Grasping At Bendy-Straws

Short stories here Crux-related posts here Six-word stories here Every post ever here 97% of all words on this tumblr are, quite literally, typed with my thumbs. If you like what I'm writing, or would like something written, heart it, reblog it, and send me lovemail. So send me asks, letters, and other indecencies. I really will talk to you if you talk at me.

[tiredegggo]

Release your inner bitch or whatever the saying is

[10001gecs]

also literally fucked a man so hard yesterday that today i found pieces of my bed on the floor

[mas0nalexander]

I read this too fast and thought it said “pieces of him on the floor”

[10001gecs]

[thoodleoo]

classicists will make the ugliest least functional website in the history of html and it will contain the entire library of fragmentary papyri of the works of aeschylus. for free

[no-siema-co-tam]

the best references of bronze age armor and weapons are on a site called salimbeti.com that literally looks like this:

[ellis-deigh-blog]

This guy raised an abandoned moose calf with his Horses, and believe it or not, he has trained it for lumber removal and other hauling tasks. Given the 2,000 pounds of robust muscle, and the splayed, grippy hooves, he claims it is the best work animal he has. He says the secret to keeping the moose around is a sweet salt lick, although, during the rut he disappears for a couple of weeks, but always comes home…. Impressive !! MINNESOTA CLYDESDALE

[dreamofhircine]

why are moose so terrifyingly large

[totallynotagentphilcoulson]

Because they’re pretty much legit surviving Ice Age megafauna and almost everything was bigger back then

[henstomper]

his moose leaves for a few weeks to Fuck

[thelovers-thedreamers-and-me]

if you would like to try and stop the moose leaving for a few weeks to Fuck you are welcome to try, buddy

[homestarrunner]

[voltaspistol]

[vivi-the-goblin]

5e Monster Making 101

The main question I’ve gotten through chats and asks that I’ve never actually answered is “How do you make monsters?” Because I had NO IDEA how to explain that without pages of text tumblr wouldn’t let me type. So here you go, a guide on making monsters from scratch. A DM-guide adjacent version, using their resources in a way that makes more sense. My lifelong speech impediment isn’t going to overcome my desire to make videos, not when I can just spend 4 hours recording until my voice fried. Seriously though, I’m new to recording but I’ve made a few hundred monsters, this is the basics of what I do when making monsters.

There’s a few tidbits that didn’t make it into the script, and I take more into account when making for this blog but this is pretty much the process. I’ve never made something a THIRD this long, but I felt I needed to because there aren’t many videos on this. There’s only like 6, and they’re either 30-50 minutes long without any crunch and/or they’re doing thier own thing because “CR Monster design is flawed beyond repair.” So I figured I’d throw my hat in the ring. The DMG system is flawed, sure, and the instructions are awful. but it’s a WONDERFUL tool for learning to make monsters and think critically about them, if you know how to use it. And yes, I did purposely put this out alongside a monster I’m particularly proud of, in case this isn’t your type of thing.

[dailyadventureprompts]

I am not adding in the slightest bit of hyperbole when I say that this person is a genius. I have been tearing my hair out over the monster creation rules in the dmg FOR YEARS and they went and explained it in less time than it takes for me to make a cup of tea.

This beautifully simple tutorial is going to be foundational for me making monsters in the future, and I’m boosting it in the hopes that it becomes standard in my circles of the hobby.

@goblinwitchhut , I seriously can’t thank you enough for doing WOTC’s job for them and un-fucking what seemed like a fundamentally broken part of the DM’s toolset

[lathbora-virann]

Do you love the disparity of the EA CEO's pay?

I'm sorry for doing this, but also I'm not. Andrew Wilson is the one who should be sorry.

[source]

[the-bedheaded-league]

So many modern detectives have tried to emulate Sherlock Holmes, and none of them have even come CLOSE to touching Benoit Blanc. That man is Holmes' true spiritual successor. He's a silly little guy. He's gay. He's a drama queen. He has impeccable fashion sense. He loves music. He works with the cops but refuses to work for them. His voice is both goofy and incredibly fun to listen to. He sucks at playing Clue and Among Us. He mopes in the bathtub for weeks when he doesn't have a case. He loves hanging out with The Girls but gets incredibly uncomfortable when women flirt with him. The only reason he can afford his gorgeous downtown apartment is because his husband works a real job.* The only thing he hates more than Rich Assholes are Stupid Rich Assholes. He solved a double (attempted triple) homicide and the thing that made him most upset was plagiarism. He supports women's rights and women's wrongs. He refuses to break the law himself but actively encourages his client to commit arson.

And, most importantly, he and Holmes would fucking love each other. If most of the modern day detectives inspired by Holmes ever met him, he would probably want to kill them with hammers, but he and Blanc would probably end up being penpals and sending each other newspaper clippings about crime or some shit. And I can absolutely envision a teenage Blanc reading the Holmes stories and being like, "Wait, being a silly little gay private detective is a viable career option? Well, I guess I've finally found my calling in life."

Anyway I love the Benoit Blanc movies and I hope they make a million of them

*confirmed by Rian Johnson

[yotoudunno160]

indescribable

[ecureuildramatique]

Here comes a thought 🦋

the only song that make me feel better

every time

[quixoticclown]

Yes, these Muppets have taken Manhattan. The question now is can they HOLD it

[apocryphics]

oh ok

[gorps]

[exeuntstormtroopers]

“Why would you stop in hell?” has changed my brain chemistry

[displayheartcode]

[zvaigzdelasas]

[thememedaddy]

[natalieironside]

The computer used to do something very basic & helpful and now it doesn't. I'm gonna complain

[prokopetz]

Look, I'm on the spectrum myself, so I totally get the impulse to try and logic things out, but if I see one more post that's like "neurotypical people are crazy because explaining to them why their emotional reactions are irrational doesn't cause them to stop experiencing those emotions" – buddy, that doesn't work on anybody. I'm willing to bet real money it doesn't even work on you. The problem you are experiencing is that you have chosen a deescalation strategy with a zero percent success rate.

[the-enchanted-little-star]