Fangurlontheside

[papayafromtv]

big BIG fan of hardened hero/vigilante types having regular but non-negotiable fears. especially when those hardened hero/vigilante types are the batfamily. because as much as those guys are seen as cryptids and unbeatable legends that somehow manage to beat every meta around them without breaking a sweat, they are just. a group of guys. and i think that’s very fucking funny and people should be reminded of that more often.

-

*the JLA holding a super important strategy meeting in the batcave*

Batman: -the main priority is to ensure the safety of the surrounding area even in the case of a fight, so we’ll have people stationed around the perimeter just in case. Hood, can you grab me the signal flares from the store room? you’re closest.

Red Hood, walking over: *grunts*

Batman: *continues to explain his plan as in the background Jason walks into the store room, pauses, and then promptly walks right back out*

Red Hood: *sweetly, from the doorway* Robin?

Robin: mm?

Red Hood: would you like to go into the store room for me? my darling, favourite brother-mine?

Robin:

Robin, eyes half-lidded: is there a spider in there?

Red Hood: maybe.

Robin, sighing in exasperation as he starts walking over: you really need to start trying to deal with these yourself, Hood. you can’t call me every time-

The Flash, watching Damian emerge with a small spider in the palm of his hand while Jason refuses to come out of the corner of the cave: doesn’t that guy chop peoples heads off sometimes…?

-

*Aquaman, on a mission with Nightwing and Batman, on a platform in the middle of the ocean*

Aquaman: if you have your rebreathers then you can follow me down, it’s not too deep a dive to the site.

Nightwing: *staring into the water* mhm.

Batman: *watching Nightwing in amusement*

Aquaman: …Nightwing, are you ok?

Nightwing, still staring: oh- hm? yep. yep, i’m good. i’m- yeah. lets go. lets do this.

Aquaman:

Batman: he has thalassophobia. he doesn’t like deep, empty waters.

Aquaman:

Nightwing: *staring down*

Batman: *faux shoves Dick forward, as if to push him in*

Nightwing, shrieking and jumping back: bRUCE- I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT-

-

Superman: the victim’s in that room, if you need to examine the body.

Red Robin: got it, thanks.

Red Hood: so what actually happened to the guy?

Superman, as Tim leaves: well, it seems like the virus infects the mind and causes intense delusions. we think he was driven crazy and ended his own life. it’s… not pretty in there. he stabbed himself in the eye with a pencil.

Red Hood: *whistles* *pauses* wait. in the eye?

Superman: yeah. why?

Red Hood:

Red Robin: *slams out of the other room, falls to his knees vomiting*

Superman:

Red Hood, watching Tim calmly: yeah he’s got this thing about things in peoples eyes?

Superman:

Superman: really?

-

Green Arrow: shit, that’s a nasty scratch you got there, Bats. right across the eye, too.

Batman: *grunt*

Green Arrow: who’d you fight to get it?

Batman: Robin.

Green Arrow:

Green Arrow: Damian did that?

Batman: hn.

Green Arrow: …why?

Batman: he had a cavity and i had to take him to the dentist.

Green Arrow:

Batman: he’s scared of the dentist.

Green Arrow: wasn’t he raised by the league of assassins?

Batman: he’s scared of the dentist.

Green Arrow:

[haveihitanerve]

“Bruce doesn’t call himself the batkids dad”

WRONG!

Bruce will not insult his children’s intellect by assuming they were not of sound mind or did not mean what they said when they tell him he is their dad. This is genuinely the one thing for Bruce that is a no-take-backsies

They are not siblings, they do not have to interact with each other- he only cares that they are civil and polite- but they ate his kids.

This man literally says it himself “they may not be brothers but they’re both my sons.”

Yes, he is a deeply insecure man who worries about his worth in his kids lives. But he never doubts that they in fact view him as their father. They tell him once that he is a father figure/father/dad-shaped and they will never be able to recant that.

He is their dad, those are his kids, end of discussion no take backs.

[detective-comics-disaster]

Bruce: I'm sure you are all wondering why we are having this dinner.

Tim: Are we going on a mission?

Bruce: No, this is a different matter...*sigh*... we have to talk about the Batcomputer search history.

Batkids: *frozen in horror*

Dick: What do you mean search history? I thought the computer was super encrypted and stuff.

Bruce: Well, it seems that several of you thought that and now we have to have this conversation.

