I M P E R F E C T

Call me Strawbs or Strawbsi, he/him/his. atheist, trans, mun of Ephemeral--freedom. depressed and disenchanted with life.

[areiton]

Tag yourself. I an lawful disaster with a hint of lawful responsible.

(Found on Twitter)

[thatadhdfeel]

OH FUCK APPARENTLY ITS ADHD AWARENESS MONTH

http://www.adhdawarenessmonth.org/

[gosh-amer]

Not to be That Girl but not realizing this until halfway through ADHD awareness month is like the most ADHDmeta thing I’ve ever seen

[themarchrabbit]

We have an awareness month?

[squeeful]

shit, it’s may?

[fatsexybitch]

Its October

[jonlybonlyfromboldlygo]

No, its Patrick

[passcety-deactivated20170720]

[radiumdesu]

Low fat yo

[s0ckiess]

is no one going to talk about 1/3 fewer cries than the leg

[gamecubist]

fat free yort

[tealfruit]

I know I just reblogged this but now I’m crying over fat free yort

[10kbeez]

weigh waters ened

[disasterlarper]

as ur friendly Neighborhood Nursing Student™ i feel somewhat compelled to remind everyone with the hot weather:

every liquid except sea water and alcohol hydrates you. It’s not CHUG WATER OR DIE. in fact, gatorade and the like are designed to hydrate you efficiently.

yeah, this includes coffee and tea and soda. the diuretic is not enough to cancel out the liquid. juices and milk have solids in them, sure, but they’re also mostly liquid! it counts. 

your body can only absorb so much water at a time, so chugging 64 oz of water at noon and calling it good will do a wonderful job of flushing your kidneys, but not so much of hydrating your tissues. it’s more important that you’re getting consistent fluid throughout the day. 

there’s a lot of fancy ways to determine How Much Water (Liquid) I Should Drink but honestly? 8 oz (1 cup) every other hour on cool days and 8 oz every hour on hot days should be fine (assuming you sleep for a normal amount of time per day…. i’m assuming ur awake 16 hours a day.)

figure out how many oz each of ur favorite cups is. it’ll help your guesstimation. 

if ur urine is darker than light yellow, you’re dehydrated. 

if u pinch the skin on the back of ur hand for a couple seconds and it takes more than a second or two go to back to normal then ur dehydrated. 

[equalityformost-deactivated2017]

In regards to #1, don’t take this as an excuse to drink the sugar water that they call sports drinks. They aren’t bad for you per se, but please choose water.

[disasterlarper]

actually this entire post was written in the spirit of ppl using it as an excuse to drink sports drinks and soda etc

ppl have been commenting abt sodium levels in soda and sugar levels in sports drinks and thats all well and good but what i’ve noticed is that people who internalize “well, ONLY WATER hydrates me” but who HATE WATER remain horrifically dehydrated cause they dont drink anything. 

so like. if ur a person who haaaaates tap water, this is absolutely me giving you permission to drink whatever fluid you can stomach. please take this as a direct excuse to drink nothing but gatorade if that’s what it takes to get enough fluid into ur body.

it’s not the healthiest for you, sure, but you’re a smart enough person to know that. please drink fluids anyways. 

if u like water thats gr8. if you can stomach water that’s gr8. if you can’t, that’s okay too, and you need to stay hydrated just as much as anyone else, so please drink. 

[the-rain-monster]

I used to hate tap water, and in some places (looking at you, Iowa) it is legit disgusting, but one thing I do which helped a ton and was long term cheaper than buying soda or juice was to get a bottle of Angostura bitters. It’s a cocktail additive with a strong distinctive flavor, so although a tiny bottle is like $6 it will last you for ages. Put a small drop or dash in your glass then fill with water. It has a pleasant sort of herbal metal taste (I understand that those words don’t seem like they should go together but it’s hard to describe) which masks tap water. It also helps me smooth an upset tummy but your mileage may vary. It’s not something that will get you drunk, just a flavoring like vanilla extract.

If that all sounds like too much bother, dropping a lemon wedge into water also helps.

[adigitalmagician]

I am learning that lemon wedges are magical in almost everything I like to drink.

