Exhaused by life @angstriddentrashhuman - Tumblr Blog

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cannibal-rainbow

“they” (1 word) is shorter than “he or she” (3 words)

“they” is more inclusive than “he/she”

“themself” flows more naturally than “him or herself”

“they” is less clunky than “(s)he”

it’s time to replace the awkward “she or he”

edgar-allen-potpourri

“hey can you go ask they what does they want for dinner, and when is they coming over to watch movies with they?”

edrec

“Hey, can you go ask them what they want for dinner, and when they’re coming over to watch movies?”

Step one is learning how to talk like a human person.

anghraine

Friendly reminder:

“I shouldn’t like to punish anyone, even if they’d done me wrong.” —George Eliot, The Mill on the Floss (1860)

“A person can’t help their birth.” —William Thackeray, Vanity Fair (1848)

“But to expose the former faults of any person, without knowing what their present feelings were, seemed unjustifiable.” —Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (1813)

“Every Fool can do as they’re bid.” —Jonathan Swift, Polite Conversation (1738)

“So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.” —King James Bible, Matthew 18:35 (transl. 1611)

“God send every one their heart’s desire!” —William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing (~1600)

“Now this king did keepe a great house, that euerie body might come and take their meat freely.” —Sir Philip Sidney, the Arcadia (1580)

“If … a psalme scape any person, or a lesson, or els yt they omyt one verse or twayne…” —William Bonde, The Pylgrimage of Perfection (1526)

“And whoso fyndeth hym out of swich blame, / They wol come up and offre a Goddés name” —Geoffrey Chaucer, The Pardoner’s Tale (~1380)

“þan hastely hiȝed eche wiȝt on hors & on fote, / huntyng wiȝt houndes alle heie wodes, / til þei neyȝþed so neiȝh to nymphe þe soþe [Then hastily hied each person on horse and on foot / hunting with hounds all the high woods / ‘til they came so near, to tell the truth]” —William and the Werwolf (transl. ~1350-1375)

“Bath ware made sun and mon, / Aiþer wit þer ouen light [Both were made sun and moon / Either with their own light]” —Cursor Mundi (~1325)

advanced-procrastination

We’ve been using they/them/their pronouns to indicate a person with unspecified gender for a long ass fucking time. The only reason it’s become a big issue lately is because it can be used as a semi-respectful term for trans and non-binary folks and we can’t have that can we

These fucks are literally trying to change our language to hurt trans/nb folks, and claiming that’s just the way its always been

polyhorde

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Singular “they” predates

Singular “you”

lostcryptids

HONK IF YOU LOVE MEN COVERED IN BLOOD

trupowieszcz-moved-deactivated2

#loudest foghorn youve ever heard

gutterandthestars

Yesterday I went to IKEA and bought a small straw goat, since we are in temporary accommodation over Christmas and it would be nice to have something small and cheerful.

I come downstairs this morning to find THIS

Thanks, housemate

tahthetrickster

it’s december 1 where’s the christmas tail kitten bring him to me

tahthetrickster

i have to do EVERYTHING around here

charlesoberonn

If Sherlock Holmes was Isekai'd to a fantasy world he would just deduce the rules of this world and get back to solving crimes. He'll find an elf girl sidekick,name her Watson, and pretend like nothing happened.

ironmyrmidon

"If you look closely, you can see traces of chalk dust on the floor. Our murderer must have used a magic circle to kill our victim."

"Actually Holmes, this looks like salt. Quite unusual for a magic circle, since it can be scattered so easily..."

"It tastes like salt too. Good eye Watson. Let us start by visiting the fish mongers."

"Well I would enjoy some fried dragonfish, but how does this help our investigation?"

charlesoberonn

"A process of elimination, my long-eared friend. There're only two ways for the culprit to get salt in the city. They could have brought it in themselves-"

"But then they'd have to pay the tarrif!"

"Very astute! No, a much likelier option is that they bought it here. Either the docks or the meat market would be the place. And I have a hunch that our culprit is fishy in more ways than one."

charlesoberonn

"But Holmes, how did you know the merfolk ambassador was the killer?"

"An excellent question, the key was the footprints."

