you would not believe your pants
if ten million fire ants
RMH

JBB: An Artblog!
sheepfilms
Keni
Jules of Nature

izzy's playlists!
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year

ellievsbear
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Three Goblin Art
Monterey Bay Aquarium

if i look back, i am lost

Love Begins

No title available
todays bird
trying on a metaphor

Janaina Medeiros
Peter Solarz
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

tannertan36

seen from Singapore

seen from Türkiye

seen from United States

seen from Germany

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Belgium
seen from Italy

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
@bearingtonthethird
you would not believe your pants
if ten million fire ants
Sitting down to edit a long essay.
Ah thesaurus.com, my elderly acquaintance.
@bearingtonthethird The entire book of Judges lol.
nested.
#2, Brute?
I made the ugliest noise.
so you know the rule in fairylands where you cant eat or drink anything or you’ll have to stay there forever? does like.. .eating out/sucking dick count
holy f uck jane
its a serious question
well like, the whole thing is that you cannot have consumed anything belonging to the fey realm. so, yes, probably, you would be stuck there. the same would apply if you just straight up ate a fairy.
new question: would deepthroating count in this case even w/o swallowing
no. temporary doesn’t count, otherwise fairies would all be running about sticking their hands in your mouth to get human servants.
you gotta digest it.
so like??? if you puke afterwards?? maybe it doesn’t count?
huh! i wonder how long is enough time for it to be legit. like whatever goes through your stomach immediately condemns you no matter if you throw it up later?
Well Persephone only ate 6 seeds so she only stayed 6 months, so maybe if you spat out most of it you’d just be condemned to the occasional day “BRB got go pay the two day toll for fellating a fairy.”
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man im so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now i have to keep coming back to do it again– its a long story”
“you what now”
i can hardly believe this isn’t already the plot of an Oglaf comic
now that u said it im really surprised as well
what the fuck did i just read
Why ISN’T this an Oglaf comic yet?
I’m so happy that i’m not the only person who thinks of questions like these. I love you all so much.
I’m not convinced by this, actually!
Like, this analysis treats it as a substance problem, i.e. “edible matter from fairyland has properties that, if ingested, physically prevent you from being able to return to the real world.”
But OTOH, a recurring theme throughout fairy stories is that they’re all about…rules and exchanges and agreements with really steep interest rates:
“I’ll do you this favor, but if you don’t guess my name you’ll have to give me your first-born child.”
“You’re gonna be real good at everything but when you’re 16 you’re gonna prick your finger and die.”
“You loaned me $2 for the bus when I looked like a beggar, so now here’s a literal pile of gold and shit.”
Not to mention that in Childe Rowland, one of the central “if you eat food from fairyland you’re stuck there” stories, Rowland manages to retrieve his siblings despite them all presumably having chowed down on fairy food – all it took was beating the Fairy King in a swordfight and threatening to chop his head off.
The takeaway, I think, is that the food thing a matter of implicit exchange: if you get your grub on in fairyland, you’re accepting their hospitality and eating food that they own. This means you owe them, which the fairies can magically leverage to prevent you from leaving.
(You can probably get around this by explicitly agreeing to pay for your meal before you sit down to eat. From what I remember, fairies don’t seem capable of pulling a “Haha, we had an agreement but you’re fucked anyways!” maneuver, so if they agree to let you leave they might even be forced to help you leave.)
Which brings us to the matter at hand: if you blow a fairy you’re doing them a favor! They owe you.
And…they’re a fairy, so if you didn’t agree to terms beforehand they might not repay you in a way that’s ultimately helpful or safe, but it certainly doesn’t seem like they’d be able to, like, pat you on the head and be like “Thanks, you’re really good at this buuuuuuut also you’re stuck here forever now.”
Instead, what seems more likely is…I dunno, showing up to your wedding years later and giving you a beautiful white horse that always comes when called, while loudly praising you as truly deserving it for giving them them simply the best oral they’ve had in years.
Or they feel obligated to show up at your house a couple days a year. So, like
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man I’m so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now he always comes by over memorial day weekend and helps me out with minor home repairs.”
“you what now”
This is my favorite act of intellectual bugfuckery on this entire website, when I die I want someone to print this out and place it in my grave with me so I can cherish it forever.
Why do my downstairs neighbors always shower right before I do. Every night.
12am: *knob squeaks from below* Shit. Fine, I’ll wait to shower.
1:30am: *water rushing faintly* Seriously? I’m already so tired, just let me shower so I can regain steamy peace of mind. Go the eff to sleep.
2:30am: *rusty sounds of some jerk stealing all the hot water* NOT AGAIN.
welp
in news of other, less engraging biographies
apparently Victor Hugo gave his fiancee Adele a bat
in an envelope
a live bat
this was wasn’t an attempted breakup or anything, he was using it to illustrate a poem about bats he had written
Hugo no
If my future husband doesn’t give me a live bat in an envelope now I’m legit going to be so disappointed
yall want replies but we’ve had messenger pigeons since the 1800’s???
The last messenger pigeon died in 1914
i just saw a pigeon today?? put a letter on it
YA authors introducing their new cutting edge male protagonist like
me: I’m bored
my GPA: you can do them essays that are due next week
me:
@bearingtonthethird 😭😭
OMG BUT REALLY. I just spent 45 mins on my resume instead of my essay that is literally due in 12 hours.