The Goodest of Sirs @assassingirl12 - Tumblr Blog

So its late and I should be going to bed but I can't stop thinking about this stupid shit.

So say you have an electric car right and you are going to work in the morning, buuuut, you forgot to plug the fucker in. You wake up and the battery is dead. Now for the all important question, w h a t in the everloving f u c k are you supposed to tell your boss? Like eh yo man small problem my car is dead today, like it'll be fine tomorrow, just forgot to charge it. You know like you forgot to plug your phone in last week and it was dead in the morning. Yeah its like that but just my form of transportation.

#tesla #cars #electric #like what do you do #funny #this was too funny #i see myself doing this shit

To whoever decided to make pads stick to skin, hair and everything else in the universe like industrial duct tape but stick to underwear like a wet fucking sock, I hope you stub your toe on every piece of furniture you walk past.

#im dyin rn #like wtf #periods fucking suck #and pads fucking suck

isetusir-deactivated20190926

what women really want is to go on various expeditions in search of artifacts belonging to ancient civilisations and uncover the secret histories buried beneath them

assassingirl12

But also a girlfriend to experience the adventure with.

pukicho

Ghosts aren’t even scary I just love surrounding myself with them

assassingirl12

What if they are evil ghosts though?

Some of you sorry saps never fucking played Mass Effect 1 and IT shows.

#mass effect andromeda #mass effect #me:a #mass effect 1 #mass effect 2 #mass effect 3 #femshep x garrus #garrus vakarian

worddevourer

Mr. Grillman…

Grill me a cheese

Make it with cheddar

and fill it with

BEES

assassingirl12

Ok Sera calm down

God: So I want to give these sorry saps some happiness in their lives

Angel: that's very kind of you so what did you have in mind?

God: make them like small horses, loyal, friendly, soft and unconditionally loving of their owners

Angel: that sounds great why are you being so kind wha-

God: and give them like a 10 year life span.

Angel: well I dont know what else I expected.

#dog #god #this was too funny #funny #joke #funny jokes #this is a joke #dogs #dogs of tumblr

These fucking tumblr ads are going to be the end of me

Ah yes, I am human, I recharge nightly, I consume nutrients and I water shower.

#ads #tumblr ads #water #shower #this was too funny #funny #funny pics #funny memes

What if after infinity war Tony or Steve or any of the avengers collect some of their loved ones ashes in a jar being all sentimental. Now what if when Thanos's magic is reversed those characters come back but they are missing like a few fingers or an organ or two and the people who collected the ashes are just like "oh fuck, please no" and they go home and like the missing organs are in the jar. Like no longer dust but a pair of fingers or a kidney or something sitting in the jar.

Fitzjames picking up an old bottle: I wonder if this is liquor or perfume?

Crozier grabbing the bottle: Give it here. *Chugs the bottle*

Crozier: It was perfume.

Sir John: Why? What the actual fu- nope you know what I'm not going to question it.

#james fitzjames #francis crozier #the terror amc #the terror #sir john franklin

Anyone else have this problem?

Ok so tell me if I am overstepping, but is it wrong that I even though I am bi, I have to tell people I am lesbian because the guys in my college are so persistent? Even after I try to tell them I'm not into them like that? Even after I tell them I just want to be friends? I'm bi but like 85% into women and like 15% into men, and most of the men I like are fictional characters and celebrities. And I know that if I tried to explain this to these guys they would still not get it and still hit on me. So out of necessity I have to identify as lesbian to stop their insistent behavior. I should not have to do this, but because they dont understand what no means, I have to.

#lesbian #biseuxal #women #pride month #girlswholovegirls #girlswholooklikeboys #i wish i was joking #gay life #gay #gay love #why are guys like this #its killing me

So my fellow socially anxious friends who hate coffee, I have cracked the code.

Get a shirt that says something along the lines of dont speak to me until I have had my coffee.

Wear it and point to it when people try to talk to you, you hate coffee and you will never have coffee that day and therefore never be ready to talk to people that day.

#social anxious #coffee #social anxiety #i have cracked the code #mental illness #mental health

My bi ass while watching game of thrones: