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If you cannot see the light inside you love, I will illuminate every part of you until it gets easier. If you dont feel the joy of life, I will belly laugh around you until it’s contagious. If darkness is cold and familiar I will stand by, waiting to warm you with my presence. You are never alone. You are never not loved. - me. : : #keepyaheadup #yourenotalone #emokid #lostboys #write #create #motivation #mentalhealth #sparklers #29andstillalive #youareloved #hereforyou #dontgiveup #depression #anxiety #suicidial #wegotthis #pnw #beyourself #liveauthentic #seekhelp #findcommunity #youareworthit https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzn38KWjurP/?igshid=i6vb50523iws

Last day of 28. I could use this to be positive or cliche or rant but I just want to be honest. I’m filled with awareness and answers and dbt steps to the neck. But im drowning. Each day is another I didn’t want to have to breathe and live in. The failure and guilt that weighs me is more than I can take so usual I avoid. Yes, i know all the cliche things yet we are all simple humans with weak sad brains. I know it may very well be ok, and I try to never give up, yet I could bet you no one feels as alone and empty as I do. But there has to be a reason for this life and experience right? So I wait and breathe and trudge through. But I am always exhausted. But if tomorrow comes I have a new year to see what I am made of and why. But it is hard. But there are SO Many DAMN people that honestly have helped me get through life in different ways I do NoT forget yall. Just my mental health makes life hard. But thank you for those who invest/ed in me. Honestly not alive on my own doing. I will try to use what I have to help the world how I can. And I am sorry for how not enough I am. But i know I tell y’all you’re enough. So here’s to new chances to believe you are worth something or find out things to bring you joy. I want to live into the truths I long for others’ lives. So I guess in the nasty and hard and negative lets at least remember we do have people and there can be some hope in this dark world. And that it is ok to feel happy or stressed. Be you love. But know you’re loved. I’m still alive. So here is to trying against all desire and odds. May this next year bring out the strength and courage in me. I am here for you. You most definitely are loved. : : #happybirthday #29 #july5baby #anotheryearolder #wegotthis #youareenough #encouragement #mentalhealthawareness #beyourself #keepyaheadup #batman #yourenotalone #liveauthentic #letsdothis #lifeisfast #breathe #alive #twloha #stay #youareloved #lifeishard #motivation https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzg6bJYDgNw/?igshid=4oo9la743ha3

Clawing aching bleeding the mere thoughts breaking through like bolts of electricity needing air but never finding enough safe passage to the next breath barely making it bones screaming to be free of their duty limp wounds and organs beg to give up is this the life you really want - me. We dont all feel happiness. Or the same way. You aren’t alone. It is ok to be a mangled mess of magnificence. You’re a strong ass mf if you’re here still reading this. Don’t quit now. https://www.instagram.com/p/ByOpL1BjpG2/?igshid=7xecxnzkuulz

On the 4th I went on my 1st solo hike! It wasn’t too hard but just enough to feel out of shape and interesting. It’s called #margaretsway and luckily there is public transport in the summer to a few choice places. There was a lot of introspection, appreciating the plants and beautiful scene around me, a ton of ways I felt off but I kept trying to use the moment or thought to learn or grow and it was an interesting experience. I suggest trying to spend more time with yourself if that is something you struggle with, it can really grow your connection with who you are and who you want to be. Anyways just wanted to share:) #goonahike #pnwhikes #nature #hike #dontgiveup #gooutside #explore #mountains #issaquahalps #washingtonstate #selfcare #knowyourself #become #selfchallenge #solohike #wegotthis #forest #slug #flowers #macro #mothernatureheals #pacificnorthwest #wanderlust #growth https://www.instagram.com/p/BxIaRNplyXh/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=10tbdefjk7c3f

Been feelin like this lately Aint no shame in sayin im lost But i know i dont say it gracefully And im sick of being tossed But i know its not the wolves that gunna eat me So Im sorry for the loss I know each word i throw out makes things more hazy I know i take much cost Most people will say im comin off crazy But i didnt grow this monster i just wandered off because the the silence of this nightmare can be better than the horror of my thoughts But relax im not dead yet and it pains me just to say that But i know it could get better or i may even start to believe it For now im still in motion And im sorry i have no energy left to give You know if there was id drink a potion But alas its too much to get So im sorry im down and out not gonna lie it flippiln sucks But theres always an end to the forest so im trying to keep my head up (Hiking/nature can reallly help get you out of your head or mental health if its hard. Try it!) #goonahike #poopoopoint #forest #nature #mentalhealthawareness #pnw #hike #breathe #creative #write #become #babysteps #wegotthis #keepyourheadup #dontgiveup #depression #anxiety #suicide #fog #poems #getlost #lyrics #mountains #pnwhikes #explore #escape #gooutside #pacificnorthwest #photography #artsy #woods #stay #pnwonderland #mystical https://www.instagram.com/p/Bwj76gRD1O7/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=p2ihvyvlitxf

