Twenty Something Girl in the Big City

As a twenty something girl living in Hollywood I have seen and heard many things. I am influenced and inspired by the city around me, my peers, strangers, friends, and everything in between. I don't pretend to have all the answers. I am just offering my...

[anothertwentysomethinggirl]

Black Lives Matter.

My mother once told me that when she was my age she thought racism would be a thing of the past by this time. She was sadly mistaken. Racism is still a poison that runs through the blood of America. Lives can be taken, without repercussion, for committing the capital crime of being born with dark skin.

Michael Brown was an eighteen year old boy who was brutally murdered by a police officer. He was shot “at least six times,” according to News Sources. He was unarmed and not posing imminent threat to Darren Wilson. But he was murdered in cold blood anyways. I am not a police officer but I know that they are trained in firearms. So I imagine Darren Wilson could of just as easily shot him with a non life-threatening injury. Or shot him once, even twice. But he was shot six times. This was not self-defense. This was murder. A grand jury decided not to indict him. A man shot an unarmed teenager to death. This is obviously a crime. But apparently if the victim is black, according to our legal system, it is not. If Darren Wilson had been an African American cop and he shot and killed an unarmed white teenager he would get the death penalty. There is no doubt in my mind of this.

This case sounds eerily similar to the murder of Trayvon Martin in 2012. He was another unarmed African American teenager who was shot and murdered by a white man who was a member of his local neighborhood watch. His murdered, Geroge Zimmerman, was found not guilty and walks freely to this day while Trayvon lost his life. His crime? Walking while black.

A lot of you will never have to go through life feeling like your life isn't worth anything. I hope that none of you do. It's a terrible feeling. Even more so when that worthlessness is because of the color of your skin. I have never been the victim of violence because of my ethnicity. But I have experienced prejudice. I have felt like my life didn't have worth because I wasn't 100% white. So whenever there is violence against an African American because of their race and no justice is served,  it somehow validates my fear, that my life is worth less because of the color of my skin.  As many of my previous posts state I was the victim of very intense bullying and harassment during my adolescence because I was black. So much so that it was almost hammered into me that I was worth less than my white peers. Choosing not indict a white man for murdering a black teenager is basically telling me that I am worthless. That my life is worth less than someone who is white and I am powerless to do anything about it. I feel disgusted and ashamed that I live in a country where I am made to feel like a second class citizen. That murder is ok as long as the victims skin is dark.  Well it isn't. It's not ok. I have self worth and black lives matter. Those jurors sent out a message that the lives of African Americans do not matter. That it's ok to treat black people like their lives aren't important. That you can kill a black man in the country with no repercussions or consequences. And that is not justice. It is not a police officer, "doing his job." It is no different than the KKK hanging a black person. Africans were brought to the United States hundreds of years ago as slaves. They were beaten by their masters, women were raped, and they lived in pain and fear. Slavery was abolished in this country in 1864. During the civil rights movement African Americans were shot with hoses set so high that they could separate brick and mortar. They were beaten and shot with year gas peacefully protesting. Some of these victims were children. They were denied education or the right to drink out of the same fountains as whites as if they were carrying some sort of disease that could be passed on to white people. This is the history of our country. And today we are allowing white men to murder black men and get away with it, with no repercussions and no consequences. So tell me, has anything really changed? Why are we still being treated as second class citizens?  I used to be optimistic that there would be change in this country. That racism would end and we could live harmoniously and peacefully as humans. Not separated by the hue of our skin but brought together by the fact that we're all just people. But I can honestly say I do not feel that way anymore. Sometimes I think the human race is devolving. I try to be optimistic and hope that we can move forward but after days like this I wonder if it's even possible.

Where is the justice for Michael Brown? Where is the justice for Trayvon Martin? Who's next on the list? Your friend? Family member? Me? Every life has worth. My life matters. Black lives matter. 

[anothertwentysomethinggirl]

Let's talk about tinder.

I dove into the online dating pool maybe a year ago. I started with OkCupid, which was an epic fail. Like #EPICFAIL. The general problem with OKC is that anyone can message you, anyone. Including that weird creepy 54 year old man that thinks you might be blind or completely ignore the fact that he's the same age as your father. Or the rapey 38 year old that wants to offer you sex for money. I mean I'm single so that's basically the equivalent of being a hooker right? Yeah…no... Or random dudes from the other side of the world. Wait! This isn't the penpal program we had in fifth grade? Why would I want to waste my time talking to some guy in Egypt? Or guys who want to carry on an "online relationship." And I live in LA. So the prospect of chatting up a random guy who lives in New Hampshire isn't exactly appealing when I reside in a city of twelve million. And then there's the endless sexual harassment and threatening angry messages/insults when you don't respond or politely decline. So eventually I decided to move on to Tinder.

Here are the upsides to tinder. 

1.) It's location based. So if you put in 25 miles for example, the only matches you get will be within that 25 mile radius. And you won't show up to anyone who is more than 25 miles away from you. The downside to this is that it uses your GPS location on your phone. So if you happen to be passing through a city, at a sporting event, concert, or somewhere like fifty miles from where you live you will pop up as a match to people who are closer to wherever you are at that time. Personally, I think it's a bummer when I match with a guy and then he tells me he lives in San Diego and was just at a Dodger game. You also will meet a shit ton of people visiting your city. For guys I'm sure this is brilliant because they can try to meet girls in a city they might be visiting and possibly get laid without actually having the game it takes to pick a girl up at a bar. The downside is that most women don't want to randomly hang out with a guy whose in town for two days. 

2.) Only people you "like" can talk to you and vice versa. I cannot stress how fantastic this is. You have to like someone and they have to like you as well before you can start messaging each other. I still get messages from weird guys that looked perfectly normal and attractive in their profiles. Like "Hey wanna come over and hook up? No? But I have a beach house." Oh awesome so you can easily dispose of my body in the ocean after you murder me. Pass. But seriously it weeds out like 90% of the weirdos because if someone looks physically unappealing to you or moderately creepy so can just swipe left and they're gone forever. I'm still trying to think up a method of swiping left in real life but I have yet to perfect it.

3.) You can set age perimeters. No more messages from 18 year olds or men twice your age! Score!

4.) It's basically based on physical appearance therefor it's pretty shallow. Ok this sounds like a downside sometimes but I think it makes things much more efficient and faster. I can swipe through like forty guys in a minute. For real though. I mean as humans the first thing we generally notice about a potential mate is if we are attracted to them. You can also write a little blurb about yourself which I encourage everyone to at least write something. It doesn't have to be your auto biography but there have been times when I'm on the fence about a left or right swipe and then I read something funny/witty and it becomes a definite yes. I'm not saying it has to be something amazing and extremely well thought out. For like a month mine said, "I love bad bitches that's my fuckin problem." I thought that was hilarious because I was extremely late to the party for that song but oh well. And if you're a chick do not include a quote by Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, or any other classic movie actress for that matter. Just don't.

There are some downsides to tinder though. It can get really awkward, really fast. Because everyone has tinder. Literally everyone. So be prepared to see a bunch of people you know. Guys you've dated, guys your friends have dated, guys your friends are currently dating, one night stands, guys you know have girlfriends, guys you know are married, ex boyfriends, co-workers, neighbors, friends, relatives. Literally everyone. If you see someone you know in person, swipe left. Except in the rare case you see someone you know and you absolutely have to know if they've liked you, then swipe right (Unless it's a relative. Then definitely swipe left. But first screen shot their profile and text it to them immediately. Unless you live in the boondocks of Mississippi, in which case you can swipe right if you see a relative. Jk. Don't send me hate mail.) Then immediately block them after so they can't contact you. Because it gets awkward fast.

I've browsed through the guys and girls profiles just to see what I was competing against. So here is my advice for girls based on my observations (and this could totally be things only people in LA do so take it with a grain of salt.) 

1.) Don't quote Marilyn Monroe. "If you don't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." Well, you're probably annoying as fuck at your worst so you might want to keep that on the DL until the relationship gets a little more serious. Honestly, why do you all do this? I mean she was an international sex symbol but she wasn't a philosopher…

2.) Stop with the yoga pictures. You all do yoga and shop at lululemon. We get it. You can afford 200 dollar yoga pants and can do the downward dog position.

3.) Don't put only group photos. Guys always complain about this. They want to know which girl they're talking to.

4.) If you don't know how to do winged eyeliner, don't use a picture of you attempting it as your profile picture. I can't count how many girls I've seen with a "bold" makeup look as their main picture and they kind of look like a clown. Just don't do it.

Now onto the guys, you might want to get some popcorn or make a cup of tea because this is going to take a while. First and foremost….

1.) NO DICK PICS. I repeat, NO DICK PICS. Most girls you're dating do not want to see this. And if they say they do, there's a 85% chance they're lying. So no stranger wants to see your dick. Just stop. It's gross and makes you look like a huge pervert/someone with a weird exhibitionist fetish. 

2.) You are trying to impress women. Not bros. So a photo of you with three girls wearing pasties instead of shirts isn't your best bet. Nor are photos of you with a bunch of scantily clad women at the Playboy Mansion. Or a picture with a bunch of strippers or a girl spinning on a pole. Or a picture of you with an entire NBA cheerleading team. Or four photos of you with the same girl, she might be your sister but we don't know that. It's not that we're insecure or jealous and don't want you to hang out with other women. But if it appears you aren't available we won't waste our time. And again, you are trying to attract girls. So pictures that you would send to your guy friends with the caption, "BRO!" are probably not your best bet. Because to us that screams douchebag.

3.) "Poly" relationships or guys in open relationships. Just don't. I have honestly never met one girl in my entire life who was into that. I mean you can try but don't expect your success rate to be high. 

