Behavioral Coach

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Confronting Passive Aggressive Behavior

                                                                                              Signe Whitson L.S.W.                                      Passive Aggressive Diaries                              One of my favorite stories about passive aggressive behavior in a marriage goes like this: “Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding the items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to go shopping with me and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally." In relationships, passive aggressive behaviors are often used to avoid the direct confrontation of short-term conflict, but in the long-term, these dynamics can be even more destructive than outright aggression. To keep assertive communication flowing in your relationship, here are four strategies to effectively confront passive aggressive behavior: 1. Recognize the Warning Signs of Passive Aggression Behavior Passive aggression is a deliberate and masked way of expressing covert feelings of anger (Long, Long & Whitson, 2009). This “sugarcoated hostility” involves a variety of behaviors designed to get back at another person without the other recognizing the underlying anger. When a person is able to quickly identify hallmark passive aggressive behaviors for what they are—hidden expressions of anger—they take the first critical step in disengaging from the destructive dynamic. Some of the most common passive aggressive behaviors to be aware of include: Procrastination Behaving beneath customary standards Pretending not to see, hear, remember, or understand requests The silent treatment Sulking & withdrawal Gossiping Your goal is to make overt the anger that has been covert, stuffed inside, and kept secret for so long. Expect that once this has been done, the passive aggressive person will very likely deny the existence of anger. When he does, you should verbally accept the defenses for the time being, with a response such as, “Okay! It was just a thought I wanted to share with you.” Don’t argue or correct the person’s denial at this time, but rather quietly back away from further discussion, leaving your spouse with the thought that you are aware there are some feelings of anger behind his behavior. The advantage of this approach is the comfort of not having to justify or defend your acknowledgement of the anger. By simply sharing your awareness of his covert anger, you have sent a bold and powerful message that the passive aggressive behavior cannot continue and the relationship needs to change. Signe Whitson, LSW is the Chief Operating Officer of the LSCI Institute and co-author of The Angry Smile: The Psychology of Passive Aggressive Behavior in Families, Schools, and Workplaces, 2nd ed. For more information on understanding and changing passive aggressive behavior, please visit www.signewhitson.com

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Nutritious Pineapple

A Simple Pineapple - MUST Read

The pineapple is a member of the bromeliad family. It is extremely rare that bromeliads produce edible fruit. The pineapple is the only available edible bromeliad today.

Pineapples stop ripening the minute they are picked. No special way of storing them will help ripen them further. Colour is relatively unimportant in determining ripeness. Choose your pineapple by smell.If it smells fresh, tropical and sweet, it will be a good fruit. If you pick up a pineapple by one leaf & it pulls out, the pineapple is ready to eat.  Store it upside down to distribute the sugars.

The more scales on the pineapple, the sweeter and juicier the taste.

This delicious fruit is not only sweet and tropical; it also offers many benefits to our health. Pineapple is a remarkable fruit.

We find it enjoyable because of its lush, sweet and exotic flavor, but it may also be one of the most healthful foods available today. If we take a more detailed look at it, we will find that pineapple is valuable for easing indigestion, arthritis or sinusitis.

The juice has an anthelmintic effect; it helps get rid of intestinal worms.

Let's look at how pineapple affects other conditions.

Pineapple is high in manganese, a mineral that is critical to development of strong bones and connective tissue. A cup of fresh pineapple will give you nearly 75% of the recommended daily amount.

It is particularly helpful to older adults, whose bones tend to become brittle with age.

Bromelain, a proteolytic enzyme, is the key to pineapple's value. Proteolytic means "breaks down protein", which is why pineapple is known to be a digestive aid. It helps the body digest proteins more efficiently. Bromelain is also considered an effective anti-inflammatory.

Regular ingestion of at least one half cup of fresh pineapple daily is purported to relieve painful joints common to osteoarthritis. It also produces mild pain relief.

In  Germany , bromelain is approved as a post-injury medication because it is thought to reduce inflammation and swelling.

Orange juice is a popular liquid for those suffering from a cold because it is high in Vitamin C. Fresh pineapple is not only high in this vitamin, but because of the Bromelain, it has the ability to reduce mucous in the throat. If you have a cold with a productive cough, add pineapple to your diet. It is commonly used in  Europe as a post-operative measure to cut mucous after certain sinus and throat operations.

Those individuals who eat fresh pineapple daily report fewer sinus problems related to allergies. In and of itself, pineapple has a very low risk for allergies.

Pineapple is also known to discourage blood clot development. This makes it a valuable dietary addition for frequent fliers and others who may be at risk for blood clots.

