Sleepiest fucker alive

It/He, Adult. I reblog stuff. Sometimes I even draw (Under 'gremlin's hoard')

[nociceptrix]

How goated it is to be anything at all

[ranticore]

frenemies ?

[abimee]

[0v9]

seeing this image in 2026 is like seeing an old friend who I've dearly missed

[sheprd]

in the interest of causing as much confusion as humanly possible

[garaks-padded-cell]

I have an absolutely massive russian guy as my driving instructor rn

Whenever i get into his car i have to spend an embarrassing 3 minutes adjusting everything back into clown car proportions so i can fit. Anyways a couple lessons ago he had me do the same route over and over to practice and there was a dead seagull in the middle of the road at one point and to keep correct positioning on the road i was required to drive over its carcass like 19 times just goring this seagull until the 20th lap when my instructor looked at the seagull that now more resembled tomato soup than a bird and said "this time. you spare seagull" and so i did and then he said "incorrect positioning on road"

[9cl]

Driving around my town trying to find one single burger just one burger or a hot dog but Unfortunately everythings just rubble and twisted scaffolding upstretched and rotting and theres shit on fire and a big black ass sky

[official-kircheis]

[9cl]

Guess i cant do shit anymore Cause the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides... And yep, you guessed it: a dark wind blows.

[aflo]

[circusheart]

If I keep practicing I might even be a person soon

[digitalmyyth]

worst yoga ball everr

[d897gyhaujfkedw7r9euwijkjfkdl]

Walking into my 9 hour shift and hearing "2 people quit yesterday"

[d897gyhaujfkedw7r9euwijkjfkdl]

[messsssmer]

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

[fireknightqueelign]

thy mother

[messsssmer]

Art thou for fucking real

[crabussy]

"being a human is so boring why can't I be one of the COOL animals" okay hey. I hear you. but I actually really super love being an omnivorous persistence hunting primate with a stomach capable of dissolving many literal poisons and the ability to smell geosmin (released in the soil after it rains) at five parts per trillion. I super enjoy being a bipedal terrifyingly agile mammal with some of the most efficient sweat glands in the animal kingdom. I find a lot of joy in being an endotherm with mimicry abilities that rival most other animals with vocal chords. it's sick as hell I'm having a lot of fun

[beemovieerotica]

idk if i told the full story on here but i signed up for a research study where they were testing a new opioid, and it was supposed to be up to 5 injections increasing the dose to see what people could tolerate

i got the first dose and almost immediately fainted. they had to call in a whole medical team and it was a huge fucking deal

i was kicked out of the study and got a phone call later where they were supposed to tell me what the drug was, so i could avoid it in the future. they told me it was saline water. a placebo. i fainted from the placebo effect.

anyway, it's been a few months and i just got an email from the same department asking me to be a research participant in a new study: testing the effects of open-label placebo.

open label placebo is when the subjects and the researchers all know it's a placebo. they're testing the power of my mind. my power to imagine anything.

i like to think that they chose me for this specifically based on their past experience with me. "get the guy who fainted like a little bitch boy from saline water." anyway i just submitted all my info and i'm looking forward to getting started.

[sceptixfakemon]

this heatwave fucking sucks how am I going to serve my liege like this

[sceptixfakemon]

im never leaving this hellsite

[sceptixfakemon]

i swear if this is the second stupid sword picture post i make that gets to 10k i'll just go kill someone

[sceptixfakemon]

FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!

[byjove]

Most of us have a gross food at a friend’s house while growing up story but mine was sooooo wild. We sat down to dinner, the side dishes were like white rice and broccoli and the main entree was shrimp. Just shrimp. Unseasoned steamed shrimp. Pink. Not a shred of any sort of herb or flavoring on that thang. I do not enjoy shrimp on the best of days but I can tolerate it, I bit into one just to make sure there wasn’t like a clear lemon sauce or something that wasn’t visible but no, this was really and truly completely unseasoned shrimp. This was a predicament. I was in maybe the third grade, I really wanted to make a good impression so I politely asked if there was any cocktail sauce to dip the shrimp in as that was what I was used to doing. Her dad laughed and said no.

I straight up could not make myself eat it. I tried very politely to nibble on the side dishes and I did not place additional shrimp on my plate as to be polite and not waste food but it was fucking surreal. The whole unseasoned meal combination was not human food, it was like a fancy meal for an expensive dog. Her, her parents and her brother are eating it like unseasoned rice, broccoli and shrimp is a completely normal meal. I feel it is important to note that this was occurring in North Carolina so I’m not used to dealing with this, I had never experienced an unseasoned shrimp with no sauce in my 9 or 10 years of life. I also feel it is important to note my friend is biracial, Black mom, white dad. This is not a midwestern Caucasian mom mealtime disaster, this is 100 miles inland from the fucking coast in North Carolina. Shrimp is not a cheap food so it’s not like they just couldn’t afford to season the protein. To this day, I still do not understand. Maybe they were health freaks, maybe someone in the household was on a low sodium diet but not a single HERB??? NOTHING????? WHY WERE THEY EATING LIKE THAT???????

My friend’s dad mentioned to my dad that I hadn’t eaten at dinner when they walked me home, presumably because he didn’t want my dad to think they had me over for dinner and refused to feed me when I went home starving. My parents taught me to always be polite and gracious and I’d get in trouble for being rude for things I did not completely understand were slights but I knew bonding over food is a big part of the culture in the south so not feeding someone when they’re at your house and/or not eating when offered is considered rude and bizarre. I waited for them to leave and I was sooooo worried I’d be in trouble but I explained the unseasoned shrimp dilemma to my dad and the look on his face was like 😟, he was also truly fucking baffled and I was absolved of all guilt.

[crayfishcraig]

Please tell me you still know these people, I need answers

[dogpuppy]

[meanbuddhist]

*turns my attention inwards* mmmmm. no *turns my attention back outwards* oh god