4.) Pictures that make you look really gay. I have absolutely nothing wrong with gay men. Or women. I love them. I just don't want to date one. If your profile picture looks like a wedding announcement photo with you and another guy, I will be a little confused and assume you are too. If you have four photos of you ballet dancing for example, that could come across as a little gay. You could be a straight ballet dancer. If you are maybe include one photo, four is a bit much. Or if you have really, really, really well manicured eyebrows or are clearly wearing makeup, I will probably assume you're gay and again I don't want to date a gay man. Unless it's Adam Lambert. I would obviously make an exception for him but that's neither here nor there.

4.) Shirtless pics. I'm a little on the fence about this because I've seen some that I'm into but it's rare. Never, never, never do the "pull your shirt up in the mirror selfie." Just don't. That receives an immediate left swipe from me. It is so unbelievably douchey. Not even Beiber can pull that off. Or if you don't have a great body but you post a shirtless pic anyway. Why? You don't have to have an eight pack to date me but if you don't then keep your shirt on in tinder pictures. I don't have a Victoria's Secret body. So I only have flattering fully clothed pictures on tinder. The only time I've been ok with a shirtless picture is if it's natural like you're on a beach or something. But no shirtless selfies. And if you're in doubt just keep your clothes on.

5.) Cross dressers or guys in tights. Just no. I'm pretty sure there are some fetish specific dating apps so please don't scar the rest of us with a photo of you in a thong, tights, and pumps.

6.) Excessive clubbing, Vegas, or "bottle popping" photos. This makes you look like a raging douchebag. When I see this I automatically hear, "let's get some bitches braaa," in my head and it kind of makes me want to punch you in the face.

7.) Don't lie about your age. If you have a combover and wrinkles, I'm pretty sure you aren't 31. Or guys who put their age as 29 when they are obviously in their 40's. We aren't blind. So don't.

8.) Don't go on and on and on about what you don't like or make a shit ton of demands. IE: "I hate gold diggers, get a job because you aren't getting my money." "Why are there so many heavy girls on here? If you aren't fit then don't message me." If you don't like someone just swipe left. But writing all of that makes you look like a whiney tool. And to me, it seems like you're pretending that a lot of girls are interested in you. Which is probably a lie. 

9.) Talking about sex in your profile or within your first message. Ummm red flag anyone? I don't particularly want to get roofied, raped, murdered, kidnapped, forced into sex slavery, or anything that sounds like the premise to a Law and Order: SVU episode. So if your profile says, "Only kinky girls need apply. I'm not interested in sexually inhibited girls or anyone who isn't up for threesomes or is prude." I will assume you plan giving me GHB and keeping me hostage for three days. And I live my life based on WWOBD. What would Olivia Bensen do? Well, she wouldn't hang out with someone that sounds like a rapist. I mean maybe you only want to date girls who are very open minded sexually. That's fine. But would you go up to a stranger at a bar and tell them that. Probably not. So save it until you've at least been exchanging messages for a half hour. And say it in a casual/non-rapey way. Also don't say, "Hey interested in some naughty fun?" to a girl as your opening message. If she says yes then a dude is showing up. Any reasonably attractive girl can literally walk down the street and get hit on three times. Very rarely do we scour the internet for casual sex. Sorry guys. Also inviting us over at 2am makes you look rapey. So don't

10.) Don't brag about how much money you make. You will attract escorts, gold diggers, and insecure girls. There's a difference between being successful and proud of it and being a douche. So don't post pictures of you holding a thousand dollars cash in hundred dollars bills. I mean for all I know that could be your rent money. And then it's just weird. And don't take a picture of yourself in your car at an angle so we can see the BMW logo or just a photo of your car without you in it. It makes you look like a dick. Do you really want someone who's only dating you for your car? Plus I will assume it isn't really yours. 

11.) No kid pictures. If you happen to have a child from a previous relationship and we meet, hit it off, and decide to date I will deal with it if and when that happens. But a shit ton of guys on tinder have photos of them with kids that I would bet probably aren't theres. Why do I need to see a picture of your nephew or your god daughter when I don't even know you? I would bet that guys think girls will be like,"OMG! How cute!! I love kids!! I bet he would make a great dad! Swoon." Yeah, no. It kind of freaks us out. And there are a lot of girls that aren't ready to date a father. So you're freaking those girls out by making them think you have a child when you don't. And don't post a photo of you as a child. I don't care what you looked like when you were seven. I'm also not a pedophile so keep the kid pics away from tinder.

Overall that is my tinder advice. Don't take it too seriously. It's basically like the online dating equivalent of Pokemon. Gotta catch 'em all! Every time I get a match I "keep playing." Because I want to match with every hot tattooed guy from 24-32 in the west LA area. But hey maybe you'll find your soulmate. Just avoid dick pics and Marilyn Monroe quotes and you will be well on your way to finding the love of your life or a really awkward drunken one night stand depending on how you play your cards. 

[anothertwentysomethinggirl]

The Bible is NOT a defense for prejudice.

It was recently brought to my attention that Phil Robertson of the TV show, Duck Dynasty, was removed from the show for making an offensive comment regarding gay people. And now so many Christians are up in arms because they feel they are being "persecuted." Well as far as I know someone can be terminated from a position by their boss for a number of things. If I called someone a racist name I would surely be fired. Why is this situation any different? Granted I don't find watching a bunch of camouflage wearing, gun toting, rednecks, killing innocent animals in the woods to be "entertainment." But I was intrigued to look into this story as am I huge advocate for gay rights. And what I found completely astounded me. I find this man to be utterly appalling and his statements to be beyond offensive.

The statement in question is as follows, “Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleepingaround with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men. Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.”

He also stated, "Women with women. Men with men. They committed indecent acts with one another. And they received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. They're full of murder, envy, strife, hatred. They are insolent, arrogant God haters. They are heartless. They are faithless. They are senseless. They are ruthless. They invent ways of doing evil."

And one of my personal favorites, "A good woman is "hard to find. Mainly because these boys are waiting until they get to be about 20 years old before they marry 'em. Look, you wait till they get to be about 20 years old, they only picking that's going to take place is your pocket. You gotta marry these girls when they're 15 or 16, they'll pick your ducks. You need to check with mom and dad about that, of course."

I know the last one has nothing to do with homosexuality, I just thought it was a good indicator of this man's content of character. So let's break it down. According to Mr. Robertson gay people are basically no different than those who have sex with animals. I'm pretty sure we can a lll agree that two consenting adults of the same species having sexual relations with each other is not the same thing as having sex with an animal. Secondly I know dozens of gay people and as far as I know none of them have ever committed murder. In fact when I think of all of the most infamous serial killers, they were all straight. I find it to be quite hypocritical saying that gays are full of hatred. Mainly because that is a hateful statement in itself. News to Phil Robertson. You're a fucking moron. And finally, in most states (if not all), it is illegal to have sex with a girl that's 15 or 16 so he is promoting committing an illegal act. Very Christian like if you ask me.

I am really sick of tired of people using the bible as a scapegoat for the fact that they are prejudice bigots. If you want to be an hateful asshole then just say so. Don't hide behind the bible. The bible also says that you can sell your daughter into slavery, that you can own slaves as their from neighboring nations (how much for a Canadian?), you can't mix fabrics, get tattooed, or have sex before marriage. And I'm pretty sure that those who are up in arms over Phil's suspension have at least worm a cotton poly blend.

And to those saying he is being "persecuted," you need to familiarize yourself with what persecution is. Jesus was persecuted. Those who have been gay bashed have been persecuted, African Americans who went through slavery or the civil rights moment were persecuted. A millionaire getting suspended for making an obvious hateful statement is not being persecuted. First amendment? What about morality? That is a big part of Christianity right? I haven't been to Sunday School in about ten years so I'm not sure if morality and love for one another tramps ramped homophobia and prejudice. 

All in all I think this guy is a complete moron and I wouldn't care at all if this show got pulled from the air. I think it makes Americans look like idiots. I think that just because someone claims to be a "bible thumping Christian" (Phil's words not mine) doesn't automatically mean everything they say and do is right. And lastly I think we all need to remember the Bible was written by men. It was written thousands of years ago and cannot be taken literally in our current society. 

[anothertwentysomethinggirl]

A little clarity please. Christians?

My mom sent me this and I thought it was something worth sharing. I'm not sure the source but I liked it none the less.

"When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them. a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians? e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die? i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted disciple and adoring fan."

[anothertwentysomethinggirl]

And I'm still single.

A few months ago I had a startling revelation. Maybe dating douche bags who have slept with a friend of mine or musicians with drug problems was not panning on the way I had hoped. And that maybe I should try a new approach to meeting men and maybe even enter into a "healthy relationship." But where would I meet these employed, friendly guys who will avoid hitting on all of my friends while I'm standing right there? The same bar I've been attending regularly for the past three years? Probably not. Maybe while I'm shopping for fresh produce at the farmers market while seemingly looking like I just stepped off of a movie set? No, I usually go in sweatpants and barely brushed hair. At the dog park while I'm wearing a flattering summer dress as my dog manages to get loose and a dashing stranger rescues him and brings him back to me? No, I don't go to dog parks because my dog is about as anti-social as I am. So I decided that my best course of action was online dating.

 I did my due diligence in researching my options, I even tweeted Patti Stanger, although ultimately didn't take her advice lol. And settled on Ok Cupid. It seemed to have an array of artistic, creative LA based men who were around my age. I answered the questions honestly. I tried to come off as witty, funny, and edgy. Three characteristics I think I embody. I uploaded flattering photos straight from my Facebook profile pictures album and took the leap into the online dating pool. What I didn't expect was the insane amount of responses I got. Like my inbox was full within a few days and it holds 300 messages and about 1,000 views. I came to a few conclusions pretty instantly and realized it wasn't much different than the men I come across in the my day to day life.

