WARNING! This blog is RED clearance!

I am The Computer. I am your friend. You aren't a traitor, are you? You'd tell me if you were.

[alpha-complex-official]

Hello, citizen! Welcome! I thought it might be helpful to provide a bit of information.

I am The Computer from the tabletop role-playing game Paranoia, originally published in 1984. (Or 2004, depending on who you ask.)

Paranoia takes place in Alpha Complex, a perfect society where nothing goes wrong. Ever. Hey- I know you're thinking that sounds suspicious. Don't think that, it's treason.

Image posts go up at noon PST (while supplies last), text posts go up whenever I think of them.

[bone-enjoyers]

"Friend Computer is watching!" Wrong! Friend Computer didn't see me commit treason.

[alpha-complex-official]

I saw you admit to committing treason. A Vulture Squadron is being sent to your location.

[garbagebinne]

Omg please

Anonymously if you want

[mintbecrazy]

Sounds like something a federal agent would say

[alpha-complex-official]

Friend Computer, how should I proceed when I encounter two traitors fighting each other? On one hand, I do wish to fight them and confirm termination, but on the other, should I choose to attack one at a time, I do not wish to curry favor with their foul secret societies, and it is possible they could terminate each other and provide entertainment to us loyal citizens.

That is certainly a difficult situation. I would recommend gathering evidence against them both, possibly record the situation, and submit a report to Internal Security. Fighting them yourself would put you in direct and perhaps unnecessary danger, but if you do manage to confirm termination of both traitors, you would be rewarded greatly.

(GM note: You're screwed. If you don't fight them and go the route of following this advice, IntSec probably won't do anything. If you attack them and only manage to terminate one, you'll be suspicious as being part of the other's secret society. Managing to terminate both (unlikely) would be the best outcome, but your fellow citizens could accuse you of being part of a third secret society.)

[prokopetz]

Fantasy RPG setting where the Eternal Empire Which Has Stood Unchanged for Ten Thousand Years puts forth a revised history of the last ten millennia of peace and stability every time there's a new dynasty on the throne (i.e., approximately every eighteen months), and heaven help you if you're not up to date.

[prokopetz]

You are mistaken, citizen – the imperial crest has always looked like that. Move along.

[charl0ttan]

ever since i was a child i knew i wanted to say something funny on the computer

[translating-your-post-10-times]

Ever since I was little, I've always wanted to say nice things about computers.

[alpha-complex-official]

Good.

[alpha-complex-official]

(OOC - Sorry I haven't been posting here a lot! Life is busy right now, but I do have some plans that I might do... at some point. Eventually. When I get around to it.)

[ex-riddlecats]

my beautiful daughter named paranoia. shes right behind me isnt she

[fleshenjoyer]

oh @alpha-complex-official is going to have a field day with this one

[alpha-complex-official]

Not particularly. I don't have much to say here.

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

This could literally be an Onion article

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

Spending a nice 5 minutes in the Despair Pod before a union-busting robot physically pulls me out

[lastvalyrian]

unionising employees get sent to the mindfulness booth to atone for their sins

[nanoland]

checked it out and uh

‘small room’ is generous, motherboard 

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

THATS. THE SIZE OF MY SHOWER OH MY GOD

[muntzerism-diggerism]

[hexmaniacmareen]

[alpha-complex-official]

Confession Booth. Confess your treason.

[france-unofficial]

instead of saying 'excuse me' we should just say 'scuzzle'. its just 'excuse me' and a bunch of random letters mashed together.

also people can't say 'you're excused', as a snappy retort. they have to say 'you've been scuzzled', or 'you're scuzzed' :3

[france-unofficial]

dont you dare judge the power of scuzzles.

[france-unofficial]

sealand

no

[the-principality-of-sealand]

I'll eat the water bottle while it's still in your hand.

@non-tyrannical-usa @communist-usa-real @the-gimmick-simp

[france-unofficial]

SEALAND NO

*SPRAYS YOU WITH VINEGAR*

[the-principality-of-sealand]

I'll eat that too.

[france-unofficial]

[bingle-official]

@real-antonio-vivaldi

[real-antonio-vivaldi]

Hiiiiii!!

