eunoia @bangtopia - Tumblr Blog

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thisiswhereikeepdcthings

Jason: So.

Jason: How many murders did you refrain from committing today?

Damian: Thirty two.

Jason: Good for you.

Jason: Here, have a cookie.

drchai

Damian, expectantly: I also refrained from fourteen severe maimings.

Jason: *hands him a second cookie*

Bruce:

Jason: positive reinforcement

thisiswhereikeepdcthings

Okay I so very much want criminals thinking Red Hood is not killing then because Batman offered him cookies. And what if they think Red Hood started working with the bats because of cookies in the first place?

I now want this

as some criminal trying to explain how red hood ended up working with the bats

And then I want my beloved thug named Jeff to, as Dan is putting together the PowerPoint, go recruiting and find a baker to bring into the fold because they need all the enticements they can get their hands on if they’re going to get their boss back

Or just one of Red Hood’s goons to straight up go to culinary school or whatever because apparently boss likes cookies enough to work with Batman so surely if they can do better…

river9noble

Bruce appeases Murder Child for the first time

Murder Child devours appeasing offerings on the streets of Gotham

Batman gives Murder Child a GINGERSNAP COOKIE???

Criminal reaction - the Murder Child has rejected the appeasing offering!

drchai

Our main thug Jeff luring the Red Hood into their old headquarters just for Hood to walk into the main meeting area that had a table absolutely loaded with different baked goods.

Jeff: listen boss—I can still call you boss right?— anyways boss, so a bunch of us got together and put our man Bill—(say hi to Hood Bill!)—through patisserie school. It’s always been a dream of his. But anyways, this way you don’t have to go to the bat for cookies. Bill here learned to make 34 different types! Along with a boatload of other stuff. That way you can come back. Batman has nothing to hold over you now.

Jason, touched (he’s not crying you’re crying): yeah man

Later:

Jason: Sorry B, they made too good of an argument.

As Jason turns and walks out you can see Damian clinging to the back of his jacket like a baby koala (he heard about the baked offerings).

thisiswhereikeepdcthings

Thug named Jeff my beloved

Yes this is perfect

snaileer

I was smiling till the end, and the image of gremlin Damian absolutely latched on and clutching to the back of Jason’s jacket just fricking SENT ME!😂

thisiswhereikeepdcthings

@fleur-des-lore I love these tags haha

beej-the-icebox

Dick, holding one hand out towards Bats while holding a criminal in an armbar: APPEASE ME BAT AND YOUR REHABILITATION WILL BE POSSIBLE

Tim, facepalming behind Batman: it didn’t have to be that dramatic. Also that’s a nonlethal hold idiot.

Bruce, figuring the cookies in his belt are gonna get stale, handing them over despite knowing Dick isn’t going to kill: very well, Chum.

thisiswhereikeepdcthings

You know this sort of thing is definitely what would make people go from “I can’t believe Batman has sidekicks those poor kids” to “I can’t believe Batman is single-handedly keeping these feral children on the side of the heroes”

robbed-ghost

Oh the visuals are strong with this one [*proceeds to churn out art of it immediately*]

thisiswhereikeepdcthings

I love this so much

makiruz

This is why I love Tumblr, things always spiral on Tumblr

gothfoxx

Bruce sad and rejected dejected goes home to the cave. Babs, goddess that she is, let Alfred know that Bruce was having a shit night so there Agent A is with a container full of cookies. Like the best kinds too, ginger snaps, white chocolate macadamia, maple almond oatmeal bars, the works. And Bruce eats one and his little himbo, under fed and under rested brain says “wait, Alfred makes cookies! Why was I giving the kids store bought ones?”

So while holding the container he rushes back into the night to remind his kids that HE can grant them access to Alfred grade cookies! He gets to try Jeff’s cookies and though not as good he can see why Jason would like them. “Hey, Jeffrey, how would you like to further your confectionery education?”

mychemicallazaruspit

@jasontoddmicrowavedrobin

multifanritz

IM CRTYING my face was literally buzzing from lack of oxygen i was laughing so much ofmg

okay how has no one put this yet: the villains of gotham start carrying around cookies. like, damian pulls out his sword and the thug just drops to his knees and holds out a cookie on both hands, his head bowed.

theres also bound to be a villain that would try to poison him, but damian can read body language so he just

Robin, crossing his arms: Take a bite of it

Thug, sweating: W-What?

Robin: Take. A. Bite.

and like. this dude KNOWS hes going to the hospital either way so hes gotta choose whether he wants to have his stomach pumped or get a cast for his broken arms.

batladies-incorporated

And then there is Cass who takes it upon herself to see how many cookies she cane liberate from Batman's utility belt before he notices.

She shares the spoils with Steph after a gane of rooftop tag.

liavid

Steph taking far away pictures of Cass sneaking cookies while Batman is busy scolding a villain for trying to poison his own cookies-

outoftheframework

bruce wayne using slang but only learning the definitions from websites for older people

For undisclosed reasons I thought it would be funny to pretend to be an older person wanting to know the definitions of gen z/millennial slang and oh boy is it a gold mine on some of these sites.

I immediately thought of Bruce Wayne.

Nightwing, over coms: Tracked down Penguin to a location by the docks. Let’s meet on 54th and think of a game plan.

Oracle: Copy that.

Red Hood: Agreed.

Batman: Yeet.

Everyone:

Red Robin: excuse me what

Batman: Robin, you’re dismissed. Take a shower then get to bed.

Robin: But father-

Batman: Bye Felicia.

Robin: … What-

Batman: You heard me, Robin.

*red robin, out of breath after a fight, wheezing because Batman asked a criminal if he was “shook” in his deep voice*

Oracle, over coms: Is Red crying or laughing? I honestly can’t tell.