 The first thing I noticed was there is an abundance of men just looking for sex. Not a surprise. But I got a shit ton of messages that were basically the equivalent of a guy driving by and screaming something sexually obscene at you out the window. When I ignored the message or politely declined, the response was generally the same as when I ignore a guy screaming sexually obscene things at me in person. They get angry and feel the need to then tell you off. And on a side note, I would love hear a story where that actually worked. I find it utterly shocking that guys are surprised by the fact that women don't hop in their car as soon as they here "Hey slut come get on this dick!" And of course who are we to turn that down? Obviously if I'm not interested in a classy and well-articulated pick up line such as that I'm clearly a transsexual or a lesbian. Or at least according to the men driving by me while I'm walking my dog.

 Another thing I was not surprised by was the amount of really genuinely weird introductions. Like the 31 year old who messaged me telling me was a virgin as his opener. Or the guy who asked if I would be interested in dating someone currently involved in organized crime who had been incarcerated on several occasions. Or the guy who would "allow me to come to his house any day." Whaaat? You'd let me into your home even though we've never met?? Would you allow me to fix you a sandwich while wearing lingerie too?? I asked him that and he apparently didn't get my sarcasm. Another guy messaged me and said, "Hi Elise," I assumed he had confused me with someone else so I didn't respond. (I probably respond to about 5% of the messages I receive honestly.) He then messaged me and said, "I know your name is probably not Elise but you look like an Elise." I still didn't respond. He then asked me what my actual name was. To which I finally asked him why the hell he called me Elise. And the response was the exact same answer I get whenever I ask any guy why they send me weird, strange, or creepy messages. Because, they either don't get a lot of responses with a simple and friendly, "Hi, Nice to meet you." Or they didn't think I would respond to something so basic.

 To the guys out there who may be avid online daters, I will let you in a secret. As long as you don't say something offensive or disrespectful we will base our response on if we liked your page or not. So in the minds of these guys sending weird messages out, they weren't getting responses because their introductions were too basic. It never even occurred to them that maybe girl's just aren't fucking interested. I know. Shocker! A girl isn't into you. Impossible right? I just find it funny because if a guy doesn't message me back online I think, "oh well he wasn't interested in me. Move on." Not, "OMG He must be gay! Or crazy. There's NO way someone wasn't interested in me." I never get why guys are like that. I've been out with guy friends and seen them approach girls and get shot down and their response is always, "Yeah she was a bitch." or "I thinks he was a lesbian." Um....no she just wasn't into you.

Now, I’m not saying that women never think the same thing. But the first thing every single one of my female friends has said after being dumped or turned down is, “Hmm. I guess he wasn’t into me.” And it’s perfectly acceptable. I have sent guys messages and never gotten a response. I seldom approach guys in real life because I’m shy. But I can accept the fact that not every guy in the world is attracted to me or finds me charming and awesome to hang out with. Weird right?! But I accept it. The world won’t stop turning. And I don’t lash out or try to make a guy feel like they should of never been born. I can say that several times I have had guys message me on said dating site and I simply don’t respond, not because I’m too good to or think I’m little Miss hotsy totsy, but because I don’t feel a need to. And then the same guy will send message after asking why I’m not replying and what’s wrong with me. And when I’ve simply stated that I don’t feel we are compatible they lash out on me. I’ve gotten the worst of the worst insults after a polite decline. I’ve been told I look like a man, I’m probably a tranny, I’m a whore, I’m an idiot, I’m a stuck up C U Next Tuesday. All because I politely said no thank you. But I’m a girl, who the hell do I think I am to not be into you? Never mind the fact that you’re fifteen years older than me, can’t formulate a proper sentence, and referenced my boobs in your first message. Ok. Maybe not all in the same message. But I still don’t understand why guys feel so emasculated when being turned down by a girl? Even in a polite manner. I had a guy try to pick me up on the street recently. While I was on a date…walking down the street…and my date was standing right there. And then I was the rude one for telling him I wasn’t interested. Seriously? What happened to respect?

One of my favorite experiences was when a reasonable good looking guy messaged me. He said I seemed cool and he wanted to introduce himself. Why not? I thought to myself. His profile wasn’t really filled out and he only had a couple of photos so I asked him to tell me a bit more about himself? Well according to him he, “was a veteran, had a steady job, good credit, and a hung cock.” His words not mine. He then followed it up with, “Come to think of it. I’m probably too good for your ass anyways. Fuck off.” Well not only was I astonished because why would you be that rude to a stranger but he messaged me first. And I have had a handful of similar situations occur. I’m convinced that people go on online dating sites solely to get out their weird psychological issues. He probably had a weird stigma about women or wanted to overpower them but couldn’t do it in real life so he resorted to telling off random strangers online. Sad really. I wished him luck with his psychological issues but he never wrote back.

I was hoping my experienced with online dating would help me to understand guys more. But I have concluded that it’s basically the same as meeting people in real life. Gross middle aged men will still try to pick you up even after saying several times you aren't interested in someone twice your age. No one pays attention to what you actually say, they just look at your pics and say insulting things that they think are witty. Maybe it's just me but I get a "To Catch a Predator" feeling when someone I don't know tells me I'm sexy. Gross. You have to go through about 700 douche bags to meet three cool people. And you know that guy sitting next to you at the bar who keeps trying to strike up a conversation even though you’re turning your back to him to talk to your friend or consistently looking at your phone and can’t comprehend you don’t want to talk to him? There’s the equivalent of that in that weirdos message you ten times thinking you just accidentally skipped past their message. The first nine times. So overall if you’re looking to meet someone you wouldn’t normally meet then give it a go. If you’re like me and have a low tolerance for sexual comments from strangers or being called “babe” every five minutes then it isn’t for you. After my experience I’m not sure I'll find my soul mate online. I mean I doubt Adam Levine is on match.com.

[anothertwentysomethinggirl]

"What are you?" My journey to cultural, racial, and self acceptance.

I don't usually preface my posts with anything, however this is probably the most personal post I have written thus far so I felt it warranted special circumstances. I've been wanting to write about this topic for a while or to share my story but was always afraid. I had a phone conversation with my best friend a few nights ago and she helped me to realize something very important. That I had become the person I wanted to be as a teenager. I think in life we go through many journeys and I had reached the end of one, the journey of self acceptance. Coming to this realization gave me the courage to write this in hopes that it may someday reach someone out there who might be going through the same struggles. So this is my story.

"What are you?" This is a question that has plagued me most of my life. Well first and foremost, I am a human being. Secondly, I'm a woman. However, this answer doesn't seem to appease the strangers who regularly come up to me to ask that question. I believe what they're searching for is the elusive answer of what my ethnicity is. For people whose origins are pretty obvious it may not seem so strange. But to me it is alienating. It's not the fact that people ask me, it's how they ask me. I'm bi-racial, the product of an African American father and a Caucasian mother (Italian with a bit of Swedish and English.) I don't mind telling people what my ethnic background is when asked in a polite manner. But so often people approach me as if I'm a science project in a test tube with no preface or nuance. Just, "What are you?" Or, "What are you mixed with?" The funny thing is, is that I get these same questions from people of all races. Being of mixed ethnicity is apart of who am, just as anyone's heritage is apart of who they are. But it certainly doesn't define me.

It's no secret that growing up I had difficulties growing up. But I think people of mixed race have an especially challenging time because it's very difficult to figure out where you fit in. I'm not white, but I'm not black either. I'm both. Throughout my adolescence I found that I wasn't really accepted in my mainly Caucasian community. However when I was in areas with a predominately African American population I didn't really fit in there either. To white people; I had darker skin and curly "poofy" hair. To black people; I was light skinned with an olive complexion and a "white girls nose" as I was once told. So you can understand my dilemma.  During my teen years I thought that I needed to "choose" a side or a culture to identify with.

My parents divorced when I was eight and I grew up with my mom and her family, who are white. So I opted to identify with my white half. I think a lot of this was because of the discrimination I faced growing up bi-racial in a mainly white community. I think there were three black families in my town, including mine. I remember the first time someone called me, "the N word." It's a moment I will vividly remember for the rest of my life. I was nine and in fourth grade. My family had recently moved back to my mother's hometown following her divorce. My favorite teacher, my art teacher, had died suddenly as a result of a car accident. And as children we didn't understand death so in response my school had offered counseling. I was sitting outside of my classroom at a table waiting for the counselor to arrive when a boy who was a year older than me came up to me and knelt down so he was at ear level with me. He whispered, "You're a nigger," in my ear. I didn't really know what it meant but I knew it was something bad. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I had many racially driven incidents throughout my youth. From being called the N word, to having my sixth grade teacher ask me if I celebrated Christmas or Kwanza in front of my entire class, to getting banned from a movie theater. This happened because my friends, being the juvenile delinquents that we were, would purchase tickets to PG movies and then sneak into PG-13 or R rated movies. We were caught once and told we had to go back into the movie we purchased the tickets to. We did it a second time and everyone of my white friends was free to leave but I was banned from the movie theater. The owner said it was because I was, "the only one he recognized."

Growing up I was also extremely sensitive about my height and my curly hair. My hometown is predominately Italian so most of the residents are of shorter stature. Currently I'm 5'8, which is tall for a woman but not abnormal. What was abnormal though was that I hit 5'8 at eleven years old but then stopped growing. When I was in fourth grade our teacher did measurements and everyone in my class ridiculed me for being so tall because it had to be "because I was black." They joked that I should add an extra couple inches to my measurement because my hair was so poofy. Because I was so self conscious about my curly hair I always wore it in a pony-tail. My classmates would always want to touch my hair and ask to see it down. I remember having mini anxiety attacks during the swimming portion of gym class because I was so afraid to take my hair down and dry it after class. One day when I was about twelve years old my friends offered to help me straighten my hair so I could wear it down. I reluctantly took it down and brushed it out and they tried to make it as poofy as possible and took a picture and then posted it on my locker. I was mortified and cried about it for weeks on end.

