Leitmotifs drive me insane, like I hear *repeated melody that has an association with a person, idea, or situation* and I go *tears up the fucking rug like a dog*
List here. She fucking beat Gojo, the Golden Kamuy guys, Kento Nanami, Aki Chainsawman, a lot of rando ikemen game characters I've never heard of. She has only been in this world since November. Rikasweep.
āaverage person eats 3 spiders a yearā factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
the ābad guysā in hallmark movies end up always being the most respectful men ever.
because they will find out their girlfriend of 3 years (that they were about to propose to) went off to a random farm in minnesota, hours away from were the two of them built a life together, and she decided to justā¦ stay there without even consulting him.
and then he decides to take a trip to make sure sheās okay, because this is generally alarming behavior, and then sees that she literally fell in love with her ex within one (1) week- and he wasnāt there, but you can TELL that theyāve made out a couple times.
and then she just strings him along for a few days, until fucking christmas eve, when she just breaks up with him and is like āi know we used to have the same values, but iāve never loved you. mark makes me happier than you ever did. and you ONLY care about work, whereas i like christmas and fun, like a Good Person.ā
and then, after finding out his entire relationship was a lie and he had his life turned upside down in a week and he got dumped on christmas, this guyās just like āok yeah that makes sense. i only wish you the best of happiness with mark. i hope you guys build a great life together in christmastreefarmville. thank you for everything.ā
An AU where two Hallmark Christmas Bad Guys are both getting flights back to New York after being dumped by their respective Smalltown Blonde Girlfriends, and they bond over their shared experiences and fall in love in the departures lounge
Probably he is still in shock. Right? He looks out of his taxi window (it's not technically a taxi, just some guy named Corey who offered him a ride to the airport, because Uber doesn't operate in fucking Tinyville, Bumfuck Middle-Of-Nowhere, Utah) and tracks water droplets racing each other down the glass, because of course it's raining, and his bad knee is killing him.Ā
Levi sniffs and rubs at his eyes and then pulls out his phone and books a ticket back to New York, wincing as four hundred and twenty-six dollars are deducted from his bank account.Ā
And, like, he should definitely be more upset.
He just got broken up with. He was engaged, for God's sake. A four-year relationshipā¦ over. Just like that.Ā
Corey says, "Ten minutes to the station."Ā
Probably he'll be more upset once he's home. When he starts packing up Anika's stuff into boxes so she can come collect them after New Year's. He'll have to do all that processing and he'll put away all the pictures that are up and probably he'll remember all the good times they had together and flashes of their relationship will play out in slow motion in his mind. Like a movie montage.
Levi catches his reflection in the passenger side window and starts, pulling his thumb out of his mouth. He hadn't even noticed he'd started biting the nail.
Corey drops him off at the train station and he books a ticket to Salt Lake City and Levi wants to tip him for the ride but when he turns back the car's gone, and it's started snowing again.
He re-wraps his scarf so it covers his ears and turns back. He has to jogāow ow owāto catch his train.
Once arrived at the airport, Levi's gotten over being baffled and has started being mildly pissed.Ā
You're obsessed with work, Anika told him. You barely make time for us anymore. Yeah, he'd had to pull some long hours for the last few months, but for good reasonāhe'd been working towards a huge promotion and a raise and he thought she'd be happy for him.
He'd gotten the promotion, by the way. Editor in chief. He'd tried calling her first, a whole bunch of times, and then she hadn't picked up, so he'd decided Well, fuck it, and flew out to Doodootown, Utah to break the news himself.
He thought it would be nice. Spend the few remaining days before Christmas with Anika and her family in their hometown, then flying back home for Christmas and New Year's and starting 2023 off with renewed vigour and excitement.Ā
Then, of course, Anika told him that she wouldn't be flying back with him for Christmas. Or at all.Ā
Which, well. Okay.Ā
She didn't even congratulate him.
He checks in, and the lady at the desk asks him whether he wants to drop off his carry-on luggage for free, since the plane is very full, and Levi shrugs and says okay and watches his suitcase disappear behind black rubber flaps.
