Alex

They/them, 25

[frownyalfred]

why I can I see literally every iteration of Batman doing this 🤣

[whynotfabulous]

In an effort to avoid supporting megacorporations, I shall now be posing questions directly to tumblr that I would otherwise have googled.

[whynotfabulous]

If Mayonnaise is just eggs and oil, why it creamy?

[gnomer-denois]

Because it's also evil

[whynotfabulous]

Thanks!

Have scientists figured out what dark matter is yet?

[you-can-be-what-you-want-to-be]

Yup! It’s anything that takes up space, has mass, and is goth.

[whynotfabulous]

Wow!

What happens if you eat 23 packages of peeps?

[trashboi413]

You meet god

[whynotfabulous]

Thank goodness!

What's the correct way to eat a banana?

[treslecheslife]

Whole, in one gulp.

[whynotfabulous]

Delicious!

Who is the Muffin Man?

[captain-oh-no-not-again]

Father of the Muffin Boy

[whynotfabulous]

Makes sense!

Why is my car making a ker-klunk noise?

[mayflydecember]

Car's haunted

[whynotfabulous]

Uh Oh

How to fix a haunted car?

[babybluebanshee]

Slam into a priest in a crosswalk going at least forty miles an hour

[whynotfabulous]

It worked!

Where does the wax in scented candles go?

[thegoodsandy]

into the sky, where it turns into stars

[whynotfabulous]

Cool!

Why are weddings so damn expensive?

[daeynore]

priest has to pay for medical bills related to haunted car crashing into him

[whynotfabulous]

....Ah

[whynotfabulous]

ChatGPT WISHES it was this coherent and creative

[turing-tested]

[zizibutik]

if a terf even looks at this they will die in seven days just to clarify

[breadteleporter-offical]

@aceofpans beans

[not-offical-offical]

i spent way to long on this

[nevver]

Cold death, Ash Mckean

[coolyo294]

girls what are you wearing 

[patchoulism]

Spanish Legion parade uniform

[garmbreak1]

genuinely one of my favourite posts on this site

[allegedly-human]

Giving a thumb up for the slutty uniform, but looking at the camera and shaking my head to signal I am still against the military

[prokopetz]

To be totally fair to Willy Wonka, at least a couple of those candy factory casualties involved kids deliberately circumventing reasonable safeguards, sometimes aided and abetted by the parents who were supposed to be supervising them. What happened is at most 60% his fault.

[thecolossalennui]

oompa loompa doopity dare

the court finds you breached your duty of care

[aka-maayan]

oompa loompa doopity disk

that’s what the courts call assumption of risk

[tipofthescepter]

oompa loompa doopity do

only a partial judgment for you

[thes3nator]

Oompa loompa doopity doubt,

The rest of the class action lawsuit is hereby…

(SLAM) (SLAM)

THROWNITY OUT!

[girljeremystrong]

[momotech764]

THIS FUCKING VIDEO MY FRIEND JUST SENT ME OF THE TUNGSTEN D20 HE BOUGHT

[momotech764]

bonus: some screenshots of our discord conversation about it

[spacedadsammy]

Holy shit

[homunculus-argument]

If sexually compatible alien life was ever discovered, the Human Harkness Guide would need to have an extra clause like "pay in mind that heightened levels of arousal lower a human's capability for logical thinking and risk assessment. If your human partner requests something that you suspect may cause them injury, always consult an expert or more experienced friend about the act before agreeing to go through with it. Err to the side of caution - a human partner can take time to forgive you for underestimating their physical capabilities for the sake of their own safety, but they cannot grow new limbs."

[audriuska12]

I'm sure medicine will have solved the limbs thing by the time we're traveling interstellar.

[homunculus-argument]

Humans will develop interstellar travel, figure out how to undo freak accident dismemberment, and develop nuanced communications with alien life forms, before figuring out how to keep a statistically small but still remarkable percentage of their species from getting killed in attempting inadvisable sex acts.

[cuntnikida]

I would've agreed if you hadn't added the "in attempting inadvisable sex acts" part because while humans in general are really shitty at making progress in the medical field (see: women, disabled people's, and other marginalised people's experiences with doctors and medicine and safety measures not made for us) humans as a species will also do basically anything to get off in weird ways.