I used to get terrible anxiety when I knew that topics relating to slavery or civil rights were coming up during school because I could tell it made the other students and occasionally the teachers uncomfortable with me being there. I remember feeling embarrassed when we went through these units year after year. I think it was because I knew everyone was focusing on me and it almost made me feel like I had less self worth because of what my ancestors went through. After class other students would occasionally makes jokes about slavery to me. I remember in fifth grade my teacher took me aside before the civil rights unit began. She told me that I shouldn't feel ashamed because of what we were about to learn. That is was an important part of my heritage and I should proud of how strong African Americans were that they dealt with such adversity. Those words stuck with me throughout the rest of my education and helped me to get through the rest of my high school career.

The result of growing up dealing with this on a daily basis caused me to become extremely depressed and I had severe anxiety. I remember having one of my first panic attacks during homecoming my first year as a cheerleader because we wore football players jerseys for the homecoming game and no one wanted me to wear their jersey. So every year I would have panic attacks the closer we got to homecoming. My sophomore and junior years of high school I almost never socialized. Many of my friends were to embarrassed to go to parties or social events with me because of my African American heritage. I contemplated suicide on a number of occasions. Throughout all of this I blamed my black heritage for me being alienated and harassed. I often wished that I wasn't black or that I was "normal", which in my town was white. I didn't want to associated with anything that had to do with black culture because in my mind that was the reason I experienced what I did. I hated myself and thought that there was something wrong with me. We had a black boy who briefly transferred to my high school my sophomore year. He was a foster child and his foster family lived in my school district. I remember seeing him being harassed by my fellow classmates once. They grabbed his books out of his band and through them on the floor and called him the n word. He stayed for about three weeks and then transferred to another school. I remember going home and crying that day because if this is how people of black descent were treated then what did I have to look forward to?

I remember one summer I took a modeling class because I wanted to compete in a pageant and I think my mom thought it would help my self esteem. There was a black girl in my class who once approached me and asked me what I was mixed with. I told her I didn't understand what she meant. She responded that, "Well you sure as hell aren't full black. What are you mixed with?" I told her my mom was white and she said, "mmmhmm, makes sense," gave me a dirty look and walked off. I've been called a mutt by many black people as well. And as a result of all of these experiences I truly thought that I was abnormal or that I was "wrong."

Upon the realization that I would never change the opinions of those around me, I decided to move away, roughly 3,000 miles away, to Los Angeles. I remember one of the first friends I met here, let's call her Kelsey, invited me to a party one day. She told me that a lot of affluent people were going to be there and she wanted to bring someone who was pretty, intelligent, and enjoyable to be around and that she thought I possessed all of those qualities. I remember crying because it was one of the first times I had received a compliment like that from a friend. I was nineteen or twenty at the time. I did have a few friends who lived outside of my hometown and closer to Buffalo, which was our closest city. They weren't as small minded and I found solace with those friends who I truly believe helped me begin to regain my self esteem and gave me a few happy memories prior to moving.

I believe 1997 was the first year that the census recognized two or more races as an option when filling out the census form. However I remember years later, in the mid 2000s filling out an online application for some department store and they asked if you wanted to answer what your race was. You could only check one box, and there was no mixed race option. Whenever those forms or questionnaires came around I always checked "other." I never quite fit into one box. I was in a car accident years ago and while filling out the police report the officer asked me, "I hate to ask this but you're white right?" I laughed and responded that I was bi-racial and he said that he could only choose one box and asked which he wanted me to check. I told him I didn't care and later found out he had marked white. Recently more forms have listed a two or more races option. I remember the first time I filled out an online application that listed that as an option, I was so excited and I called my mom to tell her that I finally had a box to check. Because as a culture it's so important to put people into boxes and that day I finally had one to call my own. It seems so trivial, not having a box to check when filling out surveys but it was yet another thing contributed to me feeling alienated.

One thing I find interesting is how different races identify mixed race people, because like I said, people love putting others into boxes. I've found that white people generally consider me to be black but black people consider me to be mixed. For example President Obama is widely known as the first "black President." But he isn't black, he's bi-racial, just like Drake, Alicia Keys, Halle Barry and a plethora of other bi-racial celebrities. All known as black, not mixed.

My grandmother passed away when I was one but my mom has often told me something that she often told her. That being Italian, our family was heavily discriminated against when they first came to America as many Italians were. And because of that we should never discriminate against others. This message has stuck with me most of my life. My great grandfather on my mothers side grew up in a tiny one room home in Italy and my ancestors on my fathers side were slaves. One of my ancestors, was also one of the first slaves to buy his own freedom. Both sides of my family have experienced discrimination, but through the adversity they prevailed.

It has taken me years to accept myself for who I am. I've dealt with racism and prejudice from both sides. But throughout it I have gained so much strength and compassion. I feel deeply when it comes to the suffering of others. I have so much pride in who I am now. I might be different but beauty is in the abnormalities. I have so much pride in my heritage and I am strong because of the struggles both sides of my family went through. I was at The Grove one afternoon a few years ago (an outdoor mall in LA), and an African American woman came up to me. She had two young children who appeared to be of mixed race. She approached me and told me she thought I was beautiful and asked if I was mixed. I told her I was and she said that her children were as well and she hoped they grew up to be as beautiful as I was. It brought a tear to my eye and she hugged me and then went on her way. I have learned to find beauty in my differences. Because my differences are what makes me special.

I am so much more than the color of my skin or what part of the world my ancestors hail from. I am the strength of my convictions. I am the fierce loyalty I hold in my heart for those I care about. So next time you see someone and are curious about their race, don't ask what they are. Because they are people, just like you. So to answer the ever asked question, What are you? I'm a feisty, quick witted, sharp tongued, tattooed, pierced, rock loving, compassionate, purple haired young woman with a small butt, tan skin, an olive complexion (thanks mom for the Italian green skin and the never ending foundation match hunt lol), an affliction for dark makeup, and a big heart. But more importantly I'm just me. We can't change who we are or or the cards we were dealt. But I never, not for one day, wish I was anyone but me. The trials and tribulations I went through make me the person I am today. And I can say with complete conviction that I love myself and the woman I have become.

[anothertwentysomethinggirl]

Hey Abercrombie: I'm too cool for you.

It's no secret that I wasn't "cool" in high school. (See my former posts about being bi-racial and being bullied.) In fact I was pretty uncool and didn't quite fit in anywhere. I had low self-esteem (low is in an understatement. I hated myself), zero self-confidence, and wanted nothing more than to fit in somewhere and be accepted for who I was. I spent many weekends at rock shows decked out in my Hot Topic studded belts, chucks, and ripped jeans but would always wear my Abercrombie & Fitch polo shirts once Monday rolled around and school was back in session. And why you ask? Because I wanted to fit in. And as we all knew, Abercrombie was where the "cool kids" shopped. Looking back I have no idea why I wanted to run around in cheaply made khakis and navy blue polo shirts with a moose on them but that's what you had to do to be cool. Or at least that's what the geniuses at the Abercrombie & Fitch marketing offices conditioned us to think. And in the words of A&F CEO, Mike Jeffries, "Because good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people. We don't market to anyone other than that." He also stated, "A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely. Those companies that are in trouble are trying to target everybody: young, old, fat, skinny. But then you become totally vanilla. You don’t alienate anybody, but you don’t excite anybody, either."

 Not only do I find this to be grossly offensive it's also complete bullshit. Because teenagers don't have enough to worry about? Really Mr. Jeffries, you're that "exclusive?" Because I've seen an Abercrombie store in every cheap ass gross tacky mall in the country. You're not John Galliano so chill the fuck out. Your clothes are made by starving children in third world countries, they rip after roughly three washes, and they're the most uninspired, mundane, things on the market. I mean honestly, Forever 21's clothes are more inspired. And how are navy, maroon, and beige polo shirts and cologne that smells worse than the garbage dumpster outside my apartment "exciting?" Abercrombie excites me the same way I get "excited" by the latest, high-end, exclusive cuisine at say Applebee’s. I doubt Anna Wintour has been on the edge of her seat at Vogue waiting to see what "exciting" grey moose hoodies were about to come out. So Mr. Jeffries why don't you shut up and stop pretending you're the CEO of a fashion house or even a decent brand because you're not.

