IT’S OVER: MY INNER ANTHEM
HOW MY OWN SONG BECAME MY OWN ANTHEM TO GET OUT OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
Originally, the song IT’S OVER was merely another breakup song in the world of breakup songs… my personal first of the kind (I try to avoid such things. Alas, it happened). I wrote it nearly two years ago about my ex.
Music, and the business surrounding it, can take time to be prepared for release. It can take on new meaning through that time. For me, leading up to the release, the song and its video counterpart became an integral part of the understanding, exploration, and now traumatic recovery from an abusive dynamic in my life.
The song suddenly took on a new meaning for me. It became my own anthem, to truly let go of, and recover from the abuse I had endured.
The social media campaign I personally built around the release was not only a way of vulnerably sharing pieces of my story, but I also wanted to use it as a way to educate around the subject matter. These experiences are far too frequent.
We are afraid to talk about it. I was afraid to talk about it. I still am.
I was afraid my campaign was “triggering”. I almost pulled it down SO many times. Afraid people would be turned off by my honesty, by my rawness, that it would come across as negative, and people wouldn’t support me, the message, my music. Among all of these concerns, I was, and still am EXTREMELY fragile because of what I have been processing emotionally… So, besides dealing with a deep depression, and bouts of anxiety, I had to also handle the idea that the sharing of my experience might somehow be wrong, and bad, and turn people off of me, my music my art, and the message.
The truth is, the message isn’t negative. It’s REAL. And, through all of my soul searching, all of my self doubt, all of my grieving, I have come to the decision that these conversations need to happen. It will turn some people off. But I am not here in this life to skirt around the edges and play “happy”. I am here to play REAL.
And this is my real life experience. Yes, I have suffered from abuse.
I know a lot of people see me as a strong, empowered, independent, and fierce woman. I am, in many ways. And also… I am human, and what I have realized, is that this sort of thing can happen to anyone. At the time of my experience, I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I didn’t realize the words and the actions were 'abusive' and I really didn't know how common this was. I felt stuck, alone, and embarrassed to be in the position I was in. It took everything in my life falling apart to feel I’d had enough, and find the courage to cut chords.
Because of my personal journey around this campaign, and the realizations I have had, I started to research abuse, in order to better understand what I have been through, and continue to heal from. Abuse comes in many forms, it is not only physical. Other forms of abuse can be harder to identify, and thus can be equally as difficult to get away from. Other forms of abuse include: psychological, reproductive, verbal, sexual, and narcissistic. Abuse is NOT specific to romantic relationships. It can happen in working dynamics, with family, in friendships. The statistics around abuse at large are staggering. Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten. One in every three women will experience domestic abuse in her lifetime… the list goes on.
I was shocked, appalled, and grieving from the realizations of how incredibly prevalent this is, all the while, licking my own wounds.
The video for the song was created as a place for women to share their stories of love, loss, heartbreak, and conclusively find a way to say “it’s over”- regardless of the situation she may have found herself in, or the degree of difficulty. The women sat in a safe space (my bedroom, on my birthday) and told their stories, clearly going through their own releases, and finding their own version of “IT’S OVER” through their intimate experiences.
The video also took on new meaning for me as time went on… seeing my friends’ faces, their tears, knowing more about their own stories. Having the video translated into 10+ languages; seeing the words IT’S OVER written in Arabic, Japanese, Polish, Italian, French, Hebrew, Portuguese, Russian, Korean, Spanish… it was fucking beautiful. It was fucking global. It spoke to me in new ways as I unraveled my own situation… with the video and song as my guiding post towards my liberation.
WATCH THE VIDEO HERE: http://bit.ly/ANMLITSOVER
My hope is that this song, video, and the true stories which we have endured to create them, will be a reminder to other women: to know they are not alone, and know that there is support when they are ready to say “IT’S OVER.” Even if it’s just a breakup, the way it was for me when I first wrote it… use the song to give you strength to walk your steps towards your personal freedom.
I have been broken open through this process. Because of the complexity of my situation, I ended up making several bad choices with my career, causing a lot of wasted time, energy, stress, and money. I am struggling daily with the repercussions of situations and dynamics I found myself in. I am on a path of healing, piecing my life back together, but most of all, hoping that everything I’ve been through, and the art I’ve made from it, finds a way to the hearts and hopes of others’ in similar situations. I chose to line up the new release date with Domestic Abuse Awareness Month (October) in order to align myself more deeply with the subject matter, and the need to draw attention to these types of issues.
This song and video- this entire process has been a literal and real life exercise in making a huge shift in my life. It’s not easy, but I hope that together we can encourage, educate, and support each other to take the steps needed to finally say: IT’S FUCKING OVER, when it is, finally time, to say it, for whatever reason.
It’s my time, and I say it with full, raw, honest vulnerability.
Broken open, but moving forwards… one day at a time.
<3 ANML
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