Beholder Wet Dreams

Just a Beholder that likes Dogs, D&D, and Leg Legend. I'm also a cellular biologist, so that's nice.

[bugshroom]

you have only experienced one singular lame as fuck blunt rotation in your life or what… “safety tips” is killing me Who does that. ykw actually everyone in this blunt rotation is my nightmare blunt rotation.

[untitledrockshow]

dream blunt rotation

[david]

Can I use the word “nigga” if I’m quoting a song? Specifically, the extremely common gesture of sharing lyrics on a blog or profile.

I imagine nobody would suggest it’s offensive for a white person to share the recording (perhaps excluding the RIAA), but printing the word felt different enough to make me hesitate when making a post earlier. Just curious.

[thinkspeakstress-blog-blog]

You let your white users send people of color threats, harassment, stalk us, send us racial slurs, rape threats and literally traumatize us with their racism, and when we report it to you for you to help us, you tell us there’s nothing you can do, and then shut down our blogs when we have the nerve to tell them to fuck off, and you want to be able to use the word Nigga? FOR REAL?

FUCK YOU. FUCK. YOU. DAVID. KARP.

[storyweavingspider]

2010 and 2012. David is the founder and former CEO of tumblr. If yall ever wondered if the antiblackness been baked in or nah.

[sarcoptid]

FITTED TO WHOM

[sparkytheandroid]

MEEEEEEEEEEEE BABYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

[sarcoptid]

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[queer-cosette]

this post makes me snort every single time

[segamascott]

[animentality]

[unalivejournal]

Reddit post: Hey I'm thinking about pursuing this career does anyone have any advice for my path?

Comments: This job is hell my life is hell don't do it. I wake up every morning for work and hold a gun to my head while doing deep breathing exercises. Find a time machine and go back to 1979 if you even want a chance of getting a position. Prepare to move 5000 miles away. You will be paid one penny per hour for the first 15 years and your days will be 12 hours long at minimum. Being dead is better than doing this profession

[berlynn-wohl]

[zazzedcoffee]

Poll BLAST!

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Remaining time: 17013 days 14 hours

[misanthropysolivagant]

Holy shit

[sugarsylvie]

He doesn't like the cone...

[notahorseindisguise]

ALSO..some more masturbation facts about me. theres a nonsexual scene in a book where a kid gets spanked for some reason. it was set in like the 40s and he was in a boarding school i forget. but i think i either misread the scene . or maybr the author actually did write this and theyre just fucking weird. and i thought the protag got hit (with like a ruler or something). on the penis instead of on the arse. and i remember my 11 year old brain being like. i wonder why i think that would feel good.

and so my first ever "experiment" with masturbation was. slapping my dick with a ruler. and when that felt good. my first ever way of masturbating was. stacking heavy books on my penis. and then hitting the top book. so that the force was distributed down the series of books. into my penis. and of COURSE it didnt work i was punching books into my dick but it laid a strong foundation for a great gooning career . hey everyone PLEASE pretend you didnt read this post

[notahorseindisguise]

[viewtiful-kim-deactivated202105]

Hamlet adaptation where Hamlet is a vlogger and all his soliloquies are breakdowns he uploads to YouTube

[animatedamerican]

… I am unironically here for this

[oldfilmsflicker]

this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life

[kabesattic]

This is - legitimately - my favourite delivery of Shakespeare I have EVER seen (and I have seen some good-ass productions yo, in the Globe Theatre itself even). Like seriously, even though the words are unchanged, he’s stripped away ALL of the archaic pretense and assumed grandeur of ~presenting the bard~ that makes even the most wildly talented of actors and innovative of productions inherently inaccessible to a modern audience. Like, they’re still great, they can still communicate the message and (some) of the nuance, but they’re still always a step removed from being identifiable to any viewer’s lived experience. They’re still always reciting 15th century poetry. But this guy? This guy is like, screw iambic pentameter, to hell with being precious about the material, HOW WOULD AN ACTUAL PERSON SAY THIS SHIT?

Like this. And it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful to hear a soliloquy I loved so much already, and have it come to life in a way it never, ever, did before. I feel like I grasp his motivations, his twists and turns, no longer on an academic level but on a visceral, instinctive one. Because he’s presenting his mental and emotional journey in a way that speaks honestly, like a real person.