His flight leaves in four hours.Ā
Levi decides to pay the extra fee so he can stay in the fancy lounge, because he thinks he probably deserves that at this point. It's quiet here, though, so he orders a tea and claims a table over by the window, stretching out his right leg with a contented sigh.Ā
There's an empty table in front of him, but at the next one sits a man who looks so miserable it's impressive.
The man is slouched in his chair, dark hair mussed and suit a little ruffled. The cuffs of his slacks are damp, and so are his knees. He's leaning his head against the window, eyes closed, holding a bloody tissue to his nose. A purple bruise is starting to form on his cheekbone.
Levi stares.
Damn. And he thought he was having a rough day.Ā
Should he say something? Probably not, right. Like, that would be weird, right?Ā
Then he notices the small, black velvet ring box the man is fiddling with and it's like all the air's punched right out of his lungs.
Damn.Ā
Levi looks down and takes a sip of his tea, then hisses and curses under his breath because it's still way too hot and he's an idiot.Ā
When he looks up again, the man is eyeing him with mild amusement.
And there are a hundred thousand ways that Levi could have handled the situation, but before he can think about ways to not embarrass himself further he hears himself say, "Ouch. Haha."
Somebody please shoot him.Ā
The man raises an eyebrow. Levi gives an awkward cough, then takes another sip of tea and somehow feels betrayed when it burns his tongue again.
"Maybe you should give it a second," the man says.Ā
"Maybe," Levi says, "I should." His ears are burning.Ā
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas plays over the speakers.Ā
Levi desperately wants to ask about the ring box. And the bloody nose. And whether there's a correlation. But then again it is so definitely not his business, so he just stares down at his tea and watches steam rise.Ā
There's a sharp sigh from across the table. "She said no."Ā
Levi's head snaps up, ready to defend himself, because it's not like he actually asked, but then the guy looks so tired and bitter that he immediately deflates and feels both like an asshole and an idiot.
"I'm sorry," he offers, which still feels lame but better than whatever he had going on before.
The guy gives a wry smile. "Gonna, you know. Return this. She, uh, said no to the whole relationship. So."
Ah.Ā
"I'm sorry," he says, running a hand over his face, "I don't mean to dump all this on you."
"Oh, no, it's okay," Levi says quickly, and then before he can think about it too much, he adds, "I get it."
The other guy looks immediately doubtful.Ā
Levi bites the inside of his cheek. "Four years," he says with a shrug. "Engaged and everything." He gives a thumbs down and blows a raspberry.Ā
"Aw, shit, dude," he says, sitting up straight. He removes the tissue from his face, and seeing as he's no longer bleeding, stuffs it in his pocket. "That sucks."
Levi shrugs again, suddenly weirdly self-conscious. He traces the rim of his teacup with a finger. "Yeah, well. I didn't get beat up about it." There's a moment of silence, then he sneaks another glance. "Levi, by the way."
A corner of the guy's mouth twitches. "Xavier Ortega."Ā
Again, Xavier almost smiles. Levi thinksāLevi thinks he'd like to see Xavier smile. Properly.Ā
And then he thinks, What.Ā
No, he's justāXavier just looks like he could do with a cheer-up. That's it. And, well, so could he, really. They're both in similar boats. Although it looks like Xavier got the shorter end of the straw here, Levi thinks, considering his ruined suit and, you know, face. Still a nice face, though. Symmetrical. Strong cheekbones. Dark eyebrows over dark eyes and a straight nose andāwhatever.Ā
Whatever.
He just got broken up with.Ā
God, why's he trying to justify this to himself? Why is he feeling weird about this? He's not even gay. And even if heāeven if he was, it's not gay to acknowledge that a guy is good-looking.Ā
But, like, it's fine. He's notāwhatever.
