Ace Is The Place With The Inclusive Aspec Folx

This is my messy aroace sideblog! My name is Tian, pronouns are He/Him/His and Xe/Xem/Xers (plus others but only if we're close b) I'm an adult and sometimes post kink/sex/polyamorous positive things, we tag but be aware.

[mattpresents]

How do you know you're not Asexual? Maybe you just haven't met the right nobody.

[aroaceenjolras]

This "allosexuality" thing is just a phase. You just need to have really bad sex, and then maybe you'll change your mind.

[renthony]

I don't care if people enjoy Steven Universe.

I care that Steven Universe was subject to aggressively homophobic censorship, which is a genuine fucking social justice issue, and nobody cares because as long as something is "cringey" it's free-game to be homophobic toward, apparently.

There existed a children's television show that got cancelled over its inclusion of a lesbian wedding, and instead of being remembered as a victim of homophobic censorship, or as a historical milestone that allowed the production of other queer shows like She-Ra and The Owl House, it gets remembered as nothing but a bad discourse generating fandom.

And that really fucking chaps my ass as someone who studies queer media.

[tboyfarting]

the reason why you see more detrans women then detrans men is because they are funded and pushed by the right and their white feminity and victimhood is being used to push a white supremacist, misogynist and anti-reproductive rights narrative btw. not because ftms actually regret their transitions more. btw.

[beaft]

this website is so funny because every couple years we repeat the discourse of "which marginalised group is it morally okay for us to shit on?" and somehow nobody ever learns from it. we just look back and go, "hey, remember that time when everyone was joking about how ace people should all be put in meat grinders? that was so messed up. we should not have done that. anyway, here's my topical joke about how polyamorous people should all be put in meat grinders."

[capnsoapy]

do you think that a certain genre of queer person is so obsessively weird about pride flag discourse becuase their flags fill the gaping hole in their personality where a hogwarts house used to be

[the-drunk-game-master-deactivat]

I suppose? You can just replace that with what kind of bender tribe you'd be, or if you're a Jedi or a Sith.

[capnsoapy]

Personally I don't want to have my personality defined by any commercial property for preteens because I have a three-dimensional sense of self,

[grumpy-bat-central]

I'll do you one better, identify with your choice of lightsaber color and form you'd use~!

[capnsoapy]

Personally I don't want to have my personality defined by any commercial property for preteens because I have a three-dimensional sense of self,

[capnsoapy]

Personally I don't want to have my personality defined by any commercial property for preteens because I have a three-dimensional sense of self,

[polyamorousmood]

It really says something that a lot of monogamous people consider polyamorous and aromantic to be "opposites" but every polyam person I know took one look at aromantics and said "they're just like me for real"

[silosworld]

Poly folks x aro folks in the sense that "alloromantic heterosexual monogamous people view love and sex as an entirely different entity than me, and that makes life kinda strange"

[rincent-van-uggh]

[asterosian]

I shouldn’t be scrolling through the blog of someone I’ve had blocked for months and I know it but every time I see this one person’s blog I find a new reason to think this person can’t be fucking serious.

Now we can add “calling ace inclusionists from the Ace discourse days ‘the proto transandrophobia community’ and thinking it makes you look good”.

For context she’s complaining about the existence of the term REG and posting screenshots she found I think from @vaspider (since she brings him up specifically in posts about this subject).

But like… yeah we supported aces and aros back when the ace discourse was around. None of us are ashamed of it. Aphobes now call their own past cringe and won’t talk about it. Many openly state their regrets and have come around. Remind me again which one you want to be aligned with here? The ones combating bigotry or the ones who only stopped being open about theirs when they decided it was embarrassing for them? And why do you think digging up posts from 2017 when none of us were using the term transandrophobia is relevant today when we’re actively discussing transandrophobia?

[vaspider]

Proto... transandrophobia?

Wow. We ... what?

Imagine not realizing that you're basically admitting that when "ace discourse" wore out that you just turned on the next new target, which is exactly what we said would happen.

Anyway, I don't need links, just let me know the blog name please so I can check and make sure i have that person blocked. I don't want to go look. I try to avoid looking at this kind of stuff, bc it's weird and creepy.

[asterosian]

Fair enough, I just figured I’d offer in case. The blog is thicced-witch. She spams the transandrophobia tag enough I’m sure you probably have her blocked by now.

[vaspider]

I don't follow tags. :) Their tendency to be spammed by bad actors is one of the reasons why.

[vaspider]

And yeah, I already had her blocked. I admit to going to look bc I was morbidly curious, and... it's really wild watching this person twist herself into a pretzel to make "REG" transmisogynistic and trying so hard to make a discussion that was about ace & aro people about how the people involved in that conversation nine years ago - most of whom are/were trans & I think a majority were transfem? It's been a long time, I know a bunch of trans women were involved - were actually somehow secretly aimed at hating trans women and trying so hard to make it entirely about me when I was one of a bunch of people involved in that conversation.