[jumpingjacktrash]

here is the magic that made me stop being chronically dehydrated:

because yeah, i can’t STAND plain water – it tastes like the inside of my mouth. it tastes like spit. imagine drinking a glass of ice cold spit. ugh. but add a squirt of this stuff to your glass of tapwater, and now it tastes like apple, cherry, lemonade, whatever.

i also got a bunch of these

and pre-prep them with flavored water, iced tea, iced coffee, whatever (or ask my helper to do it), and then when i’m thirsty but distracted and want to just grab some kind of liquid without thinking about finding a clean glass etc., i can just grab one of these.

because yeah, hating water is a thing, and dehydration SUCKS. so drink SOMETHING, don’t be a water purist. better to chug iced coffee than go without.

[magnolia-lascivious-deactivated]

mio was a damn genius for comin out with that shit

[iopele]

can I just speak up here as someone who has been a nurse for 17 years? I heartily endorse this post and also give you permission to DRINK WHATEVER THE HELL IT TAKES TO KEEP YOU FROM BEING DEHYDRATED

especially in the summer, you can’t play around with that. drink something. seriously. for the love of kittens. DRINK SOMETHING. 

[madlori]

Addendum: If you’re engaged in sustained activity that makes you sweat, then yes drink water, but PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD also drink some Gatorade or something. If you sweat a lot and drink tons of water, you won’t be replacing your electrolytes. I used to get horrible headaches and feel awful after long hikes because I was drinking like 150 oz of water. This can cause hyponatremia, or low blood sodium levels. I started adding one bottle of a sports drink (and yes, sugar is bad, for me especially, so I drink Powerade Zero which has no sugar or calories) to my water intake and I no longer get those headaches.

There are also electrolyte supplement capsules you can get at any sporting goods or outdoor outfitter’s store that you can add to water bottles that accomplish the same result.

[cross-country-suggestions]

Hydrate or die-drate lads!!!

[anarchapella]

Popsicles count as drinking! Especially the pedialite ones

[systlin]

In regards to the expensive nature of saffron…

‘stares into distance, takes a long drag off of what is, if you look closely, in fact a candy cigarette’

what if I told you…that saffron…is actually not that hard to grow at home for your own use. 

Oh look a place you can buy the bulbs. 

If you live in a climate colder than zone 6…as I do…plant them in containers and move the containers into a basement or garage during the winter. 

They bloom in fall, and are quite lovely. And also you get saffron. 

[charlesonmambo]

Can Saffron handle Zone 13?

[systlin]

They grow it in the deserts of the Middle East (with a bit of irrigation.) It can handle the worst heat you can throw at it. 

What it does NOT like is wet feet all the time. If the soil is soaking wet too often, it will rot. So if you live somewhere with a lot of rainfall, I’d try raised beds or pots that can be protected from excess rain. 

[sonoransiren]

So my Arizonan (Phonecian to be precise) ass should be perfectly fine, then?

[systlin]

Not only fine it would probably love the shit out of your area, so long as you threw it some water now and then. 

Seriously, here’s a saffron farm in the desert of Afghanistan, and the saffron is happy as shit there. 

[bad-wolf-moment]

What’s zone 6?

[systlin]

Growing zones are a measure of how cold it gets in a given area in winter, which is a limiting factor in where many things will grow. 

Zone 6 means that the minimum expected temperature will not get below -10F. 

Here is a gardening zone map of the USA. 

I’m in zone 5, supposedly, right on the tip of Iowa’s nose where it bumps out into Illinois, but more realistically given our not-uncommon cold snaps here we’re about a zone 4. 

So if you live in any of the light green through pink-orange areas, saffron will grow just fine for you on its own in your regular old dirt. It will grow in hotter zones as well, but the continental US only goes up to zone 10 and so most US based companies will advertise plants as ‘being suited for zones 5 through 10′ even if a plant can take hotter temps. 

[gallusrostromegalus]

First of all, it’s always a delight to see you encouraging agricultural anarchy on my dash.  Please continue.