"But he doesn't even have feet!"

"He doesn't as of right now. But you forget, the magic circle."

"I see! The killing spell was a water spear, which normally requires a circle."

"But doesn't if you're already imbued with water magic like our scaly ambassador."

"So the circle..."

"To grant him a pair of feet. For just long enough to leave distinctive footprints in the scattered salt and to make us suspect a two-legged killer."

"By the Goddess, Holmes, you're a genius!"

illuminopseudonymous

Makes sense.

Anyway, getting sheer autism vibes from Holmes

charlesoberonn

Good. That means I wrote him in-character.

fruitpeels

queenofnots

Likes to charge, reblogs to cast

wylltingtrees

inkededucatednnerdy

jesusismyhostage

marlenawatches-deactivated20250

southernsideofme

Hose sucked in by fire Tornado

voidmutt

i cant tell which is my favorite part. the frantic pulling of the hose as its getting sucked into the sky like a spaghetti noodle, the random “OH YEAH BABY!”, or the guy just chuckin a rock into the fire tornado at the end as if that’s gonna show it who’s boss

norseminuteman

This is like a D&D encounter that wasn’t supposed to be hard, just spray water at the fire, but nobody could roll above a 5.

arirna

snourch

n0seferatu

big pharma will try to sell u $20 cold medicine like spicy ramen doesnt cost like a dollar a pack and orgasms are free

n0seferatu

damn british people cant cum..... this is so sad.......

n0seferatu

big chemist will try to sell you £20 paracetamol like beans dont cost like a quid a can and havin a wank costs fock all

sourdough-seal

“how did you get into writing” girl nobody gets into writing. writing shows up one day at your door and gets into you

tahthetrickster

i really like looking at google image searches for “firemen rescuing cats” or something because you get super cute pictures like

AND THEN THERE’S THIS ONE

zmenit

“THAT’S RIGHT TWAS I that set the house ablaze!!!”

3fluffies

Dying.

ciatri

Every fucking time I know what’s at the bottom and every time I still lose my shit.

randomslasher

I’m so happy this post is back again asdlkfjsa

gayelectro

HAPPY TEN YEARS TO “TWAS I THAT SET THE HOUSE ABLAZE”

pimento-playing-hopscotch

Seeing this post on your dash is like meeting a famous person

angelasscribbles

callmebliss

And they look out so hard for the well being of the spiders AND the dolphins

callmebliss

@moss-wizard of course this isn’t how we serve it!!

It has to be in a dish with much higher sides, so when we go to cut it and it tries to sliiiiiide away it doesn’t escape and blorp blorp blorp across mom’s nice tablecloth

breelandwalker

SLICE YOUR CANNED BOGBERRY GOO INTO DISCS BEFORE SERVING, YOU FILTHY HERETICS.

traegorn

NO. IT WILL BE SERVED IN PROPER CAN SHAPE, AND WILL HAVE ITSELF SCOOPED INTO WEIRD SHAPES THE WAY THE GODS INTENDED

breelandwalker

YOU STAY OUTTA THIS, GOD-QUEEN-EMPEROR. AND TAKE YOUR CERVID STALKERS WITH YOU.

dandelion-witch

It's supposed to be served in can shape with two discs already sliced and laying tastefully in front

breelandwalker

I have consulted the scriptures and this is variation is still within the bounds of orthodoxy.

tribblesandtribulations

Mash the can shape up. We giving the table what they want, chaos in a dish, with a serving spoon.

breelandwalker

moiracolleenodell

Not to derail the escalating heresy, but what do dolphins have to do with cranberry bogs?

amastodonofconflict

phizgigz

cranberry is served in its can shape in the can direction, not on its side but on its cylinder

olliums

Right but you guys know that ocean spray also sells like. Cranberries. Which you can use to make an actually edible cranberry sauce on the stovetop in 10 minutes of unattended cook time

aniseandspearmint

actual cranberries? ew no thank you. The unprocessed chunky stuff is GROSS.

oft-goes-awry

Look, in my house, we mix it with whipped cream and freeze it in a graham cracker crust for dessert!

somethinginterestingithink

@oft-goes-awry

what the actual fuck?

oft-goes-awry

@somethinginterestingithink

Behold, my grandmother's recipe for Cranberry Surprise:

For the crust, combine 2/3 cup crushed ginger snap crumbs (put them in a large plastic bag and crumble with a rolling pin, or a mug if you don't have one) with 2 T. of sugar. Press into a 9" pie plate.