It kind of gives the whole game away. "How can I make this unrelated conversation about an entirely different group of people into proof about my pet axe to grind?" And boy, she makes a pretzel out of herself and her argument trying to do it.

IDK if she's really block evading, though - I'm sure she was able to find all that shit in people who don't (yet) have her blocked who reblogged from me and others involved in that conversation. I think I actually deleted some of my original posts from that time bc I was tired of getting notifications on them - I had a bunch of people linking to them and the gross notes just never stopped & this was back before you could filter notifications or turn off notifications on a particular post. Like, maybe she is, but it's not really necessary.

Anyway, I'm gonna go make a cheese ball & a vegan cheese ball bc my cousin is visiting tomorrow & those gotta rest in the fridge, and that's WAY more interesting than all this nine year old discourse being dug up and paraded around as if it's proof of anything more than "yeah, bud, y'all just move on to the next group to pick on," bc we fucking knew that already.

[vigilantsycamore]

Ok the screenshotted post's use of "proto-transandrophobia community" and the derisive reference to calling out aphobia already tells me everything I need to know which side is in the right here (not the one in the screenshot), but what does REG mean? I either haven't encountered that acronym before or I have but forgor

[asterosian]

It’s an old acronym from when the ace discourse was active. It stands for “reactionary exclusionary gatekeeper” and it was a shorthand for various types of exclusionary discourse stances (eg, “aces/aros aren’t lgbt,” “you need dysphoria to be trans,” “these nonbinary genders aren’t real,” things like that)

Personally I’ve stopped using it cause I no longer think it’s an entirely accurate description of these types of people who cycle through discourses to shit on various members of the queer community. I haven’t seen a large enough number of transandrophobes arguing that trans men aren’t actually trans or that we’re not members of the queer community at all (even if the impact they have is the same).

Plus, since its usage has died down, fewer people know what it means now. Makes it no longer work as a shorthand.

[rogerdeakinsdp]

TO WONG FOO, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING! JULIE NEWMAR (1995) directed by Beeban Kidron costume design and original sketches by Marlene Stewart

[aroaceenjolras]

We (the aro/ace, poly, and relationship anarchist communities) need to talk about backdooring

For all the dirty minded people reading this, no, that's not a buttsex joke. Please take this seriously.

Backdooring is a phenomenon I've observed where someone with more proximity to traditional relationship modalities gets into a nontraditional relationship (for instance, a nonsexual romantic relationship, a nonromantic sexual relationship, a committed relationship that is neither romantic nor sexual, or a polyamorous relationship) with someone who does not share that proximity, and attempts to move the relationship in a more traditional direction— stated simply, it's the use of a nontraditional relationship as a backdoor to a traditional one, specifically one with which the victim is not comfortable and does not consent to.

It often stems from an attitude of "Maybe this person will forget about being ace/aro/poly/RA now that they've met me."

As someone who has experienced backdooring in relationships where I thought I was safe (my ex-girlfriend successfully used our queerplatonic relationship as a backdoor into a romantic relationship that had me doubting my own orientation and personal boundaries for years after the fact, and more than one ex-friend of mine has tried to use the bonds I form with my friends as backdoors into a sexually predatory dynamic) I can say with 100% certainty that backdooring is a form of abuse, and that anyone with a preference for anything besides a monogamous, sexually involved romantic relationship is vulnerable to it.

What backdooring is and isn't

Backdooring isn't two people's feelings or attractions mutually changing after getting into a certain kind of relationship.

If you and your partner originally got into a sexless romance but began to feel a mutual sexual attraction to one another, that's fine. People's feelings about each other are fluid.

But if you're in a sexless romance and you have no interest in sex, but your partner keeps trying to pressure you to fuck them, please, just once, they haven't had any for so long and it would be really nice of you to just do this for them one time, they're probably trying to backdoor you and you need to do something about it because that's not a healthy situation.

If you're in a sexless relationship of any kind and you decide to mutually engage in a kink or fetish that doesn't require direct sexual contact, and you're both receiving an equal amount of enjoyment from participation in that kink/fetish, that isn't backdooring.

However, if someone you do not have a sexual relationship with engages in kink/fetish activities with you without telling you what they're doing or what they're getting out of it, that is backdooring and honestly, it's disgusting.

If you and your partner are in a polycule with some other people but you talk about it together and decide you want to go exclusive, that isn't backdooring.

But if your partner is trying to separate you from the rest of your polycule and get you to narrow your focus to only them, they're trying to backdoor you and you should let them know you won't stand for it.

If you're in a nonromantic relationship of any kind and you and your partner both enjoy playing with symbols and gestures associated with romance, but have no romantic intent behind the use of those symbols, that isn't backdooring.