Xavier has a split lip, he notices now that the tissue's not hiding half his face. "Got you good, huh?"Ā
Xavier rolls his eyes. He looks away for a moment, hesitating, then stands up and pulls the chair from the table between them, spinning it around and flopping back down at Levi's table.Ā
Levi thinks he must look quite surprised, because Xavier says, "I mean, this is easier for conversation purposes. Unless you're fine with the yelling across tables situationā"
"No, no," Levi protests. "No, you're right, this isāeasier." He clears his throat and says, "So, what was her name?" before mentally kicking himself, but Xavier just looks at him weird.
"Well, her name is Chloe. We just broke up, she didn't die."
Levi nods, puckering his lips. Right, yeah. Yes. "Is sheā¦ nice?"
"Well, she cheated on me."
"Ha," Levi says with no humour. "Samesies."
Xavier lets out a dry chuckle at this, then rubs at his eyes. "Wow. Happy Christmas to us, right?"Ā
Levi raises his teacup and gives a ghost toast. "Merry Christmas to us." He downs his tea, which is at a palatable temperature now, then says, "Do you want a drink?"Ā
-
So Chloe and Xavier had been together for almost five years. The whole story isā¦ disturbingly similar to Levi's whole deal, actually. Chloe decides, two weeks before Christmas, to take a trip back to her hometown, gets pissed when Xavier can't just take ten days off work to come with her, goes anyway on her sister's advice, meets up with her childhood nemesis who turns out not to be so bad after all and also cleaned up unfair nice, and then when Xavier went after her because hey, she hadn't been answering his texts and he was planning to pop the question over the holidays, she decided to dump him.
"She looked me in the face," Xavier says, head in hands, "and told me she was happier there than she'd ever been with me." He looks up and runs his fingers through his hair. "And I mean, sure, we'd had our rough patches, but, you know. We were gonna work it out."
Levi hums. "Yeah, no. I get it."
"So I said, Are you fucking serious right now, and I guess I raised my voice a bit, and then Mr Goddamn Farm Guy comes storming out and squares up to me and I don't even know who this dude is, and I tell him to get out of my face, and he fucking decks me. Like, completely unprompted."
"Rough," Levi says solemnly.Ā
"Yeah," Xavier says, exasperated. "And he didn't even apologise."
Levi whistles low. It's quiet for a moment while they both nurse their drinks, then Xavier vaguely gestures at him and says, "So what's your Christmas Tragedy?"
Levi gives a lopsided grin. "Well. Anika goes home to Middle Of Nowhere, Utah, 'cause she said she wasn't feeling great. Wants me to go with her, I can't 'cause I'm pulling long hours for an upcoming promotion, she's pissed. When she gets back there she rekindles things with her exā"
"Augh," Xavier says. "Brutal."
"āand last I heard the plan was for them to start a combination bakery and tearoom together. So." Levi grits his teeth. "Hope that works out for them."
Xavier looks at him over his glass, then, after a moment of careful silence, says, "You're allowed to be mad at her, you know."
"Fuck her," Levi says immediately. "Like, seriously. Why even get engaged to me if she was so miserable? Just break up with me instead of, fuckin', cheating, and then acting like I'm insane for going to check on her after she just ignores all my calls and texts and goddamn emails. We were going to get married in February, for fuck's sake. Fuck her." He presses the palms of his hands against his eyes til he sees stars.Ā
There it is. The upset. Figures that it's the saying it out loud that really drives home how betrayed Levi feels. Especially when he's talking to someone whom he doesn't have to explain it to, because Xavier gets it. Xavier gets it better than anyone ever will, probably.Ā
It's not quite the movie montage Levi had been preparing for. Rather, what Levi remembers now are all the moments that Anika said things that cut, or did things that bruised. How she'd roll her eyes when Levi got so excited he got the wiggles. How she refused to entertain the idea of getting a dog, even after he begged. How she'd get annoyed with him when his knee acted up and told him to suck it up and stop being such a crybaby. How she'd give him the cold shoulder when she was upset with him and he couldn't read her mind about it and let it build until she exploded out of nowhere.Ā
Little things that didn't seem like such a big deal in the time, but that added up to something like a balm for the sharp sting of betrayal.
Because that's what it is, at its core. That's why Levi is angry.
