hhhheyyy sorry if its any bother (i am not as confident showing my face around as our co-host because i get overwhelmed from being too perceived and i tend to care a lot over how people view me so whenever i interact with system spaces it's usually through gimmick accounts here with anon on but !!! One step at a time amirite guys 👍 (please don't throw rocks at me))
So like this is a P-DID community blog and i wanted to like, i dunno I'm not asking for a diagnosis I'm just wanting to ask here to get some thoughts from systems with partial DID that know more about the experience better, and also because I'm feeling a little lost
So like, i always felt like we never quite fit in anywhere because, at first we thought we had OSDD-1B, but then, we realized we DO have blackout switches and time skips and amnesia between parts - small emphasis on amnesia between parts because when i was questioning again I was like If osdd-1b, then why you no remember what me remember? 🤨? (Idk how to explain)
And so, i thought i could never stop fronting like ever, but then turns out. Heeey. We experience switches, and timeskips so after freaking out for a while and still being unabke to accept we did experience something we didn't know about we all eventually went. Okay, guess we cannot denial out of this one, i think we have DID and not osdd But like, we're not quite there yet because then we feel like. Hey people out there do switch a lot like a whole whole whole lot and I'm like. Okay maybe online spaces make it seem like all systems switch a way more lot than us and maybe that's not always the case like how we see it, but also like. Okay switches that are like me host being GONE gone do happen but there's usually like at minimum months of distance between a 'full switch' that happens
I think what i can describe what happens with our cohost in a way which is like, hey i was trying to do this, why did we zone out and why did the host started doing the task i was doing without even realizing
The way i experience it when another alter interacts with the outside i am always co-conscious in a way or another and sometimes i might feel like I'm in this state of existence and nonexistence where im technically observing but like i am not thinking anything or feeling emotions and then when I'm back out of that the memories feel hazy
Im so so so so so so so sorry if I'm just misinterpreting normal ass experiences btw, one system with P-DID ive seen out there said they only switched like ONCE in like several years ago, and im like, im not sure???? Is like experiencing a switch that is not me being co-conscious in the background every once a fuckall who knows how many amount of time too much? If anybody knows of good resources to look into i would like to know
Our co-host which is usually always near the front with me (our co host which is the co host yes i know sorry silly wording) made this which i think encapsulates what i described (i am not gonna be able to explain every single thing about our system because i am already taking a lot of paragraphs here by just scratching the surface and i still feel like im not explaining myself fully)
Even if my experiences turn out to not be P-DID and if im just a did system that switches very rarely and has me the host held hostage into the front forever and ever I'm like. Yall deserve to be included in conversations related to systemd and acknowledged (im like so sorry if this ask looks silly to an outsider i am like genuinely clueless here please dont make fun of m)(i guess im also kinda reaching out because i really need to talk and interact with people out there more)
But ye again i would love to see if i can find more resources and hear about people's experiences overall to learn even if im not a P-DID system
Sorry Im so late! This blog is kinda touch andgo!
So the system saying they switched several years ago was prooooobably our main lmao
Anyway no thats a normal sys experience but no worries! Pdid system criteria for switches involve things like extreme dire stress, self harm and trauma reenactment/flashbacks
If youre switching sparsely, that's okay! It happens, just like how large systems are common but we know a few systems with less than 10 or even 5 alters! We have seen a lot of systems switch a lot and a lot of systems not switch much for a while
Sometimes an alter can be in that limbo state as you described for many reasons, but it doesnt pertain to the definition of PDID since a switch does happen to the main fronter
You can have someone in front co consious forever but if the main fronter entirely switches then it isnt pdid, you just are in front a lot ig
It can be confusing but the main premises is the fronter switches. Period. Even if you are the default to come in or vice versa
As a PDID system I describe influence and intrusion like a tea bag
Im still water but ai get flavoured
I also describe it like a parasite! Parts of me gets overtaken like taste sensation, interests, ect. But a part of me is still aware Im me and what I should be liking
It gets more confusing when someone is given the ability to speak to others like in a call but we have to emphasis no switch occured we are just talking outloud hah
You could have DID with less switching but who knows lol I only have so much- OSDD can actually have blackouts btw its just dependant on the experience tbh and amnesia between alters generally
You can have blackouts and greyouts but low barriers between alters and that may fall more under OSDD
I would suggest looking over the DSM definitions if you havent and compairing your experience to the diagnostic
It may help to note things that are similar and different
If it isnt 100% DID, you'll probably get considered OSDD if you were tk seek doagnosis
Im no therapist but I hope this helps ^^