But if you're in a nonromantic relationship and your partner uses those symbols and gestures with romantic intent, especially if they haven't cleared the use of those symbols or gestures with you ahead of time, that is backdooring and you should shut that door before it opens any further.

You can see clearly how backdooring intersects with and puts the victim at risk of other forms of intimate abuse, such as sexual/romantic coercion, social isolation, fetish mining, and, in extreme cases, corrective rape. It's honestly something that should be common sense not to do to another person, but for some reason, people with more traditional preferences like to see our relationships as less valuable and our boundaries as more freely transgressible.

If you've been a victim of this and want to share your story, I encourage you to add to this, or just reblog to spread awareness.

[noname0000000000000000-deactiva]

["you" is used as general you and isn't directed at anyone personally]

radical take: you can't know someone's agab if you haven't seen the moment of assigning it.

(intersex) people get reassigned with different gender later in life. sometimes after days, sometimes after weeks & months & years passed from birth.

trans labels are not indicative of agab.

body parts are not indicative of agab.

how someone is raised is not indicative of agab.

you can't always know whether someone is trans or intersex by their look.

if someone is visibly trans/intersex, it doesn't mean you can tell their gender by their look and moreso tell their agab (by assuming it being "the opposite" (binary shit) of their gender).

if someone tells you they're trans/nonbinary/intersex/otherwise genderqueer, you still can't tell their agab because you don't know their experience and medical history.

and oh, you shouldn't try to guess someone's agab at the first place.

(i can't believe "you can't tell someone's agab" and "you shouldn't ask someone's agab" and "what is in the stranger's pants is none of your business" are hot takes in the end of 2024 on tumblr).

[postnuclearwar]

Just had to block a long time mutual for this, but just a reminder that transandrophobia is real and everyone who saying it isn't is no different from the fucks who say biphobia and acephobia aren't real.

People have fundamentally different lives from you and if you can't handle that, you need to get the fuck out more and expand your life experiences and the people you are meeting. No one should have to suffer for your ignorance.

[fall-of-efrafa]

person who openly hates how trans men sexually express themselves who openly hates how trans men musically express themselves who openly hates how trans men draw themselves who openly hates the way trans men refer to themselves but is completely silent about the exact same ways trans women do these things with the same level of 'cringe' or predictability or stereotyping then hit you with the 'transandrophobia isn't real' like my dipshit in christ i think you might just hate the fact there's a word to refer to people like you

[fall-of-efrafa]

when the aphobia stuff was really big there was quite a loud proportion of lesbians who (rightly) kept mentioning how queer vendors would have ace stuff but no lesbian stuff, but then (wrongly) kept saying how it's cos ace people are taking space away from lesbians cos 'all ace people hate lesbians' or whatever else as if all the decades of lesbian visibility in comparison to ace people just went the fuck away the moment ace people dared to make tat for themselves, as if ace people hadn't been an invisible minority of the community for forever

like i fucking promise you trans men being loud about their experience and existence is not taking a single thing away from trans women but pretending like trans women are the only historically accurate artistically valid logically sound trans people sure is taking away from trans men

[cock-holliday]

I think people need to be more comfortable with illegalism and I’m not kidding. Of course the more legal something is, the safer and easier it is to do, but the more people who disregard the law, the harder it is to enforce. There are plenty of laws on the books that people just ignore and are never or rarely policed.

Becoming more comfortable with little illegal activities makes you more comfortable with bigger more important illegal activities. Additionally, it is crucial to build a wall of silence. Nobody talks everybody walks.

People who give out food without a permit, hold a march without a permit, grow a garden without a permit, are more likely to be people you could turn to to work with on preventing an eviction, or keeping people out of cop hands, or helping your friend Jane get crucial healthcare when it’s not legal in your state.

Communities comfortable with these acts won’t call the cops, and then nobody knows that it’s happening.

People have got to shift from both the idea that lawful = good/ illegal = bad, and that the illegality of something means that’s the end of it, and the only fight left is to make it legal again.

[anarchistmemedistro]

illegalism

illegalism

[anarchistmemedistro]

[busty-gumshoe]

asexuals are queer pass it on

[busty-gumshoe]

wow yall are still arguing in these notes huh

anyway asexuals are still queer, keep passing

[two-thirtyy]

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Look buddy, i’m just trying to make it to Friday.

[taykoutmccleod]

reblog if its friday and you made it

[trixic-frankenman-deactivated20]

[benjaminallhope-fulltimemind]

just a handy little info chart on the spectrums of sexuality.

[wanhyutji]

Stop calling it women’s healthcare stop calling it women’s healthcare stop calling it women’s healthcare stop calling it women’s healthcare stop calling it women’s healthcare

[p-isequalto-np]