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2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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@aro-ace-until-stated-otherwise
In the last 5 or so years I’ve watch as a significant amount of the aroace community (myself included) has gone from “I’m aroace, but you can just call me ace I guess” to “I’m so incredibly aromantic that I can’t even exspress it in words and if you ever try to erase that part of my identity I’ll come after you with a blunt pocketknife” And honestly? I love it. Keep being stunningly aro y'all.
Well since its trending:
Alloaros exist
Aplatonic aros exist
Loveless aros exist
Aromanticism due to trauma exists
Dont. Just make this about fandom shit and fictional characters im so tired of the only lens ppl see aros through being shipping discourse. That being said stfu about how sad or unfair it is a character isnt interested in romantic/intimate relationships. Fuck off.
Aroace background uwu
-👑
While aromantic is trending I’d like to say that aromantic people deserve so much better than we’ve gotten in this community so far. Step it up, be a better ally. Listen to our voices, uplift them, and stop letting aces speak over us and for us (Aroaces are fine cause you know. They’re aro too). We have our own voices and they deserve to be heard as well.
We all have unique experiences and labels and it’d be great if we could be uplifted instead of ignored mostly. We deserve to be included as part of this community just as much as aces do.
Both are important but it’s just nasty how aro ace people are treated by everyone
so like what would be the community census on an aplatonic discord server :eyes: asking for a friend
aight imma make the server just give me time to figure out. how
so basically
what i am saying is
https://discord.gg/5FCHcaMW7g
please be my friend
What do you mean, you can feel romantic attraction? I can't imagine that, sounds fake.
Is that like a thing you found on the internet?
Maybe you're just confused, are you sure you can feel it?
Gosh, that must be so sad for you. Your life will be full of heartbreak and illusion.
You need someone to complete you? Idk man, that sounds weird.
You can't possibly live a fullfilling life like this.
the way alloromantics talk about romance is so confusing lmao like what is a “talking stage” what is a “situationship” what do any of these words mean
every character is arospec actually :) /hj
I feel left out of the aro community bc there is a big emphasis on platonic love. Being a loveless aro I don't feel that either. Also the lack of spaces for aroallos to speak about there experiences. All the groups I've been in there was a lot of sex shaming from asexual people which made them unwelcoming. Honestly this delayed me figuring out I was aromantic by several years.
Endlessly astounded by the fact that me being a loveless aro who does not want their worth determined by their relationships (romantic or platonic) is seen as an invitation to debate. Idk abt you guys, but if you're so desperately attached to romanticism that you feel the need to curse out someone in their notes just for, like, existing in a dissimilar way, are we sure that I'm the one who's a miserable bitch?
Like not to be rude but I think that if you make love your reason for everything to the point where you're unable to handle other people's perspectives, then maybe that's a you problem :/
Romantic Attraction: A Checklist
Way too often I see people wondering if they’re feeling romantic attraction or something else. So I decided to make a checklist based off my own experiences.
For the average person, aesthetic, sensual, and/or sexual attraction are intertwined with romantic, but I left out all the parts that could fall under other forms of attraction. (Example: many people feel urges to cuddle their crush. But cuddling falls under sensual attraction, so you can want to cuddle someone without being romantically attracted to them.) Hopefully leaving stuff like that out will help distinguish romantic from something else. But I don’t think I’ve ever experienced platonic attraction so there’s a slight possibility some of these could fall under that too and I just don’t know it.
Like I said, this is based off my own experiences as a heteroromantic, ace woman. Others may experience differently. This is only a guide.
That aside…
You might be romantically attracted to that person if…
- You think about them often. (If it’s major, you may even lose sleep.)
- Whenever you hear a love song, your mind jumps straight to them.
- When consuming romantic media, you imagine the couple as you and that person without meaning to.
- You “yearn” for them. Imagine something you’ve always wanted, but weren’t able to get. Maybe it was a video game, or a trip to Hawaii, or a dog or whatever. You really really really wanted it, but couldn’t have it for whatever reason. Or maybe someone was eating your favorite food while you’re starving, but there wasn’t any for you so you had to sit there and watch. Multiply that “want” feeling by 3. That’s how you feel about them.
- You feel nervous interacting with them. The same sort of nervousness you’d feel at a job interview, except you don’t need to feign enthusiasm when talking to them. (If anything, you need to stifle that enthusiasm.)
- You get self conscious of everything from your appearance to the way you say “hello.” If you’re more anxiety-prone like I am, you’ll spend a good amount of time worrying that you said something weird and now they probably think you’re a weirdo which is just, BAD!
- You lose your breath when you see them unexpectedly. You may even have to fight back an excitable gasp. Imagine someone surprises you with something you’ve always wanted. It’s like that, though you may also notice your pupils dilating like when you leave a movie theater. This will improve your mood. Doubly so if they acknowledge your existence.
