Catch Fire @areyouthelemon - Tumblr Blog

So this account still exists, eh? Well, hi friends, it's been a while

teamcapwasrightandishouldsayit

moss-wizard

What a year this week has been.

we-dont-matteratall

It’s Monday.

jacuwi

It sure as hell is.

actualaster

The earlier in the day Monday you reblog the funnier this gets

wyldepatheticgecko-deactivated2

Was someone going to tell me that Marvel comics has a shark puppy, or was I supposed to figure that out myself?

This is Jeff, and hOLY SHIT, he is BABY

moss-wizard

What a year this week has been.

we-dont-matteratall

It’s Monday.

jacuwi

It sure as hell is.

actualaster

The earlier in the day Monday you reblog the funnier this gets

floramaisel

Hey here are some small tips and tidbits from a bartender so y'all can write some realistic bartender aus!

believe it or not we drink on the job, it's rude to decline a drink offered to you by a customer

yes. I've gotten drunk on the job. yes it was cause I was bought a number of jagerbombs. no I didn't go home or fuck up.

'kiss the bartender' is a popular dare at small bars and private functions. whether it's on the cheek or on the lips is totally up to you

I have been offered people's number in a variety of ways. sometimes I've been handed a note, other times I've just been handed someone's phone on the 'add a new contact' page. girls are more direct, guys try the subtler approach of flirting until declined

Your average bartender doesn't always know cocktails. Especially if they're not on the menu.

Y'all cocktails are potent. If your character is downing ten long Island iced teas they're going to hospital

we live for tips. You could be the biggest cunt in the world but if tip me a fiver I'll put on a fake af smile and pretend you're a sound guy

speaking of. Young people tend to buy you drinks, older people tend to tip you.

There's a number of bar calls we use. 86 means we're out of stock. 68 means we're back in stock. More relevant for fic writers however: 700 means a hot customer, usually aimed at women but can be used for guys too. eg. 'lady in red. 700'

If someone asks what 700 means when asked. We lie through our teeth. We usually say it means you need serving or you look drunk.

That's all I can think of right now. But if you have any questions send me an ask! I've been a bartender for a while now, so I like to think I know my stuff.

floramaisel

I don't know what y'all think bartenders do when the bar shuts but it's defo not hanging around at the bar with the cute customer sharing a drink. We've gotta clean that fucker. All the glasses get cleaned. All the stock gets replenished. All the sides get wiped down. It's exhausting.

Every cellar in a bar looks like a serial killers basement don't @ me (I have asked someone to come with me on 2 occasions when I needed to change a barrel when the electricity wasn't working down there)

(side note. If its a cellar like, hatch in the floor cellar, there is some solid content there for injuries and whatnot. I have seen people not realise the hatch is open and just,, step into a hole)

I dress for tips. My managers actively encourages this. A lot of managers at bars are kinda sleazy.

bartenders fight over who's serving the hot customer through extreme staring and power walking

Nobody is more attractive than the person who brings their empty glasses back to the bar (ily)

in the UK it is ILLEGAL to pour someone a triple. You can pour someone a double and a shot on the side and if the customer pours the shot into their double then that's on them, but you as a bartender cannot serve a triple in one glass.

Its also illegal to have a happy hour but if y'all wanna forget that for a 'I'll make it a happy hour *wink wink nudge nudge*' pun, go feral

my absolute favourite term in bartending is lizard. If someone orders a round and then at the end is like 'oh and two guinness' absolute lizard behaviour

someone clicks their fingers to get your attention? Lizard. Also not getting served.

I love it.

You don't smell of cologne and fine whiskey after or during a shift. You smell like you've been on a week long alcoholic binge and missed your mouth the entire time. You fuckin reek and require a shower.

luimnigh

BTW, the reason why ordering Guinness last is bad: a proper Guinness needs to be poured most of the way, then given time to settle before pouring the last of it. Usually around a minute and a half.

Otherwise, the Guinness doesn't achieve the distinctive head that it's known for.

So with Guinness having the wait time built in, most bartenders will pour the Guinness first, and do the rest of the orders during the wait, then finish the Guinness. Ordering a Guinness last means they have to drop the drink they're currently making (because they will have started making your order as you speak, especially for a round order) to make the Guinness, or otherwise they will have to wait the minute and half alongside you. Which would really piss them off.

And as an extra note: you can't drink the Guinness immediately after the second pour. You need to wait for the second pour to settle. You'll known it has done this when the brown frothy liquid beneath the head has turned a uniform black.

Source: Brother is a bartender, and I am born, raised and living in Ireland.