An old folk remedy for morning sickness is fresh pineapple juice. It really works! Fresh juice and some nuts first thing in the morning often make a difference.

It's also good for a healthier mouth. The fresh juice discourages plaque growth.

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The recipe for success when it comes to dieting is figuring out how to consume less calories while burning more fat. With these few simple changes in your eating habits, you'll be able to lose weight without going on a diet!

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Eat These Snacks to End Your Nightmares

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Some people are blessed with amazing metabolism. The rest of us, not so much...but give it a full-on boost with these 10 fat burners and watch the pounds melt away!

Natural foods that help our body’s metabolism.

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11 Facts You Need to Know About Dietary Supplements

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9 reasons why sleep is underrated

You know you're supposed to get eight hours of sleep a night, but what's really going on up in your body during that time? Quite a lot, it turns out. Here's a peek inside your night time body factory.

1. As you fall asleep, you jerk. Every time.

According to sleep experts, the degree of the jerk is suggestive of how sleepy you are, so the bigger the jerk, the more tired your body. 2. Your body temperature goes way down.When we're active during the day, we burn more calories, so lowering temperature is a way to reduce the burn rate and save calories. "It's like how bears hibernate," says Dr. Avi Ishaaya, a sleep specialist and assistant clinical professor of medicine at UCLA. "Sleep is a survival mechanism."3. You do a full toxin cleanse.This allows the body and brain to rejuvenate. In people who don't sleep well, the filtration isn't as effective, so experts say that may help explain why people who are sleep-deprived can go a little crazy. 4. You forget useless information."We take in all this information all day long, and most of it is luckily forgotten," says sleep specialist Christopher Colwell at UCLA School of Medicine. "If you remembered everything, it would fill up your brain, so a sorting process takes place during sleep."5. Your body becomes paralyzed, but your brain is its most active.The brain of someone who is dreaming is actually more active than that of a person who is awake, and requires more oxygen. "One theory is that in REM sleep, you're organizing thoughts and learning, filing information, but no one really understands specifically why a sleeping mind is active," says Dr. Alon Y. Avidan, a professor of neurology and director of UCLA's Sleep Disorders Center. Your mind is so active during sleep that it can even make important connections and discoveries, researchers say.6. All your individual cells — not just your brain cells — are being completely repaired.These restorative processes take care of all the damage that's occurred during the day. When you don't get enough sleep, the effect doesn't just zap your brain — it impacts your whole body. Hence why you feel like you've been beat up after an all-nighter. 7. Your immune system is at an all-time high.One study showed that people who received flu shots and were sleep-deprived the next night did not create the antibodies required to protect against the flu. "As soon as I see the first signs of an upper respiratory infection, I try to sleep for 10 hours," says Dr. Jordan Stern, founder and director of the BlueSleep Center in New York City. "If you're chronically sleep deprived, you're more likely to develop recurring infections." 8. You wake up between five and 15 times per hour.It usually happens when we shift to different stages of sleep, like from dreams to deep sleep, and the awakenings happen so briefly that we don't remember them. 9. You're probably breathing — a fact most of us take for granted during sleep — but up to 30 percent of people actually stop breathing at night.Up to 90 percent of people with this disorder, sleep apnea, go undiagnosed, including young women. The life expectancy for someone with untreated sleep apnea is only 58 years, so if you or your partner snores at night, it's time to get checked out, says Dr. Stern. -Source msn.com

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Drama-free?

Everyday we see many social media posts about being real, positive and drama free. Yet, almost simultaneously we are exposed to many status updates full of negativity. Do we really care about drama-free conflict resolutions? Although experiencing conflict is a realistic part of life, blowing it out of proportions and plastering it all over the internet is a personal choice. Epictetus said: “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

The following tips are proven to help steer arguments in a positive direction:

1-Don’t raise your voice. The louder you talk, the louder your opponent talks.

2-Stick to refutable facts, rather than personal opinions.

3-Avoid name calling. Insults are a quick way to derail any argument.

4-Focus on the subject. When someone is losing a debate, they will try to change the subject.

5-Look at the big picture. Winning one debate may not be worth ruining a relationship.

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10 Best Spring Foods for Weight Loss

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10 Healthy Habits You Need to Adopt Now

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This Is What Happens To Your Body When You Stop Drinking Soda

Soda is an addiction — similar to tobacco, alcohol, or drugs, it feels good when you consume it, but it can wreak havoc on your body long-term. As more and more research investigates the ill effects of soda on the human body (and the environment), it may be time for you to give it up, or at least reduce the amount you intake on a daily or weekly basis.