So yeah, this shit post? I love it. Deeply and sincerely.

[spicedtealeaves]

A post about this went round recently, and I’m delighted to announce she’s since come out as trans and goes by Jasmine 🏳️‍⚧️

Jasmine Brimsmayd

Actor and Writer

There’s a whole series of the Hamlet videos on her YouTube, as well as a bunch of other films she’s made

[pomgore]

i love learning about animals ive literally never seen or heard of before. what amazing diversity of life on this planet earth. what the hell is a japanese serow

[pomgore]

goat dog

[pendingpendulums]

Lets be ambiguous with mama

[no-terfs-no-swerfs-no-fascists]

We have no choice but to stan a queen 💪❤️👑

[contevent-deactivated20210417]

Killing abusive husbands when there is no recourse, on. But killing people skipping military service? I hope she was selective.

[no-terfs-no-swerfs-no-fascists]

No, no, no... she wasn't poisoning thrm, she was giving them a "potion" that would make them appear very ill for a while so that they would be eligible for skipping military service.

[contevent-deactivated20210417]

Ho! Much better indeed!

[vareidow]

potion of dodge the draft

[butch-of-the-blades]

Baba Anjuka my beloved❤️

[durnesque-esque]

#draught dodge <- incredible tag via @malachitebear

[quasi-normalcy]

I’m not trying to turn your kids trans; that’s stupid. I’m trying to turn them into socialists.

[quasi-normalcy]

#for real tho! their gender is their business but class struggle is everyone’s business

[moniquill]

[improbcat]

This comic is 25 YEARS OLD. This doesn't feel like a joke anymore.

[enjoylentgreen]

This was one of the worse black mirror episodes tbh and YET HERE WE ARE

[loachfriend]

I'm gonna put my mom hat on and remind everyone that you can explain almost anything to a child as long as you explain it at their level.

"Sometimes people are born and girl and feel they should have been a boy, so they decide to live as a boy". My four year old understood that instinctively.

"Sex is when people touch each other's bodies and it feels good, but it's usually something you don't get interested in until you become a teenager. Masturbation is when you touch your own body and it feels good. " That was how I explained sex to a 6 year old.

"Some people are having a hard time with drugs or have a mental illness that needs treatment. If you see someone acting weird in public but they aren't hurting anyone or themselves, you can just give them space." A classic city neighborhood lesson.

You can explain human things without creating a cocoon of shame over every aspect of life. My goal as a parent is to raise an informed, empathic adult who doesn't turn in fear from other people.

[witcheschess]

[redfagdiver]

do you love the color of my immortal?

[tyrannosaurus-trainwreck]

I'm probably never going to find it again, but there was a response to one of those "artworks we think we can make" posts that was like "Okay, go for it." Like, dead serious.

Are you going to come out of it with a Klein-level work? No. Dude was bonkers skilled. But I am here to tell you that if you've ever gone to Home Depot and shuffled through paint chips and been like "God, this is such a gorgeous color, I fucking love this color" and then immediately been like "...but I can't imagine painting a wall with it." and bought a can of soul-killing eggshell off-white or what the fuck ever, you absolutely can go pick up a $10 canvas from a craftstore and a $5 sample of that color and just hang 6 square feet of it on a wall and enjoy the fuck out of it.

For real, buds. If you see an artwork and you're like "Shit, I could have made that," that is a reminder that god can't stop you and probably neither can science.

[nat-20s]

You can replace [ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY] with [SCROLLING] but watch out. This sucks bad 👍

[nat-20s]

Some things about this post since getting quite a few notes:

1. If you see this post, highly recommend taking it as an opportunity to set a timer for 15 minutes and switch over to ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY. if after those 15 minutes, you want to go back to scrolling, that's okay!

2. Huge shout out to this popping up in my notifs often, bc I do go back to activity.

3. I think there are times where scrolling is fine. Right now, for example, I'm being connected to a machine for two hours to donate plasma and platelets. Yes this is a brag but it is also a time where scrolling is one of the few things I can do. (Though I will probably also read or watch something on phone lol)

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

hmmm, this seems to be some kind of curse breaking spell… be free ye reader