Second: I can’t speak to most of the US but if you’re on the CO front range and put Saffron in the ground, you’re going to have Saffron forever.  It’s literally coming up out of my parent’s lawn and has completely overrun a neighbor’s garden.  This is the opposite of a problem.

Third: Bees love it.  Honeybees, bumblebees, little bees and big bees.  Late-season butterflies and moths love it too.  support your local pollinators.

Fourth: It’s worth growing for the sheer, visceral delight of giving your friends that cook a lump of homegrown saffron for free and telling them you grew it yourself and watching them go >:O as they are both tremenously impressed with your ability to do plant magic and enraged by the bullshittery that is the modern agricultural market.

[systlin]

Agricultural Anarchy is a hell of a line, exactly what I stand for, and I may have to make t shirts with that on them. 

[bixbythemartian]

…well. I guess I’ve got some yard work to do here pretty soon.

[concealedblade-deactivated20210]

hey guys

[stachionalgeographic]

what happens if the

[trapcard]

*lil wayne voice* call that

[soyestoday]

this entire post should not be a thing

[lord-kitschener]

Hey guys I just wanted to pop in and say that you’re all a bunch of disgusting demons from hell

[scottandhiskind]

[callmebliss]

Where do we buy them OP

[ms-demeanor]

Amazon, of course: https://www.amazon.com/Dildo-Esugar-Corn-shaped-Suction-Base/dp/B01MT78DMV

[callmebliss]

::cries::

[amongthefae]

With all due respect; Bliss what the sweet everloving fuck have you put on my dash

[penny-anna]

Legolas pretty quickly gets in the habit of venting about his travelling companions in Elvish, so long as Gandalf & Aragorn aren’t in earshot they’ll never know right?

Then about a week into their journey like

Legolas: *in Elvish, for approximately the 20th time* ugh fucking hobbits, so annoying

Frodo: *also in Elvish, deadpan* yeah we’re the worst

Legolas:

[penny-anna]

~*~earlier~*~

Legolas: ugh fucking hobbits

Merry: Frodo what’d he say

Frodo: I’m not sure he speaks a weird dialect but I think he’s insulting us. I should tell him I can understand Elvish

Merry: I mean you could do that but consider

Merry: you can only tell him ONCE

Frodo: Merry. You’re absolutely right. I’ll wait.

[penny-anna]

#legolas’ hick accent vs #frodo’s ‘i learned it out of a book’ accent #FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Legolas: umm well your accent is horrible

Aragorn: *hollering from a distance* HIS ACCENT IS BETTER THAN YOURS LEGOLAS YOU SILVAN HICK

Frodo: :)

[storywonker]

Frodo: Hello. My name is Frodo. I am a Hobbit. How are you?

Legolas: y’alld’ve’ff’ve

Frodo, crying: please I can’t understand what you’r saying

[ramshacklefey]

Ok, but Frodo didn’t just learn out of a book. He learned like… Chaucerian Elvish. So actually:

Frodo: Good morrow to thee, frend. I hope we twain shalle bee moste excellente companions.

Legolas: Wots that mate? ‘Ere, you avin’ a giggle? Fookin’ ‘obbits, I sware.

Aragorn: *laughing too hard to walk*

[sortaanalyticoptimisticstudent]

This is most hilarious thing I’ve read for lotr lore. It’s great haha

[sj0]

you have been visited by the seven magic dragon balls your biggest wish will be granted but only if you reblog

[hersheyhipster]

Couldn’t risk it.

[justjengie]

didn’t realize they change colors. now I know o gotta wish.

[pinayputa]

THIS SHIT IS REAL I GOT THE JOB I WAS NUTS ABOUT BC I REBLOGGED THIS YESTERDAY maybe it’s a coinkidink but it okay just take the necessary steps to achieve what you’re wishing for and YOU CAN DO IT

[breebro]

I want all the Uber billionaires to donate to charities, fix cities like Flint and Detriot, and eradicate world hunger and poverty

[cyborgsmanifesto]

dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island 

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak

[4velitta4]

I feel like this could be useful in my future

[astrologypixies-deactivated2016]

REBLOG THIS. I CANNOT STRESS HOW IMPORTANT THIS GUIDES ARE, BOOST THIS SHIT

[getupoffyourcassbutt]

