oh god im confused

What is this how did it get here I am not very good at computer

[comikbook]

thinking about egregious dykery deltarune tweet

[dogpuppy]

[antigoneprogone]

[scoffs] You couldn't PAY me to jack off to Brian Griffin! [remembers the state of the economy] Well, you could, but it would have to be a four figure amount. [remembers to be honest to myself] Three figures. [remembers not to devalue my own labor] Four figures.

[deadpowol]

[tahthetrickster]

[captain-price-returns]

[newsandstuffisee]

[wizardarchetypes]

absolutely incomprehensible baby walked ahead of its parents into my job. babbling babbling babbling at me and I couldn't understand a word. and you must know i speak fluent baby babble so i was like what is up little baby. i can't understand a word you're saying. then its parents walked in fully speaking Swedish. I speak fluent baby but not Swedish you see.

[dogpuppy]

[grimeclown]

 “hi welcome to mcdonalds what can i get for you?”

“yeah can i get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?”

“absolutely, do you want the meal or just the sandwich?’

“uuuuuh hold on”

*fishes something out of my pocket*

“mikey what do i do?”

“get the fries. youll need the energy in the coming days”

*stuffs it back in my pocket*

“uhh yes please  the meal would be great”

[texcritterspizzajamboree]

serious question: can anyone else see this post? am I hallucinating?

[meme-loving-stuck]

this is like Schrodinger’s fucking meme because half the time the pic is deleted and the other half it’s visible

[kaban-bang]

[thestuffedalligator]

Human Is is a 1955 Philip K. Dick sci-fi short story where a guy goes to another planet for work and when he comes back to Earth his personality has flipped from an asshole to a sweet, kind, considerate man. Everyone's immediately convinced that an alien has taken over his body, this goes all the way to court, and in court his wife testifies that she's noticed no changes at all and so the charges are dropped.

And then there's a bit right at the end of the story as the wife and the husband are walking out of court:

Jill turned abruptly. "What is your name? Your real name."

The man's gray eyes flickered. He smiled a little, kind, gentle smile. "I'm afraid you would not be able to pronounce it. The sounds cannot be formed..."

Jill was silent as they walked along, deep in thought. The city lights were coming on all around them. Bright yellow spots in the gloom. "What are you thinking?" the man asked.

"I was thinking perhaps I will still call you Lester," Jill said. "If you don't mind."

"I don't mind," the man said. He put his arm around her, drawing her close to him. He gazed down tenderly as they walked through the thickening darkness, between the yellow candles of light that marked the way. "Anything you wish. Whatever will make you happy."

And I. God. There's something there. A soupcon of monsterfuckery. To tell your partner in a moment of intimacy that yes, you're something so inhuman that the lips you're stealing can't speak your actual name. You're a parasite that not only had the ability to burrow under this man's skin and take over his life, but you were so desperate to escape a dead, dry, blasted planet that you did.

And for your partner to then turn around and go "I know, I've always known, and I love you" is just. God I know it's not a great Dick story but something about it is making me lose my mind

[thestuffedalligator]

Also it's explicitly stated that the guy's consciousness is still alive and preserved on the alien planet. Jill is told this and then proceeds to defend the alien anyways, ensuring that her husband's brain is stuck in a jar on a desert planet. You love to see it

[infectiouspiss]

Is it acceptable that I do shave my legs only because it’s easier to put lotion on my legs when they aren’t too hairy and I do like the feeling of smooth skin when I finish up with it.

I also only really do it once or twice a month so sometimes I do go out in public with hairy legs.

come on man i'm on my lunch break can't you wait???

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

nosferatu? no. tuferatu. no es mi problema.

[quorpiest]

no mi circo no mis feratus

[nbarpf]

One of my all-time favorites

[introsquirrel]

County roads

Full of holes

On the route

I need to go

Road construction

Lane obstruction

Let me go

County roads

[gummybearattacktheworldofdespair]

[tittyinfinity]

Bro.

[romanceyourdemons]

lmao i’m reading this essay from the 1580s that mentions how if you were wearing a big elizabethan ruff and you got caught in the rain it would flip up in the wind and hit you in the face, and then you’d have to spend the rest of the day with your stupid soggy ruff all flaccid on your shoulders. can you imagine. whole new potentials for pathetic unlocked