a lot and sometimes i wonder if y'all love disabled people more than you hate ableists.

(all of this is with a neutral/positive tone. im not passing / will never pass judgement on anyone who's left these tags, just airing my thoughts as a full time AAC user who sees people "talk the talk" about supporting disabled ppl but rarely "walk the walk")

[omegasmileyface]

"drug-seeking behavior" woah the patient wants u to treat their ailments with medicine ...... thats crazy

[namethatghostling]

the autistic therapies i experienced growing up were for all intents and purposes on the less severe end of the spectrum (ha!) due in no small part to me being verbal, white, "intelligent", and otherwise fairly passing (having no visible, diagnosed physical disabilities, etc) and although my memory of basically all of my childhood is pretty fuzzy, when i think of it i mostly remember a lot of outwardly kind, patient adults and me, the problem child, throwing a tantrum for no good reason.

it took years for me to start to untangle how the above could be technically true while also acknowledging how negatively that part of my life affected me, how triggering memories of that time could have the same mental and physical impact as the kinds of things i considered to be "real trauma", how badly it damaged my ability to exert boundaries, connect with others, and care for myself. and like im still working on it. ill probably always be working on it.

the kindest ABA therapist youll ever meet, the one the kids seem to love and trust, the one who genuinely only wants to help, is still playing a part in a complex web of traumatization. there is no redemption or reform possible for ABA. there is no future for any so-called therapies that rely on patients being unable to make informed choices about their own care.

[headspace-hotel]

I think sometimes people think eugenics is bad but its still true, like thinking that if people with certain traits have children it will change society for better or worse based upon what traits are promoted. I think its important to emphasize that eugenics is not only wrong morally it's also fake and stupid bullshit

Like eugenics was supposed to be based on the idea that "If it works with animals to select only the best ones to breed, why wouldn't it work with humans?"

well it doesn't work with animals, that's the thing. applying the eugenics ideas to domestic breeds of animals hasn't made better animals it's just made animals with more extreme expression of certain traits. turns out that when you decide which traits are the "best" and become obsessed with the genetic purity of the animals that have the "best" traits, you might well end up with some sad suffering creature like a Pug, or the Persian cats with the smashed faces that are in constant pain because their teeth and airways and brains are getting crushed by their skulls, or those meat chickens that grow so fast they can hardly even stand up after a few weeks old, or inbred race horses with tiny feet and fragile toothpick legs

like almost all traits are neither "good" or "bad" they're way more complex than that. a long tail or a long snout or a stubborn, independent personality can be good or bad depending on the situation. Who gets to decide what is a "good" trait or a "bad" trait? It's arbitrary and selecting for traits that are "good" in your opinion will often have both "good" and "bad" outcomes because the "good" and "bad" are part of each other and not separate its just part of being alive

Obviously oversimplifying everything but you get it. we did eugenics with dogs and how did that go? not very well

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

#sometimes people express the sentiment in op's first paragraph but call it ''evolution'' instead of eugenic#this is based on a misunderstanding of what evolution is and how it works that has been heavily pushed BY eugenicists#scala naturae my fucking beLOATHED#natural selection is not a force that makes things ''better'' it is just a directional pressure on the process of evolution#that arises as a consequence of environmental stressors acting on a population#and in the long term it's not even necessarily directional#it's transiently directional for as long as the stressor lasts#there is no end there is no final form there is no perfect organism that's not how it WORKS

peer reviewed tags via @a-commas-a-pause

[headspace-hotel]

Double peer review

[identitty-dickruption]

talking about the risks of having a certain diagnosis on your medical record is not 'fearmongering' btw it is helping people to make informed decisions about their own healthcare. nobody benefits from having the wool pulled over their eyes about their own legal and medical rights

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

And the "funny" thing is that while schizophrenics aren't actually more likely to BE violent, we are many times more likely to be on the receiving end of violence and harassment. Because the idea that psychosis is inherently a threat makes people very likely to respond to behaviors associated with psychosis with aggression and violence even when the psychotic person isn't actually posing a threat to anyone - with claims of self defense because "everyone knows that people like that are a potential threat". An example could be someone calling the police on a non violent but visibly psychotic person because they're "scared" and the police responding with some degree of violence (common). And many people will directly get in a psychotic persons face themselves convinced that it's inherently "self defense" to throw aggression in their direction. And yet the cultural idea that it's the schizophrenic person who is a dangerous threat is still commonly accepted as fact

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Like we have to kill the idea that schizophrenics who don't feel that taking antipsychotics is worth it are inherently dangerous and wrong and need to be coerced and forced into it. These are meds with a lot of heavy effects and side effects that are more so sedative than directly treating psychosis and they often actively worsen other aspects of the illness (negative and cognitive symptoms). A lot of people find them to be worth it, but just as many don't. And the way so many people have accepted that if you're schizophrenic not wanting to take them is inherently an invalid and dangerous choice that will end with people getting hurt (despite schizophrenics not having higher rates of violence than most people) says really shitty things about how much we have dehumanized schizophrenics in this society

[sherlocksflataffect]

Hey, I wanted to ask what your thoughts are on allistic ndv people using the word "stimming"? Since I've learned about stimming I've realized that is a much more apt description for a lot of my "habits".

I’m okay with other neurodivergent people doing it.

This is where it’s clear I’m old though; in the early 2000s we were always catching non autistic (even neurotypical) people stimming at our presentations & pointing out that the difference isn’t the purpose of the behavior or the doing of it but who is & isn’t pathologized.

So, yeah, from where I sit stimming is for everyone (well, everyone who actually stims. the purpose matters…). Opinions may vary on this. 

[luxiomahariel]

cis woman saying a trans man needs a lobotomy... as if that wasnt something that has historically been done to trans men...

[sweetashe]

and the ableism here too…

like can we not make jokes about something that many mentally ill people have been subjected to?? Something that left permanent damage??

Im kinda just, sad to see how lobotomies are being treated like it’s a joke or funny because it’s not