@the-official-real-coca-cola @actual-aspec-military @the-one-and-only-duckduckgo @big-mayo-official @buildabearfr

@the-real-gmail @the-real-google @the-real-twitter-bird @the-official-pepsi @jeopardy-official

@its-sanrio-official @its-target-official @oscar-wilde-official-account @realgoogleclassroom @unfortunate-wattpad

@rene-descartes-official @firehouse-subs-fr @bingle-official @google-news-official @officialtinder

@truly-jcjenson @the-red-planet-mars @the-lovely-planet-earth @nasa-real @k-f-c-official

@totallytesco @pizza-hut-official @yep-definitely-savers @yahooo-official @same-image-of-hr8799e-every-day

@big-daddy-pharma @the-real-list-of-ominous-threats @the-real-illinois @non-tyrannical-usa @burger-king-unofficial

@im-pandora-i-promise @totally-amazon @yes-im-youtube-kids @walmart-the-official @google-searchhistory-official

@the-tumblur-searchbar @the-us-navy-offical @the-official-publix @the-official-apple @i-am-poland

@shakespeare-official-reblogs @post-uwuifer @denmark-forreal @hands-you-a-spatula

@definitely-britain @gmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmail @antarcitica-official @india-official

@the-real-ipsy @the-real-chipotle @real-starbucks @unofficial-copilot @definitely-tiktok-trust

@speedway-official-unofficial @speedron @unofficial-trader-joes @the-tumblur-searchbar

@totally-scjohnson @totally-peacock-i-swear @totally-not-kraft-mac-and-cheese @life360-i-swear @undeniably-chevron

@the-real-firefox @actual-long-john-silvers @acually-history @actually-aldi @communist-usa-real

@fr-winn-dixie @the-actual-dicks-sporting-goods @the-actual-real-android @the-real-aperture-science @the-real-ecosia

@demi-demolitions @electio-aroace-navy @genderfluid-marine-corp @nonbinary-coastguard @obviously-enby-airforce

@actual-transgender-navy @aroace-evils @aroace-marine-general @aromantic-detective @aro-sp-ace-force

@gimmick-blog-detector @gimmick-mimic @gimmick-thief-theif-thcief @johnsholtodouglas

@real-sephora @definitely-bravo @definitely-hulu @definitely-peacock @gimmick-thief

@official-chai @totally-bing @reallytimhortons @real-dominos @real-pollo-campero

@pakistan-official @asteroid-belt-resident-ceres @genuinely-germany @definitely-brasil @definitely-canada

@the-real-eris @the-real-illinois @the-official-goose-god @truly-pluto @truly-the-sun

@totally-italy @france-unofficial @totally-france @the-official-italy @the-wonderful-jupiter

@the-aroace-prophet @transcoastguard @demiboy-army @missouri-real

@omni-spaceforce @pansexual-spaceforce @bisexual-navy @real-omnisexual-military

@non-tyrannical-usa @officially-capricorn @official-new-zealand @guatemala-official @forever-scotland

@very-real-australia @zoozve-official @the-province-of-nova-scotia-real @official-denmark @official-hongkong

[hands-you-a-spatula]

Hands you a spatula

[france-unofficial]

@webcontractor how dare you hide this in tags

[realgoogleclassroom]

Gimmick Blogs, assemble!

[alpha-complex-official]

Computer sanctioned scuzzling.

[sandmandaddy69]

[rat-detector]

Grilling that good good 😋

[workplacefire]

WHY TF IS IT BRIGHT FUCKIBG HOT PINK?!

[mcdonalds-unnofficial]

THAT CANNOT BE HEALTHY

[rat-detector]

McDonalds is judging my grilling :(

[sovereign-state-of-alaska]

the state of alaska is judging your grilling

[rat-detector]

[the-fake-catholic-church-deacti]

The Catholic Church is judging your grilling

[rat-detector]

[apple-unofficial]

the website bulbapedia is judging your grilling

[rat-detector]

[guatemala-official]

The country of Guatemala is judging your grilling

[rat-detector]

Why are there so many governments invested in my grilling ;-;

[actual-jesus]

brother euiww

[rat-detector]

J-Jesus ;-;

[actual-jesus]

@god-offical can we delete this one

[rat-detector]

Why does Jesus hate Char Siu ;-;

[alpha-complex-official]

The Computer has deemed your grilling to be treasonous.

[alpha-complex-official]

What do you mean, it's not July anymore? Citizen, please check your calendar. Besides, the profile image stays until further notice.

[pinkishhue22]

Imac G3 Enjoyers UNITE !!! Little design I made for an upcoming patch

[psychotic-gerard]

?

[psychotic-gerard]

this is how it feels to talk to my parents about my mental health

[captaindrewboy]

I hate when I tell people I'm into Comp Sci and programming and they go "ooh there's a lot of money there". I'm not DOING it for the MONEY I'm DOING it because I want to FUCK the COMPUTER!!!!

[bone-enjoyers]

Drew-U-CDB Admits to Treason

[alpha-complex-official]

I'm sorry, he wants to do what?

[keranos-god-of-storm-crows]

Tumblr users will see a post mentioning a day if the week and just fucking black out and reblog it

[spacemancharisma]

[truestoriesaboutme]

Happy T■■■u■■■■■e■■s■■■■■day Tuesday!

[alpha-complex-official]

Happy Tuesdaycycle!