Blake: Mind explaining to me how you could've possibly managed to snag not just both Branwens, but both Roses as well?
Jaune: Do... you also have this strange sense of Déjà Vu right now?
Blake: Not at all. Now focus on my curiosity please.
Jaune: That curiosity will kill you.
Blake: But it'll satisfy me enough for my resurrection. Now spill!
Blake: *Slams palms on table* Bullshit!
Jaune: I'm serious! One moment I'm making out with Yang, the next she runs away in a panic going on about responsibility and stuff.
Jaune: Fast forward a month and Ruby's there where Yang used to be. Then she runs away too because of the whole "saving the world" business.
Jaune: World saving done a month later, we come across the sealed away body of Ruby's supposed dead mom, whom we manage to not only free from her confinement but also resuscitate from faux-death.
Blake: Those were a wild three months, yes.
Jaune: Right?! Anyway, Summer's all disoriented from being in suspended animation for the better part of two decades. Stuff that I can't explain happened and now I got an elder Rose where Ruby and Yang used to be.
Jaune: Then Raven shows up, makes everyone go crazy again. Summer goes through some soul searching Brothers know where, leaving me by myself for the third time in four months.
Blake: Your love-life is starting to resemble a revolving door...
Jaune: Ugh, don't remind me. Yang told me that too a little while ago and she couldn't stop laughing for twenty minutes.
Blake: Right, so you had Yang, Ruby and Summer. When did Raven happen?
Jaune: Not long after Summer left. She wanted to "see what the big deal" was about me with bagging her ex, her daughter and semi-daughter.
Blake: Really? Like what, did she need to test you or something?
Jaune: I'd never been more scaroused in my life...
Blake: Sheeeeesh... That sounds hot!
Jaune: Glad to know my love life is enriching enough for you...
Blake: So you had them all individually, when did you collar them all?!
Jaune: Your phrasing and intensity of that question concerns me.
Jaune: So after Raven rode me like my life depended on it, she then ran off somewhere too. Leaving me by myself again... for the fourth time in five months...
Blake: That sounds as sad as it does hilarious.
Jaune: I can stop talking. That'd be hilarious too.
Blake: *Panic* No! Please, no! I'll be good!
Jaune: Anyway... Now that the world had gotten through that post-world-has-been-saved buzz, Yang and Summer approached me.
Jaune: They told me how they were sorry for leaving the way they did. That they had to process a lot of internalised traumas and insecurities. How, despite it all, they couldn't get me out of their minds. Among other things that is.
Blake: The other thing being your di-
Jaune: So through more events I, even for the sake of my own soul, can not explain, I'm suddenly back together with Yang, all while Summer sort of... hovers around yet also more so than that.
Blake: *On the edge of her seat* Go on...
Jaune: Then Ruby approaches me, somehow dragging along a very petulant and reluctant looking Raven.
Jaune: I. Don't. KNOW! Raven looked completely docile whilst Ruby was holding her by the wrist. It was an utterly bizarre sight to see.
Jaune: In any case. Ruby was both being very adamant and apologetic about her actions. Both the initiation and the ending of our short yet intense relationship.
Blake: *Eager* How intense we talking?!
Jaune: Down, girl! Ruby was talking about her senses of greater responsibility and personal desire had been clashing a lot and that, whilst she doesn't regret having chosen the greater responsibility, she did feel regret for it having hurt me.
Blake: Yeah... I mean, we did give you flak for having a saviour complex, but Ruby had it way worse. I'm sorry we never noticed that. Or acknowledged it even...
Jaune: Eh, no matter. That's all said and done.
Blake: Very well. Then what's the deal with her dragging Raven along like a whipped puppy?
Jaune: Because Ruby whooped her ass for running out on me. Called her a repeat offender and all that.
Blake: *Snorts an incredulous laugh* Damn, our little Rose has some thorns. But... isn't she being massively hypocritical with calling out Raven like that?
Jaune: Oh, for sure. And Ruby knew that too. And if her black eye at the time is anything to go by, Raven managed to inform Ruby about that as well.
Blake: And Yang and Summer? They just... cool with Ruby inserting herself and Raven into this mix of yours?