More betrayal than heartbreak.
And even though it will hurt for a while still, there's something that tastes oddly like relief at the centre of his chest, cool and welcome like a breeze on a suffocating July afternoon.
Xavier stays silent. After a moment Levi blinks hard and opens his eyes and finds Xavier looking at him strangely.Ā
"Yeah," he says quietly. "Fuck 'em."Ā
Levi's stomach squeezes.
He glances wildly around, trying to find anything to look at that isn't Xavier's face, and settles for the screen hanging from the ceiling that displays flight information.Ā
"Oh, look at that," he says. "I should get to my gate."Ā
"Right," Xavier agrees quickly. "Yeah, of course, so should I." He picks up his leather briefcase. "Where are you going, by the way?"
Levi laughs. "How wild would it be if we were on the same flight, huh?" He stands up and winces, ignoring Xavier's questioning look. "New York City. The 9:15. You?"
They make their way over to gate B9 mostly in silence, a general air of What the fuck is happening hanging between them. Not quite uncomfortable, but definitely baffled.Ā
"So this is weird, right," Levi says, dropping into a boarding zone chair. "Like, really weird."
"Right," Xavier says softly. Then, eyes trained on the huge Christmas tree and determinedly not looking at Levi, he adds, "Cool, though."
Levi isāLevi is a little speechless. "Yeah." He feels kind of floaty. He can't stop looking at Xavier's ears, because the tips have gone red. "Yeah. Pretty cool."
God. Fuck.
-
Their seats aren't next to each other, because that would have been crossing the line from freaky coincidence into absolutely fucking insane, but Levi pulls some strings and switches seats with the nice lady whoās next to Xavier, because itās an exit row seat with more leg room and he has a bad knee. He tries not to look too pleased with himself as he sits down.Ā
Xavier gives him a look. āSo do you actually have a bad knee, orā¦ā
Levi slaps a scandalised hand to his chest. āI canāt believe youād accuse me of such a thing. You think Iād lie about being disabled?āĀ
āI donāt know you that well.āĀ
āAnd here I thought we had something.ā Levi sighs. āI broke my kneecap when I was a teenager. Never healed right.āĀ
āAh. Sports? Donāt tell me you were a football kid.āĀ
Levi doesnāt know why he feels suddenly bashful. He always feels kind of stupid telling people how he got his injury; the reactions usually range somewhere between mild disapproval and straight up judgment. āUh, no. Parkour. Actually.āĀ
Xavierās eyebrows vanish into his hairline.Ā
After a moment of questioning silence, Levi shrugs. āI misjudged the distance between ledges. Fractured my kneecap. But I was stupid and an idiot, also, so I didnāt wait for it to fully heal before going back out, and now I am a human weather antennae.āĀ
āHuh.ā Levi would say Xavier looks almost impressed. Mostly sort of exasperated, though. āYou know what, now that you say it, I feel like that checks out.āĀ
Levi narrows his eyes. āWhatās that supposed to mean?āĀ
āI donāt know, maybe you look like the type who would break his kneecap doing parkour.ā
āAnd what kind of type is that?ā Levi is halfway to miffed and sort of offended, but then Xavier grins wide and he forgets to be annoyed.Ā
āYou tell me.āĀ
It sounds too much like an invitation to be a coincidence.Ā
Levi canāt remember the last time he spent so many hours talking uninterrupted. Or, well, talking to someone who was actually listening to him and actively engaging in conversation. Someone who was interested in him.Ā
Levi canāt remember the last time he enjoyed talking to someone this much.Ā
He cracks a joke that makes Xavier laugh softly, and the noise goes straight through his spinal cord like an electric shock, and then it becomes a game, a challenge, trying to make Xavier laugh like that again.Ā
Xavier shows him pictures of his dog, a wonderfully fluffy brown-and-grey mutt named Captain, and Levi thinks he might actually pass away over how cute he is.Ā
āI always wanted a dog,ā he says after cooing over a picture of Captain showing his belly for ten minutes. āLike, really bad. I want a dog so bad. But Anika doesnāt, so it never happened.āĀ
āWell,ā Xavier says loftily, āNothingās stopping you now, is there?āĀ
That is an excellent point. Levi tells him so.Ā
Then he starts thinking about how nice it will be to have the apartment to himself for a while, and then he feels guilty for being relieved about it, about Anika not being there, and then he ponders how weird itāll be to be alone for Christmas.Ā
Levi's never been alone for Christmas before.Ā
His family lives in Alberta, and he can't really afford another short notice round flight, and anyway the plan this year had been just him and Anika, and they'd had a reservation for brunch on Christmas day, and Levi thinks he should probably cancel that, and that's just a fucking bummer.