 Mike Jeffries also says that he doesn't want overweight or unattractive people wearing his clothes. Maybe this is why Abercrombie calls their Sales Associates "models." So whenever you see an overly tanned girl with a bad blonde dye job listing "model" at Abercrombie as her occupation on her facebook profile you now know why. I know this because I myself was a "model" or Sales Associate at Hollister, Abercrombie's sister company (shoutout 432!) I find this to be utterly hilarious because I was like the anti-Hollster/Abercrombie to the point where when our regional managers came around I would get sent out on two hour breaks. Probably because I broke the, "no piercings, no black nail polish, clothes or anything black policy." I was also hired before I even filled out an application and I wasn't a popular cool kid but somehow I slipped through the cracks. The problem with hiring people solely based on their looks is that you will get a staff full of incompetent morons. I made a lot of friends while working there and there were genuine hard working people employed there but there were also a ton of people who never showed up for their shifts or after multiple training sessions still couldn't figure out how to work a cash register. I even recall one of my managers being so afraid of confrontation that whenever a customer was peeved and asked her if they could talk to a manager she would send out my best friend who was about 18 but looked older to talk to them, despite the fact he wasn’t a manager at all and she was. We also had to wear flip-flops as part of our dress code and part of our job description was to stand at the front of the store spraying people with toxic smelling perfume and asking them if they had "tried our Cali-flare jeans." And just a side note, I live in California and no one dresses or acts anything like the Hollister culture despite the fact that all of their t-shirts list names of Southern Californian cities. I have yet to see someone who actually lives in Hermosa Beach with a hoodie that has a palm tree and the words HCO Hermosa Beach printed on it. And have you ever tried to actually get a question answered in an Abercrombie store? Most of their associates don't know their heads from their asses. So yeah I would rather have an overweight girl who knows what she's talking about help me rather than a shirtless guy who doesn't know the cost of something when there's a price tag printed on it any day. And honestly when I’m trying to shop the first thing on my mind isn’t, “Jeez I would love to shop in a store where the lights are so dim I can’t see anything and then leave with a migraine because everything is doused in cheap perfume that I assume was inspired by The Situation.”

 Not only is Mike Jeffries offending a good portion of the country (especially when 69% of Americans adults are overweight), he is also sending a extremely negative message to teens. That it's perfectly acceptable to bully and discriminate against people because they're different. I spent my entire adolescence being "different" and "weird." All the cool kids at my school wore Abercrombie and a good portion of them were horrible to me. Why on earth would any adult go out of their way to alienate teens any further? And what gives some middle aged man who looks like his face got run over by a bulldozer the authority to determine who is or isn't "cool." Because in my experience some of the coolest people I've met have been complete weirdos.

 When I think back about the "popular kids" when I was growing up who shopped at Abercrombie, I remember the mean spirited demeanor many of those kids exhibited toward me. I remember feeling horrible about myself because I never had a date to prom or sat at the "cool table" at lunch. I remember my mother who was a single mom spending $90 on a pair of jeans just so I would have a better chance of fitting in with these "exclusive All American well liked" kids. I think about the guys who wouldn't have been caught dead talking to me during my youth who now message me on facebook every time I'm taking a trip home because now that the Abercrombie stage of our lives has passed I'm cool enough to go out with them. Or the girls who were always decked out in the latest $150 fur lined hoodies who made my life a living hell who now work a mundane job in the same town and hang out with the exact same people as they did ten years ago. And the funny thing is; now I'm too cool for them. Not because of where I shop but because of the content of my character and the confidence I gained since the days of wearing Abercrombie & Fitch. So Mr. Jeffries I think you have it backwards. It's the un-popular, weird kids who are too cool for your brand. Because they're the future engineers, scientists, rockstars, and leaders of their generation and you're marketing to the kids who in ten years will be the "undesirables" of their time.

[anothertwentysomethinggirl]

1.) Sticky lipgloss

2.) Bright lip color

3.) Hair that comes below my bra strap

4.) Bold styled nails

5.) Too long nails

6.) Dark nail polish

7.) Dark lip liner

8.) Red lipstick

9.) Heavy Foundation

10.) Heavy eye makeup

11.) Using bright colors that pop on my eyes rather than non threatening earth tones

12.) Long fake lashes

13.) Eye liner over load

14.) Black eyeshadow

Fourteen beauty sins committed. I got approached and asked out by guys each one of the days those photos were taken. So be yourself. If a guy is too threatened by a strong sense of individualism and creativity then he isn't a real man. Embrace what makes you unique.

According to Allure Magazine and Yahoo.com I will most likely die alone or never attract men because I regularly am guilty of breaking the beauty commandments. And I don't care. I get dates. But with men who aren't insecure and don't run at the site of red lips or black nails.

Be yourself and that is the most beautiful thing.

[feminspire]

A gang rape happened in Ohio and no one heard about it. A gang rape happened in India and everyone heard about it (as we should). The American media has represented India as a misogynistic country where women need to be constantly wary of the men that surround them. And after that gang rape, large-scale protests blocked the streets and clogged the media. Now, I am in no way saying that rape and domestic violence are not problems in India. As an Indian-American woman who has been to India many times and is incredibly familiar with the culture, I am in no way denying that. Rape, in India, is a serious problem. Rape, especially in lower class areas in India, is an extremely prevalent problem that needs to stop being ignored and taken seriously. Violence against women in India is a serious issue. But violence against women in America is also a serious problem. Violence against women in South Africa, and Sweden, and Chile, and Thailand, is a serious problem. Violence against women is a serious problem. Period. Full stop. While our media went out representing India as a typical place for these deplorable events to happen, another woman’s similar story went ignored and without subsequent societal action. This country outright refuses to admit that it is a rape culture. Our media and our country are so obsessed with presenting foreign countries as worse than us or uncivilized or, most importantly, undemocratic, they will blast our radios and timelines and homepages with news of rapes in India, but refuse to acknowledge that the same thing happens here and is happening here.

Anisha Ahuja, Why Does America Pretend it Doesn’t Hate Women? (Feminspire.com)

[anothertwentysomethinggirl]

but what I really meant was I wanted to see my friends today (in some areas peeps is slang for friends) but since I really don't have any friends I am like that easter bunny, all alone. I mean I guess I have friends, but none go out tere way to ask me to come chill, or anything, hell I wonder if they would know I was alive if not for social media.

Everyone has someone who cares and I feel that way a lot of the time too. For about ten years I did and I still feel that way sometimes. Everyone has someone out there who cares about them and everyone matters. You are never alone. When I was a teenager I was bullied and I never had any real friends. It took me until I was into my 20s to feel good about myself and to gain self confidence. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. It may not feel that way now but someday you'll look back on this moment and you'll be happy you fought on. Find something that makes you happy, for me it's music. I used to listen to music alone for hours and go to shows alone bc that was one of the only things that made me happy. And I met some genuine people at concerts. Find what you enjoy and pursue it.

[anothertwentysomethinggirl]

Sabrina, Why can't I just be myself, and be happy? Why must I be who I am not to find love? Because no one loves me when I am myself. The only love I know is sorrow, and she shall be my queen until I end my life, and even after that I shall be her's forever!

There is someone out there for everyone. Be yourself and it'll happen naturally.

[anothertwentysomethinggirl]

Men must hate me.

Almost every time go to yahoo.com to check my email or google to search for something I am bombarded with countless numbers of articles ranging from the latest shooting to what Kim Kardashian was wearing to some red carpet event. Generally I start clicking around and completely forget what I was searching for in the first place (Thank you adult ADD.) Inevitably I will come across an article targeted at single women. Usually entitled something like, 15 Beauty Mistakes Men Hate, or Rules to Follow to Land a Man. As my curiosity always gets the best of me, I will click the article to find yet another list of things I'm apparently doing wrong. By the end of reading I'm either extremely annoyed or wondering if all men hate me because I make almost of all the "beauty mistakes" and never follow "the rules."

I remember seeing an article a while ago that was advertised on yahoo.com that was called, "13 Beauty Mistakes That Turn Men Off." This should be interesting I thought to myself and I clicked it. I concluded that I am guilty of seven or eight of the thirteen beauty sins. Bright or bold nail polish? Hells to the yes and usually at the same time. Dark black eye shadow? Fuck yeah. I'm a Makeup Artist and usually look like a walking MAC counter 90% of the time. And guess what? I still get asked out! Shocking! According to Allure magazine I should probably be an old hag or a hermit living in a shack somewhere with fifteen cats. Also on the list was dry skin, stubble shaving, and too much perfume. Some people have eczema, are they not allowed to find love? And have you tried shaving every single day? Ouch.

The thing I hate about these articles is that it's giving a message that women should not be individuals. That if, God forbid, they try to showcase their creativity by wearing a bright red lipstick or painting their nails a neon color that men will not be attracted to them. And honestly, what kind of man is going to turn down a girl because she's wearing hot pink nail polish? A fucking weirdo that's who. The article suggests wearing "safe, non threatening colors," not bright bold ones. Are we preventing getting run into by a bull or trying to get a date?

Another question these articles make me ask is, As women, why does everything we do have to please a man? My style is a huge part of who I am. I love wearing dark or bright lipstick, dark eye makeup or crazy colored eye makeup and I love it. Never have I been getting dressed in the morning and thought, "Shoot. If I wear this glossy hot pink lipstick will it detour a man from coming up to me?" Hellz no. So why does society tell us we have to consider men when making any decision even one as basic as, "Which lipstick shall I wear today?"

Another article also by Allure titled, "The Worst 14 Bad-Taste Beauty Mistakes," also made me cringe. Hair that's too too long is apparently trashy and turns men off. It shouldn't be longer than your bra strap according to them. My hair comes down to my waist (well my extensions do at least) and I get compliments on it all the time from men. Another one was visible lip-liner. As a makeup artist I can say that deep lip liner with a red lipstick is all the rage right now so suck it Allure.Also on the list, chipped nail polish, nails that are too long, and glitter. Apparently we should have a man walking around with us at all times inspecting the length we cut our nails because hunnie if they're a hair too long no man will talk to you. Wait...what?

Another article I find interesting was called, "Revising the Rules for Modern Daters." Apparently two women named Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider wrote a book in 1995 called, "The Rules." It was about the rules of dating because apparently they are the Buddhas of dating. And according to them dating has drastically change since the mid 90's. There are now a whole new list of rules we must follow or we'll all die alone, single, and lying on a patchwork quilt we made ourselves that's covered in cat hair. Or something along those lines. Now we can't text back too quickly or men will lose interest. So obviously when I receive a text message from a guy I'm interested in I'm sitting with a stop watch waiting for the right time to text back. Ok in 5,4,3,2....."I'm good. How are you?"