If I don’t reblog this one of these things is definitely going to happen to me

[theszandor-deactivated20190509]

I’m gonna reblog for y’all but also for me bc I’m a writer man I need this random info

[smuganimebitch]

i don’t really think the relationship between generation z and millennials is comparable to the relationship between baby boomers and millennials

mostly because largely speaking. baby boomers are the parents of millennials but millennials aren’t the parents of generation z

[smuganimebitch]

your older sibling telling you you’re an idiot for eating laundry detergent just isn’t the same thing as your parents berating you for not having a job in a shitty economy

[closet-keys]

them: you don’t watch game of thrones?? really? how come?

me: 

[closet-keys]

@scarcity-of-cats @annajanes

It’s called Unconsenting Media 

[shelikestowakeupandjustfakeit]

Oh my god, this is going on my list along with doesthedogdie.com

[tzikeh]

Holy shit that’s useful

[elfgirleargasm-deactivated20241]

I probably won’t find myself using this but for my followers: if you can’t handle this shit, USE THIS. If you think a movie or tv show may be hard to watch, do your homework.

[priboltao]

1 - the very reason why I don’t watch GoT

2 - This and rotten apples are some of the best sites ever

3 - Does the dog die have a TON of subcategories, such as jumpscares, strobe effects, does a kid die, does an LGBT person dies and many, many others (they actually link to unconsenting media under “someone is sexually assaulted”). Please save it to tour favorites is really freaking usefull

[goatsandgangsters]

KHDFKJGHSDKJGHSJK EMBARRASSING CONFESSION TIME 

I’ve never seen pan’s labyrinth so I decided to watch it cause it’s on netflix and when it started I was like “huh this is only from 2006? weird, idk why I thought it was so much older… guess I just had that wrong in my head” 

but I’m watchin, I’m havin a good time, I’m seeing familiar shots from gifs and stuff, but as it’s going on I’m thinking 

“you know, this is a pretty serious movie”

“tonally, I don’t know how glam rock david bowie is going to fit into this”

SUFFICE IT TO SAY, I’VE NEVER SEEN LABYRINTH EITHER AND IT TOOK ME A FULL TWO HOURS TO FIGURE OUT THEY’RE NOT THE SAME MOVIE

[indigenousandangry]

omg that’s hilarious

[memories]

apparently, I joined this tumblr place at 02/06/2017 5:47:57 PM.

[memories]

My body is but a #i'm sorry this is so late friend temple.

[wilwheaton]

hi mr wheaton can i get a "trans rights!" in honor of tdov

Fuck yes you can.

[draconym]

friend shaped

[shiny-pokeganda]

Reblog with your first ever shiny Pokémon

(Why not? :3) I’ll start!

My first ever shiny Pokémon was a Diglett back in Pokémon LeafGreen, and I didn’t even know about shiny Pokémon at the time

(Unfortunately shiny alolan Diglett was the only gif I could find ;-; )

[bewear-appreciation]

They don’t have shiny Bronzor but yeah this was my first but sadly I lost the game.

[growlithe-propaganda]

My first one was a shiny Unown in Diamond! 

[birdbrained-dreamer]

No shiny gifs for machop but this is the first shiny I caught! Omega Ruby

[dreamy-okapi]

(Not counting wormholes) My first shiny was an Eevee I SOS chained for! Her name is Tessa and she’s a sylveon now ^-^

[sonderdream]

I had an eevee as my first shiny as well! I got her on my Ultra Moon game in the ranch area. Her name is Opal, but I was thinking of changing it to Aquamarine or Sapphire or something since I also evolved her into a sylveon!

[furfrou-appreciation]

This lil one was given to me by a friend

[scolipedepropaganda]

I think my first shiny was a foongus in Pokemon X? I recently got another one in Pokemon y too

[joltik-appreciation]

Mine was a shiny joltik I Masuda(?) Methoded for in pokemon X

[sobbleganda]

Shiby Tangela in Soul Silver

[amongthefae]

My first was a shiny vulpix in Lets go! Eevee! I chain caught 158 vulpix to find her!