trying on a metaphor

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Origami Around
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祝日 / Permanent Vacation
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@frogofhonor
posts jfk would have liked???
does this help
The Wisdom of Trauma (2021) dir. Maurizio Benazzo, Zaya Benazzo
Imagine showing up to work one day and people are like “jesus fucking christ there’s a corpse in here”, herd you to the back room and everyone who sees you also agrees that there is now a dead body where you are sitting, with the appropriate amount of shock and disgust about it. You figure it’s some kind of a prank that they’re pulling, but also the people that you know aren’t into pranks, or aren’t very good actors, are treating you like a corpse. They go weirdly back and forth between talking about you as if you’re not there, and politely asking you to stay still while they figure out who you’re supposed to call in case of a dead body randomly appearing.
Paramedics show up, study you thoroughly and agree that while they can’t see any apparent sign of death, you are, indeed, dead, and ask you to climb aboard the ambulance. You’re taken to the temporary corpse storage that hospitals have.
On the way there you ask them whether this kind of shit happens often, and while they won’t look at you, the paramedics agree that they’ve never had a talking corpse before, though they won’t question the fact that you’re moving on your own.
You’re eventually led to a morgue, where you’re shown a slab to lay on, and at this point you don’t really even question it, you just climb onto the Corpse Shelf and lay down, maybe have a little nap, with no idea what’s going to happen next.
Then you wake up to someone walking into the morgue, who has the shit scared out of them when you move, and they’re like “dude what the fuck, you’re not supposed to be here, this place is for storing dead bodies” and when you’re like “aw man sorry I thought I was a dead body” they have no idea whether you’re joking and they don’t care, you’re just chased out of there.
And you just kinda go home and take a shower, show up to work normally the next day and nobody questions it.
And basically that’s probably how those ants feel when scientists spray them with the Pheromone That Dead Ants Smell Like, and just hang out at the dead-ant-pile until the smell wears off.
I was waiting to find out what social issue this was going to be a metaphor for, so that ending really punched me in the face.
beekeeping sucks i keep punching my bees by accident and then having to jump into the fucking ocean to get away from them like WHY
this is in fact about minecraft
I know none of you will reblog this because you only care about your pretty-boy celebrities and your contrived “discourse”, but I just undid Dracula’s curse
Anonymous photographer - Portrait of Three Women. N.d., 19th century
we irritating 😂 😂 😂
[Image Description: a tweet by Soph (@/StorybrookeSoph) that reads “Friendly reminder that you have zero control over how other people perceive you so you might as well just be the person you want to be anyway." It was posted on June 9th 2021. End description]
The Deadly Stake on Etsy
Shocking how many people don’t know that hens lay non-fertilized eggs and think the yolk they’re eating is a baby chicken
once tried desperately to make my friend understand that yolks were not, like, a liquified potentiality of chicken, and she looked at me for a while and then said, "but they’re both yellow."
Behold
A chicken
Behold
A Man
This is the best thing on the internet.
Running a horror-themed D&D one-shot, and my players asked me to make pre-gens for them. My secret hope is that they’ll be too distracted by their own character sheets to realize What I Did Here.
My dream is to make a visually incomprehensible vtuber with an equally nonsense voice that doesn’t form any actual words just playing minecraft and drawing things to made up computer noises
I already posted this before but the point still stands this is the ideal version of my life
I want to thank everyone for ignoring my misspelling of noises I like to think it enhances the concept
Fun size
*sounds of the gates of Hell opening up*
baby girl u are a very freak and straange. iam deeplu in love with u
Ever since I got a job as a security guard I can’t take heist movies seriously anymore.
Why is that?
Accurate heist movie: The Team is sneaking into a high security facility. An alarm is triggered, they freeze, prepared to knock out whoever responds to the alarm. It takes 40 minutes for someone to respond. When they finally do show up, they shuffle along, annoyed, arms full of 16 bags of pretzels for some reason, and reset the alarm without bothering to check their surroundings. They report that the alarm went off in error. Security control starts a fight about the correct designation of the door. The guard announces that they’re leaving the alarm key in the alarm because it’s always going off for no reason. No one challenges them on this. They shuffle away, leaving an alarm key and several bags of pretzels behind.
The Team knocks out a security guard and steals their radio. The team mimic can perfectly replicate the knocked out guard’s voice. They get caught because they pronounced the name of the company correctly.
The Team disables an alarm. The only way to do this is to rip it out of the wall and disassemble it until it physically can’t make noise anymore. This very loud process is clearly heard by the posted security guard nearby, who rolls their eyes and text their supervisor that the logistics contractors are fooling with the alarms again.
The Team breaks into the facility at night. There they meet a single security guard who is chanting potential names for NPCs in their DnD campaign out loud while they do their patrols. They encounter a fire extinguisher. They pause in their chanting to check that it is properly charged and to apply a sticker that reads, “Anal use only”. This guy is disgustingly good at their job. There’s no way around it, they’re going to catch you. And you’re going to have to deal with the fact that you’ve been had by someone who has a supply of stickers that say “Anal use only” and who unironically wanted to name their NPC shopkeep Mammogrammus.
The Team attempts to bribe a security guard. This is its own post but know there’s no way in hell that would work.
The Team breaks into the high security room and disables all the alarms. Security control sends several guards to investigate why there are no alarms going off.
The Team attempts to break into the high security room but can’t because it’s randomly decided not to let anyone at all in today.
The Team steals a keycard with “””””unlimited””””” access to the facility and gets caught because the computer system that manages keycards randomly revokes access for no reason.
The Team walks past a security guard in broad daylight wearing T-shirts that say, “We are here to rob you”. The security guard does nothing, having seen several people in logistics wearing that exact shirt two days prior.
This sounds like a great movie, honestly
he’s the mechanic he’s fixing it