After a moment of thinky silence, Levi quietly asks, "What are you gonna do for Christmas?"Ā
Xavier blows out a long breath. "I don't know. I think I'll try to see my sisters. They live a state over, though, and it's all very last minute, Iāweāwere supposed to spend it at Chloe's, and I'm not big on Christmas celebrations myself, you know, my family's culturally Jewish, soā¦ I'm not sure."
Most of the rest of the flight is quiet, and a little sad, but also nice, and when the seatbelt light flicks on and the crew announces the imminent descent Levi can't help but feel a pang of disappointment.
The plane lands. Impatience in the cabin spikes; everyone wants to get home, it's the holidays, it's cold. Levi gets up and winces, catches Xavier's eye as he reaches for his bag and hands it to him.Ā
Xavier is gonna call a cab. Levi is as well.Ā
They're standing outside.
Levi shoves his hands in his pockets.Ā
"Well," Xavier says.
"Right."
"It was nice meeting you, Levi. The circumstances wereā¦ less than ideal, maybe, butā¦"Ā
Levi looks at him. A purple bruise is blossoming on his cheekbone, crawling up around his eye. The tip of his nose is red from the cold. His eyes are dark but if he pays very close attention he can tell where the iris ends and the pupil begins.Ā
And okay. Okay.
He might be a little gay.
"But nice," he whispers.
Xavier smiles, looks down. Is itāwould it be totally weird to ask for his number?
But then Xavier's cab is there, and he tips an imaginary hat at Levi before turning away. He hands the driver his luggage.
The sharp stab of panic between his ribs takes Levi totally by surprise. As does the fact that when he blinks he's closed the distance between him and the cab and is holding onto the door.
Xavier looks at him, eyebrows raised.
Levi didn't plan this far ahead, or at all. He blinks, feeling rather sheepish, then when Xavier's eyebrows start disappearing into his hairline he blusters, all at once, "So I have a brunch reservation. On Christmas Day. I was, you know, supposed to go with Anika, but, you know. And it would suck to have to cancel. And it doesn't have to be weird, or anything, we're just two guys being dudes, getting brunch." He snaps his mouth shut, absolutely horrified. What the fuck was that?
Xavier's mouth parts a little.Ā
God. Shitballs. Fuck. Abort. "But that would be weird, right? You know what, never mind, it's fine, forget I said anything, it'sā"
"Levi," Xavier says, exasperated. He covers his face with his hands. Then he says, muffled, "Yeah, okay. That sounds nice. I'd like that."Ā
Oh.Ā
"Are youāare you sure?"Ā
He must sound really incredulous, because Xavier snorts. "Yeah, I'm sure."Ā
Slowly, Levi grins. "Okay."
"Okay." They stand there for a moment, and then Xavier's eyes go wide and he says, "Wait, I shouldāhold on." He digs in his pocket and pulls out his wallet, hesitates, then pulls out a small rectangular object and holds it out.
Levi's grin goes lopsided. "Xavier Ortega. Are you handing me your business card right now?"
To his credit, Xavier looks away sheepishly. "My phone number's on there."
Levi accepts the card, hoping passionately that Xavier doesn't notice his hand is shaking. "Okay. I'll text you, then."
"Okay," Xavier says. Then, tentatively, "See you soon, then?"