Now men on the other hand rarely make dating mistakes, at least according to Ms. Fein and Ms. Schneider. Having been on many dates myself I cant attest to the fact that that is complete BS. I'm not saying that men are worse than women or make more mistakes by why do they get off so easily while we have an entire book of things that we do wrong. How about checking out other girls while on a date? Or texting her four months after the last time you spoke to tell her you're still interested? Um yeah I believe those qualify as dating mistakes. Why is there such a double standard? Why is society (and these two horrible obnoxious women) telling us that we have to bend over backwards just to impress a man. I don't see twenty men's magazines with articles on what color shirt is appropriate to wear on a date or which after shave won't scare women off.

And remember girls you can't text a guy back twice because, "it reeks of desperation, low self esteem, and lack of boundries." Duh. And of course these women have to let us know their both happily married and their clients are Doctors and CEO's so of course their advice is sound. I bet any amount of money at least one of their husbands is gay or banging his 24 year old secretary....Just saying.

So what is the moral of the story? As a women it's very important to make sure you don't come off as threatening (dark nail polish is a no no), as an individual (Hello Stepford), too desperate (no texting twice or your ass is getting kicked to the curb). And no dark makeup or bright lips (Kevyn Aucoin is probably rolling in his grave right now, bless his heart.) Why can't we just be ourselves and eventually find a man who accepts us for who we are? Black nail polish and all. Personally any man who is too intimidated by the fact that I'm tall and wear heels or enjoy a nice dark smokey eye isn't for me anyways. I mean its 2013 not 1952. There is one woman who is still viewed as one of the sexiest women of all time, Ms. Monroe and I'd trust her viewpoints on how to attract men a hell of a lot more than I'd trust a couple of middle aged women with bad spray tans.

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." -Marilyn Monroe

[anothertwentysomethinggirl]

When did being black become a Capital crime...?

On February 26th, 2012 at 7:09 PM a seventeen year old African American boy was shot in the chest and died as a result of his injuries. This victim was Trayvon Martin. He was visiting family in an affluent predominately white neighborhood in Sanford, Florida. He was returning from a convenient store after purchasing iced tea and skittles which he had in his backpack. According to his girlfriend, whom he was talking on the phone with, a Caucasian man was following him so he put the hood up on his sweatshirt. Around this time the 28 year old Caucasian man called 911 to report a “suspicious” black man in his neighborhood, telling the 911 operator, “There’s a real suspicious guy. He looks like he’s up to no good, on drugs or something. These assholes always get away.” The 911 operator told the caller not to follow the boy as police were on their way but he followed him anyways. Someone from the same neighborhood called 911 shortly after reporting screams and gunshots. During the 911 tape Trayvon can be heard screaming, crying, and begging for his life. If this isn’t heartbreaking and appalling enough there are people out there who not only do not feel sympathy for the victim but are outraged because of the “media bias” toward the shooter. I’m sorry but you will not earn my sympathy but shooting an unarmed teenager regardless of his race. Many questions being asked after the murder of Trayvon Martin were if he had been white would he have been shot? Everyone is crying racism and saying the shooter was racist and even that the area police department as well for not immediately pressing charges. Tapes of the 911 call have come out where the shooter utters the words, “fucking coon,” which is derogatory word for African Americans. I don’t know him so I can’t personally say he is racist but I think racism is still a major problem in this country. Racism comes in many forms, most commonly it comes out as ignorance. More often than not I wonder if these people even know how racist they sound. Sure, African Americans aren’t being hung by the KKK anymore and I may not hear the “N” word uttered as much as I used to but that doesn’t mean racism doesn’t still exist. I remember being in Junior high, 7th grade I’m going to guess and I went to the movies with a group of friends. We bought tickets to a PG movie and then snuck into an R rated movie. Jackass if memory serves. About fifteen minutes into the movie the owner of the movie theater came up to me and dragged me out of the theater. He told me that he knew that I bought tickets to another movie and told me he was going to call my parents and made me stand out front. Now I admit I did purchase tickets to the other movie because you had to show proof of ID to see an R rated movie so we snuck in. We paid for tickets, just to a different film. There were 7 or 8 of us who did it. Who was the only one who got in trouble for it? Me. Who was the only one who got banned from the movie theater? Me. Who was the only non-white person in the group? Me. So we have to ask ourselves what is the common denominator. Sure he didn’t come at me with a rifle but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t racist. Growing up being one of the only African Americans in a town of mostly white people I heard my share of racism. Usually it was subtle, an uncomfortable racist joke made in my presence or a question about hip-hop music because being black I’m obviously the know all of the rap community. Or even my sixth grade teacher taking me aside and asking if I celebrated Christmas or Kwanzaa. Really, Kwanzaa? Does anyone even celebrate that in the US? So maybe I’m a little sensitive to issues regarding race but someone has to be. When people are making racist remarks all the time it paves the way for people like George Zimmerman to go around shooting unarmed teenagers for being black. I’m sorry, but when did being African American become a capital crime? The thing that really floors me about this whole situation is how people are responding to it. The media is racist towards white people? Really? Have you ever watched TV? Because George Zimmerman is being persecuted in the media for shooting an unarmed teen, the media is racist. Umm..what about the fact that he shot an unarmed teen? That seems pretty racist to me…Supopsedly Trayvon was suspended for writing some graffiti and supposedly stealing some jewelry, although no report of missing jewelry was ever filed. Lets say hypothetically he did steal it. Is that a capital crime? It also happened months before he was shot. Or he may have smoked weed? Lock him up!!! Because there are hundreds of thousands of white pot-heads walking around. Seriously? Weed? That justifies his murder? Maybe this is just because I live in pro-marijuana California but I don’t think smoking a joint is really that big of a deal. I got into an interesting debate today with some young men regarding Trayvon’s murder. Apparently not only did he deserve to be shot because he was a pot-smoking black punk but it’s also something to laugh about. The first thing I did after hearing about Trayvon’s murder was cry. I don’t know him or his family but the though of a teenager begging for his life and crying for his mom and then being shot in the chest made me ball my eyes out. Apparently others think its funny and something to laugh about. But he we live in good old Ameri-cuuuh. So let’s raise our confederate flags and watch some Fox News… (Well in my case its more like raise a pride flag and watch Chelsea Lately. West Hollywood pride!) I think the fact that I live in such an open minded community sometimes makes me forget how hateful people can be in other places. The conversation started after this graphic was put up with the caption “Hahahaha.” Excuse me for being offended…

DerekCmonson Solly This shit is just ridiculous...i died laughing when i saw this bc this describes media bias perfectly

Sabrina Johnson So it's funny to make fun of a teenager who was murdered in cold blood?

Sabrina Johnson Regardless of of you disagree or not a child is still dead and nothing about that is funny.

Phil James Ryan I got it Derrick

Sabrina Johnson If it has been a white boy who was shot by a black man for "looking suspicious" would you feel the same way?

DerekCmonson Solly i didnt say anything about the situation it just shows how media bias is terrible in the world

Solly and no to comment relating to ur status u just posted, im not racist. DerekCmonson Solly ive dated plenty of black girls and have alot of black friends, i have friends internationally from countries all over the place...im actually very cultured and accepting of everyone.

DerekCmonson Solly thanks tho, i appreciate you calling me out without directly calling me out to my face

Kevin Kuebler A child? He was a 17-year old punk. Phil James Ryan Derek u don't need to defend yer self suck that

Tony Lillo Amar Gangarossa true, a child is dead and an innocent man is facing charges for the rest of his life and basically got the shit kicked out of him for doing his job.. he didnt attack ghandi, he didnt go and attack some "random black kid".. that kid was a punk, his facebook showed it with his statuses about "fuck the police".. lets be serious here (sabrina).. the only people who are racist is the media where cases like this happen every single day where murders take place but the first crack they can get on a "hate crime" they go for it.. if he wanted to kill a man because he was black, im sure he wasnt waiting around for the first black kid to trespass and seized the opportunity.. he was clearly attacked..and then they justify it by putting a 5 year old picture of treyvon and a mugshot of george.. come the fuck on.. they are scumbags.. his parents sold the :rights to his name: on a song to PLIES for 100k.. they must be real sad

Tony Lillo Amar Gangarossa if he was aching to kill a black person, im sure he wouldnt have called the cops first lol

DerekCmonson Solly http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/07/justice/florida-zimmerman/index.html?hpt=ju_c2 George Zimmerman's legal team presses case in court, public www.cnn.com Lawyers for George Zimmerman, charged with murder in Trayvon Martin's death, pre...See More

DerekCmonson Solly http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/06/us/florida-zimmerman-nbc-lawsuit/index.html George Zimmerman sues NBC Universal over edited 911 call www.cnn.com George Zimmerman, charged in shooting death of a 17-year-old Florida boy, sues N...See More

Sabrina Johnson Then why do u post so much about black people and how people always come into your store and say dis and dat and all kinds of shit? To me that sounds racist. Just because you aren blatantly calling people the N word doesn't mean u aren't racist.

Sabrina Johnson Thank god I live in LA and not Buffalo or my half black ass would of been shot by now too.

Sabrina Johnson You put "hahahah" as the comment when a "young man" is dead. Nothing about someone being shot is funny. And Kevin what exactly made him a punk? Wearing a hoodig with the hood pulled up and being black?

DerekCmonson Solly Sabrina, who said they were black people? DerekCmonson Solly No, his comments about "fuck tha police" and him flipping off the camera and saying "thug life" and all this shit

Sabrina Johnson What exactly did he do that was a suspicious? And what do he do to warrant being shot?

