waelcome to my kitchen

tell me i’m pretty

[tarottss]

he knows all

[imawitchywitch]

Super important for our sex worker friends out there!

[instructor144]

PSA.

[beautifulminduglythings-moved]

bitches will be like “i love animals” but hate themselves…… you are an animal girl. <3 love yourself. peace on planet earht 

[alone-to-dance-deactivated20240]

This just hit me. I’m so Southern my family has a matriarch and no one in the family knows for sure how old she is. We all also got into a heated debate about the existence of her glass eye (still not confirmed). She’s in her 90s- we think- beat cancer, outlived two husbands, had seven children and has outlived three of them, survived The Great Depression, and either her dad or her grandfather was a full blooded Cherokee Indian… possibly the tribe’s leader but no one really knows for sure.

She also once lit into my dad’s school bus driver, cussing him black and blue about how he treated the kids and didn’t realize she had a butcher’s knife in her hand until he RAN away. She didn’t have any more trouble out of him.

[whitebeltwriter]

…I wish to know how and why this just occured to you, please

[alone-to-dance-deactivated20240]

I had an eloquent reason but really what it boils down to is I think Mamaw is a cryptid. The running joke in the family is that Mamaw will be at the end of the world with the twinkies and the cockroaches.

I’m not sure it’s a joke anymore, I think it’s a premonition.

[alone-to-dance-deactivated20240]

Two years ago one of my cousins wanted to bring her wife to thanksgiving and Joe was all “ew no way” and Mamaw stood her ass up and said “Who the hell do you think you are, saying who is and isn’t welcome in my house? This ain’t your house- you get out! I say who is welcome and YOU is not welcome. Now SCAT!” while slapping at him and then sat back down and asked my cousin if her wife ate catfish. Joe tried to come back in and she popped the tennis balls off her walker and threw them at him until he left

[alone-to-dance-deactivated20240]

No matter how old Mamaw gets, her hair is still solid black. She still hasn’t gone gray and she’s never once died her hair. Her kids all have heads full of gray hair, and my father- her grandson- is starting to go gray. Mamaw? Nothing. I swear she looks exactly the same as she did when I was a kid.

[alone-to-dance-deactivated20240]

Mamaw got Covid-19. She presented with symptoms and was rushed to the ER with a dangerously high fever and next to no oxygen. The doctors took note of her age (she’s apparently 93 as best she can guess) and her vitals and, well, Mamaw wasn’t gonna make it past Monday.

By Sunday night the fever was gone and she was complaining that the hospital didn’t get WWE and she was gonna “miss my wrasslin shows!”.

She was home and completely fine by Tuesday. By Wednesday she was calling up the anti-maskers in our family just to call them idiots and hang up.

[hollyweeb-blvd]

This poor dude is waiting for his date for the prom unknowing he is being watched by the crew of a hit TV show

[hollyweeb-blvd]

The tides coming in, hurry up dude.

[hollyweeb-blvd]

Tide got him but he’s ok.

[hollyweeb-blvd]

He’s texting his girl but she’s not showing up. Is she standing him up?

[hollyweeb-blvd]

His best bud just showed up to help him.

[hollyweeb-blvd]

Tide is really coming in now, he’s on the phone. Things are getting frantic.

[hollyweeb-blvd]

Will she arrive in time? We’re gonna give him a round of applause if she says yes and arrives.

[hollyweeb-blvd]

OH NO!

[hollyweeb-blvd]

CREW IS ENCOURAGING HIM TO RE-DO HIS WORK. WE’RE SHOUTING “DO IT!”

[hollyweeb-blvd]

HE IS RE-MAKING THE MESSAGE! I REPEAT! HE IS REMAKING THE MESSAGE!

[hollyweeb-blvd]

WE HAVE RECIEVED WORD THAT THE GIRL IS ON A TREASURE HUNT IN THE CITY AND THIS IS THE FINAL LOCATION. HIS FRIEND IS STALLING FOR TIME.

[hollyweeb-blvd]

UPDATE: BEACHGOERS HAVE JOINED IN TO HELP THIS BOY REBUILD HIS MESSAGE TO THE GIRL! HIS FRIEND HAS JOINED IN AS WELL.

[hollyweeb-blvd]

IT’S ALMOST DONE! THEY MIGHT MAKE IT!

[hollyweeb-blvd]

THE MESSAGE IS COMPLETED! THE QUESTION IS NOW “WILL SHE SAY YES?”

[hollyweeb-blvd]

BRO OF THE YEAR JUST BROUGHT A GIRL. I THINK THIS MAY BE IT!

I THINK THIS IS IT!

[hollyweeb-blvd]

SHE’S APPROACHING!

YES! THE ANSWER IS YES!

OUR CREW IS CHEERING FOR THESE TWO.

[dennys]

[adhd-vibes]

The thing about adhd is like if you hit any sort of roadblock while doing a task, no matter how small an obstacle, it’s gonna throw you completely off track.

[adhd-vibes]

like for example:

I’m hungry and I want to eat. But when I get to the kitchen I realize I have to cook something. It’s not that hard but it’s something in the middle of where I am now and me eating. So I end up not eating.

I’m cleaning my room. There are dirty clothes all over the floor. But my laundry basket is full and so I can’t put my dirty clothes where they are supposed to go. Now my momentum for cleaning is shut down and I go back to something I know how to do, like change playlists.

and that’s on executive dysfunction

[kylos]

inspired by this post

[tvandfilm]

HOME ALONE 2

1992 | dir. Chris Columbus

[gnabrie]

stuff that happened in the past decade

[thyrell]

reading this post feels like doing 90 in a 35 zone

[bryanrl]

I remember all of these but I'd never be able to guess the order it all happened 🤯

[sunfortune]

katniss in book 3: my childrens playground is built on dead bodies and bones, i never wanted children but peeta convinced me, i will never heal from what happened to me. the end 

me reading that shit at 15:

[24ozsteak]

you ever just hand things to ur pet to sniff so they can feel included

[neckkiss]

via weheartit

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Hey. Things are going to get better.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

You cannot prevent it.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Yes I am threatening you with a good time.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Have A Nice Day

[stability]

vampire: *rips my collar back to bite my neck only to find I’m wearing 12 garlic-clove necklaces* 

vampire: how did you know? 

me: know what?

[autogynephiladelphia]

Tony Hawk is like fucking Perry the Platypus because if I saw him without a skateboard I'd be like "A man" and the second he picks up a skateboard I'd be like "TONY HAWK?!?!?!?!?!"

[unskinny]

Bodies aren’t meant to stay the same. We are supposed to grow and change. We shouldn’t be making people in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, etc feel like they need to strive for the bodies they had in their teens and 20’s. Or making people feel like they “need to get their bodies back” after they have had children. These mindsets aren’t healthy and change is inevitable.