For the filling, pour a half-pint of regular whipping cream into a bowl, and beat until stiff. Mix in 2 T. of sugar and 1/2 tsp. of almond extract.

In another bowl, take a 14 oz. CHILLED can of jellied cranberry sauce and mash it with a potato masher if you've got one, or a fork if you don't. (My mom bought me a potato masher specifically so I could make this dessert at holidays without having to borrow hers.)

Once the log is goo, fold the cranberry sauce into the whipped cream mix. Yes, it's supposed to be THAT pink.

Pour the pink cream-and-cranberry mix into the crust and freeze for at least 24 hours. Cut and serve immediately upon removal from freezer.

justgot1

American Horror Food is one of my favorite tumblr post types.

(I make it from real cranberries but if I decide to go with Goo Log, I mash it like the unorthodox godkiller that I am.)

strid3rofthen0rth

I can only add that I worked in a deep freeze warehouse for a little bit when I was younger. The cranberries would come in loose around Halloween. This big machine would clean, sort, and dump them into 1000 lb wooden bins that would be forklifted and stacked to freeze in the warehouse.

One time, somebody lost control of a bin and broke it open. I would like you to picture a dozen warehouse workers slip sliding around on frozen cranberry ball bearings for hours, trying to clean them up, while you play Yakety Sax in your head. It was a nightmare.

arianrhodsgarden

Doesn’t everyone have a special cranberry-from-the-can serving plate and slice-cutting tool! What, are you all just living live Neanderthals?!?!

callmebliss

Oh my ZOD I love that

astrid4189

my brother is a culinary artist. one year he made some amazing cranberry sauce that nobody touched. the next year he made the same sauce, added a thickener, and set it in a ribbed can (he reused a pumpkin can iirc), and it was a hit.

we like the vague can-shaped fruit gelatin. i personally like it even more when it’s home-made.

annleckie

Ah, in my house we serve this standing up on a plate, and we call it Invisible Can. It is not a holiday dinner without Invisible Can.

angstriddentrashhuman

My family left it in the can and just scooped out what they wanted of it?

nosongunsung11

collection of posts for a very specific dynamic

silly-jellyghoty

Ngl, i vibe with these

thesnadger

Demons and monsters that torture people because they feed on human suffering are so dumb. People are suffering everywhere my guy go literally any place and take a deep whiff.

thesnadger

Monster that feeds on suffering becomes a professional caretaker for people with chronic pain and terminal illnesses. They can't change the fact that these people are suffering, but they help a bit and in the meantime they're fat and happy off that Sweet Sweet ambient pain in the air.

Two towns over there's a demon lord trying to get their cult to abduct people for torture, but they keep getting stopped by heroes and the like, so they're barely scraping by. Meanwhile Belogarth the Registered PCA is chowing down on back pain, medication side effects and looming mortality for eight hours a day and has become the most powerful demon on earth without realizing it.

thesnadger

"But don't their clients feel weird knowing that they're feeding off their suffering?" No they think it's hilarious and they're real shits about it.

bladeangelx

Finally a medical professional who believes that they are in pain. Because the fucker is actively chowing down on your agony. Not only am I going to get treated by them I'm going to invite all of my chronically ill friends to come as well.

tachvintlogic

Turns out if you treat the pain then the humans will bring you more humans who are suffering. It's like a restaurant where the waiter is so impressed by your ability to eat food they're giving you more on the house

derinthescarletpescatarian

They say things like "well, it's a real feast day for Belogarth today!" and "if my meds are held up at customs again I'm gonna put Belogarth in a food coma" and Belogarth is the one feeling weird about it

beebeedibapbeediboop

Medusa and her gargoyle gf

bogleech

Everyone’s assuming her petrifying gaze would have NO effect here and that’s clearly wrong. It would be a healing stat buff actually. She can regenerate and strengthen her girlfriend by looking at her.