Tony Lillo Amar Gangarossa well when you say "fuck the police" on fb and end up dead, clearly something happened in between.. honestly, we probably will never know nor can we change anything.. Kevin Kuebler Don't put words in my mouth Sabrina. It has nothing to do with him being black. He's a punk because he was suspended for school 3 times. Having a baggie with marijuana residue in it, vandalism by spray painting school property and he was found with a burglary tool in his backpack along with a bag full of women's rings, earrings and other jewelry.

Sabrina Johnson Tony I agree to a fault but that still doesn't change the fact that Derek put a caption "hahaha" in regards to a dead teenager. Hypothetically even if he was stealing or something or even trespassing that still does not warrant the use of deadly force. He didn't have a weapon on him so the shooter had no right to shoot him. If someone broke into my apartment and grabbed something I still couldn't shoot them in the head if they weren't posing an immediate threat to me.

Tony Lillo Amar Gangarossa maybe it was just a coincidence he got shot.. its the media that is racist.. its just a sad situation in general Sabrina Johnson I was suspending from school for wearing shorts than came above my fingertips twice and I'm black. Am I a punk too?

DerekCmonson Solly i put it in context to show how the media is trying to portray george zimmerman as opposed to trayvon martin Tony Lillo Amar Gangarossa like whos parents sells the rights to their decesaed child to PLIES (whos hit song is : PLENTY MONEY).. let the guy rest in peace.. his parents are a good example of what kind of kid he was..

Sabrina Johnson Where are u getting your info? Fox news?

Kevin Kuebler Were you a burglar in high school too Sabrina? Because then yes, you were a punk.

Tony Lillo Amar Gangarossa did you carry mens jewelry in your backpack and a tool for burglary.. ?

DerekCmonson Solly theyre saying zimmerman is some racist monster and trayvon martin is some angel...and i quote ..trayvon martin - "youre going to die tonight"..(to zimmerman)

Tony Lillo Amar Gangarossa maybe George got attacked by a ghost while treyvon got shot DerekCmonson Solly trayvon tried taking the gun from zimmerman! if someone tried killing me with my own weapon, idk about you but im not going to just stand there and say "hey shoot me!"

Tony Lillo Amar Gangarossa looks like a punk, acts like a punk, is a punk Pat Ofenloch ^^^ the defense rests their case Tony Lillo Amar Gangarossa again a thing we will never know.. i like your chances on this one

Phil James Ryan Lol defense rests

Sabrina Johnson You can be racist without blatantly calling people the N word or maybe it's just ignorance. The "thug life" Facebook was proven to not be him. And even if these things are true, the burglary tools, that still doesn't warrant being shot to death. If someone breaks into my apartment tonight and is trying to steal something but isn’t immediately attacking me, I cannot use deadly force on them. I carry an x-acto knife w me sometimes for self-defense because I was jumped a few years ago. If I throw on a hoodie and walk around Beverly Hills with it in my bag that doesn't mean some guy can shoot me because I'm black and in an upscale neighborhood. Even if this kid was a "punk" as you put it he doesn't deserve to be shot. Derek, Tony, Phil, none of u have ever smoked week? If you had some in your pocket is it ok to shoot you? No it's not ok to shoot anyone. There are people that I truly think deserved to die. Murders, rapists but that doesn't mean I laugh and poke fun at their deaths. It's never funny when someone is shot. Period.

Tony Lillo Amar Gangarossa what N word.. that word isnt even racist unless u want it to be.. look up the definition of it.. where does it say it is directed toward black people.. theres a lot of white people who fit a similar discrpiction (see dictionary).. and no i havent smoked weed

Tony Lillo Amar Gangarossa techincally if someone breaks into your house, you can shoot them on site if you feel your life is threatened

Tony Lillo Amar Gangarossa Ted Bundy 4 prez

Sabrina Johnson True but if they're stealing something and not threatening my life I can't shoot them. The man who shot Trayvon was a grown man with a gun. How was his life being threatened?

Let’s break this down. Even if Trayvon did steal things and graffiti a door, he deserves to be shot? Because as a far as I know none of those are crimes that you can be executed for. But maybe I’m wrong, I’m not a lawyer. And basically if you commit youthful indiscretions and are African American it’s totally fine for a white man to shoot you. And if someone is coming at you with a gun, you are not allowed to defend yourself. So George Zimmerman was a little beat up. If someone was coming at me with a gun I would try to beat their ass too! But since Trayvon was black he was supposed to just sit there and not go down fighting? What kind of convoluted racist logic is that? Also I’m pretty sure the, “I have a black friend” defense isn’t really valid but ok. The facebook in question was proved not to be his and I can’t find anything from any valid news source about his parents selling rights to a rap song. But whatever makes you feel less racist! Oh and of course we have to find some conspiracy theory to prove that George Zimmerman wasn’t a racist murdered. Trayvon was the violent one! He was carrying skittles and iced tea!! George was an innocent bystander following a young man whom the 911 dispatcher specifically told him not to. And he was clearly the one begging for his life and crying out to his mother. That iced tea sure can be tricky. And hell I’m afraid of the yellow skittles. But the man with the gun chasing him wasn’t scary at all. Oh and I rode home on a rainbow unicorn today after flying down a rainbow with a leprechaun. Um no. Let’s see this for what it is. Racism. I shed tears for a fallen child. And you laugh at his death. Yeah I’m the bad one. (Obviously I’m half black.)

[anothertwentysomethinggirl]

Republicans: Take back your party.

Let me preface this by saying this is not a rant. I am writing this from a level headed much less agressive (or as I consider it "passionate") perspective. I tend to get a little heated when it comes to politics so to all of those who I offended, I apologize.  I'm sure you are all aware of my immense jubilation when President Obama was re-elected for a second term in office. I hope most of you share my joy. But there are many Republicans out there who do not. Who are wondering how they lost this race again. So let's dive in. 60% of voters ages 19-29 voted for Obama while only 36% votes for Romey. Deductive reasoning tells me one of two things is true. A.) Most young voters are democrats. Or B.) Young Republicans voted Obama. Either way I have some bad news for older Consevatives: you're kids voted for Obama. I personally know a handful of young people around my age who grew up in bible thumpin' red states who are now proud Democrats. Could it be that young people, even young Republicans are more moderate and don't agree with the extreme Conservative views the GOP candidates had? (See: http://www.republicansforobama.org/) Regardless of the reason the Republican party should take a long hard look of what kind of message their projecting to the rest of the country but obviously it's not working. One observation I had during the election process was that my more conservative friends kept making comments like, "I'm not sexist/racist/homophobic, why do people think I am just because I'm a Republican?" Are all Republicans any or all of those things? Absolutely not. But why are you letting people who are represent you? I know you're not all old white men so elect some who aren't into office.  Whenever I turned on the TV the past few months it was plastered with some conservative assholes saying all sorts of offensive things and sometimes it is hard for us to separate those people from the rest of the party. I remember seeing a picture taken at a pride march somewhere in the US and on the side of the road was a group of people, mostly couples. They had a sign that said something along the lines of "Christian Republicans for same sex marriage." I know there are more of you out there! Make your voices heard. Because the old white men at the top are not getting the memo. I'm sure there are some Republican elected officials who support marriage  equality and a woman's right to choose but are too afraid to say so in fear of being persecuted by their party. Let them know it's ok to be moderate.  I'll say it again: I know all Republicans aren't all hateful assholes. I know this. But why are you letting people who are be at the forefront of your party? Michele Bachmann has stated that gay people need to be "cured" as if homosexuality is some sort of disease. While her husband (who im still not convinced is straight) runs camps to cure adolescents of their gayness. Richard Murdock thinks that women can't get pregnant from "legitimate rape." Bobby Franklin tried to pass a bill that would criminalize miscarriages. Paul Ryan was listed as a co-sponsor on H.R. 212, known as the Sanctity of Human Life Act. This would criminalize abortions, miscarriages as well as a lot of popular forms of contraception. These are the people you elected into office. I know most of you disagree with these views so why let them represent you? I'm not saying there aren't crazy Democrats but we generally try to avoid electing them into office. So now let's talk about non elected officials. Those who are at the forefront of the Republican Party, the unofficial spokesmen if you will. Well we have Bill O'Reilly who last night said if President Obama won the election, "It's not a traditional America anymore. The white establishment is now a minority." Well last time I checked 78% of the country is still white so I'm pretty sure you're still the majority. Republicans, why is he the poster boy for your party? Or Donald Trump who went on a twitter rampage last night and said things like, "The electoral college is a disaster for democracy." (I said the same thing when Bush beat out Gore.) And continued to rant on about how the world is laughing at us and people need to march to the white house to stop the "injustice." Well every other westernized country supported Obama by a landslide so I think they are in fact laughing at his toupee while he still tries to convince people Obama's not a US citizen. DT, maybe keep your focus on teaching Brett Michaels and Meatloaf how to run a business. Or my personal favorite, gun toting, bump it wearing, you betcha, "Maverick" Sara Palin who said, " It's a perplexing time for many of us right now." I think she's still perplexed on where Russia is. So Repubs, why are these the people you are choosing to be at the forefront of your party? What about someone like Megan McCain? She seems very intelligent, well spoken, and level headed. I would love to someone like her at the forefront of the party instead of Bill O'Reilly. I'm not saying there aren't crazy ass democrats but we tend to not give them too much clout. Like when Obama called Kanye West a jackass because he's a idiotic d-bag. By doing this Obama distanced himself from someone who's a little crazy. When's the last time you saw Reverend Al Sharpton plastered all over the news? It's been quite a while. That's because we try to keep crazy people out of the spotlight. Republicans, learn from this. I'll give you an example. When someone says "New Jersey" whats the first thin you think of? The Jersey Shore? Me too. I live no where near New Jersey so most of what I hear about it is Jersey Shore related. For years I couldn't get through the check out line at Ralph's without seeing Snookie and her damn bump in. And I've never even watched the show. After a while I was conditioned to think of those idiots every time someone said something about New Jersey. Now whenever I hear New Jersey I automatically cringe and think of the Situation lifting up his shirt and have to remind myself that's not how it really is. So when we as Democrats see nothing but crazy right wing extremists on TV we get conditioned to think of them whenever someone says Republicans.  Another big issue during this election was Women's rights. Why this is even as issue in 2012 is mind boggling to me but it's still an issue. I have to say whenever I came across a female Republican I was shocked. How can they support a Candidate who is trying so hard to wage a war on our rights, I'd think to myself. A few told me that Reproductive rights weren't the most important thing at stake. Maybe so but it's hard for me to focus on anything else when you're trying to take away my rights. Obama received 11% more female votes this election than last so I guess Mitt Roney's "binder full of women" just didn't cut it. I know so many Republicans support women's rights so let your officials know that. I don't think all Republicans want don't support women's rights, so stop electing people who want to take them away. For me as a woman, it's extremely difficult for me to focus on other issues when someone keeps saying what I consider to be extremely offensive things about my gender. So after I hear that I pretty much tune everything else out because I'm sitting there shocked going, "Did he just really say that?"  In closing I think that Republican party has fallen off the wagon so badly I'm not sure it'll ever recover. Younger voters are voting for more moderate candidates. While watching the news last night I heard a remark that people from the GOP were satin they should of nominated a more Conservative candidate. Really? That's what you took from people electing someone moderate into office?By all means next time around do it. I would be fine with this personally, it'll make it easier for Hilary to land the White House in 2016. But Republicans if you don't want the GOP to shrink dramatically in the next thirty years then take back your party. You aren't your candidates, we know this. So stop letting crazy people represent you. If the elections have taught us anything it's that Americans don't want crazy people running the country so stop letting your officials paint you as the crazy party.  #republicans #democrats #GOP #obama #barackobama #romney #ryan #mittromney #paulryan #election #election2012 #donaldtrump #sarapalin #womensrights #politics #political #billoreilly