Batman: Red Robin is dead.

Everyone: WHAT-

Batman, during an impassioned speech: We are Gotham’s protectors. We are the thin line between order and chaos. The city needs protecting, even from those supposed to be protecting it. We will snatch every wig from every corrupt officer and politician’s head until this city shines.

Everyone:

Signal: I knew Gordon was wearing a toupee.

________

I think this is the funniest concept. Lemme know if y’all want a part 2 or more content like this.

All slang definitions taken from thoughtcatalog.com

zenwannabe

a dude came into the library stoned out of his mind and was like, “do I need a library card to look at books?” And I said, “to take books home, yes. To look at them, no” and he looked so relieved. bro was staring at a fish encyclopedia for like an hour and then just left.

verylostpenguin

It’s my grandpa’s birthday next week and he said “I don’t want to be 85” and my grandmother, his wife of 59 and a half years, said “well your only alternative is to die”, I can’t believe how affectionate they are

verylostpenguin

I was having lunch with them today and my grandpa started throwing napkins at my grandmother, and she balled it up and looked all set to throw it back but then she put it down and said “I will not throw it because I was brought up properly, you were dragged” she has spent ¾ of her life with this man

verylostpenguin

I thought I’d let you know how they’ve been getting on during lockdown, so here’s some of the FaceTime conversation from today:

“My goodness, the way technology is advancing - in 20 years we’ll be able to shake hands through the screen!”

“Rex, I don’t think we’ll be here in 20 years.”

“Well you can make your own plans, I shall only be 109.”

verylostpenguin

What’s up friends, it’s been 3 years, grandpa has made it to 88 and they’ve been married 62.5 years! Please enjoy another instalment:

Grandpa: the new packs are.. it’s.. what is it. It self destructs

Grandma : biodegradable, Rex.

givemeinternet

As close as you will ever be to a nuclear explosion

merauderdon

THIS IS FUCKING TERRIFYING

bigcoolscorner-deactivated20160

No thank you.

jonkakes

The columns of smoke in the foreground are telephone poles boiling

lumo-blaze-deactivated20140728

This is way cooler to look at than it should be

engineer--cat

Science side of Tumblr would like to add:

Heat is generally transmitted in 3 forms: conduction, convection, radiation.

The fact that the telephone poles and wires are boiling away well before the shockwave hits them indicates that the heat from the explosion has not reached them by convection (much slower than the speed of sound) or by conduction (at best, comparable to the speed of sound), but purely by radiation. In other words: the explosion is bright enough to boil everything.

stammsternenstaub

reblogging again for what engineer—cat said

weathernerdmando

the entire GROUND moved. That’s just….wow. terrifying.

i2jnk

you're my, my, my lover

wikiipediabf

thank these men for sparing 6 kids daddy issues and being amazing husbands

s-aint-elmo

chief requirement to become a madrigal husband: chug a gallon of LOVE MY WIFE juice with every square meal

[ID: a series of drawings of various characters from encanto recreating the meme of will smith presenting his wife. each one is done in vibrant colours against a rectangular backdrop of solid colour, white hearts swarming enthusiastically over the characters’ heads. one: agustin, smiling widely, presents julieta, who swats at him as she leans away, one hand cupping her cheek and the edge of a bashful grin. the background is warm, bright yellow. two: felix, grinning, presents pepa, who throws her head back in laughter, one hand on her hip and the other over her heart, a rainbow arcing behind her. the background is vivid red. three: mariano, sappily smiling, presents dolores, who returns his adoring gaze, leaning closer to him with both hands clasped to her chest. the background is an intense blue. end ID.]

bonus: chief requirement to be a madrigal grandkid: want to be included in everything

[ID: grayscale drawings of the remaining madrigal grandchildren and an additional bruno recreating the meme themselves. one: isabela and mirabel enthusiastically present a flustered but appreciative luisa, who reaches up to touch the flower crown isabela has grown on her head. two: camilo (in the form of nightmare bruno) and antonio present a bewildered and alarmed bruno, who glances between the two of them, hands raised in surrender. antonio actually holds up a rat who strikes the will smith pose for him. three: camilo stands before the portrait of abuelo pedro, pointing at it with his thumb and saying: “do you think i should—” only to be cut off by another speech bubble which says, in all caps: “no, camilo.” end ID.]

dilfwaynes

i love the batfamily stan humor

foldingfittedsheets

I redid this older comic I made for my storytelling class based on this post. Have some cute wlw love in your day.

It’s hard, if I had more free time I could make it so pretty, this is what I could throw together for the assignment.

skyellux

Pepa (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ) Inspired by this quote made by @incorrectmadrigalfamilyquotes (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

ohyeah

Reblog this to prove your blog was made before the February 2022 tumblr resurgence

dectech

i am terrified about what apollo may do with this post

normalhumanperson

aritany

how do you be a writer, they ask. how???? easy. every morning i get to the keyboard and unleash unspeakable violence on people that i made up

aritany

thank you for this blessed addition

sehyn

my mom says she’s not a hugger. but when i put my arms around her on a gloomy day or after bad news she’s the last to let go. my dad says he doesn’t want gifts on his birthday, but i see the way his face lights up when i get him a card with a nice message and a box full of chocolate anyway. he’s just a kid inside, still. it makes him giddy. my brother never says i love you. but when i tell him “i just need to finish the dishes before i vacuum!” he wordlessly goes to vacuum the entire house before i can, and if he sees me struggle with a wrapper or a jar or a bottle he mutters ‘c’mere’ and opens it for me without even sparing me a glance. the thing is, people love you quietly, and you love them quietly, and the air is buzzing with tiny but grand gestures & once you look for them, you find them everywhere. i think that’s really beautiful.