[homunculus-argument]

I don't see which part of what you said is in disagreement with any part of what I said.

[forebodingmusicstartsplaying]

You just know that if there was some species with toxic jizz but they had a tentacle dick, there would immediately be a group of scientists getting to work on a way to either neutralize the toxin or making a super condom. (And I'm sure some of them would be willing to test it out. For science)

Like forget universal translators, you can learn a new language. Let's figure out how to get some without dying!

[homunculus-argument]

Public service announcement poster about accidentally fucking your human partner to death: Remember, just because they asked for it doesn't mean they can handle it!

alien looking in disgust: Ugh, what a disgusting and condescending thing to campaign. Do they seriously think that humans aren't capable of-

her human girlfriend, staring at the cartoonishly graphic drawing on the poster: Can you please do that to me.

[hollowboobtheory]

doomerism is just bootlicking btw

[hollowboobtheory]

I need yall to remember. "There's no point in resisting" is not a rational thought and if you really believe that you need to pay more attention. they just ran ice out of Charlotte. people have begun invoking the second amendment more and more. we have communities fighting back the gestapo and winning. trump is hemorrhaging support. his top sycophant just resigned after tearing into him. idc if her motivations are less than pure-hearted, the fact that she's seeing the writing on the wall and jumping ship is a good sign. articles of impeachment have been reintroduced and this time the sponsor wants to force a vote. the epstein files have got them scrambling. and if I might repeat my point from earlier, cities and communities are successfully fighting off ice. they are literally retreating. he doesn't have the courts, he doesn't have the police, that's why he needs ice in the first place. and he's losing the congress and senate.

you guys see that video of rednecks chasing ice into the woods during hunting season? you are the ones falling into line. you are the ones kissing the ring.

[hollowboobtheory]

as chappell roan said: it's not over til it's over. and it's never over.

[the-queer]

Why be a defeatist when you can hurl bricks at cop cars

[normasshearer]

Norma Shearer in THE DIVORCEE (1930) dir. Robert Z. Leonard

[oneheadtoanother]

are you lost little boy

[oneheadtoanother]

This is so much funnier than my caption, dammit

[romanceyourdemons]

i bet a HUGE number of vampire hunters would develop obsessive compulsive symptoms around the possibility of being a vampire. carrying around a little compact mirror so they can compulsively check for a reflection. saying DON’T INVITE ME IN to anyone who opens a door for them, and if they forget they have to walk out and tell the person to revoke the invitation. spending hours after counting anything obsessively wondering if they did it compulsively you get the picture

[inbabylontheywept]

my roommates car is named barff. it was originally bought from a dealership called garff, but then she tinkered with the g on the license plate thing so it looks like a b and now the car is just called barff.

my wife once asked our roomate where she was parked in a group chat. but she messed up the word "parked" and instead spelled it as "garked". and then me and my roommate just started referring to parking as garking because its just really fun to give my wife shit. its just part of the professional little brother playbook.

but also, at some point it stopped being ironic and we just started calling parking garking.

then today me and my wife were looking out the window and we saw our roommate struggling to do a three point turn into a parking space. and as fun as it is to give my wife shit its also really fun to give our roommate shit. so we ran outside and we ran around her car while chanting GARK THE BARFF. GARK THE BARFF. GARK THE BARFF. and then she did, eventually, gark the barff. theres no moral to this its just a surreal part of my life that i really enjoy. maybe tease people more? find your barff and gark it and never ever stop?

[rambrandt-the-painter]

"australian wildlife is so scary!"

Say fucking sorry to him right now or I'll fucking lose it

[imadhatt3r]

I finally got the opportunity to share this amazing tweet I have saved ages ago

[a-book-of-creatures]

The Australian lungfish really said “:3”

[gael-garcia]

Shakespeare in the Park - Twelfth Night (2025)

with Lupita Nyong'o as Viola/Cesario, Junior Nyong'o as Sebastian, Sandra Oh as Olivia, Khris Davis as Orsino, Peter Dinklage as Malvolio, b as Antonio, Moses Sumney as Feste, Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Andrew Aguecheek +

Watch on PBS until 12/31/2025 (VPN works!)

[howdidthisevenhappenanyway]

MOSES SUMNEY?!!

[girlnephew]