- Your knees get weak. You feel a pull in your chest (again, yearning). You have to force back a goofy smile around them to not appear “obvious.” (If this is happening during COVID times, you will be very grateful for mask mandates, let me tell you.)
- You feel this strange… tension in the air when you interact with them. It’s not a bad kind of tension, but it’s there. You wonder if they feel it too.
- You know how in Disney Channel sitcoms or whatever, where the girl has a crush on a boy, and she and her friends get all jumpy and screamy whenever the boy so much as smiles at her? That’s a big Mood whenever I have a major crush.
- That dopey look cartoon characters get whenever they see the object of their affection? Also a big Mood for me.
- You’re willing to do almost anything (within reason) for them. You’ll go out of your way to help them. If they ask you for a favor, you’ll do it, even if it’s something you normally wouldn’t do for someone.
- Hell, you’ll go out of your way just to look at them!
- You think about a future with them, mainly as a married couple. You might even wonder what kind of parent they would be. What your children will look like. Even if you don’t want to get married or have kids irl, the thoughts may plague your mind anyway. You wonder what your family will think of them. You wonder what their family is like as well.
- If you’re blessed enough to find their social media profile(s), you’ll find yourself scrolling through posts from 3 years ago. Accidentally clicking “like” on one of them is the stuff of nightmares.
- You have fantasies where they rescue you from perilous situations and/or vice versa. This can range from giving them a ride home after their car breaks down to the full blown “princess locked in a tower guarded by dragons” trope.
- Speaking of tropes, I want you to think about every romance trope you can. If it’s romantic attraction, you will find some of those to be good fantasy material. You will naturally imagine you two in many of the scenarios, no forcing required.
- If you have to force any ~romantic~ fantasies, it’s probably not romantic attraction. The fantasies will come to you whether you want them or not. But you don’t mind all that much because, free dopamine. (Might be different if you’re romance-repulsed/averse.)
Hopefully this helps someone out there!
Platonic attraction – a checklist
(At least, for me – others’ mileage will vary – platonic relationships are rarely explored in media, so I don’t have as many fictional tropes to point to as examples, but anyway):
Since OP expressed uncertainty about Platonic attraction, which I have felt, but have not yet tried to put into words, let me do that now:
- Being with the person is literally like a breath of fresh air – like a taking a walk in a cool, shady forest with a gentle breeze, after spending a week in a stuffy motel room with windows that never open and carpeting that smells of stale cigarettes. Tension leaves your shoulders, and you find yourself smiling more easily.
- You connect with this person intellectually. You could stay up all night talking about your favorite things (or even pet peeve things), tossing ideas back and forth like a game of ping pong.
- When you learn about something new, you want to share it with them, and get their opinions.
- You connect with the person emotionally. When you’re sad, you feel safe turning to them for comfort and perspective. When they’re sad, you want to do the same for them, and nothing hurts more than knowing they’re hurting, and you can’t do anything to help. When either of you are happy, it tends to rub off on the other.
- You find yourself picking up their interests, at least to learn more about them. And you want to support them in their hobbies, even if it’s not something you’re into, yourself.
- When they succeed at something, you’re over-the-moon happy for them, and may be more willing to boast about their accomplishments than your own.
- If you’ve got a project you’d like to do (whether its assigned for work or school, or just something for fun), you naturally start thinking about how much more fun it would be to do it with this other person.
- If the feelings are reciprocated, and the projects are really large scale (like “owning a house,” or “raising a child” together), then you are definitely in the Queerplatonic partnership realm.
—–
But mostly, it’s that “Breath of Fresh Air” feeling. When the world gets to be Too Much, you know just being with this person will make you feel better.
Ok this is actually really interesting and I’d like to hear more people add onto it with their experiences. I definitely relate to platonic attraction, though I’ve felt it with maybe one or two people and it’s different from regular friendship (even when those friendships are “close”), and op’s list confirms I’ve never felt romantic attraction–but then, I know alloromantic people who haven’t experienced some things on that list either, hmm…
“ Ok this is actually really interesting and I’d like to hear more people add onto it with their experiences.”
Yes, Please! Mass Media pop culture hasn’t done this for us. So let’s do this for ourselves.