#writing #I neeeeeeed this

hawkebear

C̸̳̅͊̎̒̔̿̂͘͠Ò̸̧͕͇͕͍̊͛̑M̴̜͔͎̲̒̅̉̂ͅE̸͈̼͈̬̝̫̠͇͇̐̎͘͜ͅ ̸̩̫̩̖̥̥̳̲̲̻̎̚T̶̢̡̨͇̞̜̑̓̔̌̀̐̌̉͝Ó̵̜͉͖̥̉̏ ̵̛͈̖̂͐͒Q̸̨͇̹͓͖̞̦̆̇Ư̴͕͗͘̚͘͠Á̵͉͓͓̮̪͙̯̫͚̙͙́̌̚̚R̸̙̼̟̠̠̞̞̰̝̯̄̀͊̑̑̈́̓̿̊̓̋ͅK̵̨̡̬̙̪͈͂̍͊͝S̶͚̼̹̙̖̮̗̼̔͌̆̆͂̄͛͗̕,̸̝͉̖͖̗̬̱̐̐̎͒͛ ̵̡̩͇͔̺̈́̅̃̀̅̐̽̽͂̑Q̶̢͓̒̓̐͒͐̌͌̎͐̾̕U̷͇̙̝̻͙̳͙̝̹͗̽Á̶̡̪̟̪̭͒̒̿͘̕R̵͕̬͔̝̥̞̠͓͎̘̂͊̎̃̃̂́͘K̸̹̬͚͔̤̲͇̥͌͌̄͛́͊͐͝S̵̪͎̝͚̖̎͊͜͠ ̶̦̺̻̉̾̅̓͆̽͜͝I̸̧͚͈̬̺̟̳̜͗̔̃̆ͅS̴̡̪̞̉̑̏̄̊̑̕͘͠ ̵̧͈̟̪͎̟̳̀̍̆͋F̴̢̻͖͉͂̈́̍͘͜Ṷ̷͓͎̭̲͗̾̃̀͌̕͝N̸̨̛̙̅͗͋̂̊̎̀͠

marblechemist

nickelodeon: zim cant hit people with his fist his hand has to be open. no punching. the children.

nickelodeon: dark harvest is allowed

crtter

gallusrostromegalus

If you were wondering: the thing that the studio doesn’t want depicted are unsafe activities a young child whose impulse control hasn’t grown in yet watching the show could feasibility imitate- not wearing a seatbelt, jumping off the garage roof with a pair of cardboard wings, throwing a proper punch at a peer etc. Because kids do imitate what they see around them as part of learning, so you don’t want to teach them something that could hurt someone or themselves until a bit more brain grows in.

Unsafe activities that are not within the scope of an elementary school student are fine- where’s a six year old going to get a missle launcher?

artisticlicense-personal

That genuinely answers a lot of questions I had about why kid-friendly media is as wonky as it is, and I love it.

unbotheredmuse

monsterbi

thepl-ace-icallhome

#the future doesn’t exist#it’s just today#and then today#you don’t need to believe in the future#just show up today and do what you can

tags by @oopsabird

bluebeetle

i saw some comments on tiktok where people were talking bout how they found tumblr too hard to use and part of it being that there was no lack of dates so “what if you reblog or like something from five years ago?!”

buddy… we have posts circulating still from 2011, its literally just how it is

do-what-i-yoinky

Being on tumblr for years like:

officialyoda-deactivated2024050

does anybody else remember that reality show where they gaslit a bunch of americans into thinking they were competing to marry prince harry but it was really just some guy

officialyoda-deactivated2024050

alwaysbewoke

UNMUTE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

sweetcribs

HHHAAAAAAAHAAHA!!

youmaycallmecas

THE DICKHEADS ARE STUNNED

seasons-of-ceres

@mercer-safehouse

transcript-central

Transcript: [In an australian accent: “This poor cat is stuck down the end of an alleyway and it’s getting bullied by a bunch of fuckin’ street toughs. They’re like, just tell us where you’re stashing the dead mice! But little do they know,” The voice picks up in volume, “THAT THERE MESSING WITH THE WRONG FUCKING CAT! He is OUT of here! What a sensational get away! The dickheads are stunned. There’s a rebound, a high jump, and then he stays low at the end. He’s like, eat my dust you fuck-knuckles! To quite the famous Australian commentator, Dennis Camedy(?), this is CENTIMETER PERFECT.”, laughing, “Sensational!”]

xxtc-96xx

ozzyman is the commentator we need in our daily lives

vhsv0id

Slight correction for the transcript, the announcer they’re speaking about is dennis cometti not camedy (although pronounced the same depending on how thick your accent is).