Jaune: There were some... choice words that had to be imparted by those two first. Even told me to plug my ears and to turn away from them. By the time I was allowed to turn back and to unplug my ears, Ruby had joined Raven on the floor on her knees looking like a kicked puppy too.
Blake: And thusly you now have four smoking hot badass Grimm killing babes.
Blake: Team ABRBR, two Branwens, two Roses and the one man who tamed them all.
Blake: Oh! Better yet! A BaRBeRshop quartet for generational fuckery.
Jaune: Are you done? Because, you're really pushing it.
Blake: Like a cat with a cup near a ledge.
Blake: A foursome of fecund familial fortunes.
Blake: It's totally true though!
Blake: Oh suuuuure. You're definitely not banging them all in a single session. Mingling your sweat with the familial fluids of two separate families bound together by their joined love for your demolishing dong.
Blake: Wait... really? No... no double okyadon shenanigans? Yang pressing Raven down against your crotch? Ruby hugging her mother as you piston into her?
Jaune: You really, and I mean really, need to stop reading that trashy smut.
Blake: It's called EROTIC LITERATURE, you heathen!
Jaune: You're just gaslighting yourself. It's smut. Gutter trash smut. And besides, it's not happening like that anyway.
Blake: Jaune... buddy. What are they doing to you and how are they doing it?
Jaune: Nuh-uh. Not telling.
Blake: I will call your mother for baby and childhood pictures. They will be shared with everyone we know.
Jaune: *Scoffs* Really? Everyone?
Blake: *Smirking with superiority* Every. Single. One.
Jaune: *Scoffs again* As if you've got her number.
Blake: *Holding up her Scroll* I've got her on speed-dial even.
Jaune: You... you still wouldn't dare!
Blake: Maybe I wouldn't... *Hovers thumb over the call button* Or maybe my thumb just slips.
Blake: *Laughing evilly* Nyeh-he-he. That's right. Gimme the goods.
Jaune: Know how Yang's got her... mommy issues?
Jaune: Yeah, but actually those issues are primarily targeted on Summer...
Blake: So when I said Ruby hugging Summer...
Jaune: It was actually Yang, yes...
Blake: *Eyes sparkling with greedy lust* Then instead of Yang and Raven...
Jaune: It was Ruby laying down the law on Raven...
Blake: *Begins laughing maniacally* Ah... haha... Ahahaha! Yes... Yeeeees!
Blake: *Scribbling notes, many, many notes* This is inspiration. The musings coming from on high. The spark of genius that'll ignite the flames of lust!
Jaune: You've got issues.
Blake: I know. Writer's Block is a bitch bigger than an Ancient Alpha Beringel.
Jaune: Not the issues I was obviously hinting at.
Blake: But they were the issues I was obviously avoiding.
Jaune: Uh-huh... but don't you have a foursome of fecund familial fortunes of your own?
Jaune: A... barbershop quartet perhaps. Concerning a particular group of white-haired, blue-eyed and snow-themed faux-royalty?
Jaune: An Atlesian avalanche of repressed desires in Schnee form?
Blake: Ooh, that one's clever...
Jaune: But don't you have all that? Or am I just being clever for nothing?
Blake: Look... Just because I got my own supply of familial fuckery, doesn't mean I'm using it for inspiration. That shit's special. A prime supply like that will not, must not be shared with the masses.
Jaune: But my "supply" is fair game?
Blake: *Instant reply* Yes. Your shit's not just gold. It's platinum.
Blake: *Holds up notebook and pen* Now tell me more about Yang pressing herself into Summer's heaving bosom, who's motherly stroking Yang's hair as you plow into her.
Jaune: *Instant reply* No.
Blake: Then tell me more about how Ruby verbally, yet sexually, tortures Raven as she makes the Branwen work your length, all whilst pleasuring herself!
Jaune: You can't handle the truth!
Blake: That just makes it all the more perfect! Gimme!
Jaune: Fuck off! Go pound snow!
Blake: They're still resting! They may have drive and ambition, but their stamina needs work.
Jaune: I'd say "Oh my Gods!" but those guys are dead!
Blake: You don't understand! Their spirits are willing, but their flesh is spongy and bruised!
Jaune: Holy fucking shit!