Levi takes a deep breath and steps back, cheeks burning, and probably not just because of the bite of winter chill. Something in his stomach twinges, and he says, "Yeah. See you soon."Ā
embracing the patterned ambiguity of gender and sex as more or less social constructs can grant you so much more precision in thinking about so many concepts in science.
like, if there was a study (and I'm just making this up as an example) showing women suffer from mosquito bites more than men do
you could do the ~"Gender Critical"~ thing and go "see!? mosquitoes get it!!"
OR
you could go "that's interesting" and start asking more questions, like:
is this data self-reported? controlled?
were they studying the women or the mosquitoes?
did the study use methods that would let you tell the difference between "being bitten more often" and "noticing bites more often"?
did the study include any trans people and were their results any different? if yes were they on HRT or not?
how similar were the men and women in aspects other than gender? do we know their social class, jobs, diets, blood types?
because in fact the study i made up just then could lead to a huge variety of conclusions. from my description above you can't tell the difference between studies that show:
mosquitoes are attracted to people with higher estrogen levels
mosquitoes are opportunistic and women spend more time near mosquito habitats for sociocultural reasons
every gender gets bitten about the same amount but men are socialised to pay less attention to physical discomfort so more of them don't notice minor bites compared to women (and by more we mean like 60-40, this is a bell curve thing)
we accidentally got heaps of women in the study that have the mosquito's favourite blood type and not so for the men, oops
mosquitoes are attracted to people with more x and y in their diets, which is currently mostly women for, again, largely sociocultural reasons
etc etc etc
you're just not going to understand actual Gender Science, and therefore reality, if you can't put "hmm, but what do they mean by woman this time" in your mental toolkit in a relatively neutral way.
Honestly this is a great way of presenting the kind of scientific literacy that is needed in an era of clickbait headlines and sound bites and facts that turn into memes; so much science "news" as reported by mass media distills nuanced studies into easily quotable and shocking one-liners that generally ignore the context behind the statistic.
when somebody mentions a āplot holeā in a piece of media and itās just like āwhy would this character make an emotionally driven choice consistent with their morals instead of doing the most objectively logical thing in this situation, this writing sucksā
Re several miscommunication tropes, had to explain to a friend that some people (me) would literally jump out a window before they āburdenedā someone with their emotions.
She (a Real Adult) gets frustrated when characters wonāt just talk to each other because she considers it unrealistic.
Her lived experience is to approach these things head on whereas mine is to avoid conflict at all costs.
Anyway, I think itās really interesting how our lived experiences contribute to how we interpret fictional characters and therefore what behaviours of theirs we consider in/out of character.
To add my own experience to this - it really depends on the situation as well. If I have the opportunity share say, romantic feelings with someone, Iām also jumping out the window. Thereās no logic that will get me to do anything else.
But if I have to share difficult feelings say, at work, Iāll go with the logical option because I guess Iām disconnected emotionally enough (and learnt through my years working) that itās better to take that route.
tl;dr everyone deals with difficult stuff differently, but yeah I wouldnāt call that a plot hole in fiction, probably more a conflict of uhā¦situational-dealing-with-ability?
listen iām not really that into dc, and i donāt really have much of an opinion on superbat (superman/batman) one way or the other
ā¦.that being said, no straight dude with only platonic feelings for some guy he hardly knows is gonna behave the way bruce wayne did in justice league. no straight guy is gonna watch superman die, then pay for his funeral, keep a hologram of him around after his death, cry about him to anyone who will listen, deadass resurrect him when EVERYONE is telling you why thatās a bad fucking idea, get turned on when superman comes back to life and strangles you (choking kink confirmed), fucking stutter and say āi donātā¦ not [like you]ā just to make sure that holding hands is on the table, and then when the bank is gonna take away clarkās childhood home you actually buy the fucking bank to save it
that isnāt something straight bros do for each other, honestly itās hardly even something regular soulmates in love do for each other. i know exactly zero stuff about this superbat ship and have no hat in this ring, but even i know that bruce wayne is a raging bisexual with a massive gross crush on clark kent who, honestly, has bruce wrapped around his fingers and he knows it
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