From the makers of "this meeting could have been an email" we present: this universal moral dictum could have been a personal boundary

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@apteu
From the makers of "this meeting could have been an email" we present: this universal moral dictum could have been a personal boundary
I fucking hate the “explaining = invalidating” when it comes to apologies. Yes, sometimes a person means to invalidate you by saying this, but sometimes we genuinely just want to fucking explain our side so we can properly communicate.
I do not know what the fuck is wrong until I’m told what I’ve done wrong and feel the need to explain in order for us to see both of our sides
I like getting explanations with apologies because for me it helps lessen the damage that was done or can help clear the negative emotions.
I’ve had multiple people say it’s a sign that I’m a bad person that I don’t apologize right away, or that I’m giving excuses instead of owning up and apologizing (which is fucking hard for me to know if I’m actually in the wrong or not and people doing this shit does NOT fucking help). Apologies aren’t always just a “Sorry” one and done deal thing.
knowing that someone didn't mean to harm you, and in fact may have been trying to help, can be comforting! knowing how they came to choose actions that harmed you can help you both collaborate to avoid harm in the future! Knowing whats going on in the mind of your loved ones can be important and bring you closer together in times of possible conflict! An explanation is NOT an excuse, thats true, but that also means that someone explaining doesn't mean they're not ALSO trying to apologize on top of that!
I mean it's actually actively important to understand that people didn't intentionally try to hurt you. We have a real problem with assuming malicious intent behind actions, when the vast majority of people are actually just being a bit inept, or even might be coming at something from a different angle. The absolute insistence that you must never explain your actions, you must simply self flagellate before the Appointed Victim is... well, a lot of very problematic stuff can be enabled by that.
Seaking as someone brought up by a person who 90% of the time assumes anything they don't like has been done deliberately with the intention of hurting them - I repeat, anything they don't like - anything said or done by anyone - I can only say YES YES THIS! The last comment in particular. The world-view that there's only one right way for everything, and that if you haven't done/said something exactly within that right way you have attacked the other party - and no explanation is acceptable - yes, a hell of a lot of problematic stuff is enabled by that. And a lot of unhappiness, and some very messed-up relationships that take decades to unravel.
Please normalise the idea that other people see things differently, they are allowed to explain this without that being an attack on you, and it isn't self-invalidating to listen and accept an apology that has an explanation attached.
how have you been?
Update:
thinking of when vincent van gogh said that “poverty stops the best minds in their tracks” and how art would see a new era if we funded struggling independent artists instead of hiring talentless nepotism babies.
It's not an "abandoned" WIP, I didn't intentionally leave it in the forest to die and forget about it, it is a lost wip who wandered into the forest despite my pleas not to. I sit at the edge of the forest every day and hear it calling for help but there is nothing I can do. It is a haunting wip
WIP that died and came back Wrong
I'm keeping that.
if i contribute any one thing to the general fandom discussion I want it to be "miles o'brien is a cockslut." If I get to contribute a second thing, I want it to be this.
also do we see cardassian women with crushes on julian? NO.
we DO see a cardassian woman hitting on miles so devotedly she eventually tells him exactly HOW fertile she is. no one does it like miles. miles IS peak male performance (cardassian edition)
The Julian/Dukat aesthetic is the porn star/Rob Liefeld ideal of Cardassians-- what men are fixated on and hate themselves for never quite living up to. And it is so far beyond the norm of what most Cardassians can actually achieve as to be ridiculous. (Dukat is either an outlier or vain enough to have gotten some artificial help when he was young enough that nobody knows different) (Except for Garak, which is the real reason why Dukat wants Garak dead. Nobody can know about his secret neck elongation surgery.)
Meanwhile dudes like Miles and Damar are what women actually want, and constantly say that they want, and somehow never get listened to because 'super competent yet not being a jackass about it' and 'utterly devoted to his people' just doesn't sell porn in quite the same numbers.
Basic rules for analysing fiction, an incomprehensive list jotted down in a hurry:
The protagonist isn’t always right
The protagonist isn’t always good
The protagonist isn’t always written to be relatable or likeable
The narrator isn’t always right
The narrator isn’t always good
The narrator isn’t always telling the truth
The narrator isn’t always the author
The protagonist’s moral compass, the narrator’s moral compass and the author’s moral compass are three entirely different things that only occasionally overlap
Pay attention to what characters do and not just what they say
Pay special attention when what the characters do is at odds with what they say
A lot of the time the curtains are blue for a reason. If they aren’t, you should read better books
Someone tweeted about her lame-ass husband’s inability to perform basic tasks and the replies are sending me to the moon
At one of their weekly lunches, Garak confesses to Dr. Bashir that he let Quark talk him into getting a pet: a large Terran cat. He goes into exhaustive detail about it, fondly recounting its mischievous exploits, praising its cleverness, how resourceful it is and easily trained, but it's not until he mentions its propensity to pick his client's pockets that Julian's interest is truly piqued.
