Bastion The Queericorn

I am a queericorn. I have shit to do and things to reblog. Share the love <3

[twinsfawn]

ur just mad that i breached containment and u didn’t

[logarto]

how do i get a sfw sasuke big enough to oblitherate my entire dashboard

[shock]

[betasunkern]

why did they have to specify sfw

[logarto]

ITS A REFERENCE

[space-lord-joe-kewl]

Mobile Users experience a long boi

[queersona]

do you love the color of the sasuke

[basic-banshee]

I keep using my girlfriend with unusual work hours to get out of coworker interactions and happy hours and hanging out.

But now the company holiday party is upon us.

And I’ve been lying about the girlfriend.

I suddenly really empathise with the characters in Hallmark Christmas movies.

[basic-banshee]

I like that people have two reactions to this post.

Reasonable: “just say she couldn’t make it!”

Chaotic: FAKE DATING AU

Well, which one is it going to be?

[basic-banshee]

And so it begins

having the DMV area Craigslist bookmarked has never come in handy before but now

[basic-banshee]

Update, Craigslist has flagged my post as inappropriate.

[basic-banshee]

Apparently you can’t solicit a date as a “gig”

I now see my mistake

[basic-banshee]

Update: a date has been acquired. This is true lesbian solidarity in action.

[justluckyiguess]

My wife has now read this and wonders how baby gays are even meeting and mating

[basic-banshee]

Can confirm I am meeting and mating just fine 😂

[basic-banshee]

By the way I’m in a relationship with this woman now

[cooliopumpkin]

[basic-banshee]

This is the feedback I’ve been looking for

[charlesoberonn]

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[batsghoulsandghosties]

I drew a comic of the funniest thing that’s ever happened to me while playing among us. It was me, five of my friends, two randos (yellow and black) and this guy Pupu. He did not speak much English, called an emergency meeting to tell us he loved us, and in one round did THIS. We still have no idea how he knew, as Jacob hadn’t killed anyone and we had only been playing for 15 seconds. I miss you Pupu you absolute madlad

[9898989898]

All i do is screenshot and forget it’s in my camera roll

[mrclussy]

What is man but a miserable little pile of screenshots

[halles-comet]

Last week I joked that my very cerebral, retired-police-chief-grandpa is basically Holt from Brooklyn 99 and then today someone said, “damn, we’re out of decaf” and he just deadpans “well there’s no need to get hysterical.”

[halles-comet]

Yesterday he said “if you need to insult the same person twice you’ve already failed in your goal to devastate them”

[halles-comet]

My Yaya was trying to remember the name of a guy who stole money from her in high school today and my grandpa instantly pipes up “his name was Bernie Ryan and he was a scoundrel”

[buzzfeed]

18 Things Millennials Are Responsible For Killing This Year

[cryptovalid]

Good Job Gang.

[plain-flavoured-english]

Storytime. Cooking in a different country makes you realize how many things you take for granted are just, Not A Thing Here. Like apple juice. Surely you can find apple juice at your local Athenian grocery store, right? Wrong. Greeks drink orange juice and peach juice and mixed fruit juice and sour cherry juice, but… plain old apple juice, nope, not so much. You’ll have a hard time finding vanilla extract in Greece too, since Greeks are used to vanilla powder in little plastic capsules and you have to go to specialty shops for the liquid stuff. Sour cream is virtually nonexistent here (but hey, it’s the land of yogurt, which is a good enough substitute). But surprisingly cornmeal (which is a specialty ingredient in the UK) is everywhere, since Greeks have their own versions of cornbread and corn pudding.

So basically: I knew it might be impossible find vegetable shortening (aka Crisco) for my Thanksgiving pie crust here in Athens. Crisco is pretty uniquely American, and Greeks are more likely to use phyllo than shortcrust anyway. That said, there are a handful of specialty shops in central Athens that sell things like Heinz baked beans and custard powder and Worcestershire sauce and other Weird Foreign Foods™ so us Sad Homesick Expats don’t have to go hungry (I’m always reminded of A Passage to India and their corned beef and tinned peas). So I went on Skroutz (the search engine for buying stuff in Greece) and typed in “vegetable shortening” to see if any stores carried it.

A notification came up asking me to confirm that I was over 18 years old?

???

I clicked “yes”??

Turns out there is, in fact, one shop in Athens that carries vegetable shortening. It’s a sex shop. The shortening is listed under “sex essentials”, as lube. For fisting. It’s literally called “βούτυρο για fisting” – “butter for fisting”.