The evidence speaks for itself: Your health will drastically improve once you begin replacing your daily Coke or Mountain Dew with water. Pretty much every organ will benefit from quitting soda, as explained below. Heart First and foremost, you’ll be taking better care of your heart the moment you put down the soda. A 2012 Harvard University study found that sugary drinks increased a person’s risk of chronic heart disease (CHD). Participants who drank the most soda were 20 percent more likely to have a heart attack, the researchers discovered. Another study, published in 2011, found that sugary beverages raises a person’s blood pressure, and it increases the more you drink. Even cutting back by one soda per day can decrease your blood pressure and improve your heart health. Brain Many people reach for a Diet Coke or a soft drink in the drowsy after-lunch hours at work, hoping to get a caffeine and sugar boost. It may help you focus temporarily, but in the long-term drinking a lot of soda can have a negative effect on your brain function and thinking processes. One study found that long-term consumption of sugar could lead to impaired learning, memory, and behavioral plasticity.“We have investigated a potential mechanism by which a diet, similar in composition to the typical diet of most industrialized western societies rich in saturated fat and refined sugar (HFS), can influence brain structure and function via regulation of neurotrophins,” the authors of the study write. They found that animals placed on this high-sugar diet had reduced amounts of a chemical called brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), which in turn impacted their ability to learn and remember things.Various other studies have also found a link between drinking a lot of soda and an increased risk of Alzheimer’s disease or other types of dementia; the link showed an increased amount of plaque deposits in mice that were given sugary sodas — signals of Alzheimer’s or other disorders. Teeth Soda destroys your teeth, so stepping away from this vice will lead you toward better oral health and a whiter smile. In some extreme cases, drinking a lot of soda can leave your mouth as corroded as that of a meth abuser, according to a 2013 study. In the study, researchers found that a woman who drank 2 liters of diet soda every day for three to five years had the same level of severe tooth erosion as that of a methamphetamine addict, as well as a crack cocaine addict. The citric acid in soda erodes tooth enamel, making it softer and more vulnerable to cavities and yellowing. Stepping away from soda and replacing it with water will protect and clean your teeth. Bladder Soda is a diuretic, essentially meaning that it will make you need to pee urgently and frequently. It has also been known to irritate your bladder and exacerbate bladder infections or urinary tract infections. Switching it out with drinking clear fluids, like water, unsweetened juices, or seltzer water, could instead help keep your body and bladder clean. Kidneys Your kidney is also going to be in better shape once you kick the dirty sugar habit. Studies have shown that drinking a lot of soda can increase your risk of kidney disease and ultimately kidney failure. Diet sodas aren’t exempt from this damage, either: researchers from the Nurses’ Health Study found that women who drank a lot of diet soda every day had decreased liver function compared to women who didn’t drink soda. So stay away from it and your kidneys will thank you. Reproductive organs In some cases, soda cans may contain bisphenol-A or BPA, which has been linked to an increased risk of cancer as well as impairment of endocrine function. Some studies have also shown that BPA is linked to premature puberty or infertility, essentially messing up a person’s reproductive organs.According to the Breast Cancer Fund, BPA is one of the most common chemicals out there — exposed to us via food and drink containers to dental fillings. It’s a synthetic estrogen that impairs the hormonal system, increasing a person’s risk for breast cancer, prostate cancer, metabolic disorders, and even type 2 diabetes. Choose to lower your exposure to this chemical by not touching those soda cans and your risks will be lower. Weight loss One of the easiest ways to lose weight is to cut soda from your diet. If you’re a rabid drinker (drinking it several times a day without fail, day and night), cutting down to one can a day could be a good start, at least until you’re eventually comfortable with cutting it out to once a week or leaving it behind completely.According to Malia Frey, a weight loss expert writing on About Health, dropping a daily large Coca-Cola from McDonald’s completely (if you drink about one per day) would result in reducing your annual calorie intake by over 200,000 calories — or about 60 pounds — in one year. Replace that soda with water and overcome obesity. Fight Diabetes Other Chronic DisordersAs the obesity epidemic continues to surge in the U.S., Americans will continue to stubbornly order McDonald’s and their giant Coca-Colas, then proceed to sit on their couch for hours and watch TV — or sit in their office for hours. All of these factors lead to obesity, an increased risk of diabetes, and a higher chance of developing other chronic disorders like cancer or heart disease. Long-term consumption of large, sugary, fatty sodas will ultimately contribute to, and directly cause, diabetes. Lose the soda and lose the pounds. Live longer Here’s one easy way to live longer: Drop the soda. A recent study published in the American Journal of Public Health found that people who drank a lot of soda had shorter telomeres in immune cells, meaning their risk of dying sooner was higher. Telomeres are protective DNA units that are situated at the ends of chromosomes, and the shorter they get, the more a person ages and is at risk for disease and death. So cutting out that good-for-nothing sugary drink from your life will seemingly only offer you good things, by lengthening your telomeres as well as your life span, and improve your overall health. Source: http://www.msn.com/en-us/health/medical/this-is-what-happens-to-your-body-when-you-stop-drinking-soda