These lists are fascinating! I wanna say that as aromantic person who’s had squishes (platonic attraction) of varying strength for different people my whole life, several of things listed on the romantic attraction list above are things I’ve experienced, but in a distinctly platonic way
When I’m squishing on someone I have no romantic fantasies or desires for them, which is a big reason I can confidently say it’s not romantic attraction I was experiencing. I never daydream about dates or romantic endearments or marriage or children with my squishes. I don’t want to kiss them in romantic ways or think about weddings or fantasize about romantic pledges of love
For me a squish manifests as a desire to be near a particular person. I could classify it as yearning. I want to spend time with them, learn things about them, hear about the things that make them excited or fascinated or worried or sad. I want to help them with problems they face and share happy experiences with them. I’m very enthusiastic about them. I usually also want platonic physical affection with them, like hugs or cuddling. If I daydream about things with them, it’s about more time spent talking and deepening our friendship, sharing things we’re passionate about, or doing hobbies together
I can get flustered around them, which I think a lot of people associate with romantic attraction, but it’s not because I’m wanting anything romantic with them. I just want to be a very close friend with this person and feeling such a strong desire like that makes the possibility of rejection scary. I over analyze conversations, wondering if I’m being a good supportive friend and worrying if I said off-putting things. I’ll get anxious over the thought that a squish considers me an acquaintance or a nuisance and is only tolerating me
I’ve never had a queerplatonic relationship but it’s something I’ve wondered a lot about
The biggest indicator for me that I’m having a squish on someone is when I find myself thinking about them a lot, remembering things they told me and wanting to talk to them frequently. I’ll find myself hoping to develop a deeper friendship and hoping they want that too, hoping they enjoy being around me. Having them reciprocate friendship and platonic intimacy makes me overjoyed and can leave me with a little high
I really like that “breath of fresh air” perspective on platonic attraction. It definitely can feel like that, but it can feel exciting too
you know what? I haven't seen this around so I'll do it myself! 👏💚
shoutout to the arospecs who experience romantic attraction: yes you heard well. BECAUSE AROMANTICISM IS A SPECTRUM. 🎉
Little to no romantic attraction. To those that experience romantic attraction: infrequently, rarely, under certain circumstances, fading, when not reciprocated & many more ways. 🥂
Your experience with romantic feelings is valid and you are aromantic enough! Our spectrum is big and there's a whole grey area to it that should be acknowledged. 🤌🥺
ok hear me out but aromatic with a houseplant theme very cosy maybe rain idk (pride wallpaper)
Have I understood the assignment?
see more wallpapers
this is going to be a sizzling hot take but alloromantic queers can mention someone’s queerness without feeding into relationship hierarchy and amatonormativity
you can mention that sappho was obviously wlw without your reasoning being “friends don’t say that to friends!!” you can mention that khnumhotep and niankhkhnum were likely lovers without saying that friendships are inherently not as intimate as romantic relationships. you can say that you think this writer was queer without saying that people can’t care for friends that way or that only lovers would die for each other.
because when you do that shit, it fucking hurts aromantics. it feeds into the already pervasive narrative that we can’t ever care for anyone, that any love that we might feel isn’t nearly as meaningful even if we pour our heart and soul into it, that we can’t possibly be “just friends” with this person.
guess what? friendships matter! friendships exist, in a shit ton of different forms that’s far more different today than it was before, and us pointing this out is not the same thing as straight homophobes erasing gay people and relationships.
(also imagine how many “straight” relationships in history might actually have been close friendships but we don’t talk about that part of heteronormativity for some reason huh.)
want to point out that this person was clearly in love with his so-called “best friend”? okay. instead of diminishing friendships and saying that this relationship was “clearly more intimate than any friendship could ever be” you can just say that the relationship is very much in line with typical heterosexual relationships. and if a homophobe chooses not to care, that’s not an excuse to employ narratives that are amatonormative as hell.
THANK YOU.
I know this post is about historical figures, but I want to say that this is also a hugely pervasive thing in fandom.
There is nothing wrong with shipping fictional characters together romantically, but please try not to back it up by pointing out literally every positive interaction they have and insisting that "friends would never do this!"
Especially when it's stuff like openly saying how much they care for each other, or being there for each other during a crisis, or risking their lives for each other. Like, way to tell every aro person reading that "you will never have/be worthy of this."
I'm not saying you have to only have queerplatonic headcanons from now on. Or that you're not allowed to interpret certain interactions between characters who are canonically platonic friends as actually being romantic.
Just don't claim that said actions are inherently romantic, or that people in a platonic relationship would be incapable of showing that level of affection. Aka, don't be arophobic.
“Way to tell every aro person reading that ‘you will never have/be worthy of this.”
THANK YOU. you put it into words.
might i add that it’s not even limited to aromantics. currently single people; people that have had bad breakups; people who have been cheated on, abused by romantic partners; even some people struggling with unrequited love. imagine telling them that they aren’t worthy of someone being there for them in crisis or someone just really caring about them just because they aren’t in a relationship or because they have been taken advantage of. that narrative is the exact reason why so many of us feel that we’re unlovable or that something is wrong with us just because romance hasn’t gone our way. it’s so shitty.
The whole "Aros don't realize when someone's flirting with them because they don't get romance" thing is very understandable but I always feel like I'm the polar opposite, I'm hyper aware of how others interact with me and if I get the first suspicion that someone is flirting I immediately catapult myself out of the situation.
