Iāve seen some posts that toy with the idea of there being a Simon that existed in the PHM universe who was Graceās boyfriend before he died for one reason or another. But I raise you: this concept, but with Trolley Operators.
Picture it, Eva and Ava meeting early on in their UN jobs, Stratt as whatever her background was before the Petrova Project and Ava as some important military role probs. Despite not even being from the same COUNTRY, let alone same departments, they bonded over their shared sense of duty and love for humanity. They tell themselves that their marriage was for security, that their union made collaboration between their jobs more effective. Both of them knew better, tho, they knew what neither would say.
Because it was said. It was said every time Ava brought three cups instead of two. It was said every time Eva would reveal something about herself irrelevant to work. It was said in every time they fell into a infodumping rabbit hole about history and what they can learn from it to create new solutions for the future! It didnāt matter if no one from the outside can see how the two are anything beyond allies, because they know.
But, just as they share each otherās positive qualities, they also share their flaws. Their willingness to do anything for humanity. One day, Ava takes on an assignment, one that was more dangerous than the rest, one that was supposed to be taken by someone less important, more expendable.
She didnāt care. She was the most qualified, so she went against orders. She even got Stratt to pull strings to get away with it. Eva was smart like that, always good at finding ways to get what needed to be done done. Before she leaves, she tells Eva that no matter what happens, that she will never lose that power. That she will keep going, she will always do whatever it takes to fulfill their shared mission. Eva thinks this is an easiest promise she ever made, easier than taking her vows!
So why, when she heard the news, listens to Avaās last transmission, did she take her first leave in her career? Why, even after she pieces herself back together enough to return to work, does she spend hours in her office, door locked shut, tears still falling from her face?
Maybe itās because she felt so sure, so certain Ava would pull through. She was strong, she was resourceful, she could survive anything. Maybe itās because Stratt was never one for emotions, for attachments, never had someone who cared enough to ask about her life, no one who soaked up every scrap of trivia she has memorized in her history books.
Maybe itās because she never got to tell Ava she loved her. Maybe itās because she thought they had time that will never come back.
As time passed, Stratt grew colder. Sharper. More efficient. Whatever it takes to keep her promise.
And yet, she keeps her ring. Maybe itās because itās all thatās left of her wife, of what she had in her old life. Maybe itās to act as a physical embodiment of her oath, of their last words together.
Maybe itās to remind her that she killed her.
Few people notice the ring. No one asks. No one talks to her. Not like Ava would talk to her. No one dared.
Grace. For the first time in years, she has someone who brings her coffees without being ordered. She has someone who asks her about her life. She would never marry him, even if she wanted to. But she had someone again.
He asks her who the lucky man is. She tells him heās bold to assume it was a man. He starts blubbering an apology, only to stop midway. When he catches the past tense.
He offers comfort, offers support. She turns him down. It has been a long time ago, she got over. It needed to happen, there was nothing to be done about it.
But deep down, she knew she didnāt deserve it. She didnāt deserve Ava, and she certainly doesnāt deserve Graceās grace!
Then, for the first time since her leave, she cries. Cries as she takes a stand for karaoke. Cries as sheās surrounded by people just as brave as Ava, about to do what Ava did. Cries as she sees her own history play again in front of her.
Cries as her grief flares like the scar she soothed Ava through all those years ago.
Then the impossible happens. The volunteers died, in a way they shouldnāt have, in a way that doesnāt give their lives the meaning it gave Ava. Now she has to lose another person, another person she must condemn to death.
She hopes, she prays, that Grace would make the right decision. That he understood the stakes. That if not for the world and humanity itself, that his love for the kids, his students, would be enough to make the sacrifice Ava did.
She was angry. She was heartbroken. She was betrayed. She wanted to tell herself that all these feelings were directed at Grace, that he was a coward, that she never trusted him, never respected him.
But she was never good at lying to herself, no matter how good she got at lying to everyone else.
She should have known better. She should have known this would only end where she started. She should have known no one could have filled the hole Ava left behind, even platonically.
She should have known better than to think she was meant for anything other than isolation and sacrifice.
She didnāt plan to escape her parole. After everything she did, a lifetime of prison was what she deserved. But even in her low expectations, she overestimated humanity, underestimated her own willpower. So she escapes, she keeps her oath, she keeps doing more, being more.
Then one day, her crew is scrambling around the deck, pulling something onto the ship with their net. She tries to command order back to the ship, that they donāt have time for this, they still need to get the Taumoeba in space.
Until she sees whatās clinging to the net.
Blood trickling off of her, not aged a day over the last sheās seen her, Ava is sitting on the deck. This isnāt the first time Evaās seen her ghost, and it certainly wonāt be the last.
So why does the rest of her crew see her? How are they touching her?
Then their eyes meet. Avaās gaze somehow got sharper than it always was, her figure shriveled from malnutrition. Her voice shakes with desperation, with confusion.
With unfamiliarity. Because she doesnāt remember Eva.
This was it, then. Eva is finally got her living hell, her punishment. She finally got her wife back, and she still canāt say she loves her.