I decided I didn’t need a flaky pie crust that badly.

[i-am-a-fish]

SPOILERS:

everything is going to turn out ok for you (:

[medusabraids]

jk rowling’s at it again

[crisontumblr]

[bastlynnthe2nd]

I JUST UGLY LAUGHED SO HARD I WOKE UP THE DAMN HOUSE JFC!!!

[kelzthalasbandtherion]

LOL

[thegoldenwyvern]

HOLY FUCKK DO NOT CLICK THIS IF YOU NEED TO BE QUIET

[disexplications]

[multiheaded1793]

We’re literally in a Philip K. Dick novel, as has become abundantly clear. Seriously, that’s impossible to distinguish from his published works.

[slashmarks]

I would like to suggest that using anything with the slightest element of chance or unpredictability in it as a divination method is such integral and widespread human behavior that this reaaaaally should have been anticipated.

[edderkopper]

Gmail has spoken.

[foxhounders-deactivated20160813]

my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this

look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit

motherfucking australia

[kyla-hunt-blog]

if there was a post to describe australia, this is it

[soloontherocks-moving-refol-blog]

wait. 

you mean to tell me this isn’t even a pet bird?

that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up?

fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you?

[aryeastark]

wake up australia 

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

That’s what birds do

They fly around and fuck shit up

Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country

Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit

[crispybiscuitfinger]

It’s cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel.

[happyvegetable]

Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do

[cryforce]

yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes

[millshouse-deactivated20140425]

why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they’re going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called “swooping season” and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it’s fucking brutal.

[sociopathicitaliangrandmas-deac]

My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards the car as the magpies tried to kill us.

[casey-jane-lewis]

no but when you’re 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange

[theacademyish-deactivated201708]

what the actual fuck australia 

[priscellie]

I am pretty sure all of these Australia stories are a massive, globally-spanning trolling effort, and only the people who have visited the country are allowed to be in on the joke.

[seananmcguire]

Nope.

Went there.

Parrots tried to take our car.

Came home IN A FUCKING HURRY.

[elidyce]

Interesting thing about magpies - they’re not great at identifying individual humans visually, but if you make yourself identifiable in some way they’re usually open to reason. We used to have some very aggressive swoopers in our back yard - as soon as they realised that the humans *inside* the fence never bothered them and were the source of the delicious compost heap, they turned into flying black and white guard dogs who would viciously assault any passing stranger but never bothered anyone inside the yard. Several times they swooped at us when we approached from outside, then when we walked into the yard they would pull up and act incredibly apologetic like sorry ma’am I had no idea it was you I would never please don’t stop stocking the food pile.

There was another little group of magpies in the park who would attack any solo pedestrian but never bothered anyone walking a dog or pushing a pram, because apparently those were identifiable traits indicating a non-threatening human. In the spirit of inquiry, I started going out of my way to be polite to the magpies - carefully walking a wide arc around them when they were on the ground, etc - and emitting an identifiable call of ‘hello birdie’ before swooping season started. 

I spent the next ten years crossing that park at least once a day and as long as I turned at the first flutter of wings and said ‘hello birdie’ to the magpie waiting to attack as soon as my back was turned, I was fine. Every time, the magpie would stare at me for a minute and then fly off to harass some other pedestrian because apparently the magpies and I, we were cool. 

Parrots are a lot less open to negotiation, and the little bastards travel in flocks. Beware the parrots. 

[angstriddentrashhuman]

Australia: the only country where it is necessary to sign a peace treaty with the birds in order to stay unmangled.

[zornsable]

They did lose the Emu War, after all.

[egberts]

person running in an anime opening: *dramatically stumbles a little but doesn’t fall*

[rainbowcookiz]

[egberts]

i hate that you added this because this is EXACTLY what i watched before making this post

[bob-belcher]

cards against humanity not only buying part of the U.S border to stop trump from building the wall between the U.S and Mexico but also hiring a law firm specializing in eminent domain with the intent of making it harder and more expensive for the government to build the wall has got to be the boldest move in this stupid simulation we’re living in. not all heroes wear capes

[bastionthequeericorn]

Some wear [a windmill full of corpses]

[a-luchadork-deactivated20191020]

[toralei]

trilogy

[reyskyballer]

Are there no fucking butterflies in japan 

[nekropoli]