He asks Garak to describe it, and is instantly dismayed to hear such traits as "a devilish mask across her face" and "fluffy tail with rings."
Sure enough, when he demands to see it, Garak has a raccoon.
But Garak's not giving her up. She's already proficient in navigating the Jefferies tubes and has accepted being fitted with a tracking collar and recording device. So far, she's destroyed a vole nest, stolen one of Rom's jackets to use as bedding, and brought back the name of a rival tailor's silk supplier. Garak has plans for her.
Julian gives in to her charms a week later when she arrives in the infirmary with a box of Delavian chocolates strapped to her back.
Dax makes instant friends, of course. She teaches her how to high five and play hide and seek.
Odo is suspicious, and rightfully so, because she keeps turning up in places no one should be able to access, especially after her time with Dax.
Miles won't get near her, and Worf hisses anytime she approaches.
Kira, on the other hand, has taken to strolling with her along the promenade whenever Garak's too busy to keep her company, and rumor has it they even attended the Temple together once or twice.
Captain Sisko is cautious at first, until he decides that she has Impeccable Taste and uses her to determine the choicest tomatoes and peppers for his jambalaya.
She bites Dukat the first time he sets foot on the station.
I needed to draw this
[ID: a lined drawing of Garak proudly holding a raccoon in his arms and smiling. Stars hover nearby his head, while a thought bubble leading from the raccoon shows she’s thinking of a tomato, jalapeño, and bell pepper. /End ID]
[Image description: a tweet from “baby carrot ❤” (@babythedivine), time stamp cropped out: “why does America put income caps on disabled people but not billionaires” description ends]
As I grow older I feel my capacity to understand that Miss Piggy is not a real person reached a peak in my adolescence and is now on a steady decline. I watched a Wendy Williams interview and there's this part that's like "can we get a ring cam!" and Miss Piggy shows her bling and I'm just like fuck she's so iconic. Miss Piggy who are you wearing? Miss Piggy have you ever considered running for office??
Like literally every time I see Miss Piggy there's a period where I need to readjust to the fact that it's not a person, and I feel that period is getting longer and longer with every instance
now all my Youtube recommendations are filled with Miss Piggy interviews. I’m not complaining. Miss Piggy what’s your secret to ageing so graciously
It's not just the audience; professional journalists, hosts, and actors report it is legitimately difficult to not see the Muppet as a person, and it is, in fact, incredibly easy to interview or act with them once the performer gets properly set up.
Like that one time they couldn't figure out why Kermit's audio was so garbage... then realized they'd put the mic on him instead of the performer.
this has been a very longstanding issue - before the muppet show was even a thing some muppets appeared in commercials, such as rolf the dog they had a continual problem where when people directing/shooting the dogfood commercial would give dirrection to rolf that they would be speaking to the muppet, to which rolf REPEATEDLY had to tell them ‘i cant hear you, you have to talk to him’ and point at the performer underneath him rolf is one of the most embarrassing muppets to need this direction as the performer is this, damn, obvious when not on camera
‘sir, i am a bathroom mat, the man you need to talk to is back there’
I did an interview with Gonzo one time, and when I got into the Zoom call, it was the actor on screen trying to figure out his audio. And then once he did, he went like “OKAY!” and then just like dove to the floor and it was Gonzo and there was never a moment when I doubted that the dude was just Gonzo’s tech guy
She’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll stab a witchking in the face.
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love when a dynamic is like. this would be deeply toxic for anyone else but considering the people involved this is actually far and away the healthiest option
My god, says the head to the beating heart,
How many times must I bury you?
Oh love, says the heart, blood mixed with grave dirt.
At least once more.
Bill Nye for most of his career: Imma do science for kids. Science without politics. Nice, tame science for the kiddos.
Bill Nye now:
BILL, BILL, BILL!!!!
And let’s not forget
I’d never seen that last one, but my life is better for it
o m g
BILL NYE SAYS WOMENS RIGHTS, SCIENCE IS REAL, LGBTQ+ RIGHTS, AND HOMICIDE IS SOMETIMES OKAY
NOTHING but absolute RESPECT for the world’s substitute science teacher
NOTHING but absolute RESPECT for the world’s substitute science teacher