“Despite the condition of the soil I will choose to bloom.” @twloha a wonderful nonprofit celebrated 13 years of life this weekend! Also I got to see the cherry blossoms for the first time! Life has got me really working to hang on, and despite the pain and hardships I am trying ever still. I haven’t been great at a lot of things I’d like to be doing in life, and I am not saying its easy at all, but if I keep doing the work perhaps there could be more out there for me. Blooming does not mean you’re having an easy time at succeeding. It means you’re continuing the process of progress. I can say for certain each day is extremely difficult to be a apart of, but with the help of people, and stories, and my own grit I am still here, fighting each day to find some beauty. I hope that despite what you are going through, you never give up the possibility for more. Hope is real. And help is real. You aren’t alone. Find some things that make you feel good and don’t give up. #twloha #bloom #nevergiveup #inspiration #motivation #ourstorymatters #live #holdontohope #mentalhealthawareness #therapy #nature #gooutside #escape #beyourself #depressed #anxiety #yourenotalone #onedayatatime #cherryblossoms #uw #becoming #wegotthis #supporteachother #authentic #washington #youareenough https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvunh6gD-zi/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ifmh45w3lyrx

National Self-Harm Day. As The founder of @twloha (one of my favorite non-profits) Jamie wrote on this topic, you don’t have to know cutting or physical self-harm to be in the same place and pain or to understand. We all find ways to cope, heal, tread and breathe. I want my life to at least be a testament of light and love when it can, and I don’t want anyone to read this and not see you aren’t alone. Because you are not. And you are not your pain. And you can survive this. And you can make it out alive. Just keep taking small steps to the next thing possible. Recovery and redemption and healing are for everyone. You most certainly don’t have to know it all or have it together. Start small. But the pain doesn’t have to be where you stay. But please at least stay to try again to tomorrow. Sometimes it feels bad saying positive things. I get nervous it will sound too cliche or off putting. But I am im the trenches. Trying to live out what I hope for you guys. And I am no where near the end of my journey. In fact I spend two hours a week working on myself in therapy. And I spend every two minutes deciding between believing the lies or not. I am not lofty nor perfect but I want to be real and there. You are enough. You don’t waste space. You can make it through this storm. It may take years, or medicine, or a few breakdowns. But I hope you know there is love that wraps around you over and over and doesn’t exclude. Reach out if you need help. There is no shame. We all hurt, let’s start mending together. https://www.instagram.com/p/BufBqkpDd6t/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=7g8iu4rydit5

I’ve got darkness ripping into fleshing, fleshing me out and screaming not enough. Sometimes I see hummingbirds and for a moment I am allowed to breathe freedom. Walking running pacing, it never matters, how does one feel their feet? Each cloud pressed out of these dry trembling lips blends into the sky, but never matching its creativity. You would just say my eyes are red from the chase. What you don’t know is how many times today I’ve had to put the demons to bed just in order to not have the breakdown we all know would most definitely turn my eyes red. Today I am outside and it sort of feels ok. Although that is just the first layer of feelings I allow yall to see. But still I am here, trying. This dumb hard work meaningless push towards an ever moving goal. But I am in it still for now. If you cant feel the sun against your neck as you tease the wind to free you and no amount of anything inside of you can manage things, just know I’m here. I here to, flailing in life’s horrifying vortex of demands and feedback. You are most definitely not alone. And your experience is seen and is valid. Who you are and what you feel is real and important. But don’t try this adventure alone. Shame cannot claim and weary soul asking for rest. I am here to try to be authentic for those who need it. Grace and rest tired ones. : : #lostboy #sunshine #gooutside #findyourhappy #motivation #inspiration #authentic #realtalk #writer #create #legalcannabis #breathe #dontgiveup #hope #wegotthis #yourenotalone #nevergiveup #emo #mentalhealth #lifeishard #livereal #pnw #explore #seattle #honestposts #noshameinthegame https://www.instagram.com/p/BtJZnaxlDHI/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1lz01fk023dg2