Bruce: Who searched for "murder suspects near me"? You are fired.

Jason: It was a long weekend, I was trying to speed up the process.

Bruce: Next we have "vacation homes in California" which would not be a problem had one not been embezzled in the batarang budget.

Tim: It was worth a try.

Bruce: Well now you will be taking over my patrols while I am in my new vacation home.

Tim: Fair enough.

Bruce: And finally we have "how to adopt many turtles without father finding out" followed by "how to train a violent turtle army."

Damian: Who could have search for that?

Bruce: I found the turtles Damian.

Damian: They will be a great asset on patrol.

Bruce: You are all banned from the computer for 2 weeks.

[maddielourd]

Reason #828584 why I love Jeremy Knox

“Speaking of Neil, I’m surprised he didn’t come with you. Not that we’re not happy to have you,” (Jeremy) added over his shoulder at Andrew

I feel like in the same situation, a lot of people would instead turn to Kevin and say, “Not that we’re not happy to have your friend.”

After all, Andrew can be intimidating and abrasive. Jeremy could use that as an excuse to talk around him. However, Jeremy makes an effort to help Andrew feel included in the conversation even when Andrew is actively not participating in it.

Anddd as someone who is antisocial and used to others talking about me like I’m not there, I think that it’s sweet.

[whomst-the-hell]

And The Tree Was Happy

More than three teams try to scout Andrew in his senior year, given that he’s widely regarded as the best goalie in NCAA Exy, but only three offers really matter.

OR: Andrew's thought process as he tries to decide where to go after graduating PSU. It's not where you think.

[benevolenterrancy]

that's not the sort of theft he's worried about, Nicky

@jtl-fics your tag made me laugh 😂 that sounds on brand for him, yeah (referencing this post)

[tozierandishareglasses]

Andrew "poker faced smut reader" Minyard and

Neil "what the fuck does that even mean" Josten

[dykekarkat]

neil isnt allowed to wear a backwards hat instead of his bandana bcus when andrew found out he wore it during classes he decided palmetto state had to go

[myshangel]

instances of shane, the worlds most jock, calling ilya baby:

“Baby, what time is it?”

“Huh? Hold on, baby, I can’t hear you. Fuck, it’s loud in here.”

“Fuck, Ilya, yes, like that, baby, just like that, fuck—“

“Ilya, what’s— Are you crying? What’s wrong, baby, it’s okay, it’s— What’s wrong? Please, tell me, what’s wrong?”

“Fuckin’ A, Rozanov! Yes, baby! Fuck, that was a good one. C’mere.”

“Mm, baby, your feet are cold. Ah! Ilya, get your cold fucking feet off me. Put some socks on. Jesus.”

“Hold on, I’ll ask him— Baby, my mom wants to know if steak is good for dinner?”

“Your hair is so fluffy today. No, no, come back, let me— Yes. Thank you, baby.”

“Ilyusha. My baby. Ilyusha. You’re so pretty. Don’t laugh! I’m being serious!”

“You’re gonna have to skate better than that to beat me in the scoring race, baby, I’m locked in this season.”

“Fuck, baby, you’re burning up. No, asshole, I mean you’re sick. You can’t go to practice like this, don’t be fucking stupid.”

“Uh, just a beer, please. Thank you, baby, that’s perfect.”

“Ilya, baby, you want a pretzel?”

“Hi, baby. You looked good out there, that goal was fuckin’ insane.”

[homunculus-argument]

Hey btw, here's a piece of life advice:

If you know what you'd have to do to solve a problem, but you just don't want to do it, your main problem isn't the problem itself. Your problem is figuring out how to get yourself to do the solution.

If your problem is not eating enough vegetables, the problem you should be solving is "how do I make vegetables stop being yucky". If your problem is not getting enough exercise, the problem you should be solving is "how do I make exercise stop sucking ass". You're not supposed to just be doing things that are awful and suck all the time forever, you're supposed to figure out how to make it stop being so awful all the time.

I used to hate wearing sunscreen because it's sticky and slimy and disgusting and it feels bad and it smells bad, so I neglected to wear it even if I needed to. Then I found one that isn't like that, and doesn't smell and feel gross. Problem solved.

There is no correct way to live that's just supposed to suck and feel bad all the time. You're allowed to figure out how to make it not suck so bad.