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Buffett’s annual letter: What you can learn from my real estate investments

In an exclusive excerpt from his upcoming shareholder letter, Warren Buffett looks back at a pair of real estate purchases and the lessons they offer for equity investors.

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Tony Robbins: Progress = Happiness.

http://www.oprah.com/own-show/How-Progress-Equals-Happiness

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Healthy Argument

The word “argument” is often connoted negatively. However, an argument can simply be the expression of two different viewpoints that does not necessarily have to end in bruised egos every time. In fact, it can turn out be a very healthy experience for the both the parties, if managed properly. Arguments often happen in relationships, which can comprise of a married couple, two family members, a dating couple or two friends. Then, you can even differ with the opinion of a co-worker and end up arguing with him as well. However, the key here is to make sure that the argument takes a healthy turn and does not result in a fight. In the following lines, we have listed some tips to help you know how to have a healthy argument. Tips For Having Healthy Arguments

Avoid shouting to put your point across, as this will not solve an argument. If you are unable to control yourself, simply walk away from the situation.

Probably, the hardest thing to do in an argument is to control your emotions. You need to think about the argument logically, observe it as an outsider and analyze it. Realize that emotions will not resolve anything and think as to what can be done to help the situation.

Understand that you are not always a “victim” and it takes two people to argue. Be patient and listen to the other person’s point of view as well. It is the not that you will be right always.

In case the argument is because of an incident that made the other person feel hurt, instead of blaming him for feeling so, try to recognize what happened and whether you were wrong on your part. In case you are the aggrieved party, calmly explain why you are feeling hurt, without accusing the other person.

Do not bring in a fight that happened in the past. Let bygones be bygones. It is better to concentrate on what is happening at present.

While debating, always give the other person’s reasoning a fair shot. Your objective should be to learn from one another, rather than to have a contest.

It is important to keep your argument private and not argue in front of others or in public places. They will only constrain your ability to have a productive conclusion to your argument.

Do not convert the argument into a fistfight and let it come to blows. Physical fighting will resolve nothing and only make the matters worse.

If you feel that the argument is getting out of hand, try to change the subject for some time. It will give both of you time to calm down and look at things objectively.

In case you have had an argument with your partner, never go to bed angry. It is better to resolve anything that bothers you. Sometimes, it is fine to let mundane things go and move on with life. However, in case of painful issues, it is better to resolve them; else, they will eat away the relationship and build more tension.

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Read more at http://lifestyle.iloveindia.com/lounge/how-to-have-a-healthy-argument-7420.html#hdAdw5B3RBak7gBK.99

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How This 10-Year-Old Launched One Sweet Business

A young entrepreneur’s sweet success.

By Sarah Engler

Photo: Lisa Howard Launching your own business is quite an accomplishment—especially if it happens before you finish kindergarten. "It all began because I was tired of taking the bus," says Cory Nieves, now 10. In 2009, Nieves and his mother had just moved from the Bronx to New Jersey for a better school district. "I wanted to buy my mom a car," he says, "so I started selling hot chocolate out of a friend's restaurant." Nieves soon added cookies—though making them wasn’t easy. "They were either too hard or too soft," says his mom, Lisa. "Oatmeal raisin took almost a year to perfect!" Everything was going great—"I was making up to $150 on the weekends!" Nieves says—until Mr. Cory’s Cookies was shut down for selling treats baked in a home kitchen, a health code violation. But after a local bakery owner referred him to an attorney, Nieves and his mom were able to form a business legally and secure a commercial kitchen. Nieves now sells cookies at pop-up stands in Manhattan and New Jersey and dough on his website, MrCorysCookies.com. "They're made with love and no artificial flavors," says Nieves, who now cedes the baking duties to Mom. Still, it's clear who's the boss—or at least who wears the pants: Nieves has become an Instagram hit for his wardrobe of slim-fitting suits and statement frames. Lisa is fine taking orders from her stylish son—until he turns 18: "I don't care how successful he gets. He's still going to college!" Read more: http://www.oprah.com/food/Cory-Nieves-Mr-Corys-Cookies#ixzz3PaXlORu3

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The 5 Smartest Money Moves You Can Make Right Now

Start the new year off right by getting more bang for your buck.