Don’t let yourself feel burnt out or tired or empty without giving back to you some!! Find things that can help you breathe if even for a moment. Look for things so magnificent outside of your usual day. If you need to just listen to some rain drops so the pounding thoughts go down, here’s this for you. : : #rain #raindrops #nature #gooutside #explore #selfcare #smallthings #breathe #motivation #inspiration #startsmall #onedayatatime #keepgoing #greenlakeseattle #pnw #pacificnorthwest #wonder #treatyoself #naturesounds #relax #bestill #yourenotalone #depression #anxiety #mentalhealth #water #leaves (at Greenlake Park Seattle) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqusLriFZkd/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1pl9bwm8t4dag

Today I will try hard to focus on thankfulness. Although my thoughts will bleed again and again into a negative place, at least for today I will be more mindful. I will choose to replay the good that has been done for me. I will find ways to be there for a stranger or a friend. Although it can be hard to have celebrations because they bring loneliness, I will focus on what may be happening for others, and what I may be taking for granted. I am thankful that despite my foolishness I have been shown much grace. I am glad those who have helped me thought I was worth it. I am glad that nature is so beautiful and giving although we don’t deserve it. Keep going you guys. One more day, one more step. There is a reason we are breathing, and I hope you all find it. Even if all you can do is hold a leaf and be glad you had the strength for it, then go with that. Every breath towards a better self can create a better world. You are important, and thank you to those helping me learn this as well. : : #thanksgiving #thankfulness #mindfulness #yourenotalone #bigleaf #nature #bekind #growth #inspiration #keepgoing #dontgiveup #pnw #pacificnorthwest #littlethings #breathe #onedayatatime #mentalhealth #becoming #stay #keepyourheadup #giveback #seattle #beyourself #youreimportant #nevergrowup #gooutside #startsmall #positivethinking https://www.instagram.com/p/BqeIeO_j7MJ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ao7rxzlg05ie

1000drawings

y-o-u-t-h-s

It is so easy to feel heavy. It is so hard to feel happiness. To breathe and really take up space is so foreign. But if you stop and really look, there is so much to life beyond the pain and robotic schedule. Sometimes peering far into a dew drop can give a little hope back. Sometimes feeling leaves touching you back can slow things down. For me seeing the world and really taking the focus off myself can sometimes give enough room for a little healing and rest. Maybe it could help someone too? Just find what helps a tiny and try! : : #gooutside #keepgoing #explore #bepresent #mindfullness #breathe #pnw #fall #leaves #nature #inspiration #youcandoit #babysteps #mentalhealth #keepyourheadup #colorfulleaves #artsy #photography #pacificnorthwest #hope #startsmall #dontgiveup https://www.instagram.com/p/Bpwzq7Ul-7_/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1akw1sfctxhrw

It’s hard to not compare your journey or accomplishments. It can be frustrating to barely have energy to do life or simple things. Pushing through hard feelings and thoughts sometimes takes all your strength. Even when you smile or try to do good things it can still feel empty and foreign. That’s okay. You aren’t alone. You aren’t a failure. You can make life be okay. You can find who you want to be and how to feel some joy. It may take time, even years. But don’t give up on your story. There has to be something for us to add to this cruel world. Find your strength. Find your voice. Find your fight. It’s okay to struggle, just don’t ever give up! You are worth it! : : #inspiration #motivation #depression #anxiety #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #youcandoit #youareworthy #staystrong #fallselfie #realtalk #authenticliving #pnw #findwhatmakesyouhappy #keepyourheadup #dontgiveup #life #lifecoach #lgbtq #beyourself #itsoktonotbeok #yourenotalone #gooutside #findjoy #keepgoing #tomorrowneedsyou #pacificnorthwest #explore #stay #healing #therapy #giveittime #youareenough #emo #keepfighting #slowandsteady #spoonie #keepitwild #greenlake https://www.instagram.com/p/BpkfJc-FpGQ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1n6bn0y7lscg8

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For those who cannot go outside to watch the sun rise, those who struggle to even get out of bed, for those who can’t imagine a new morning to bear meaning, and for the ones who needed a still calming reminder there is balance, beauty, and second chances, this one’s for yall. : : #sunrise #seattle #gasworkspark #earlymornings #gooutside #breathe #hope #newday #dawn #wecandoit #depression #anxiety #secondchance #balance #beauty #nature #mindfulness #pnw #clearsky #keepyourheadup #healing #mentalhealth #lifecoach #calm #sundaysunrise #pacificnorthwest #selfcare https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo64ixJhpj1/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=s6sk4v6gjcbp

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