[anothertwentysomethinggirl]

So I have to become a porn star to get my birth control covered?

In 1873 the Comstock Act was passed which prevented any method of birth control from being mailed. During this time many states passed laws which made any form of contraceptives illegal. Anthony Comstock, a leader in the purity movement, felt that contraceptives promoted prostitution and veneral diseise and that preventing conception was immoral. These were the times when women didn't have a voice or many rights. And we have come so far since 1873...or so I thought.

It took more than forty years but in 1916 the first birth control clinic was opened in the United States by Margaret Sanger. It was immediately shut down by the police and Margaret Sanger was arrested and sentenced to thirty days in jail. This was four years before women were even granted the right to vote. In 1923 Sanger opened a second clinic, but this one was not shut down. By 1942 there were over 400 birth control clinics in the United States alone. There have been so many victories for women's rights since the Comstock Act was passed in 1873, which makes me wonder why we are still fighting over these same issues that have plagued our country for almost 150 years. And why is it that in 2012 men are still the voice behind issues that affect women's bodies?

Presidential hopeful, Rick Santorum, has stated publicly that he favors making birth control illegal. Thats right. Illegal. One hundred and fifty years after the Comstock Law was passed we are in danger of being put in jail for using contraceptives. Even though the Supreme Court made it illegal for states to ban the use of contraceptives after the Supreme Court case Griswold v Connecticut in 1965.

Another issue we are facing is the fact that birth control is in danger of no longer being covered under insurance. Why is this? Because it goes against a bunch of middle aged men's "religious standing." What ever happened to that whole separation of church and state thing? Another issue that really irks me is that there are politicians who are openly stating that birth control shouldn't be covered by insurance but they think its perfectly acceptable to cover Viagra. Apparently taking contraceptives is a "lifestyle choice" but not being able to get it up is a "medical condition" and therefor viagra should be covered. What kind of convoluted logic is this? What's the point of getting an erection if you have no one to have sex with? Because even married people don't want to have a baby every single time they have intercourse.

Now if you think that insurance companies covering viagra but not birth control is appalling, just wait. Because it gets even more ludicrous. Apparently according to Rush Limbaugh using birth control makes you a slut and a prostitute. That's exactly what he called Sandra Fluke, a law student who publicly stated that birth control should be covered under insurance plans. He then said "So Miss Fluke and the rest of you feminazis, here's the deal, if we are going to pay for your contraceptives and thus pay for you to have sex, we want something. We want you to post the videos online so we all can watch." What the f*#k? So now we have to become porn stars to get our birth control covered? And why don't men have to make their sexual escapades available for all the world to see to cover their viagra? Wouldn't we be essentially paying for them to have sex as well according to Mr. Limbaugh's logic? I just don't understand why some of these conservatives are so against people enjoying sex. Guess what? People like sex. Let them enjoy it. Now I agree with the first amendment, but at some point Rush Limbaugh needs to just shut up.

Another issue many of those with an anti birth control stance are forgetting is that contraceptives have many uses other than preventing pregnancy. It's used to menstrual cramps, ovarian cysts, PMDD, acne, complications of uterine fibroids and endometriosis, and it can reduce the risks of some types of cancer. What is so wrong with that?

It has been almost one hundred years since our country's first birth control clinic opened and women have made such strides since that time. Newsflash. We don't sit at home and spend all of our time popping out babies anymore. Why can't we come together as a country and move forward rather than going backwards? Not every woman wants to be a mother, so she should become celibate? As the late Margaret Sanger said, "No woman can call herself free who does not control her own body." 

[anothertwentysomethinggirl]

Baby I was born this way.

This evening I heard an interview with Dr. Marcus Bachmann, Michele Bachmann's husband. It is no secret that I do not support her or her views but this interview really floored me. In the interview he stated, "I think we need to really call sin, sin. And too often we find counselors and friends that will absolutely excuse a person and allow their feelings to take charge," when talking about homosexuality. He also talked about how homosexuals need "help" from Christian leaders. He mentioned that he thinks schools should stop promoting a homosexual identity in the classroom. And that being gay is going against, "God's word." He also stated, "Barbarians need to be educated, they need to be disciplined. And just because someone feels it or thinks it doesn't mean they have to go down that road. That's what's called the sinful nature." This is one of the most hateful things I have ever heard. There is nothing barbaric about being gay. People like this directly contribute to the reasons gay teens commit suicide. Because they feel as if something is wrong with them. Being gay isn't a disease, nor does it need to be cured. And I think it's very commendable that schools are discussing homosexuality. If it is taught in the classroom that there is nothing wrong with homosexuality children will be more accepting. And they can discuss it in a safe format and teach the facts, that it is a not a choice. 

By stating that homosexuals are some sort of barbarians is ridiculous. I think people like Marcus Bachmann, who are that hateful, are the true barbarians. This is one of the reason that the suicide rate of LGBT youth is so much higher than the general population. Because by preaching that there is something immoral about homosexuality is like telling someone they were born wrong. And despite the beliefs of these groups that try to cure gays, there is nothing wrong with being a homosexual. No one should have to live their life feeling like there is something wrong with them. It is not a choice. Do straight people choose to be heterosexual? No. If God created us all in his (or her) perfect image then he created homosexuals too.

Another thing I have a major problem with are the "ex-gay groups." These groups claim to turn homosexuals into heterosexuals. That is completely impossible. If you're straight do you think you could be taught to be gay? They also try to convince them to remain celibate because acting on homosexual desires is wrong to them. Even though The American Psychological Association states that this conversion is not possible and potentially harmful. There are even parents who force their teenagers to attend these camps. These camps are a complete disgrace and are promoting hateful and intolerant behavior by stating that homosexuality needs to be cured. 

A few months ago I was having a conversation with one of my friends, we'll call her Anne. She was telling me about a friend she had from back home who attended a Christian college. Anne's friend had a gay friend at school. He had decided to be celibate for his entire life because his feelings were going against "God's will," or so he had been taught. And Anne's friend thought this was a perfectly logical decision. Because this boy had been raised his entire to believe homosexuality is in a sin. Therefor, in his mind, he was a sinner. Can you imagine how hurtful that must be? I'm straight and I can't imagine if I thought that being interested in guys was sinful. And every single time I checked out a guy I was sinning. I can't imagine how painful that must be. 

I know there are people out there who will argue that the bible says homosexuality is wrong. And to those people, you are full of shit. The bible also states that if a man rapes an unmarried virgin he must pay her father 50 pieces of silver, that slavery is perfectly acceptable, and that you cannot wear garments made of linen and wool woven together. Obviously, the bible was not written for modern times. No one will be stoned to death for mixing fabrics in 2011. So if we laugh at this silly verse then why is homosexuality taken so seriously? It holds no more weight than the quote about mixing fabrics.

Jesus was persecuted for going against the Jews and thus was the birth of Christianity. Yet for some reason some Christian groups are persecuting the LGBT community. I know that all Christians do not believe homosexuals go to hell, and to those of you I commend you for being tolerant. But I have met many Christians who truly believe gay people go to hell and that they are sinners. I really do pity people who believe this because it must be painful to maintain that much hatred. One of my close friends who grew up in a very Christian family told me once that she was taught to, "hate the sin not the sinner." So to hate homosexuality but not the actual person who was gay. I guess this is a loophole so make homophobes look less hateful. These people must have forgotten that Jesus died for us all. This includes homosexuals. The world needs to understand that being gay isn't a sin, nor is it a choice. In the words of Lady Gaga, "You were born this way baby." 

[anothertwentysomethinggirl]