By Suze Orman

Photo: Sean Lee Davies

Sometimes smart money decisions are about sacrifice: You want to contribute to your 401(k), so you take home less in your paycheck. You want to save for a down payment on a house, so you forgo fancy dinners. But building a secure financial future doesn't have to be all stick, no carrot. Here are a few very easy ways to get something for nothing.

Choose Your Credit Cards Wisely Many cards try to seduce you with rewards points that you can redeem for air miles or hotel stays. That's great, as long as those freebies are things you actually need. (Let's face it: Travel isn't usually a necessity.) If you're going to have a credit card, find one that offers cash back on your purchases so you can use that money to pay bills or meet other financial goals. Suppose you charge (and pay off) $1,000 a month on a no-fee card that offers a minimum 1 percent return: You'll earn an extra $120 a year, which could be enough to cover the annual premium for a $100,000 20-year term life insurance policy.  Max Out Your 401(k) Contributions If your employer contributes to your 401(k), you typically need to kick in a percentage of your salary to get the maximum benefit, which is often 50 cents for every dollar you set aside up to a limit (typically 6 percent). That free money may be the biggest financial carrot out there—and yet, 23 percent of workers who are eligible for a match miss out because they're not contributing enough of their earnings. If you're entitled to a guaranteed 50 percent return on an investment, why wouldn't you take it?  Delay Social Security You can apply for Social Security as early as age 62, but the benefit you'll receive will be 25 to 30 percent less than the amount you'll take home if you wait until you reach full retirement age (between 66 and 67 if you were born between 1943 and 1959; 67 if you were born in 1960 or later). Hold out until age 70, and your check could be 76 percent larger than if you apply at age 62. That's a significant reward. If you're married and simply can't afford to delay benefits for both of you, at least have the higher earner wait to collect payment.  Take a Shorter-Term Car Loan When it comes to buying a car, I'm all for short-term thinking. Let's say you take out a $15,000 car loan. Pay it back in 36 months rather than 73 to 84 months (the terms for 25 percent of auto loans during the first quarter of 2014) and you'll save at least $980 in interest charges, at a 4 percent rate. Your car is guaranteed to depreciate—but holding on to hundreds of extra dollars in rewards alleviates the sting.  Do What You Can to Save for a Rainy Day According to a national survey conducted by the corporate education firm Financial Finesse, more than eight in ten Americans feel financially stressed—including 76 percent of those who make at least $200,000 a year. Not surprisingly, the most anxious respondents were the ones who were less likely to have emergency funds: Just 8 percent of people who reported having "overwhelming" stress and 22 percent who said they were experiencing "high" stress had a backup plan. Conversely, nearly nine in ten respondents who claimed to have no financial stress had money set aside to deal with unexpected expenses. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, keeping you from putting $60 a month—that's only $2 a day—in an emergency fund. (My free expense tracker at suzeorman.com can help you identify ways to save.) In just four years, you'll wind up with nearly $3,000—and the peace of mind that's a reward in itself. Read more: http://www.oprah.com/home/Suze-Orman-Smartest-Money-Advice#ixzz3OxOtMedN

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Study: Be optimistic to Keep The Heart Healthy

A recent study has found that people having an optimistic approach in all walks of life are likely to have more healthy hearts.Optimism doesn't just lead to a better outlook on life, but possibly an improved one as well, as a new study finds it can lead to a healthier heart. The study, conducted by the researchers at University of Illinois, involved more than 5,100 adults to examine the relation between optimism and heart health. The researchers found that people who have upbeat outlooks and positive approach in life have remarkably better cardiovascular health. Rosalba Hernandez, a professor of social work at the University of Illinois who led the study, said that the people having optimism at its highest levels have two times the odds of being in supreme cardiovascular health against those pessimistic counterparts. Hernandez also stresses that this association remains important, even after adjusting for poor mental health and several other socio-demographic characteristics. During the study, the researchers surveyed the people and assessed their levels of optimism, mental health and physical health, based upon their self-reported extant medical diagnoses of liver, arthritis and kidney disease. The total health scores of the participants ranged between 0 and 14, with the higher total score indicating toward better health. A research paper detailed in the January/February 2015 issue of Health Behavior and Policy Review showed that the optimist people had remarkably better cholesterol and blood sugar levels against their pessimist counterparts. Moreover, the study showed the positive people were more physically active, healthier body mass indexes and were also less likely to smoke.