[maddielourd]

Andrew Minyard is the best Exy goalkeeper

Proof:

“The Ravens had taken an incredible hundred and fifty shots on goal; it was unbelievable Andrew had only missed thirteen of them.”

The world record for most saves in a hockey game by a goalie is 124.

Andrew blocked 137 shots on goal. 

Exy goals are a lot bigger than hockey goals. (Close to the same size as a soccer goal.)

On average, professional soccer goalkeepers save around 70% of shots on target

Andrew saved 91.4% in the Ravens game

And while sick from WITHDRAWAL.

[scunthotter]

I can't believe that Ilya really thought they were going to break up if Shane hadn't gotten injured. Like you haven't been able to stay away from this man for almost a decade despite the very real threat to your career and your citizenship, but sure getting a little too intimate on facetime is gonna make you stay away from him. Like be so fucking for real Ilya, you two have been trying to stop since you started and everytime you both come crawling back, you weren't gonna successfully break up with him and you damn well know that.

[4me2knowandyou2wonder]

Thank you so much for this thought. You’re so right. I didnt consider how it would have gone.“we have to stop seeing eachother” “no. Come to my cottage” “okay.”

[akuchi-nya]

I was the only one who noticed tha if you take away the numer 0 from the niel´s number, it´s a perfec sequence 1 2 3? only me ? good

[instigatorjosten]

Andrew “im actually just a kid but i hate feeling vulnerable so I’ll convince everyone im a monster so theyre too scared to even question my bluff” Minyard and Neil “i think im a monster and im so scared people will be able to tell so i act like im just some poor kid” Josten. takes a faker to know one. Andrew recognizing Neil’s sharp edges because he’s been hand carving his own to match for years.

[yiling-lao-who]

😭😭😭why would you every say that! My heart!!

[ghost-kings-court-jester]

The way Xie Lian would no hesitatation let Hua Cheng possess him for plot purposes if he needed to and would be genuinely upset when Hua Cheng was able to be in his own body again because he’s a freak like that and would love having Hua Cheng that close to him and being able to keep him safe with his own body like he’s that insane about Hua Cheng just like Hua Cheng is about him and that is genuinely important to me.

[whattheship]

I just had the vivid mental image of Wei Wuxian explaining to Xie Lian how the Empathy spell works, and Xie Lian sloooooowly turning to give Hua Cheng the most sultry bedroom eyes you could possibly imagine. Like he listened to the explanation and what he heard was: "You mean he could get even deeper inside me?"

[ghost-kings-court-jester]

*kisses you on the forehead for your beautiful brain* you, you understand me.

[robs-your-robins]

I think Bruce rejects the "Bruce Wayne is Batman" conspiracy theories online but in the way that James Gunn shoots down theories and speculation about his upcoming projects.

Like picture is posted of Bruce in the cheapest possible Batman costume, taking the garbage out at the Manor. Bruce just comments under it. "Who leaked this? Somebody is getting fired."

[tayasui-mono]

Boston Raiders watching the Tampa All-Star game highlights after Ilya kisses Shane all giddy, thinking, who the fuck is that guy? Because that jolly guy on the screen? Expression so different he doesn't even resemble their captain? He'd been a complete psycho lunatic the past couple months. Unbearable. And now he's giggling at Shane Hollander???

[sluthollander]

no bc I'm imagining the raiders "no cap" group chat (only recently made in the no good times) going crazy during the game like:

holy shit cap doesn't look like he wants to off himself!! are we finally free???

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

dude are WE the problem?

don't say that 🥲

but man hollander and cap are on 🔥🔥🔥🔥

can't believe they got cap playing wing! should've been hollander 😤

damn clean goal 🔥

wtf

did he just

ok guess happy roz is officially back

LETS GOOOO

dude I can't believe hollander got a kiss!! when's the last time any of us got one 😭

yeah like that should be reserved for raiders only

lol we need to get a welcome home cheater banner for the locker room 😂

didn't think he was that close with hollander?

lol maybe he's just trying to piss him off

nah that's genuinely happy roz

yeah and hollander doesn't look mad

whatever i for one am grateful THANK YOU JANE HOLLANDER FOR SAVING US FROM DEMON ROZ 🙏🙏🙏

*shane

wait

Oh

Shit

Fuck

...no way

anyways that's how the raiders figure it out™